Be me

You both sound like edgy Netflix 'lol I'm not afraid to die I'm CRAZY' zoomers. I bet you listen to Billie Eilish.

Of course she's freaking out - her son is dying and retarded.

when you love someone and you don't want them to die sometimes you have to be the one to make the decision. please talk to him and tell him how serious he needs those new lungs, like other anons said it could take a long time and everyone second is priceless. I don't like what his mother said to you and I'm sorry for that but I can understand about her freaking out with other things, that's her son and she's just trying to do all she can to convince him to stay alive even if her ways of doing so aren't the best.

Uh. Does it occur to him that he could put his name down yesterday, and there's still no guarantee he'll even get to the top in time? Does he even have some kind of rationale he's articulated as to why he won't use the damn oxygen and get on the list? I'm actually curious.

His mother sounds slightly nutty, but he sounds like a full-blown dickhead and retard. What's his fucking problem?

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Cry as well, when she cries. Boyfriend will say calm down everyone, ill register. But i mean even if he registers he can die in that surgery etc.. i see his point. But hell die anyway. Anyway user, i have a cousin and her boyfriend died of cancer, then she couldnt move on. Arent you like very young to be in this situation? Your bf is very unlikely to reach 30. Start psychoteherapy ASAP

>when your potato plant dies
Ireland all over again.

far from the tree, etc.

But at least the damn mom can actually see the obvious choice clearly. She has an excuse to go a little bit nuts - her son is being a COLOSSAL RETARD and is LITERALLY PASSING UP ON HIS ONLY CHANCES AT SURVIVAL.

If you had a mother like that, would you be enthusiastic at the prospect of living?

move to the UK, get put on ivacaftor or telacaftor therapy

look at eluforsen and axiomer for cutting edge treatment for CF

gene therapy is a bit of a sticky one but I believe the UK CF consortium is looking into that shit

if not, you need to convince him to be put onto the register ASAP. without that transplant he’ll die soon; 14% is awful lung capacity.

Thank you for actual advice on an advice thread.

A mother like what? Even if lashing out at the girlfriend is out of line, she clearly has every right to be upset with *him*. Refusing to take care of yourself is a deeply selfish thing.

He didn’t even want the transplant in the beginning, ‘until he met me’. Those are his words and his family’s. He says that he’s not as bad as other people that may need the transplant more than him. I truly don’t know why he doesn’t use the oxygen when he walks a short distance – maybe because it’s a lot of work, maybe because he doesn’t want to be seen with an oxygen cannula on.

Yes, we are both 20. I’ve never dealt with death of a loved one before. I’ve alreasy accepted the fact that I will probably have to see him die at some point.
Also, she always *asks* me to cry. But I can’t just make myself cry. And she thinks I’m weird because I don’t cry when he says he won’t be listed just yet. Im very against guilt tripping him in to anything.

THAT'S his deal? Feeling sorry for himself and playing some kind of martyrdom-game with terminal illness while his family squirms and suffers?

You obviously didn't deserve that "it's your fault" comment, but his mother's not the crazy one here OP, not by a longshot. Dude's being an absolute cunt.

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I don’t agree with it being selfish to want to not live anymore. I would’ve dated him even if he said he didn’t want the transplant. It’s his life, it may affect others, but ultimately i would support which ever decision he wanted, and give him the best life that I could.

Bitching and moaning at him isn't going to change his mind, it'll only ruin what time he has left. She's a colossal cunt. Imagine being such a selfish bitch that you won't hold back your own feelings so your dying son can have a little peace.

His reasons might not even be selfish. If he's been dealing with his mother guilt tripping him for a while, he might well have internalized that his needs and wants matter less than others. Or he's in denial about just how bad things are getting. Or he's severely depressed because he's been living with a death sentence and every day of his life is spent trying to weakly defend himself from two women.

I honestly don’t agree with him not wearing his oxygen, but he does when he sleeps or feels like he needs it, like when we’re walking downtown or walking in Walmart. I don’t know how to get it across to him that he should be wearing it constantly.

>I don't agree with it being selfish
>It's his life
But that's exactly where you're wrong. We don't own ourselves like possessions that we can just dispose of however we please. We *owe ourselves* to the people around us, the world around us even, and to treat ourselves wrong is to treat everyone else around us wrong too.

But you know this already. It's not like you'd feel like you have the right to kill yourself tomorrow morning and leave him to face this alone, or even just walk away and move on with your life before he passes. His mother is just tuned in to the truth that *he's* not giving the same consideration to any of *you*.

His mother has been guilt tripping him since birth. His mother swears he’s in denial about how bad he is, but I do think she’s being incredibly over dramatic about wearing oxygen to walk to the kitchen. His pulse ox is steady at 94, which is very good for somebody who is about to be listed.

>His mother has been guilt tripping him since birth
Will the insurance cover therapy? He could use it.

