My GF and I (both 27, more than a year dating) are going on a trip to another nearby city for fun...

I understand this and she hid the start of their relationship from you for a reason. If he was nothing to her it would have been easy to move on but she cannot. I think she told you since she wants to make sure there are no surprise revelations by him or her family and friends around you.

But, you need to observe for yourself and there may be other skeletons in the closet unrelated to this man. Make it a game to take some of the sting out of it and remain calm and engaged. Again, there is no way, if she is comfortable, she can hide from you how she feels about him, you'll see it. Its very possible when he is around you'll be pushed into a corner and EVERYBODY will see her behavior towards him.
Then with your proof you can drop kick her ass and leave. She then will have to explain why to her family.

Honestly I'm in the mindset of just leaving her now.

>second choice

Resonated with me the most. This dude wasn't in her life for years and years, maybe a year before she met me at maximum. Now I'm recalling that she has talked about this dude not infrequently to me.

Like I've met some of her childhood friends who are male, I've gotten along swimmingly with them and no problems were had.

Her meeting this dude off BUMBLE (one step above tinder in my mind) where SHE MESSAGED FIRST went to a dinner date, didn't work out in *her* favor but she still actively keeps in touch and reaches out to him, and expects me to roll along with it?

I honestly feel lied to and betrayed in a weird way. This isn't just some dude I'm jealous about, she met this dude with strong interest from her side. I've hounded dating apps before this girl currently, and I've had plenty of flings and exes of different types of women, I know how the shit goes down and how strong a woman's interest can be if she fucking messages first.

>There's plenty of people I had crushes on I'd want to see again with my bf, if only because I'd like my (likely) last visit of them to see them older and happy and fulfilled. It's a nice emotional sendoff.

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>you'll definitely piss her off and leave her in a position this guy could easily capitalize on
I don't understand why women purposefully put their relationship at risk and it becomes the man that has to walk the tightrope and any misstep the end of him.

>You were definitely an afterthought for her, a second choice mate.
Wtf? How can you even know that? OP didn't even provide a timeframe for when they first spoke, for all you know it could have been years between this guy and OP.

>dating someone for over a year
>leaving them without discussing anything
If that's how you want to play it, you're allowed, but running away the moment there's hurt feelings on your end isn't sustainable behavior. You'll run into situations with every gf, eventually, where you feel "second choice." How you handle your emotions reveals your true character.

This. She had EVERY intention to fuck this man when she messaged FIRST. How rare is it that a woman messages first? Yeah, on bumble they have to message first, but it’s all the same because women still have the power of selection. Either way, the fact that she still talks with this sexual prospect means you are either a temporary solution, an emotional and financial resource that she uses for convenience and she will leave you for him at the first chance, or she has actually formed feelings towards you but they only exist as cope: “god, this user is all I can get. I guess I’ll like him because I can’t do better.” It’s not genuine either way

>giving a girl talking to another dude from a dating app whole having a bf the closure she doesn't deserve because it's the "right thing to do"

OP, would there be anything she could do to assuage your worries at this rate? If not, then you really should cut the cord seen.

I'm not entirely sure. The best case scenario is for her to cut the long distance pen pal from bumble shit with this dude, we go and don't meet up with him and carry on as normal. I know this is unrealistic and she won't do this. She'll come at me with some stupid "nothing happened were just friends" shit.

Then it really is over m80. She's gotta learn she can't have a friend she intended to fuck on her life if she wants a steady relationship.

>she has actually formed feelings towards you but they only exist as cope: “god, this user is all I can get. I guess I’ll like him because I can’t do better.” It’s not genuine either way

One of her parents literally told her once "you're not gonna do better than this so don't fuck it up" regarding me, so I mean yeah

God I feel like a cuck

Fuck man. At least they’re honest, and that should make you feel pretty good. And she did fuck up. Make her learn from her mistakes

You've never been visiting a city and all your friends are 25-30 year-old boomers? It's nice to meet up with everyone you knew when you visit a city, even if, at one point in your life, you had a crush on them or you met them in odd ways. I've met up with people from Jow Forums, Discord, friends from real life, whatever.

If my boyfriend wanted to see some dumb thot he knew from a dating app that didn't go anywhere, chatted with her online, she lives in a completely different city, and I'm present during the meetup, what do I even have to worry about? He wanted to date other women before me? No shit, he was on the market looking to date. Were there better women out there? Probably, realistically, but I'm the one that actually has him, not hypothetical whores that missed their shot.

