First time on Jow Forums, so i apologize if im retarded.
So, everyone knows its normal to sing in the shower. But what if i, whether in or out of the shower, basically imagine and LARP my own concerts? Like ill have my headphones in and pretend like im on stage with a roaring crowd in front of me and ill actually sing and scream as if im performing.
I have no musical talent at all btw.
Anyways, i think i do this because my life is so devoid of excitement, but what scares me is that it actually helps. For some reason it makes me feel more confident. As if im a rockstar or something. Even though i know its fucking weird and retarded.
Anyone else do this? Am i fucked up? Is this why im so lonely?
Is it some deep rooted cope? Am i mentally unhealthy?
Hard to say from over here. Could be, could be nothing at all. Need more details. Live at home/alone? Age? Parent situation? What do you think is missing in your life? Where there times you felt better in that regard?
Im 20 and im home alone every 4 days because of my dads work schedule. Mom lives in another state.
My parents love me i know, but because we’ve always been poor (and ive always been ugly) i never got to experience a lot of the things most kids do. I had to lie to my friends a lot, and as you can probably guess im a handholdless virgin.
Thats one thing i know im missing for sure. Real love from someone outside of my family. Its all i want, but ive accepted its impossibility.
Anyways, the LARP concerts allow me to feel like im someone else, if only for a few minutes. They allow me, for some reason, to feel an imitation of confidence. And then after a while i come crashing back to reality and realize how boring my life is.
How long have your parents lived like that? Was there a time they were more available and together? If so when, did that change? Do you feel closer to your friends now? Do you feel like you can be honest about who you are with them now? (Feeling) the need to lie to friends (a lot) is not quite normal. Could you explain why you lied/had to lie?
Well, they were together for most of my life, but they were always arguing. Typical poor family type shit. Ironically however, they were faithful to each other and neither of them drank or did drugs or any of the usual poor ppl shit. My dad is pretty smart actually, and my mom is surprisingly reasonable and levelheaded for a woman. I guess they were just both prime examples of good potential wasted. Anyways my dad didnt want my mom to work, but in 2015 she said fuck it and started trying to work and make money for the family. (Mostly me and my sister, she could care less about my dad anymore). She has been, and indeed still is, putting a lot of effort in, but isnt really getting anywhere since she’s been out of the work force for the better part of 30 years.
As for my friends? No not really. Ive lied to them for so long i dont even know how to NOT lie to them. It began when theyd ask to come over to my house, but id always make up some excuse as to why they couldnt. I didnt want them to hear my parents arguing and see how shitty my house was (and is.) And then of course as we got older, i always came up with contrived bullshit answers to questions like:
“Hey user how come you always wear the same clothes?”
“What do you mean you havent played [ any video game that every child has played]?
“What did you get for Christmas user?”
“Why do you drive such an old car?”
So to answer your question, i guess i just lied to mask my inadequacies. Which, in the context of my friends mostly only pertains to money. Dont even get me started on the lies i tell to justify not even having my first kiss yet.
Would you say you use daydreaming to regulate your mood? Are there other things you do to make yourself feel better, or maybe do you resort to escapism? It seems pretty clear you tend to hold people at a distance, if this is how you treat most people. Seemingly small parental issues can still lead to meaningful (maladaptive) behavioural changes which can and may already have a hefty negative impact on your life. You seem to have issues with sense of self. Constantly feeling lonely and empty is not good either.
You may want to ask your doc for a psych referral. Find out what's happening under the hood. >t. just another armchair psych
I dont know about regulating my mood, because it doesnt really do much regulating. It just lets me feel sort of confident, and like im having fun and recieving positive attention for a few minutes. As for escapism, i suppose? But no more than the average lonely young male i would imagine. Vidya, anime, what have you. Granted, i do kind of self-insert quite a bit with like every new show i watch/game i play. I always envy the main character for one reason or another. But i feel like most people do that right? I mean who wouldnt want a new lease on life ya know? Especially if youre life is anywhere near as boring as mine. Maybe i just wanna be a badass but cant idk.