Imagine squeezing a child out of your vagina, raising him to enjoy life, making sure he doesn't electrocute himself or fall down the stairs or drown in a lake or get in a car crash just for him to give up living at a measly 20 years old.

I want to note that he will be receiving the transplant. Even after the transplant, he will have constant side effects that make his life hard.
And no, I would walk away from this relationship *if* I wasn’t happy. I have no reason to kill myself or to walk away from this relationship though.

>Imagine being such a selfish bitch that you won't [just give up on your sick son and leave him for dead so that he won't have to deal with having his moping and feeling sorry for himself challenged by somebody who cares about him].
He's still in the fight if he'll just stop moping and actually try, retard. Love doesn't just soothe us and tell us we're always right. Love challenges us when we need it, too.

truth

This. It's really a shame for his poor mother, but maybe that faggot quitter's transplant really should go to somebody else after all.

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As I’ve stated 15 times, he’s getting the transplant, retard. He is trying.

APEX
P
E
X

And how's that challenging love working for her? Sounds like all she's accomplished is making him miserable. Superb mothering there.

You are a dangerous fool. That boy doesn't need any of that sort of mothering. He needs a psychologist. And some time away from his mother for once in his life.

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Her trying to get through to him doesn't suddenly become invalid just because he's being too much of a dickhead to take simple advice right now, user.

You can move out by yourself. Tell her you love him, but you can't be around her anymore. Take him on dates, you are not his primary care giver. You should have your own place and a job. All parents seem crazy when you are capable of making your own decisions, but living in their house on their dime.

Whenever she talks to him, it isn’t advice. She’s demanding him to do things. Which I can understand to some degree, but it’s constant. She’s made his entire life all about his disease. She started a podcast for ‘CF Mamas’, makes it the only topic of discussion, and has shirts made for him. I do think that him spending time away from her would help tremendously, but if we leave for more than a night then she, yet again, will call him while crying.

Are his doctors aware of all this?

pulse ox has very little to do with lung capacity and how much air he can breathe in. also, the worse his lungs, the easier for him to get chest infections that will require hospitalisation and the higher the chance of serious infections. Pseudomonas aeruginosa carries a 27% 30-day mortality risk for those with CF and pulse ox has nothing to do with this

at 14% which is extremely low he should really be on a transplant list

>She’s made his entire life all about his disease.
HE'S GOING TO DIE.

Imagine you’re being told your whole life that you’re going to die. You can’t have kids naturally. You can breathe out of the equivalent of a McDonald’s straw. You have to take pills twice a day, do breathing treatments four times a day, try to gain weight but can’t because you also have diabetes and your body can’t retain calories as well as it should. Now imagine on top of all that, your mother constantly bitching at you for making the decisions that *you* see fit, for your own body.
He thinks about his disease constantly. It is always on his mind. But his mom thinks that he doesn’t talk about shit, doesn’t care about his health, etc.
You would most definitely get annoyed with your mom, very quick.

No. When we speak with the psychiatrist everything his happy-goody. She even lied about smoking cigarettes next to him his entire life. I’ve seriously thought about putting the both of them through family therapy.

...

We’re going to the doc Wednesday to list him.

Imagine being so "Fuck you, mom! Clean YOUR room!" that you'd just willingly let yourself die. What a fucking alpha.

You need to tell them the truth. And definitely get that therapy. Maybe let it come via the doctors, though. Mommy will freak out the second she suspects your involvement in "tearing her away" from her son.

This. No wonder OP's mom is a little testy about his girlfriend. She's clearly enabling him in not taking this battle seriously enough at all. It's bad.

Now that this thread's developed a fair bit, I think I can really see where the mother's coming from now. It's easy enough for this little girl to act all cool and "understanding" about "his decision" to be brooding and edgy and half-ass his recovery - when he dies, she gets to just move on with her life, and collect a neat little "my terminally-ill boyfriend died" merit badge to tack onto her dramatic backstory as she carries on and finds somebody else to fall in love with and settle down. She'll be laughing and smiling and enjoying life with her new boyfriend in a short couple of years, tops, while this guy's mother carries the grief of burying a child for the rest of her life. This little girl doesn't care about him the way that she does, she can't even imagine the love of a parent - and *clearly* can't perceive the seriousness of the situation at all with the maturity and clarity of someone who actually *feels* how important every single effort for his survival is right down to the core of her being, involuntarily, through the high designs of Nature herself.

But this perspective likely has been going clear over the OP's head. She just thinks this woman is "crazy" - "Why can't this loony woman just be as chill about this bittersweet love story probably having a tragic ending as I am?"

You'll grow a lot as a person if you can humble yourself enough to try to understand her, OP. I'm trying to word this in a way that's actually instructive and not just insulting, but there's no other way to say it - you're being a self-absorbed child about this whole thing, and you'd be wise to wake up a little bit.

