Hello, Jow Forums.
I've been with my girlfriend at univeristy for a year and a half roughly. The relationship started with sex but after a few months we both realised that we liked each other romantically and decided to "become a couple".
I've done a couple of things to annoy her before, she got over them. She's done something before that made me lose a little bit of trust in her, but I got over that too. Whenever I try and bring up any issue she does get very emotional though.
Recently I was introduced to a girl back home (i.e. not at uni) and she and I became friends. As I spent more time with her in a group and on her own I started to develop feelings for her, and I suspected she might had too.
To spare the details I admitted this to her recently and she said she felt the same, but she obviously knows I have a gf. She asked what I was going to do, go with her or my gf.
I feel like I have slightly more in common on a fundamental level with this new girl, our views on life and that are more in line and her plans for the future are similar too. Also, she is stronger than my current gf and probably wouldn't cry at me bringing things up. I also trust her completely. She's a virgin and hasn't kissed anybody, she's 21, my gf is 20 and I'm 20.
Fallen in Love with Another Girl
I told her that I need to make the right decision, and I'm already seeing my current gf on the weekend, so I'd go and work it out then. I said sorry to the new girl because making her wait is a bit mean but she didn't seem to mind.
I know this problem is as old as time itself, and I know that whatever I do I break someone's heart. The thought of losing my gf makes me very upset, she's nothing but great to me, and I do enjoy her company, the sex is good, but I do have a niggling feeling that it'll end eventually anyway. New girl isn't into partying, doesn't drink much and doesn't do drugs. Current gf drinks a lot, goes to parties but isn't really a slut or anything, and has occasionally done drugs. (Just to paint a picture of the kind of girls they are)
Current gf is much more of a normie and likes to travel and shit and I feel like she's semi likely to cheat on me due to the way she acts.
This post was a bit retarded, sorry for the long read.
TL;DR
New girl or current gf? Current gf and new girl both nice, I probably have more in common with new girl and she is into less things that I think are likely to encourage cheating etc in the future.
Note: I haven't cheated on my gf, only talked to this new girl.
Keep your current girl, don't be an asshole. Also chances are new girl won't like to date you.
>She's done something before that made me lose a little bit of trust in her, but I got over that too.
Mhm
Read Norwegian Wood by Murakami.
Tl;dr Your current relationship will collapse with the other girl on your mind and she will go away by the time that happens.
Break up with her and start a relationship with this other girl.
Ps. Just read Norwegian Wood.
Don't listen to him op, he's a dumbass.
we were together with my teammates from a sport I play and she flirted with them a lot and joked that she was with the "wrong player"
I think this makes her sound worse than she is but she did do this.
When I brought it up in the morning she cried so I couldn't really get my point across. When I talked to her about it a few days later I made it very clear it wasn't tolerated... but is that enough?
Yeah I did think about this, if my original relationship breaks down then I can't exactly turn around to a girl I strung along and be like "Okay be with me now".
Fucking finally, somebody gets it. I've seen so many autists on this site that think like this and see women as "options" instead of actual human beans.
I'd buy you a beer op.
Thanks, user.
That's why I feel bad, no matter what I do I will break someone's heart, and it is my fault
You're not responsible for anything that happens with your girlfriend. Go for the woman you obviously like more.
If this was something about sex and her being hotter, I'd be a bit skeptical, but you simply like her more as a person. This is different.
Staying in a relationship in which you're not 100% into is bad not only for you, but for her as well.
Fuck, reading about your situation reminds me too much about Norwegian Wood, gotta read it again now.
This a pure cope rational. You're basically creating justification for betraying your girlfriend. You do not know how the relationship will go afterwards, or if it is doomed to fail. Asserting that it is is purely a coping mechanism for the pain you will inevitably cause your current girlfriend if you choose to break up with her for somebody else. If you truly like the girl enough to break up with your girlfriend, then you should break up simply out of your inability to be honest with her. What is beyond hypotheticals, such as the idea thay your relationship might be already doomed to fail, is the fact that you have lost interest in dating your current girlfriend. Even if it is for another girl, you have technically lost interest. That isn't to say you would break up if there wasn't another girl, but the technical fact is that you have gained interest in the alternative. Admit that fact, break up, and move on. If you cannot bring yourself to do this, either by weakness or uncertainty of your feelings for the new girl, shut out the other girl out at least romantically and keep your girlfriend. Regardless of what you do, do not manipulate yourself into thinking you are breaking up to prevent some sort of inevitable disaster. You will hurt your current girlfriend, and you should bear the full brunt of the guilts associated with that. It would be best not to lie to yourself in both your feelings and the pain you cause others.
I guess I should read Norwegian wood
Thank you for the advice user.
I see what you're saying, I suppose what I'm saying is that there are some fundamental things we don't really agree on. Perhaps this will precipitate out and matter, maybe it won't. I suppose that is a cope, you could say that about any relationship.
But, like says, the fact I like this new girl shows that I'm not interested anymore, or at least I'm dissatisfied with something to fall for another girl. This could end up breaking the relationship, and then I'd have missed my opportunity with the new girl, after leading her on like this.
I guess that's what you're saying too and I either have to break up and be honest with myself and my gf, or shut out the new girl.
But that just leaves me back to square one, and I don't know which one to do
Thanks for the reality check tho user, I don't want to delude myself.
That's a very toxic way of viewing relationships. Op is obviously a nice person, which is why he hasn't broken up yet, and he doesn't seem satisfied with his current relationship at all. Why torture the girl and make her go through the whole ordeal when op is just going to think of something else?
I get your point of view, i really do, but op is simply not into his girlfriend by what he is saying here. Not a single word he said was nice about her.
Are you really going to tell me he can salvage anything in his relationship?
>I suppose that is a cope, you could say that about any relationship.
Yes, that is exactly my point. It doesn't matter if other people's relationships end this way. You should not be intentionally ignorant of the pain you cause people, let alone your girlfriend.
>Are you really going to tell me he can salvage anything in his relationship?
No. Only he could decide that. If he decides that he wants to salvage it, then he should do that. If he decides he would prefer to break up and date the other girl, he should be cognisant of the pain he will cause his current girlfriend in making that decision. You're misinterpreting me if you thought I was trying to say he should stick with his girlfriend for fear of hurting her.
>You're misinterpreting me if you thought I was trying to say he should stick with his girlfriend for fear of hurting her.
That I did, i apologise, it's quite late here.
OP, only you know what you're gonna do, do what your heart feels. (Ok now that's cheesy)
She's kind and I think she really does care for me but I just think we disagree on too many things that are fundamental. Also she is still a little immature and we can never have a conversation about shortcomings because she'll cry and beg me not to dump her, not that I was even trying. I think she is just unfortunately a bit troubled.
Whenever I think of breaking it of with her though I just can't bear to think how upset she will be.
>do what your heart feels
I guess this is the answer. Most people I've talked to this about has said one variation of this, even the new girl said this.
>we were together with my teammates from a sport I play and she flirted with them a lot and joked that she was with the "wrong player"
Should've dumped her ass then and there.
Maybe, she was pretty drunk though and clearly knew what she had done wrong. Also she'd never done anything like that before, and hasn't since.