Are there guys who aren't submissive in their daily life but are submissive in bed? What kind of traits could I look for?
I've always had a fantasy of dating a man who is socially dominant and much bigger than me (I'm 5'0" and 103 lbs so that shouldn't be hard), and dominating him in bed. The idea of him being perceived publicly as a manly guy but being my pet in private is really hot to me. Is this possible? What can I do to make this happen? Thanks.
I'd be scared of meeting people off Craiglist. What kind of traits do you think someone who is willing to switch could have?
Yes if you look like your op picture
I don't look like her, but I'm pretty. I never had problems attracting guys.
If they seem pretty open to new experiences, maybe if they have a history of getting used by their gfs even if they seem big and outgoing.
That's good advice, thanks. Do you think I should bring this up beforehand?
Im kind of like that desu. I act confident in social settings but im super cuddly and effeminate in bed. Its weird and i dontt get it but i like it, its nice to be sweet to the ones you love
Just for the sake of clarity - I'm very into BDSM and want a guy I can physically hurt, humiliate and keep tied up. I do enjoy cuddles and all, and I wouldn't want kinky sex to be the only type of sex we have or the only thing we do, but it's a big deal to me.
How early on? I don't want this to be a first date convo, but I don't want to mention it when we're already established.
Shit's hard. I wish I liked being choked and spanked.
Wtf Do you mean like making them cey or some shit or just really being in control. Or do you mean like, legit bondage shit.
I feel like crying is really hot in theory but it'd make me feel bad IRL. I do like bondage tho, and I want to hurt the guy.
I dont know if that seems hot or too weird I am scaroused
I'm exactly like this. My job requires me to be dominant and I have to be confident in client meetings. This attracts a lot of submissive girls, but what I really want is to be humiliated in bed, tied, denied, etc.
Dude I wish I could introduce you to all the sub boys I inadvertently attract. I’m a sub too but I’m a tsundere so sub boys flock to me. I just can’t dom somebody
What job do you do? Do you think it's a good idea to look for people with a lot of responsibilities? I'm pretty feminine and cutesy in everyday life, I just really enjoy being in control.
I am a terrible sub. I suppose it is easier to sub than to dom but I'm so fucking bad at it.
I think the only advice I can give is to casually/jokingly boss a guy around and see how he reacts. If he always does what you say I’d say that’s a good indicator. If he gets annoyed then he wouldn’t like it most likely
That's a good idea. Thanks user.
The thing is they’re so cute but I would feel so bad being mean to them and ultimately I’d be jealous and wish I was being dommed lol. I’d rather be outsmarted and give control away lol. I guess there’s an inherent manipulation from subbing standpoint because you get what you want, because you want to sub
Also if they get really shy and flustered around you when you boss them around that’s a sure sign lol
Kek. I just love being in control, it makes me feel safe and I relax a lot, so I get to enjoy sex a whole lot more. I dunno, I get where you're coming from too.
I'd love seeing that. Having a confident guy sperging because I bully him is so fucking hot.
I'm in the military, and I have to spend day in and day out being a really strong leader for those under me, and showing zero weakness or a lack of confidence to those above me. What I really want is for someone to lead me in matters of romance and sexuality, and to take control out of my hands for those things. Leading is stressful- Obeying your mistress is bliss.
I'd like to date a guy like you. And I feel like military dudes need a ton of love, which would make me feel pretty nice.
>5'0" and 103 lbs Jesus Christ, I'm in love. Too bad I'm dominant as fuck in bed.
Now back to your question. There are guys like that but it's impossible to tell person's sexual quirks from everyday life. The best approach is to be open about YOUR preferences and then you will inevitably find your bird of a feather. But it takes guts to honestly talk about sex.
I wouldn't mind, but I'm scared of giving off the wrong impression (only interested in sex, slutty) or to compromise my professional life if I'm too public about what I like doing in bed. I don't know, it's so hard to find balance and I feel like my appearance and general demeanour attract guys like you and not the kind of guys I'd go for.
Male 6'3'' here. Tell me your discord and we can talk there if you want.
most guys these days are retarded little pussies. even good looking ones are so retarded that theyll turn off any girl theyll talk to and wind up being incels. im sure youll have no trouble finding a guy who seems outwardly normal but is so autistic and sexually inexperienced that theyll do whatever you want them to do in bed as long as it means they get to be with a girl.
That's not being submissive, I'm not interested in that.
Where are you from? I'm not looking for a long distance thing, and I'm not looking for roleplaying online.