>How rare is it that a woman messages first?
I'd say 50% of the men I've talked to online I've messaged first. It often doesn't work out, you're often ghosted, shit's the same everywhere. I don't know a single bitch in my friend circle that refuses to message men on dating sites. You're turbo insecure if you seriously think women sit around and go
>god, this user is all I can get. I guess I’ll like him because I can’t do better.
like Saturday cartoon villains about men. Even to each other when we're brutally honest about our feelings on men, we don't say dumb fantasy shit like that.

when your gf defends her relationship with another man by lying and trying to force it on you her relationship with him is more important than her relationship with you. He's number one in her life.

>like Saturday cartoon villains about men. Even to each other when we're brutally honest about our feelings on men, we don't say dumb fantasy shit like that.

See

>roast defending a roast
Yawn

>when you visit a city, even if, at one point in your life, you had a crush on them
That's not how you worded it. You specifically said
>There's plenty of people I had crushes on I'd want to see again with my bf, if only because I'd like my (likely) last visit of them to see them older and happy and fulfilled. It's a nice emotional sendoff.
Which is batshit and not at all speaking in coincidences as you are now. Not to mention it's STILL batshit.
>Ho hum I'm visiting an old city where a crush of mine resides. I know! I'll butt him into my relationship for my own satisfsction!
Is that how you'd raise your daughter?
>When you have a steady boyfriend, ot's okay to keep in contact with men you have a crush on and INVITE THEM OUT WITH YOUR STEADY THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS AT ALL my dear
It's always about fucking validation isn't it?

And? That's her parents talking, not her. My parents said similar things about my ex all the time because he was rich, but he was also an asshole and an idiot. I'm talking about what you say to your girls, the people you actually trust about these things. Unless she listens to her parents like they're her gods, but that's an actual red flag for very different reasons.

>roastie thinking it's a red flag to listen to your parents

Can't make this shit up. Screen capped

It’s either expert level baiting or genuinely female. Either way, it’s disgusting

How old are you? Honest question. I don't think you understand what being a grown up is like. You visit people from your past when you visit old stomping grounds. If your bf, or gf, there's no difference here, gets uppity at you when you want to see someone you don't get to see often, that is not on you. That's their insecurity, their problem. That kind of immaturity is not something you should ever put up with.

Again, most of my friends are boomers, they're engaged, they're married, they're having kids. I had a crush on a guy throughout high school, now he's openly gay and happy. I had a crush on another guy, he's ready to get engaged to his gf any year now.

Over a year into a relationship, unless you're underage or a very young adult, you should know how to communicate your feelings. If my boyfriend felt like he was just a "second choice," it's his feelings, so it's his responsibility to communicate to me as a partner to resolve the issue together. Just bitching out with your tail between your legs because your little feefees got hurt? She didn't tell you any of the shit you're making up here, you don't even know what she actually thinks or feels. Imagine if she broke up with you without a second thought because you trusted her enough to disclose something really awkward or sensitive, and she did it crying about some weird shit you didn't even really talk about, ever.

>roasties gonna roast

Dude nobody keeps in touch with their exes like that unless they're thots or degenerate American divorcees. The only exception is if children are involved and even then, yuck.

Thot begone.

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He's not even an ex, though.

and yet she misrepresented how they began dating so not to alarm OP. she knows this is sketchy but persist

>If my boyfriend felt like he was just a "second choice," it's his feelings, so it's his responsibility

This is peak "everything I do is the man's fault". Legit, do sketchy shit and blame the dude for getting upset.

>all my boomer friends lol ur insecure and underage

Just as many boomers and older folk could say the exact opposite of what this bitch is saying and she'll just double down on the everything is the man's fault train.

Thot begone

Red Rock Canyon,
My dad's favorite place in the whole world.

Oh and yeah this is a deal breaker, break up with her while you still can.

They were never "dating," either. They went on one date and it didn't work out. Maybe she misrepresented it because she thought it wouldn't be a big deal at first and then reconsidered. Maybe she's just embarrassed because it makes her feel like shit because she's not good at handling rejection. The point is the only way he's gonna actually know the full story is to talk to her, not by a bunch of anonymous idiots guessing what it could mean.

>This is peak "everything I do is the man's fault"
No faggot, stop projecting. If I had a problem with anything my boyfriend says or does to me, expecting him to be a mind reader who just knows exactly what I think or feel is unrealistic. I have to talk to him when my feefees are hurt, too. That's how any relationship works.

>You visit people from your past when you visit old stomping grounds
Answer the question. Is that how you'd raise a daughter?
>When you have a steady boyfriend, it's okay to keep in contact with men you have a crush on and INVITE THEM OUT WITH YOUR STEADY THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS AT ALL my dear
If it is, then our values are irreconcilable and it isn't worth it to converse.