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How exactly would I do that? I’ve been putting up with this woman for two years now. I have put myself in her shoes several times. I’m trying to be as transparent as possible with this situation.
You are completely wrong about me dating him to be a “tragic sad backstory”, and I do find it insulting. Sure, a mother’s love isn’t like a girlfriend’s love, but it can go vice-versa.
And yes, if he didn’t want to live anymore, that’s his decision. It’s not me trying to be the ‘cool’ girlfriend. Of course I want nothing more than for him to stay, but if he truly didn’t *want to*, then I wouldn’t be forcing him to. It would be my job to give him the best life I could.

>Sure, a mother’s love isn’t like a girlfriend’s love, but it can go vice-versa.
No. It can't. You're a girlfriend who's known him for a few years, not a wife and life-partner he's bonded with for decades, slow your roll on that front. The fact that you would even suggest that your affection could have a comparable status is conclusive proof that you haven't really put yourself into this woman's shoes at all. You're not being honest or humble about how much easier your position truly is.

Are you really going to keep swearing your attitude about all of this comes from some kind of place of superior wisdom and thoughtfulness, instead of being the luxury that it is? A luxury that you can enjoy because your life just goes the hell on when this is over either way? I'm not even trying to suggest that you're *consciously* enjoying the fact that you get a tragic backstory and a merit badge when the boy dies - I'm pointing out that that's literally just the reality of the position that you're in. You're still young and free and get to move on when it's over. You get to say things like "I'd leave if I was unhappy". If his moping-ass lets himself die, you literally get to just go get another boyfriend - an upgrade by some standards, even, with no serious health problems and no fertility issues who you get to have a happy life and start a happy family with. In a realistic, practical sense, it is frankly just not that big of a loss for you if he

And you would really benefit from the insight that would come if you were more realistic about the effect this privileged position has on your psyche, instead of getting egotistical about how *surely* a noble young girl in love like you *must* have some comparable amount of skin in the game here as the woman who literally gave birth to him and raised him. You're so cocky and un-self-aware that you look down on a mother's efforts to cope and seek community support as some kind of confusing obsession! Wake up.

I feel extremely bad for his mom having to deal with this cunt and her stupid child

>A lung transplant is a safe procedure and cannot kill you

I have a fwb that had a successful transplant. It's a rough life to live on the edge. It's understandable if he doesn't want to live longer either.

>She started a podcast
>has shirts made for him
you have no idea how much of a SAINT this woman is. Is 20 really too young to realize parents are humans too?

This girl is set to have Ellen Page play her when they make a movie about it bro. This dorky old woman is totally cramping her style!

Hi there!

You seem to have made a bit of a mistake in your post. Luckily, the users of Jow Forums are always willing to help you clear this problem right up! You appear to have used a tripcode when posting, but your identity has nothing at all to do with the conversation! Whoops! You should always remember to stop using your tripcode when the thread it was used for is gone, unless another one is started! Posting with a tripcode when it isn't necessary is poor form. You should always try to post anonymously, unless your identity is absolutely vital to the post that you're making!

Now, there's no need to thank me - I'm just doing my bait to help you get used to the anonymous image-board culture!

>gosh, mom, i don't want new lungs just NOW, leave me alone, mom..

>I'm just doing my bait to help you get used to the anonymous image-board culture!
When did they change the recipe for this pasta, I really like this new take

>he's getting the transplant
>he's not on the list at under 1/6th lung capacity
pick one sweety
the door is closing and his mom seems to be the only one aware of how it is to closed. I'd lash out at you too.

>>lungs at 14%
>>normal persons lung function is about 80%
>>doc says we can list him for the lung transplant now, if boyfriend wants it
>>mom says yes list him
>>dumb bitch, she can’t make the decision
>>boyfriend says no, I don’t feel that bad don’t list me
>>she starts crying
What a dumb bastard. That poor mother.

Just break up with him OP. Sick people are never worth dating no matter what your hormones try to trick you into thinking, and he's obviously retarded to boot. You sound really dumb.

This. Lungs don't just pop into existence there are only so many. He should put his name on the list he might not even get the lungs anyways.

I feel bad for the mom, this guy sums it up pretty nicely:

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Chronic illness is fucking hard, ya'll all being shitty
Everyone feels shitty and helpless, but its fucking hard to keep going sometimes (also have chronic illness)

Has he ever told you you take his breath away? Srs question Op

>We *owe ourselves* to the people around us
*unzips dick*

it's not lol wtf

this x1000

he really doesn't. Maybe you have a great mom so you ignored the posts where the gf outlined what the mom does.
Like smoking cigs next to hze son her whole life.

Yeah, I had chronic illness and a narc mom
Really fucked me up
Had to run far away and I still feel helpless/useless a lot

it’s better than not having one and dying instead retard the 5-year mortality is high but considering his worsening QoL it’s more favourable to give him the transplant rather than to let him go on with his knackered lungs