Moved to a new city for an oppertunity to better myself and my career situation. I've been here for ~5 months now and haven't made a single local friend that wants to spend their free time with me. I'm alone every weekend. I have nobody to go out to eat with or go to museums or see plays or movies with. i've been really trying to connect with the people around me but I can't seem to. I try to do things in public places and go to events, get into conversations with people. Something is wrong with me. I'm going to be alone in a city surrounded by people for as long as I live here. Something has gotta give. I even considered going on bumble for friendship but I'm scared people will be trying to bang anyway or scam me somehow.
B-b-bump. hoping to have a little human interaction today. What can I do to better my situation?
>What can I do to better my situation?
Give yourself space first. You're not in an easy situation. Feeling alone as a human being in society is evolutionarily scary - humans evolved as social monkeys - and you feel alone. Hence every bone in your body is telling you TO DO SOMETHING TO NOT FEEL ALONE.
Times have changed. We're no longer in small communities. Most of are engaged in economic warfare on a day to day basis and there are often few true friends. Family would have been the ideal platform to receive the aforementioned social interaction, but after WW2, most families went nuclear and even they don't have an idea as to what they're doing.
So the first step is to give yourself space. Feel the pain. Unmitigated. Right now, you fear the pain and are trying to run from it. Feel it. Once you feel it entirely, your brain will automatically see that you're not dead. So your brain will relax.
Then the next step is to address the challenge - TO BE WITH OTHER PEOPLE. That's a challenge for most of us who don't fit it, and you have to address that challenge step by step.
Try going to a Church Bible Study. That's made me feel a lot better.
Yea my family is not really an option. My mother has some hideous combination of narcisistic personality disorder and bipolar and refuses to get help or medication for it. She abused me physically and mentally all through my childhood. My father knew and never stepped in. in fact he enabled her, but she abuses him too and he's probably some combination of myarter complex and stolkholm syndrome. Any other family members would just try to bring this aspect of my life back so thats not an option.
I'm desperate here. I need to connect with someone. I've been having recurring nightmares about it.
I'm jewish and I massively look like it. (Nose). A church probably won't work, but I vouenteer at a local hospital. I just havent met anyone who wants to hang out after...
Seriously dude you don't have to be religious to go to a Bible study. Getting together with a group and discussing theology has been very relaxing for me.
And I doubt most churches would care about your ethnicity, if that's what you are concerned with. Mine certainly wouldn't.
I feel like I wasted so much of my life that I'll never recover enough to reap the benefits of being me. So effectively, my entire life is wasted. How do I remedy this?
how old are you?
Ok. I'd definitely try it.
23 but all my teens were spent wallowing and my 20s spent coping and my earlier life was pretty shitty desu
Just because it's not obvious doesn't mean that you aren't affecting people's lives. Think about all of the trivial things people have done for you that had a big impact on your life.
I don't understand
>I'm desperate here. I need to connect with someone
In your current state, you don't really WANT to connect with someone as much as you WANT to undo the mistakes of your parents. I understand your situation because my mother was narcissistic, and my father got a sense of moral victories by not correcting my mother.
I'm sorry to tell you this, because it will be hard on you, but you have to feel the pain of your childhood - in its entirety.
You're probably finding it hard to connect with others because people sense that you're needy. You may say something, or act in a certain way that makes them feel you're weak and seeking comfort - hence they tend to distance themselves from you.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but most humans are shallow. We're friends with others only to improve our security. The only people we truly love are our children - even spouses are not always perfect.
The bottomline is that YOU HAVE TO FEEL THE PAIN FIRST. Only then can you become strong and attract other people to you.
I feel you, dood
if you in the minnesota area give me hmu on snap (my name^). or hmu anyway.
I hope ya'll anons have a good day
Dude I've seen people turn everything around in their 30's and 40's. You have plenty of time left. Learn some new skills, get a degree, pick up new hobbies and create something. You can do any of this. your past doesn't dictate your future.
You are saying that you feel that you wasted your life, but it's possible that you are having more impact on people than you think. Just because you aren't rich or famous doesn't mean your life was a waste.
Also if you are living near Indiana I will hang out with you.
People say this all the time but I'm never getting that time back. I don't want to "turn my life around" and pat myself on the back for some vacuous victory. I need to separate the wheat from the chaff so I can gain some real ground if at all possible.
believe me I have felt the pain. I've been through therapy and mostly beaten the urge to binge eat. And yeah I probably project needyness. How do I stop doing that?
in PA and too broke atm to travel regularly
Does this shit really get normies down? I haven’t had a “friend” since kindergarten. I do everything by myself or at most with my brother occasionally. Grow up
Yeah but objectively speaking I suck whether I impact people or not. On any sort of objective scale I fall flat on my face. I just wanna stop being a loser. Maybe I should just stop torturing myself. I gotta start saying no to people.
As long as you try to be a good person who cares if you succeed at life. Life isn't all about being rich and famous. Just try to help people.
>believe me I have felt the pain.
I believe you, but there's still a lot of pain that you've locked up and are not willing to address.
>mostly beaten the urge to binge eat.
Pic related. Feel proud of this.
>How do I stop doing that?
Relax. It's a journey. Your parents have left you with a huge emotional debt. It won't be wiped out overnight. It'll take time.
As counterintuitive as this sounds, the first step is not seeking to connect with others - but instead just focusing on feeling better everyday.
There's a lot of pain inside you. You have three options to address them.
1) Self harm
2) Address the pain everyday
3) Seek another soul to heal your pain.
1) and 2) are related in the sense that the brain engages in self harm to "PHYSICALLY MANIFEST"/"QUANTIFY"/"MAKE TANGIBLE" the emotional pain it feels.
1) is quick, but a very high risk move. May ruin your life entirely. 2) is less risky, may lead to substance abuse - but you can quit those substances once you overcome the pain.
3) is what you're trying to do right now (subconsciously), but are not succeeding since others can see right through you.
ONLY YOU CAN KNOW THE BEST OPTION OF THE 3 - because only you are in the best position to judge your life experience to determine the best solution going forward.
That sucks but at least you have your brother. I don't have family to turn to, and humans are social animals. It's not that strange that I want to have social interaction.
I pretty much cope by distracting myself from painful memories as much as possible, but eating and cooking good food, making art, reading fiction and articles, learning languages, voluenteering, listening to music and podcasts. If I let myself feel it every day I don't know what I would do. I guess I have to though
>I pretty much cope by distracting myself from painful memories as much as possible
Same. When I relapse and lock my pain away, I cope by shitposting on Jow Forums and playing FORTNITE day in and day out.
>eating and cooking good food, making art, reading fiction and articles, learning languages, voluenteering, listening to music and podcasts.
You're already doing everything that's necessary to be a social animal. All you need to do is address the pain within you and become individually strong. You'll then naturally attract people to you.
Jews are a chatty and intellectually inclined race. So you don't have to worry about impressing people. However, in your current state, your strength will come off as a facade to others since you may say/do something that breaks the picture of strength.
>I guess I have to though
That's the right attitude. One day at a time.
Feel that on being broke.
I feel the same about being broke. Looking for work, and Im worried about losing my car. Fuckin sad really.
I'm in the same situation.
Recently moved to a new city for a job and have been spending all of my free time playing videoganes/on the internet despite being surrounded by things to do.
All my friends live hours away and I just dont have the ability to make new friends by myself.
I'm in the Philly area OP, let me know if you want to talk!
At this point I've made up my mind that the only way I'm going to meet someone is by using the internet.