It didn't work out because he wasn't interested in her ass and she clung on to him after she reached out to him first. She kept in contact with him, while in a relationship with someone else, and LIED ABOUT IT. Her revealing this shit *right before the trip* is 100% intentional and premeditated.

You sound like a selfish drama queen desu.

Don't be intellectually dishonest and overlook that shit.

If you change "have" to "had," then no, there's no issue, as long as everyone communicates. I work with children, though, zoomer dating culture is even more loose than millennial dating culture. They all date each other poly style online and have dramatic e-break-ups. Boys and girls are pretty laissez-faire about this kind of rule keeping as young as 14.

Tl;Dr op's Thot gf got friendzoned by a Chad, couldn't get over it, so she drags op to meet the Chad so she can have an ego orgasm.

Also tl;Dr, Thot comes rushing to Thot defense with thot logic

Thots begone

>REEE THOT
>REEE ROASTIE
>REEE CHAD
I miss pre-r9k deletion Jow Forums.

Then there is no reason to continue any further, have or had. I would call out anyone stupid enough to invite out someone they used to or currently have a crush on to an outing with a SO. The onkdfuyvje

you are so typical. if a guys trust your version of events and therefore doesn't ask then later discovers your version was not entirely true it is his responsibility to "talk about it". we all know what that means, a guy wants to discuss whats really going on and women then tells him how stupid his hurt feefees are and insecure he is. How about a woman offer an honest explanation to avoid any misunderstanding?

Like here, she could explain why this guys friendship is so important to her. What does he bring that no one else can?

It is a red flag, but some random guy she went on 1 date with on an app isn't a threat no matter how good the date. He said no, and women appreciate being more than an option. If anything she's probably just trying to milk whatever she can out of this guy.

Any updates OP?

Like other anons said. She should know that this could potentially harm your relationship. If she does, it means that she's a piece of shit. But if she doesnt, shes too stupid to be in a relationship.

If you want to continue, I would suggest NOT go with them and let them hang out. But you cant show your insecurities and shit. DO NOT get angry, DO NOT get mad. Just go along with this shit. If it bothers you, talk to her after a few days that this shouldnt happen. She has to respect the relationship. DO NOT show any insecurites my dude, I repeat DO NOT.

If you want to talk to her that she cant, be stern. And dont repeat.

*Youre meeting a guy that you met on bumble, and it makes me uncomfortable. I wouldnt mind your other friends, just not this*

Dont beat around the bush, be direct and stern. Godspeed user

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>random guy she went on 1 date with on an app isn't a threat no matter how good the date
Its not just some random guy though. He's been talking to the girl for a minute and she withheld information from OP. And he's expected to walk in and finesse this loaded situation baka women

>I would suggest NOT go with them and let them hang out

This seems like it'd make things worse

I was with you till about here

>There's plenty of people I had crushes on I'd want to see again with my bf, if only because I'd like my (likely) last visit of them to see them older and happy and fulfilled. It's a nice emotional sendoff.

The emotional compartmentalization you are expressing here is skin deep. If you want someone to love you forever, then you have to honor your relationship and show that means letting go of your exes and past crushes.Your sendoff is greedy. Imagine another woman coming to "sendoff" your man and dredge up old feelings. If there's someone you absolutely must see again even if it jeopardizes your relationship, then you're with the wrong person.

The consensus for all posters in this thread is that this broad is full of shit, no use beating a dead horse m8

He doesn't want to fuck her. Why would there be any level of competition here?

you're right but she prefers the other guy so why would you want to be the guys she settles for?

Just to clarify something, on Bumble the woman is the only party allowed to message first. So being upset she "messaged first" is irrelevant.

Is there any indication that she prefers him? Or she just liked him at some point in time?
Because I liked people other than my boyfriend before, but I wouldn't pick any of them over him.

>So being upset she "messaged first" is irrelevant.

Dead wrong. If anything it makes it worse, because she more than likely had tinder and other apps on her if she had bumble. She willingly installed and engaged on a platform where the woman has to message first. Most women, despite the you go girl narrative, are still fuck nervous when it comes to messaging first or making any sort of initial move for that matter.

It just emboldens her dick hunting mission even more.

Nobody wants your Thot opinion

You're making a whole lot of assumptions, and most of them are horribly wrong.
I know plenty of girls who don't want to be on tinder because it's a hookup app while bumble or POF are perceived as more "serious" apps.
I also have never met a grown up woman who felt nervous about texting a guy first, they just think it's their role or don't care enough about talking to him.
On an app where your role is to message guys first, if you want to talk to some guy you need to text him.

