There's no damn place for me on this earth...

There's no damn place for me on this earth. I'm FtM trans and have been going to therapy for years and on several meds but nothing has ever changed and nothing ever will. Myriad of sexual issues and mental illnesses that are either just numbed out by meds or can't be cured at all. Can't align with any political group. Been around religion my entire life but can't bring myself to believe. Can't make friends with women and men ignore me unless they wanna fuck me. No one to talk to. I feel like I'm just floating through the void. Shit sucks. Fuck it all.

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So you've finally come to the realization that transitioning wasn't the right course of action to cure your gender dysphoria, severe clinical depression, general anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder and your PTSD after your uncle molested you in your pre-teen years?

>gender dysphoria
yes
>severe clinical depression
two in a row
>generalized anxiety disorder
no
>obsessive compulsive disorder
yes
>PSTD because you got molested
good b8 but no

That stupid sign is trying to put thoughts in my head.

Are you sure you don't have undiagnosed PTSD from past molestation?

I was never molested. I was verbally and emotionally berated and mistreated when I was a little kid, but I don't think people get PTSD from that. No one ever laid a hand on me.

So you were corrected by your parents as you insisted that you were a boy? That's hardly what I call verbal or emotional betrayal.

>FtM trans
well duhhhhhh

The central part of your existence depends on anti-reality. You need to learn to wrestle with fantasy, reality, and your heart's desires all together.

No, that's not even close to what happened. When I would make mistakes as a toddler, such as spilling something, or knocking something over, my mom would call me a retard and a fuckup. (Her exact words.) She would yell at me for crying, smack me without provocation, and withheld food from me. Never once did we have a conversation about my being a girl, or boy.

I understand and respect your opinion. However, it's simply the way I feel, and have always felt. I've been wrestling with it all my life and will continue to, since I have no choice. I understand the biological reality of the situation, but that understanding cannot change the misery and discomfort I feel in a body I find disgusting.

>You need to stop being mentally ill to the point of pretension
ftfy

Have you looked for a support group in your area? You're not alone in this.

>my mom would call me a retard and a fuckup
>She would yell at me for crying, smack me without provocation, and withheld food from me
Sounds like you do suffer from PTSD for physical and verbal abuse. You never said anything about your desire to be a boy, but you felt it because you thought being a girl was your crime to her. Trust me; no safe space will ever help you find comfort.

I haven't, but (and I don't mean to sound whatever-phobic) I can't relate to the LGBT community as it is. I doubt I'd fit in there either. It might make me feel like even more of a freak. Plus, what are they going to tell me? I don't have the money to transition, and being told to "love myself" won't change my feelings in the long run.

Maybe I do. I don't want to diagnose it as PTSD or anything, but it definitely scarred me to a degree. And, is that why I feel the way I do about being FtM? I don't know. I can't answer that question. Lastly, I know safe spaces won't help me. I don't particularly like the concept of safe spaces anyway. I just don't know what will. Or if anything will.

>I don't want to diagnose it as PTSD or anything
You're not supposed to self-diagnose your own mental illnesses; your psychiatrist is.

None of them have ever diagnosed me with it, nor seemed to suspect it.

Watch bojack horseman.

Take the Van Halen advice and...

Jump! Jump!

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I know that already.

FtM = Female to male? Why would you want to be male? Males suffer tremediously. This isnt even debatable. Being male is literally living life on hell dificulty.

In fact i understand why some males want to be females because of how society treats females nowdays but being male? holy moly.

?
Maybe in first world countries as a pretty woman. I would not want to be an ugly woman, or a woman at all in some third world rapenests.

Who gives a fuck about brown people they dont even have internet.

Several reasons. First and foremost, my body disgusts me. I'm fairly slim and not unattractive, but just having breasts and a vagina makes me want to throw up. Secondly, I want to be treated like a man, even if it means I have to suffer. I would rather suffer as a man than hate myself this much as a woman. I want no part of femininity or womanhood, and never have. That's the best I can do to explain it.

Forget those apes then. Why would you want to be some ugly cunt in a first world country?

I am OP, and I don't understand why anyone would want to be a woman at all. No matter how many people attempt to explain it to me. It's so foreign to me.

Interesting take on life i would say. But if your body disgusts you then morphing into male wont make your body any better. In fact if i was you i would hold onto my vagina and titties and improve it by basic excercising programs to fill out hips and became ultra bimbo. Just saying.

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>would not want to be an ugly woman
because ugly women have to date ugly men
in reality they only want to date the 1% and nothing else is good enough.

you don't make a good man because youre still a whiny bitch female who who wants all the benefits of being a woman.

>because ugly women have to date ugly men

This is not true. You live in your own made up fantasy world. Some men are so insecure they will date fat pigs just so they wont get laughed at by hot bitches.

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The last thing I want to be is a bimbo, but I appreciate your input nevertheless.

I would be happy to give up any and all privileges I have as a female.

>I would be happy to give up any and all privileges I have as a female.

but why

If i was girl i would make sure to become hottest bitch ever to cuck hot males so they will go insane with rage. Serves them right for being stupid cucks.

Because I feel such discomfort with my body, and such disconnect with other females, that I don't consider it worth it.

