An online community is probably the best way to do it. That way, you can hang out with people in group activities, and make friendships from there.
That type of thinking is dangerous because it's taking something that isn't functionally useful to humans into account. We understand and describe the universe to be able find the values we choose to have. You should definitely change your mindset, because even if we don't know it, we DO exist; and I'm sure for some reason. Hurting others is something the majority of us do not wish to do. Helping others gives people happiness. We're social creatures so we need bonds to survive.
So, in my opinion, if you have to live (which we do, since suicide is an affront to existence) you should live well.
It's definitely possible that not doing it for so long had an effect on it, and I wouldn't worry too much about it especially if it wasn't your first time.
You should be careful that she's not attempting to string you on or manipulate you in anyway; remember, affection can definitely blind a person to these types of things.
Otherwise, I think it looks good for you. She might have affection for both of you, however. Is it worth it for you, waiting for her to decide?
Humans are very naturally greedy, user. Probably one of the most common negative traits in us. It's not even negative in all cases; ambition serves to propel humanity in a lot of cases.
However, there's a point that greediness can translate into depression, like in your case.
You have to wonder, seriously, why you're being, I dare say, almost ungrateful for the wonderful things you have in your life. So many people don't have similar things.
Perhaps it's not what you actually want?
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