I constantly lament over my thwarted teenagehood and how i didn't get to share it w anyone how do i stop?

i constantly lament over my thwarted teenagehood and how i didn't get to share it w anyone how do i stop?
it fuckin broke me bros... no future bliss will make up for it, nothing i gain now or at any later date will remediate this pain, it's constant and sharp...

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How was it thwarted? Did you die and resurrect as a older version?

>no future bliss will make up for it, nothing i gain now or at any later date will remediate this pain, it's constant and sharp
You don't know that, stop being such a drama queen. Holy shit you're going to ruin your present and future being such a whiny emotional piece of shit. Let me tell you right here and now that I wouldn't want to hang out with you.

Jesus fucking Christ you're a whiner.
There's fuck all special about being a whiny teenager. The 20s, 30s, 40s, and so on, are just as good if not better. Stop being such a drama queen or you will ruin the rest as well.

I am far happier in my 30s than I was in my 20s, and my 20s were better than my teenage years. It is what you make of it.

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Anyone who says otherwise is lying to themselves. My highschool years sucked but id go back to them in a heartbeat as they're better than now. Adult life is miserable aimless pain. This is why stories about teenagers and highschool written by adults are so popular.

I was so miserable in highschool my its nothing compared to my present and future.

Domestic abuse and all that.

Yea I feel you, I was home schooled and didn't get to experience high school, and even though those years were hell for me I'd still go back to them because at least I was in the midst of something rather than, as i am now, painfully, agonizingly alienated from it... its as if, through the abuse, ive cast aside any real desires and became instead like some ghost or shadow... as if i can only simulate desires, and then lament over the paleness of the imitation...
i guess what i'm saying is that, back then, i could at least survive, but now, i must live, and don't know how... and for me the times when i was suffering felt more real... im still suffering but it doesn't feel real anymore

Why is life like this

Abuse is a real thing, Anonymous. You need therapy, not Jow Forums. Jow Forums is inexperienced at the very best; you need a professional who will help you to understand the machinations of your own brain.

>Adult life is miserable aimless pain.
this is nonsense. adult life is most of life.

>no future bliss will make up for it, nothing i gain now or at any later date will remediate this pain, it's constant and sharp...

so if you didn't experience something why would you feel pain? there's no reason to be feeling pain over something that didn't happen, so it's likely that your thoughts about that are what's causing the pain not the actual having "missed out" also teenagehood is not that great. saying nothing in the future will top it is just full bullshit, like your brain isn't even fully cooked yet at that time OP. when you do things for the first time you suck at it and in general that's true for teen romance. you're talking about the period of time that's about a second after people learn to use deodorant.

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People like you dont get it

I do because I actually lived it. You did not miss much, either way, your reality is that you can’t change your past. No amount of regret will change your past, which is all the more reason to chose to think about the future rather than the past. All you have is the present moment to actively decide if you’re going to make what you think you missed out on happen or if you’re gonna just sit and feel bad about a past that doesn’t exist.

Don't blame yourself it wasn't your fault it sucks it happened but there is always tomorrow. Maybe you could try writing your feelings in a journal.

Exactly. You lived it so you dont get it

frankly speaking your privilege lies not with having experienced a particular event but by having had the opportunity to recall its lacklustre in the first place... the pain is, primarily, not of having missed out on a magical event but of being stuck believing that it is in fact magical... stuck in the thesis/antithesis stage and unable to pull through to a synthesis as this would be how a human being develops and grows accustomed to the world in which he lives... as it stands with me and this other loser, the world is a vast spectacle and its obscenity traverses us without obstacle... it's obscene because we haven't experienced it

I missed out on my childhood too, and sometimes it really gets to me. Idk what to do either
>be a very young boy
>grandpa kills grandma then himself
>rocked whole family
>grown up angry and confused
>become a stoic, cold introvert with no empathy few emotions
>barely form bonds with other people
>always faking everything to try to fit in, i have no idea how to be human
Im so alone, i have no one to share intimacy with. No one finds me interesting enough to get to know me. I keep everything inside, and it gets to me sometime.

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I’m telling you as someone who lived it, yes I cannot understand the pain your experiencing from having not had it but the pain you’re self infliciting is nonsense. This teenage love could have not happened and my life would have unfolded in exactly the same manner it did to now. It’s had zero impact and taught me nothing about love. The things that I learned like how to kiss someone or how to have sex would have been learned at a much faster rate with better results if I had been older.

All of my best experiences in love and in life have had nothing to do with that, and happened in my 20s.

This is like if a play was on a theater for a limited release and you complained about wanting to know what it was like, and I tell you
>I’ve seen the show at my theater it’s not that good
And your response was
>oh but you’ve seen the show you’ll never understand what this is like
It’s inherently nonsense because I know at least some amount more than you. Yes our experiences of it will likely differ but I know at least the basic concepts of what could possibly happen.

there's no crying over spilt milk. all you can do is detach yourself and move on.
you say you were homeschooled and abused but miss being "in midst of something". this is a bad sign, because it seems you miss a connection with an abuser. sounds like a case of Stockholm syndrome to me.
what you should realize is that most abusive people can't really "connect" with anyone, their social feelings are dulled and more often than not they're faking affection and empathy to fit in an get what they want—albeit very convincingly, enough to fool a child. these people are very good at making their abused ones dependent, and if you were living an isolated life with the abuser, this might ingrain in your head your idea of "home" and belonging.
that means you might miss a connection that wasn't really there. so here's one advice, look at it from a positive side. don't look at yourself as a "ghost or shadow", try and frame it as a new beginning. what if this is simply your repressed side showing up? fearing being on your own is ok, but this might simply be a subconsciously ingrained association that "connection = being dependent". it is not and never should be.

I wanna die

You're going to cry for the next fifty years over the last five?

What else can i do? Basically everything is a domino effect from highschool