Hi everyone I live in a small apartment with my boyfriend and he has a friend staying in our spare room. We were given the impression that he was only going to be there a week but last night he asked us if he could throw out the single bed in there because he wants to buy a double bed for himself ( I really don’t want him to because I love the bed that’s in there right now and I use it quite often when I am up working super late). He then said he’d be happy to help out financially and so we asked him how long he thought he would be staying and he said “ at least a month”. The room he is in I use every day, I work from home and the house only has three rooms nd it is the room with the most privacy for me so I really depend on it for a workspace ( cont in next post)
Am I being a bitch
. Secondly I use it for storage and while he is in there( we thought it would only be for a little ) all of the stuff that is usually in there is sitting in my room taking up most of the space and I literally have to step over my partner now to get in and out of our own bed as the stuff from his room takes up my entire side of the room. Further more he brought a drunk friend to our house on Monday night ( to his credit he did ask my bf who begrudgingly said yes) and they were loud ( hard not to be in such a small space) and then this stranger slept on my couch all night. Then last night he simply stated “ I’m going to invite my girlfriend over if that doesn’t bother eaither of you” and I didn’t know how to say no, I don’t like strangers in my space and the house is really too small for four people but neither of us new what to say so I just said whatever “”.
I don’t really want to share my space for that long. The space is so small my partner feels uncomfortable fucking with people in the next room( it is uncomfortable for us to worry about how loud we are and to move into our cramped bedroom to do it every time so we are really being celibate untill he leaves ( we don’t want to coordinate our sex life to fuck on the rare occasion that he is out of the house, nor do I want to ask him to leave so we can fuck in private ) ( cont in next post)
Just say no, dude, he has no right to order your house around. He can get his own if he wants to move shit around
it is also very hard for me to focus on my work while he is walking though the house and my space all day and all of these factors combined are really irritating me and though I won’t say anything negitive because I don’t want to at all effect my boyfriends friendship I would really like my space back as soon as possible but it sounds like he wants to be there for a few months which I just can not stand.
Is there a way I can politely ask him to leave earlier? Failing that is there a way I can encourage a shorter stay or can you see any ways to make the current arrangement more bearable for a month +? Should I just roll over and let him stay as long as he wants and get over it?
Thanks v much in advance for all your advice guys I’ll check back here in a few hours
Tell him to fuck off
He is one of my boyfriends closest friends and he doesn’t want to upset him. We don’t even know how to ask him to leave earlier without hurting his feelings
SeeI would happily tell him to leave but I fucking despise women who interfere with their boyfriends friends ( I feel like that makes me the bad guy and super uncool)
I guess I would even be ok with him putting a double in there but it means we would have to put my single on our lounge ( which is allredy cramped as it is) untill he leaves and that just seems super annoying to me.
Tell him your landlord doesn’t allow subletting and you’re in violation of your lease
Upset him bih this your H O M E
It ain't about if he upset, if he's so cool and good you should be able to just say "look, it's not that we mean any ill will, but we aren't really prepared to have someone live in for a whole month."
If he can't take that, then I don't know what to tell you other than your boyfriend needs to pick new friends, specifically ones who aren't entitled to things they don't own
Also say your neighbors reported you to the landlord and is going to fine you if your friend doesn’t get out
This is a really good idea ! Thanks user !! I’m gonna pitch it to my bf tomorrow
That’s what I think too but I don’t think my boyfriend have the heart to say that too him and I do but I don’t think it would be my place. Idk man I’m cayght between being a bitch or being uncomfortable in my home for an extended period and idk which is worse
he will not leave on his own. he is a mooch, you need to throw him out
Given that it's more your boyfriend's friend than yours, your intuition that it would be out of line for you try to resolve this yourself seems accurate. You're not being a bitch though, it would be totally reasonable for you to start asking the boyfriend to man up a little here.
Talk it out with boyfriend. Don't be shy about putting how un-cool all of this is on the table - it doesn't even sound like boyfriend is going to disagree. Support him in doing something difficult, it's not easy to tell a true friend to hustle the hell out of your home ASAP.
To his credit he did say he wanted to pay some rent . We don’t want him here long enough to justify taking money from him.
For sure, I very much refuse to be the bad guy here but my boyfriend is very sweet and accommodating. We’ve talked about it briefly and tho my boyfriend agrees it’s “ annoying” and “a month is a long time to have somone stay with us” I get the impression that he doesn’t know how to handle the conversation with his friend. I would probably deal with it better if he didn’t bring other people over but how does one say that to the guy without being blatantly mean?
Because I do all my work at home it’s much more annoying to me then it is to my bf but the guy is still his friend so I feel like I can’t do anything but be nice to the guy despite the burden that he is proving to be.
I guess that I should also point out that my work is art based. I’m trying to write a novel plus i sculpt and paint ( the latter of the two I don’t have much room to do anymore unless I do them in the lounge but it is hard for me to focus seriously with other people around+ I hate working with people watching me .
I love it and it really fufilling me but not being able to do it for a month won’t cause any financial strain on us or anything but it is something that I will usually do untill 1-3 in the morning. Maybe I’m just being selfish ?
>You really put us under the impression that this would be shorter than a month. We're really cramped in here as it is. Are you *sure* you can't get moving sooner here?
There are plenty of perfectly reasonable things that boyfriend can say about it. And the end-result might even just be that he negotiates the friend ponying up a healthy payment to take the edge off a bit, while knowing what the deal is - that he's sleeping in your home office and storage space, and that you'll be happy when you have it back.
Frankly, the friend *deserves* to know that it really is tough to have him there. He should be on notice about how much of an imposition it is *before* tensions have the chance to rise.
Its your home. Heres what you say: "No, you cannot throw out my bed to move in a new bed for you. I like it and its my house. Also, you cannot bring friends or your girlfriend over. You're in a tough spot, you're crashing, thats cool but you're not our roommate. Finally, you have until X to find a new place."
If his feelings get hurt they get hurt, this fucker is taking advantage of you.
Then tell your boyfriend to kick him out. This isn't interfering in his friends, this is setting boundaries for your goddamn home.
Fucking no. What is wrong with you. Thats moving in. If he has money for a bed he has money to find a place needing a roommate.
Don't lie. Lying means he can investigate and then you're the bad guy for being deceptive and he'll use it as leverage. Set boundaries, tell him no, give him a deadline.
No, thats establishing residency and he gets rights. He needs to be out, not moving in, not contributing.
Your boyfriend needs to nut the fuck up. Either his friend is moving in because you're both down with it, or his friend needs to go. This middle of the road, I-Just-Can't-Handle-Conflict shit doesn't work.
You're not being selfish, its
YOUR
FUCKING
SPACE.
tell him that he can stay with you for 2 weeks.
you're still being nice but you're establishing boundaries.
tell him to get off his ass and find a job and a place to live because you will be kicking him out in 2 weeks exactly and there will be no extensions or begging to stay longer.