Holding people at a distance is a strange subject for me. On one hand, i do indeed keep people at a certain “distance”, but at the same time, i WANT to be close to them. Not sure what my brain means by this lmao.
Definitely do NOT want to go to a doctor/psych about this. Red flag laws loom on the horizon. I may be a lonely, miserable bastard with maladaptive coping mechanisms, but im not insane. Gubt no takey guns.
Idk boys. I know it could be a whole hell of a lot worse. I feel bad complaining about my life when i know there are people who have suffered a million times more than i have. Like i feel selfish telling this stuff to you guys. Let alone telling this shit to anyone irl.
>On one hand, i do indeed keep people at a certain “distance”, but at the same time, i WANT to be close to them. How do you deal with rejection?
I enjoy having fantasies or dreams myself, honestly. Having the balls to actually pursue them has done nothing but give me great pleasure. Granted, I'm not a top tier breakdancer yet but hey I've got a good career going as an EMT and live in a beautiful mountainous area I can hike in anytime.
You just need to take that fantasy and apply it a bit more realistically so that you can find what you want in life
With perspective. There are 7 billion people on the planet , and people a lot weirder than I am in relationships.
I'll be frank, I recognize issues that often, but not always, point to some form of trauma, even seemingly very light. The effects may be very significant, despite a rather innocuous cause. I shouldn't be encouraging self-diagnosis, but you seem to be honest enough to yourself. Based on what you provided I'd recommend looking into BPD. I'm not necessarily saying that's what you have, but I suspect you have some traits, maybe some more.
This just sounds like the lowest possible bar you could find.
no, there's nothing wromg with that. you just have to work to make your reality more fulfilling
>Sounds like the lowest bar you can find Says the guy trying to hide behind diagnosis as if that's any excuse in doing nothing with your life. Like I said, it's a matter of perspective. Rejection isn't a big deal, in fact it's a common occurrence in life for billions and billions of people. Yet many of them have learned how to cope.
How? By keeping everything of their lives and the lives of others in perspective. Do you really know other people? Do you really know yourself?
Depends on who im being rejected by and what i was advancing towards, but im assuming you mean by women?
Its been a long time since ive even pursued a woman. But generally i handle it by putting myself down for months on end.
From middle school to junior year of high school i pursued 5 girls. None of which worked out. The 5th one was the last straw for me though. She was a cheerleader and fucking hot. Yet somehow, she wasnt a complete stacy. She was kind of quiet, and we liked a lot of the same stuff, and had friends in the same clique. (Thats how we met.) So to make it long story short, our first and last date was prom. I was a junior and she was a sophomore, and at our school only juniors and seniors went to prom. Underclassmen didnt. UNLESS they were going with an upperclassman. So anyways she lead me on and made me think she really liked me, only for me to find out like 2 nights after prom that she only used me so she could go to prom and flex on her friends or whatever.
I felt like absolute dogshit and it still burns to think about it. Especially because she started dating a new guy like less than a week after that. I hated myself then worse than i ever had before, even after getting rejected by the previous 4 girls. And i think part of why i hate(d) myself so much is because i lied to myself so hard. I knew good and fucking well she didnt like me. I mean why would she? I look like a fucking retarded mushroom. But still, i lied, and kept telling myself “she really does like you, youre just not being confident in yourself!” like a fucking moron. I worked my ass off and BOUGHT (didnt rent, fucking BOUGHT) a nice ass tuxedo and jumped through hoop after fucking hoop to borrow my sisters car to use on prom night, all in the hopes that it would lead to a good impression and eventually a girlfriend. I choked down my doubts like absinthe on prom night, and it was all for shit.
Since then, i havent even spoken to a woman romantically.