And I know plenty of girls who downloaded bumble because it's marketed as a feminist dating app and they want to follow the trend. Then they match with a dude and fumble to message him first because omg in so nervous the pressure. This spans from college kids to women well into their 30s.

Just because the graphics are different on your smartphone doesn't change the human using it. A woman is going to do female shit on bumble, pof, and coffee meets bagel just as she would for tinder.

This analogous model of tinder vs. Bumble is also why bumble has to branch out and do a bunch of other shit to stay relevant (bumble BFF, bumble networking etc.) they had to expand outside simply dating not out of some weird enlightened social networking shtick but because they weren't going to make any fucking money where a woman has to message a dude based on nothing but his looks. Most of the revenue is going to come from thirsty dudes, this is how it works.

It's an app literally designed for you to make the first move. Most women who use it understand the logic, we're not retarded. If it's something that stresses you out that much, you just uninstall it.
A lot of people are a little nervous when starting to talk to someone new, but it's not a huge terrifying thing to get over. It's not like she went out of her way for this guy.

I feel like you're all pretending she's crazy in love with this dude, while to me it seems like they met on a dating app, they went out on a date, it didn't work out and they stayed friendly.

She’s testing you, no self respecting man would allow this, my girlfriend wouldn’t dare put me in a shitty situation like this. Your “girlfriend” isn’t girlfriend material, and you just learned this thanks to this friend. I’d tell her no, it’s weird you guys let off of a dating app. If she gets defensive, dump her. Why does she want to see this ONE MALE, she met on a dating app for? Personally I’d start looking for another GF.

she wanted to continue but the guy pulled the plug and said no relationship but if she would like he would be a friend. she agreed and stays in touch and now wants to see him since he moved back to her home town. She's pursuing instead of letting it die

>Most women who use it understand the logic, we're not retarded

Question. You already got laughed out of this thread for your earlier shit. Why are you still here?

what OP doesn't know is all the other guys she messaged and hooked up with on bumble. no way this particular guy was the only one

>it didn't work out
it didn't work for him but he offered access if she wanted and she took him up on the offer. she's with OP now and she's still hanging in there with this guy

>Why does she want to see this ONE MALE, she met on a dating app for?

Because they're "friends" and they tall about stuff in common and they're "just friends" and there weren't any romantic sparks (from his end) but they just stayed as "friends" after a failed dinner date

>it didn't work for him

*work out for her. She was the one who got friendzoned, not the other dude

My husband told me to not hang out with my old childhood friend unless he was around. With my husband around, he grabbed me hand under the table! He was right about him!

Do we even know she wanted to continue? I got told by guys I went out on dates that they didn't feel much for me, but I wasn't feeling much either. It's often mutual, but one has to say it first.
They don't seem like they're even close friends, they're just friendly and keep in touch casually on social media.
And if I travelled to a place where someone I know lived, I'd probably meet them too.

I feel like you're reading a lot into it, but it's just
>meet guy
>get along but don't feel much
>stay friendly with each other
You make it sound like this dude was the love of her life and she's pursuing him extra hard.

>all women are one poster
Are you stupid?

then she would have told OP earlier instead of hiding it

Thread.

Might as well go on like it's one poster. Every dude in this thread agrees with OP to some degree. Every woman is pulling the "you're over thinking it stop being insecure" shaming tactic like a herd.

>You already got laughed out of this thread for your earlier shit.
The post you replied to was my 3rd post in this thread.
There's more than one girl on adv.

I replied here:

>There's more than one girl on adv.

You all say the same shit so what's the fucking difference? He's insecure and overthinking it and why are guys so weird with exes omg such controlling toxic masculinity why can't I visit every Tom dick and Harry I had a history with when I'm in a committed relationship? Ugh stop grabbing my pussy

She literally told him about it. I haven't told my boyfriend how I met every person I talk to either, and same for him.

I understand why OP feels uncomfortable, I'd feel weird too. I just think you're all blowing this thing out of proportion.

They went out on a date once. It didn't work out. They stayed friendly. She's inviting him to come along and meet the guy.
It's not like she's telling him "I want to go over my ex's house alone, and you're an asshole if you say anything about it".
Again, I understand why OP would feel a bit weird: I find it odd when I'm around people I know my boyfriend liked, dated and such. But it's not that big of a deal, and you're blowing it out of proportion.