Yes, it's totally hard to talk about sex with people. I can't imagine how hard it is for a girl. Maybe try to find local BDSM communities on the internet? I was surprised how easy it is to find a willing partner on social media. There are places where you can just leave an anonymous post and tons of people will reply, especially to a girl. Then you just screen for a combination of good looks and compatible personality. That would be 10% of all people at best but when you find him or her it's always worth the trouble. So give it a try.
And yeah, your appearance is definitely giving the wrong impression. It's natural predatory instinct to prey on someone small. Good news is there is no shortage of guys who are into female domination. You just have to find them. Good luck.
That's a good idea. I'll look into that. I don't know if there's anything but I'll give it a try. I found some guys who were into being dommed, but they're also extremely submissive in their daily life and I don't get turned on as much by that. I like the contrast (me being feminine and smol but dominant in bed, him being masculine and big but submissive in bed). It's an hard combo to find, I guess.
I actually think that me being so small is what makes me like domming so much. Very few people obey me or take me seriously, so I love when a guy who is much bigger than me does. I know I'm lucky because there are many guys into femdom and very few girls who are into it not for monetary purposes. Thank you, you've been really kind.
I work in the USAF. I live in Las Vegas but I work outside of the city, in the desert. Well If you have free time I can pay a plane to pick you up.
You sound like a whore.
>It's an hard combo to find, I guess. Oh, don't be thinking big masculine guys are rarely into femdom. Quite the opposite. It is a known fact that high status dominant men are often the clientele of professional mistresses. They're willing to pay good money to be submissive for a change. They have the same reasoning as you except mirrored. They are dominant in every day life so they want to relinquish control in bed. Of course it's more complex than that but you get the idea.
All I'm saying is don't be discouraged. Finding the right guy is totally doable.
I am across the pond, user. I don't think that a Las Vegas - UK relationship would work that well. I hope you find someone nice.
Well honestly I don't have a fixed location, I already worked in London for 2 months. I will certainly be relocated next month to some place in Europe again.
nou I only ever had sex with one guy, and I'm turning 24 in September. I'm not a saint but I'm pretty not a whore by most people's standards.
Maybe you're right, I just think people who are dominant in their everyday life are dominant in bed but I should know it's not really the case.
Most of these dudes are weird rich guys with 40yo, people like Bill Clinton, Epstein, John Travolta, Robert De Niro, Elton John and Jewish guys... Serious rich guys aren't into sex fetishes, they actually don't have much time to care about sex.
This image of masculine rich guys turning to be females and sissies at night only works with low tier rich males that are involved in other weird things like pedophilia. Also, those dudes here asking you to hang out and dominate them are just guys with less than 20yo fapping in the bedroom, they lie to you saying that they work in the military and stuff but it's just to get your attention. In my opinion you should just continue to be a decent girl and try to forget this.
>Are there guys who aren't submissive in their daily life but are submissive in bed? faggots
You are a whore, though: you're not waiting until marriage and you're explicitly looking for a guy on the basis of sexual activity. Even going so far as to hook up with some bonehead on Jow Forums. Those last two bits alone would make you a whore even if you were a virgin, since it's pure circumstance.
You can't continue to be decent if you aren't decent to begin with.
Well she said she only had sex one time but....thinking about now, dating is another story, she could have dated some 30 guys since highschool
Think about the lobsters
do you want to do pegging?
Projecting much? Some people actually have achievements to brag about. Shocking, I know. Almost like they got off their ass to go earn something.
Most people don't think women should stay virgin till marriage or they're whores. It's okay if you do, I don't care, but most people don't agree with you.
>you're explicitly looking for a guy on the basis of sexual activity >hook up with some bonehead on Jow Forums I'm not looking for a hook up. If I happened to meet someone who lives nearby on here, and we could get to know each other, it would be f.ine. I don't want to date someone just because we're into the same stuff sexually.
It's like asking "just forget about enjoying sex forever". I could have an unsatisfying sex life for the sake of a great relationship, but I'd rather avoid that.
Yes, but it's not strictly necessary.
>Most people don't think women should stay virgin till marriage or they're whores. Morality isn't a popularity contest, since that quickly devolves into useless "standards" set by an individual out of convenience rather than followed by virtue of their correctness. Even with this in mind, it's a very recent development that shameless whoring around has become accepted by the majority of the population.
You can take issue with the label all you want, but the fact remains that you are already past the point of no return as far as meaningful standards go.
And pardon me if I'm skeptical of your intentions when you ask about finding men with certain sexual preferences, and then open yourself up to meeting someone who claims to have them. It doesn't take a genius to connect the dots and see where it's leading.