I dont belive that nature made you such way to hate your own feminity

Iam not someone wanting to be a woman wtf are you even on about.
Even with your over exaggerated statistic it says nowhere that the top 1% of men are remotely interested in some ugly brat.

>b-b-but Chad is sure to take a turn on ugos atleast once

Turning 30 as an ugly chick, becoming even more irrelevant with your sexual highlight being a drunk onenight stand with Chad.
Ye I'd rather stay a man. Least you age more graceful and can turn things around later on

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I think he thinks you are OP. For the record, I am OP and agree with you completely.

I can see where you are coming from if you don't want to contact a support group, but I think you're wrong. Most trans aren't activists, they are just normal people trying to get their shit together. Mental health and affording transition are probably the two most common issues.

Will women ever stop being jealous?

>i want to be man because hurf durf

no you dont.

Your not FTM Trans. You are a man. Now man up. Hit the gym, get a fast car, and hit up the strip club. You don't get to cry, your eyes sweat. Life is good because you made it happen. You are god, when you walk past everyone shouts holy shit. Friends are for kids, you need money. Gym, fast cars, strippers, and money. No booze, coke and shrooms are fine.

this post cant be more cringe.

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I'm not jealous. I have more privileges, and I know it. It's not like I think men are somehow stealing anything from me, or depriving me of something I deserve. It's a personal matter, regarding how my brain works. I hate my body and my female attributes, I feel constantly out of place, and I'm miserable. Doesn't have to do with anyone but myself.

I dont think you understand or comprenhend what does it mean to be a man. Just simply mimicking wont make you one but you can try. Changing gender wont solve your mental problems. In fact it will make it worse. If you wont accept yourself as a woman how can you accept man?

Also as a man you need to be honry as fuck. Right now im honry as fuck. Can you be honry as fuck 24/7? Being a man = want to fuck things. No question asked.

Maybe if you’re a porn slave. I’m a man who doesn’t watch porn and is going on a gap streak for three months. Life couldn’t be any better and sex with my girlfriend is so good right now.

Porn rots minds and destroys societies.

I was about to masturbate for the third time today when I noticed someone had commented, so, there's your answer on that end.

And, what does it mean to be a man? I always thought of it as both physical and mental characteristics. I'll never have all of the physical characteristics, that is impossible. But I can have the mental. I think I already do.

As far as it solving my mental problems, I don't know. I can't know without trying, but you're right that transitioning is likely not the answer. So I don't know and may never know.

>don't like being a woman
>start to identify as a man
>no one gives a fuck about you anymore
Lel, welcome to manhood bro.

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No one ever gave a fuck about me. This isn't a new thing for me. It's the 20th straight year in a row.

Stop being a special snowflake among snowflakes. We get it, you don't want to be associated with #woke culture and people who bleed blue. Get over yourself.

t. FtM who isn't as retarded as you

I literally have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

You're/OP is saying there are no "places" for him, but that's bullshit. There's tons of LGBTQ+ support groups and communities both online and in the real world. I know, I'm regularly involved in them. Literally just get off your ass and get involved. Volunteer. Do something productive with your time for others.

If having a difficult time associating with the LGBT community makes me retarded, then I guess I'm retarded. Spicy take though.

Your willing to give up your women card in a time where men are buying gamer girl bath water in the thousands? Wow, just wow

How many LGBTQ+ events have you physically gone to in the past year?

One, or two, depending on how you count them. Philadelphia pride, and a support meeting for "trans teens" (I was still 19 at the time).

You should go to more. Find LGBTQ+ events that tie into one of your hobbies, build up a support network within your local community. It's hard work, but it makes life much better, I promise.

>You need to be horny as fuck all the time to be a man
Is this common? I feel horny (unprompted) maybe twice a year.

While I appreciate the sentiment, if those two events are representative of the LGBT community (and I believe they are), I am not interested. Also, if you are in any way representative of the LGBT community - the person who called me retarded for feeling like I don't fit in - I am doubly not interested.

>someone called me a mean name on Jow Forums so now I'm gonna pout
You're a fucking fag dude, but whatever, kill yourself at 30 for all I care. Peace.

Fellow ftm here. How long have u been transitioning? I've been on T for 4 years and had top surgery. I hardly even think of myself as trans anymore. Once ur on hormones for long enough u will feel less out of place. You're a man. Don't get caught up in the trans label cuz it will only make u miserable

>you are retarded
>I did not appreciate that
>HAHA FAGGOT
There is no winning with some people

Thank you. I'm not on any hormones at all. As much as I want to be, I've hesitated for a while because I feel as though perhaps there's a way to solve my problems that doesn't involve transitioning. But as time goes by I am less and less sure that's true. As for "don't get caught up in the trans label" - that's my intent.

>not on hormones
Wait did you get surgery done or not? Why aren't you taking T?

>all the rest
Honestly I know how you feel somewhat: I'm not trans but I hate myself and my body. I feel trapped in a vessel that doesn't represent who I wanted to be. In my case I've been working to change that but there's no end goal here just the hope I'll feel better tomorrow then I do today.

Life sucks in all honesty but you can always find people to talk to even if anonimously on the internet.