"you need to be happy by yourself before thinking about a relationship!"

>"you need to be happy by yourself before thinking about a relationship!"

If I'm perfectly happy by myself, why would I want to bother with someone that can end in rejection and making me feel worse?
Besides, couldn't you extend this to "you need to be perfectly happy by yourself before you consider having friends or having contact with your family" too? Social bonds are extremely important for humans

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Its over for anime posters

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It's nonsense advice that should be ignored. If you're alone and isolated you'll never be "happy by yourself" unless you're severely schizoid, you need someone else to enter your life to help you up. Most people don't care enough to do it though.

I’ve wondered the same. After years of isolation, “improvement,” and becoming “happy” by myself I no longer feel the need or even desire to get a gf or even have sex. I’ve got everything that I want within me

it’s mostly advice for men. if both parties are happy you only need each other to start a family but the relationship would probably be boring.
but if you have codependent issues than getting into most relationships especially as a guy is a recipe for failure
most relationships depend on codependency

I've seen this advice given to absurd heights like saying that your family and your friends should only be an accessory to your happiness, not a requisite.

Imagine that. Telling someone hey you're now alone in the world and can't talk to anyone, go be happy lol.

I'd rephrase that statement to:
>"you need to be happy WITH yourself before thinking about a relationship!"
meaning you need to be confident in yourself, your abilities, your body image etc. because otherwise you'll end up being clingy, desperate and insecure.
Not only is being happy with yourself extremely attractive towards potential partners, thus massively increasing your chances of getting into a relationship, it also decreases the chance you'll end up in a toxic one by tenfold because you will be cautious about how you deserve to be treated.

I agree that the original statement you posted is stupid. I definitely felt like something was missing before I got into my current relationship even though I have plenty of friends and hobbies.

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Even if you are content alone, a relationship can be a pleasant add-on to your life


you're misinterpreting the advice. who said anything about rejection? it simply means to try and live your best life on your own. the 'BEFORE getting into a relationship' part i think you took too literally, there is not a point in time where a person can go 'okay, i've done every possible thing i can to be happy, i am now perfect, it's time to find a partner'. these things seem to come along in life at their own time if you're living right

But why would you want a partner in that situation? That’s what he’s asking and I’d like to know as well

alright, i can name a bunch of reasons. First of all, on some level i think it's deeply natural to want a partner, on a evolutionary level. mutual love and not to mention sex, reproduction, starting a family, taking care of each other. sharing your troubles between each other which makes them easier to handle and and in the same way sharing mutual happiness which multiplies it 10x. having someone to hold, someone to treat like they mean the world to you, to do romantic things for.. someone to enjoy things with that you already enjoy on your own, and someone who will show you new things to enjoy. this is just off top. maybe you don't have these thoughts. i really hope i stay with my current girlfriend and after college we have a beautiful household together and beautiful careers. kids eventually as well. if you're living well on your own and doing well in all (or most, nobody's perfect) aspects of your life and you meet someone you like, it's only natural that you two take certain steps to get closer and closer. it's a very strong desire, it's stronger than ego (which is why love hurts so much). it keeps army wives faithful for years while their man is away. sorry i went on a bit of a rant but you get the point

Yeah, I guess. But years of isolation and adapting to this have killed those thoughts. I’m perfect content alone and actually enjoy it. At most I would like to experience sex but years of porn have made me disgusted by that and myself. Oh well. Hopefully that works out for you

thanks man. to you i applaud for actually being content alone, it's not something everyone can do and a lot of people i know have made horrible relationship choices because of it. life is supposed to change in order for us to move forward, it doesn't stay the same the whole time. the fact you had the thoughts before you had to kill them in order to survive means that there WAS something there in you, a desire to love somebody, be gentle to them and take care of them. if you dared to admit it to yourself, would it really hurt as bad as you think? just something to think about. good luck to you as well

I think the same applies to friendship in that a codependent unhealthy friendship isn't good either.

These people are talking about being codependent or expecting a relationship to fulfill an empty place in your life.

There's nothing wrong with recognizing you want a relationship and s significant other like boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife.

The message might be something like get your life in order before you hire a girlfriend to straighten it out for you.

You have a pussy within you?

It's just a creative way of shaming you for your own loneliness.

Would what hurt as bad as I think? To get a gf one has to have first have the desire to approach a woman, then be confident enough to do it, and finally be attractive enough interest her. I don’t even meet the first step.

I have got a hand. Alternatively I’ve been working on just killing sexual desires so it doesn’t matter. The only reason a hand or vagina is desired is because of animal programming.

You should change the wording to “a good relationship“

Having a relation with a drug addict, loser, fuckwit will 100% bring anyone down, until you cut the ties to said person.

Because if not you're basically entering into a situation where your well being is in the hands of someone else. A relationship should be a nice bonus to your already awesome life, not what makes it awesome. This is why you have woman who tolerate physical abuse and men who are pussy whipped cucks, they suck so badly at making themselves happy that they rely on the feel good chemicals produced in relationships to make them feel good.