That wasn't meant as an insult. And diagnosis isn't a life sentence, or necessary for that matter if you're willing and able to work on maladaptive behaviour. I'm just concerned about some of the things you mentioned. Talk to your parents.
Dont mind this, apparently that was just some random faggot
Just remembering this shit gets me fucking depressed.
Isnt it strange? How hell can make one feel so cold?
Christ kid, you get yourself worked up over such small things. Only 5 women? I know guys who get rejected by more women in a week than you have in your entire life.
That's probably why they aren't attracted to you as a male, btw. You lack ambition. It's not just because of money that you see a bunch of squat, hairy, 4/10 guys banging women way out of their league. It's ambition. There's really no better way to turn on a woman than that. All you have to do is say "fuck it" and try to be a suck cunt instead of whatever the hell you are now.
Wasn't taken as an insult and not only did you not understand what I was saying you thought I was OP. Lmao
Also you don't actually have any signs of BPD like symptoms, if anything you're a pretty typical person. More so than you'd realize
It does sound like you don't know how to cope and that frustration builds over time. May be a matter of emotion regulation too. This can seriously fuck you up at some point. Fix it now. Ideally you would talk to your parents.
Its different to be rejected by numerous women that you just cold approach than it is to try to foster relationships with them for months, only to be shit on time and time again.
I want a relationship. I dont want filler meaningless sex. Also, im kind of incapable of liking more than one girl at once. Once i start liking someone, i only like them, until i either get shit on by them or manage to convince myself out of liking them. So those 5 rejections hurt a lot worse than “Hey can i get your number?” “No”
I suppose. But i still dont know how that relates to my weird LARP concerts?
>That you just cold approach M8, relationships happen naturally. You're trying to force things too much. You never know if that random chick you talk with at the bar or your coworker is going to be a match for you. Relationships change people so you never know whats going to happen.
Thats what fun about them. Your cold idealisms aren't going to get you anywhere. Let me ask you - how do you even know what you really want in a relationship beyond not feeling lonely?
It's really not unusual behavior to be inside your own head and living out fantasies, OP. If anything it's probably a remnant of behavior you adopted when your parents were fighting or you felt especially lonely and wanted to "escape". It's not as severe as it is with people who have faced extremely traumatic family experiences (molestation, beatings, psychological torture, etc) and it's actually a pretty normal thing people do. It's fairly common, in fact.
All it means is that you have some trouble trying to deal with reality and need to find some place to find catharsis. All you need to do is find a hobby that can fulfill this catharsis rather than LARP'ing by yourself in the shower.
Being afraid of how good it makes you feel. Everyone daydreams, but is not necessarily conflicted about it. It helps make you feel better for the time being, but that underlying emptiness will still be there when you get back to earth.
Well, i dont know HOW i know what i want, but i know what i want
Really? Then tell me what you really want in a relationships beyond not feeling lonely anymore.
A loving relationship. Real love. Not the bullshit portrayed in movies and shit
The ability to not care about so many people’s opinions, and care only about my wife’s
Kids, and for me to be able to be a good role model for them
The ability to provide for my wife and kids, unlike my parents
You get the idea
What kind of wife? What kind of kids? What kind of life? What even is "real love" These are nothing but the vague idealisms. Love is a lot more personal than this. There will never be a time when you can care for only the opinion of your wife and not the community at large. What kind of a role model to your kids would you be to be someone so ignorant? It How can someone who gave up on finding real love and who gets so distraught over minor rejections be a role model?
Genuine love is something unique to yourself, i can't tell you what real love is and you can't tell yourself it either. It has to be discovered because it will always be personal. You're just a man who has simply stopped searching for it. hen you meet someone you love, they change your life. There is no real structure beyond finding that person and seeing where you end up together. It's one of the great mysteries of life.
>it actually helps. For some reason it makes me feel more confident. all the more to ya mate. whatever makes you happy, do it. as for not feeling lonely, im not sure I know. Most people nowadays are vapid and dependent on addictions.