First time on Jow Forums, so i apologize if im retarded.
So, everyone knows its normal to sing in the shower. But what if i, whether in or out of the shower, basically imagine and LARP my own concerts? Like ill have my headphones in and pretend like im on stage with a roaring crowd in front of me and ill actually sing and scream as if im performing.
I have no musical talent at all btw.
Anyways, i think i do this because my life is so devoid of excitement, but what scares me is that it actually helps. For some reason it makes me feel more confident. As if im a rockstar or something. Even though i know its fucking weird and retarded.
Anyone else do this? Am i fucked up? Is this why im so lonely?
Is it some deep rooted cope? Am i mentally unhealthy?
Nolan Fisher
Hard to say from over here. Could be, could be nothing at all. Need more details. Live at home/alone? Age? Parent situation? What do you think is missing in your life? Where there times you felt better in that regard?
Zachary Rogers
Im 20 and im home alone every 4 days because of my dads work schedule. Mom lives in another state.
My parents love me i know, but because we’ve always been poor (and ive always been ugly) i never got to experience a lot of the things most kids do. I had to lie to my friends a lot, and as you can probably guess im a handholdless virgin.
Thats one thing i know im missing for sure. Real love from someone outside of my family. Its all i want, but ive accepted its impossibility.
Anyways, the LARP concerts allow me to feel like im someone else, if only for a few minutes. They allow me, for some reason, to feel an imitation of confidence. And then after a while i come crashing back to reality and realize how boring my life is.
Brody Sanchez
How long have your parents lived like that? Was there a time they were more available and together? If so when, did that change? Do you feel closer to your friends now? Do you feel like you can be honest about who you are with them now? (Feeling) the need to lie to friends (a lot) is not quite normal. Could you explain why you lied/had to lie?
Josiah Campbell
Well, they were together for most of my life, but they were always arguing. Typical poor family type shit. Ironically however, they were faithful to each other and neither of them drank or did drugs or any of the usual poor ppl shit. My dad is pretty smart actually, and my mom is surprisingly reasonable and levelheaded for a woman. I guess they were just both prime examples of good potential wasted. Anyways my dad didnt want my mom to work, but in 2015 she said fuck it and started trying to work and make money for the family. (Mostly me and my sister, she could care less about my dad anymore). She has been, and indeed still is, putting a lot of effort in, but isnt really getting anywhere since she’s been out of the work force for the better part of 30 years.
As for my friends? No not really. Ive lied to them for so long i dont even know how to NOT lie to them. It began when theyd ask to come over to my house, but id always make up some excuse as to why they couldnt. I didnt want them to hear my parents arguing and see how shitty my house was (and is.) And then of course as we got older, i always came up with contrived bullshit answers to questions like:
“Hey user how come you always wear the same clothes?”
“What do you mean you havent played [ any video game that every child has played]?
“What did you get for Christmas user?”
“Why do you drive such an old car?”
Etc.
So to answer your question, i guess i just lied to mask my inadequacies. Which, in the context of my friends mostly only pertains to money. Dont even get me started on the lies i tell to justify not even having my first kiss yet.
Jayden Hall
Would you say you use daydreaming to regulate your mood? Are there other things you do to make yourself feel better, or maybe do you resort to escapism? It seems pretty clear you tend to hold people at a distance, if this is how you treat most people. Seemingly small parental issues can still lead to meaningful (maladaptive) behavioural changes which can and may already have a hefty negative impact on your life. You seem to have issues with sense of self. Constantly feeling lonely and empty is not good either.
You may want to ask your doc for a psych referral. Find out what's happening under the hood. >t. just another armchair psych
Zachary Jackson
I dont know about regulating my mood, because it doesnt really do much regulating. It just lets me feel sort of confident, and like im having fun and recieving positive attention for a few minutes. As for escapism, i suppose? But no more than the average lonely young male i would imagine. Vidya, anime, what have you. Granted, i do kind of self-insert quite a bit with like every new show i watch/game i play. I always envy the main character for one reason or another. But i feel like most people do that right? I mean who wouldnt want a new lease on life ya know? Especially if youre life is anywhere near as boring as mine. Maybe i just wanna be a badass but cant idk.
Holding people at a distance is a strange subject for me. On one hand, i do indeed keep people at a certain “distance”, but at the same time, i WANT to be close to them. Not sure what my brain means by this lmao.
Definitely do NOT want to go to a doctor/psych about this. Red flag laws loom on the horizon. I may be a lonely, miserable bastard with maladaptive coping mechanisms, but im not insane. Gubt no takey guns.
Idk boys. I know it could be a whole hell of a lot worse. I feel bad complaining about my life when i know there are people who have suffered a million times more than i have. Like i feel selfish telling this stuff to you guys. Let alone telling this shit to anyone irl.
Camden Watson
>On one hand, i do indeed keep people at a certain “distance”, but at the same time, i WANT to be close to them. How do you deal with rejection?