So I'm confused. If your boyfriend had a girl "friend" that was in another city, he insists on you coming along to meet up with her, and literally the day before you leave he drops that he actually met her off tinder, tried to fuck her but she wasn't interested, so he took the friendzoned bait and texts her for the entire duration of your relationship

You're telling me you'd be 100% OK with that? Meh as a girl you've probably got a bunch of orbiters in line yourself so you wouldn't give a single fuck

She isn’t dating material because of this. Keep her as a fwb and start seeing/looking for other women. It’s tough bro but you gotta do it, or you’ll forever be the cuck who’s girlfriend is unfaithful without even trying to hide it.

Yeah.. they’re “friends”. Right. Because you look for friends on dating apps

No, I'd feel weird about it. As I already said.
But probably if by my understanding they were in friendly terms and not too close to each other, it wouldn't be a huge deal and I'd try to accomodate him and enjoy myself. I met up with female friends from my ex, including a girl he briefly dated but stayed friends with.

My current boyfriend doesn't have female friends and doesn't enjoy it, so it's pretty hard to imagine.

You agree with OP's gf I get it but men will never understand why a woman will not let an ex go, they must keep them in their life in some capacity. Troubling though, this ex friendship, because the woman will discuss her current relationship with her ex, her buddy. Idk to me that crosses a boundary. Men on the other hand can walk away and not look back, not wondering where the ex is or whats shes doing nor feel compelled to tell her about his life daily. Wired differently I guess.

>I find it odd when I'm around people I know my boyfriend liked, dated and such
This. She's inviting OP to come, OP should take the chance to third wheel the fuck out of that guy and smash that pussy after.

Being serious here. If this guy is her friend, close friend, she discusses her current relationship (OP) with this guy. That not seem odd to any of you. If OP decides not to go then she'll either go and tell her buddy why he's not there or call him and tell him she won't be there since her bf threw a fit.

Yikes, I am the other guy in this situation. I like the girl, she's chill and easy to talk to but not down to date her so we stayed friends. We talk every other week at least, and yeah we allready did do the meet up. She said she was coming over to my pad to say what's up and then she said oh and user is coming over too.I was like Ok cool but tought it was gonna be weird...yeah it was weird. She was so happy to see me, gave me a big hug and the other guy was like sup, looking like a huge Cuck. He actually drove his girl so she can see me, wtf? Anyways they broke up a few months later and I still keep in touch with her. Do not let her go by herself, stuff could happen.

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0/10, it'd do better as it's own thread a week from now

I totally agree he should go but try to act as unconcerned as possible so she'll feel comfortable so OP can see how the two of them react together. He'll be able to quickly see how much she likes the guy and if he should be concerned or not.

no man, women do this shit all the time

I disagree that you were second choice. She likes you. Tell her she is not allowed to see him. If she refuses, break up.

Not LARP, this is a legit thing that actually happens. Girls like to keep guys as friends idk why. Nothing happened, they just came over and then they dipped out after a few minutes. Anyways, as a man I would not drive my girl to see some guy, like really?

Absolutely agreed, but that's not a new phenomenon in a relationship. If you go to coworker happy hour as her +1 you should still be paying attention to those kinds of things. Cheaters gonna cheat, but most cheating occurs due to opportunity. A guy in another city has a lot less threat than the coworker she sees almost as much as you.

Assuming you're not a troll, driving just to see you would be very odd, but OP is on a trip, where this kind of popping in visit with friends is par for the course, especially if the city is far away.

Nooooo not just to see me LOL, they went to Disneyland and I live in the area. But not 5 mins away, like 30 minutes away tops. I'm not a tinder guy tho, we do know each other for a long time, she was my co worker. Do I think we could hook up still? I dont think so, she seems loyal to the guy but I felt bad for him honestly, he looked so stupid watching her hug me like that. I could feel his discomfort.

Speaking of that, my first clue my ex wife was fucking her boss was at a company function. They were trying to be discrete but my ex never took her eyes off him

you could feel his discomfort but she didn't give a shit or clueless

What kind of guy stays friends with a girl in a relationship? Kill yourself

Everyone in life has been rejected or friendzoned. Does that make their future prospects second choice? No

Was the guy you were talking about like one year ago.

Met this girl on a dating app from another city. We stayed friends, but knew there were some romantic feelings aside.

When she moved to my city for college, she left her longest and strongest relationship to be with me. We broke up after a month and she got back together with him

Be careful.

Yeah, I was like really? You gonna give me a huge hug in front of your man like that? [In my mind] it wasn't even a short one either, it was a big and kinda long. I WAS directly looking at the guy while this happened. I have no idea why she would make her bf visit some random guy, what are you thinking woman? How is that even ok? The guy was chill, didn't say much.