If morality is defined by societal standards, than having sex before marriage definitely isn't immoral in western societies and it hasn't been since the 60s. If it's defined by your religious beliefs or your personal beliefs, then I don't see why I should adhere to that when I'm not religious and I'm not you. I don't "whore around", I only ever had sex with my ex boyfriend, who I dated for several years (13 to 23). We waited 4 years before we had sex. Looking for someone with a certain characteristic doesn't mean it's the only basis on which I select a potential partner.
I am not interested in getting into this conversation, tho. I applaude your desire to stay virgin till marriage and I hope you find a suitable partner. Thanks for your contribute to the conversation!
>If morality is defined by societal standards Morality is only effective AS a societal standard. It isn't set by society. The only way you can change morals is by changing your ultimate goals and values. For example, valuing non-aggression will yield a set of objectively best standards to follow in order to achieve your goal.
If you're looking for a "great" relationship, that is best served both in terms of stability and happiness by waiting until marriage, which is a fact wholly independent of either of us or our opinions (and for that matter, of religion). Religious teachings are important inasmuch as they are the most effective way to ensure the society-wide reach of a standard, but they are not interchangeable with the morality itself. I'm not religious myself.
Waiting until you barely finished puberty to have sex is no significant accomplishment unless you're in Yemen. I suppose parts of Britain are close enough these days.
>Looking for someone with a certain characteristic doesn't mean it's the only basis on which I select a potential partner True, but it's evidently important enough to start a thread over. If I am waiting until marriage and expect the same of a partner, that doesn't mean I'd chase someone simply because they were waiting. But it is an expectation that must be met before further consideration is given.
That's not true. Waiting till marriage diminishes divorce chances and increases the quality of marriage and happiness of spouses mostly because today it is something that mostly very religious people do. Religious people don't tend to divorce and are normally happier than others because they have a community, more support and a purpose for their life. In fact, when it was more common to wait till marriage, it was also more common to divorce when you waited till marriage, and to have less happy unions. This is explained in one of the studies that is often referred to on here when people talk about waiting till marriage. Most people just look at the data and not read.
It used to serve a societal purpose (ensuring that your children were yours, and you were taking care of them and your wife financially) but that has little to do with morality.
> it's evidently important enough to start a thread over. It is important to me to have a fulfilling sex life, yes. It's not the only thing I care for, tho, or the main quality I use to select my partners. I stayed in a relationship where I was unsatisfied because I cared for my ex, but I'd rather avoid it in the future and look for someone who is into the same things I'm into going forward.
I hate that people can afford to be so specific that they get a particular fantasy fulfilled from a relationship. I just want a girlfriend, just a normal one, but I can't have this one thing.
They can't. We can't.
Personally I don't believe it's possible to find a person 1. with compatible personality 2. capable of commitment 3. sexually compatible 4. equally attracted to you All at once. If you think about it, it's a miracle people manage to last for years in relationship.
21307374 >Waiting till marriage diminishes divorce chances and increases the quality of marriage and happiness of spouses mostly because today it is something that mostly very religious people do. The effect of waiting remains quite pronounced even when controlling for religion, try again. In fact, some religious communities have HIGH rates of divorce, at least in the US--you have people who get into shotgun marriages so they feel like they're still behaving properly, when they miss the entire point of waiting (and this has been a long-running issue, recognized centuries ago).
>when it was more common to wait till marriage, it was also more common to divorce when you waited till marriage Yes and no. You're conflating the comparison between waiting or not, and waiting under different circumstances. Those who didn't wait in the past would still have been worse off than those who waited, although in recent years you do see a concentrating effect, where the people who still wait are increasingly disciplined and religious compared to their forebears. The data I've seen shows a modest effect of about a 5% decrease in divorce rates among those who wait since the 70s. It's nothing compared to the decreases that waiting can give you, which are almost a whole order of magnitude greater compared to the promiscuous.
>It used to serve a societal purpose >that has little to do with morality On the contrary, morality is the framework for a societal purpose.
All of this is beside the point, which is simply that you failed to meet a standard and are a whore as a result. We clearly disagree in our priorities, and that isn't my concern. I'm simply explaining why you fit the bill of what I originally called you.
I'm not the type to be dominated irl because of certain sports I do irl, I am a good 5'10 and 189 lbs, but I do love femdom
Of course it’s possible, I know first hand
>I'm very into BDSM and want a guy I can physically hurt, humiliate
Why are everyone in the Femdom community so fucking depraved (that goes for both guys and girls)?
