Relationship Issues

That’s not it. He was worried that he was the cause of my mental problems, which I disagreed with. He said he was worried that he wasn’t helping and he wouldn’t properly support me.

How old are you, op?

18

So your goal in life was to live with your ex? No career? Youre mental.
You need to help yourself first and then think about the poor. Go lurk /sig/ threads.

If ya don't know how to live how can you love, OP. I've lost a friend of mine to this kind of stuff just six years ago. She was a friend from high school and we were all renting a house together to save money. She hung herself in his room to prove a point as it read. As long as I knew her she was obsessed with being in a relationship, she was usually never happy and always expressed how empty she felt. Her family will never understand why she killed herself, because the guy was such a shit head, they will just focus on that. All of us understood she had a relationship problem since high school and she never wanted to stop. Presently the guy still uses her death to promote his photography Instagram to get more followers. Even though I remember how little he cared about her. But that's a long story and nobody cares.

I guess the point is people are pretty shitty and if you draw your importance from one person and then another and then the next you'll start to feel trivial and worthless. Do you think that is a way for anyone to live?

I think I chose shit words. I do want to be a game dev, but my boyfriend was a priority for me

Not her but consider that she wanted to be a stay at home wife, who in her free time volunteers. Thats different

I know that is not for anyone to live, but my messed up mind thinks otherwise.

I’m Male actually, sorry

>boyfriend suggested breaking up for a while due to my mental health issues
>he thinks he's the cause

He absolutely does not believe this, he just wants to break up with you because you're nuts

That’s not it. He said it’s not because he doesn’t want to be with me. Plus he hates liars

Just be careful OP, you're more important than a relationship or some guy.

He wasn't helping, though, and codependent behavior is almost always linked to mental problems. In fact, it's usually an element of borderline personality disorder, which is basically an extremely overbloated need for dependency.

It's not uncommon for people to blame themselves for stuff that isn't their responsibility. It's a pretty classic codependent behavior. I just want you to know that it's not your fault that he feels this way; Don't blame yourself for him blaming himself.
I have mental health problems too, and yes it puts a lot of strain on my relationship, but he has shown me patience and loyalty that I honestly feel unworthy of. I've been in therapy for a while now, but we're talking about trying out couples counselling too so that we can learn how to balance each others' needs. We're trying to practice taking care of things now, not later. Like say, he's been hesitant to bring up problems he has, since he feels I already have enough problems on my plate. But I'm mentally ill, always have been mentally ill, and probably always will be. So we just have to learn how to live now with this chronic illness of mine.
I know people have been telling you to not live for someone else, but I've used that motivation as a stepping stone to start loving myself and living for myself. My boyfriend wants to see me healthy, he wants to see me love myself, and he wants to see me productive and happy and independent. He wants me to ask for help when I need it, he wants me to push my boundaries without me going so far that I fall apart. So I've used these desires to push myself and grow.

So basically its pic related.

Attached: anti suicide gf.png (401x402, 11K)

>people are obligated to curb my suicidal tendencies!
Nice

Woah hey, I go to Codependents Anonymous and I can say without a doubt that the vast majority of people there do NOT have borderline personality disorder. Yes, BPDers are likely to exhibit codependent behaviors, but that doesn't mean everyone who exhibits codependent behaviors has BPD.

Okay?

It's more just a sad reality than a feeling of entitlement. Suicidal folk are great at using the world around them to put themselves down further, so the idea "I am not worthy of a romantic relationship because I'm suicidal" can really be a shot in the stomach.

The post is implying that because he has codependent behaviors, he probably has borderline.

But it's more like "with all these issues still to solve or make peace with, why drag another down with you?"
OP is 18 and so I'm appealing to the wrong angle by asking for adulthood, but it's very important to realize the codependent behaviors absolutely blasted this relationship.
I'm waiting for the relevant part, or are you just whistleblowing here even though it's not super relevant to OP? Because OP seems like a BPD case for sure

Oh, excuse me. I thought you were calling the exBF codependent & borderline. OP may very well be borderline, but I thought we didn't have enough info on the exBF to say. ExBF was definitely codependent though. OP seems more just regular old dependent than codependent.

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>But it's more like "with all these issues still to solve or make peace with, why drag another down with you?"
A depressed mind reads it as "I am a burden and hurt everyone around me, I deserve to be alone forever."

This, me and my girl got back together, but I straight up told her I'm not waiting forever for shit to feel normal again to her. She has a month to decide if she wants a full relationship again and after that im just gonna naturally move on. I dont have time to play this shit completely under your rules.

There is literally nothing wrong with this

Anyway to show better patience and love? My gf has anxiety and shit, but most days I find it utterly exhausting to deal with her because shes so "woe is me" mode. I'm a pretty down guy myself, but fucking hell life isnt the personal hell you think it is, and I figure my lack of understanding leads to me semi caring.

I dunno, I just find it very hard to fully believe how shit you think things are, when it's anything further from the truth. .

BF seems like the smart one who realized dependency was taking place, and separated himself knowing that coddling the behavior was a poor choice
The codependent one is the girl who's dating just to date and have someone there, that's unhealthy and one of the worst motivations to date someone next to "I need someone to fuck" or "I need a target for my abuse." "I need someone to fund my happiness" is bad, a net negative. It's borderline because it's that pantheon of self, that total devotion to filling her own life with selfish indulgences.

Bih gotta check herself before she wreck herself

I visualize my mental illness as a parasite whose goal is to make me die. It tries to convince me that everything is worse than it is, that I should avoid any of the healthy behaviors that help me feel better, that I avoid any support from people in my life, that there isn't anything worth living for, and the only option is to kill myself. It's kind of the reverse of rose colored glasses.
I have to head out, but if you have further questions, I'll be back later.

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Yep. My gf does the same, but I told her I'll drop her if she doesnt atleast make an effort. Having a mental illness or codependency issues doesnt mean to lie in your fucking bed all day trying to figure it out. You actually do something about it.

But see the thing is, you need to reach a point where you have to reach out and say "I need help". The main issue with mental illness is that folks love to act like it's their personal crusade when in fact you impact everyone involved with you and it gets tiring try to look from outside in and help and constantly being given some excuse or some bullshit you know clearly wont help them.

I fight directly. When my girl negs on shit I tell her directly that focusing on the negative will bring her down, point out positives and tell her that focusing on these will help more than being negative ever will.

My girlfriend just broke up with me three days ago because she had mental issues and needed time alone. Shit hurts, and I'm left wondering why I wasn't told anything before and why I was not good enough for her to talk to. I don't know why she didn't trust me enough to talk when she needed it most.

>depressed, insane cutter stumbles into relationships because pussy pass
>ends up in some weird codependent love triangle
>I can't even get a crumb of pussy
Fuck this gay Earth.
Hard seconded.
>I want someone I can feel important towards, someone I can rely one.
Yourself doesn't count because ??? [insert vague pseudo-romantic ideal here]