It's the reason why so many feel the need to hide their interest in femdom
A real great relationship will naturally bring a good sex
Sorry to piggyback off this thread but, I'm a girl with the opposite problem. My boyfriend is taller/bigger than me, but a bit on the low self-esteem side and has said he wants to be more submissive and for me to be more dominant in bed. I understand I should be more assertive, but I don't want to be dominant. Honestly it makes me uncomfortable, like I feel like I'd start respecting him less if I did this and it wouldn't do anything for me sexually, or if he really wanted this and didn't want to be dominant at all. This is such an amazing relationship that's been strong for 3 years and I love him so much as a person, I don't want something like this to end it.
This is the first romantic and sexual relationship for both of us so maybe my sexual inexperience is just getting to me. I've only ever been able to orgasm from a toy or my own hand with some effort, and I have never been able to orgasm vaginally, even trying a lot on my own for many years. I know I have to be more assertive and ask him to touch me more, and tell him how to do it. He wants to touch me, but when we're able to be together it always seems to be him that gets to orgasm and I'm starting to just see sex with him as nice and intimate, but ultimately not about me. I really feel like I have some kind of mental block when it comes to enjoying sex and then he tells me now I need to take charge and be dominant? How do I navigate this?
>I'd start respecting him less if I did this You are not a good person
It sounds like you two are not sexually compatible but that he's casting it as your problem. (Which makes sense because he's still getting his rocks off.)
Just because you spent 3 years together mostly happily doesn't mean you should spend 30 together in an unsatisfying bedroom.
But how do I know that we're really incompatible? We're both incredibly inexperienced. We're long distance and have spent only a couple months together in person. I agree that it's not good to be in a relationship for life where we're both not satisfied, but before I was with him I literally thought I was borderline asexual, my libido is that low. I could regularly go months without touching myself. Of course I feel like that has more to do with my state of mind, I am generally a high anxiety person. I have considered taking psychedelics or trying some kind of drugs like maybe weed to see if it gives me any insight. Maybe it could loosen me up enough to not overthink sex and help me orgasm?
This stuff sounded a little hot so I asked my girl to slap me once. She hot me so hard I saw stars. But more importantly I realized subbing sucks and is for women. It's a complete turn-off in real life and I bet 90% of you incels fapping to it wouldn't actually like it if you had a dom gf. Basically, have sex
You're "overthinking" because this situation has multiple shitty pieces and it's putting you on edge. You should have a local, sexually satisfying relationship in which you both get what you need without requests of one another that are literally the opposite of what you each prefer.
You don't need drugs to chill out. You just need to stop having shit to be anxious over. I bet you'd have a much more active libido if your sexual needs, however infrequent, were comfortably satisfied. That's where your inexperience is messing with you--you've yet to find out how easy this shit is supposed to be.
In my experience, the 6'5+ switch guys love to get marked up and topped by petite domme girls. Makes them "feel like a christmas tree with an angel on top."
I definitely fit that bill. We are out there! Kik: BigCoc... Onut
>I'm very into BDSM and want a guy I can physically hurt, humiliate and keep tied up. Damn why can't I find a girl like this?
>why is every fetishist depraved Gee, I fucking wonder
That doesn’t say much
I'm a guy with the opposite fantasy. I act really quiet and shy in public and want to dominate a woman in private. Good luck OP
Jasmine is that you?
I should also mention that I've used hormonal birth control pills for almost 10 years to have fewer periods because I have a medical condition with symptoms that get worse during my periods. I took a break from it for about a year and did have more sexual desire, but I'd rather have lower desire than get pregnant or have more frequent periods that make me have constipation and diarrhea and make me get dizzy and pass out.
Anyway, thanks for the advice, but I do think my relationship is really good and I realize that asking for advice from people who don't know the whole situation is probably silly. Especially when 90% of the relationship advice on here is just "break up" i guess it's to be expected. Obviously if this relationship is truly a bad fit I'll end it, and in your defense it sounds worse from what I've said, but I'll keep your advice in mind as I try to work through this with him.
>What can I do to make this happen? If you look like that you'll get pretty much everything you want, including what you just described.
Most guys aren’t open about this because almost all women hate this in men
It's just the luck of the draw I'm afraid. When I'm around the right people I'm extremely extroverted but I wouldn't mind being a bit of a sub to a kinky gal.
Any professional dominatrix will tell you that the majority of her clients are men of power - business execs, military, cops, judges. It is because the weight of being powerful is exhausting that they get sexual pleasure from a "vacation" into submission.