Met a girl on bumble and had a great week of chatting. She is 23 5'6" slim, beautiful and blessed, str8 qt, the real deal guys. No tats, modest attire in all her photos, no hint of thirst, thot, or desperation. I like her. She's incredibly quick and funny over text. She's an out of towner working as an assistant at a church. I am a catch myself working in business development and have always been enthusiastic about my Christian faith as well. I think (thought?) It's a match.
We decide on tuesday that Thursday we should hit the town. Talk about possibly some skeeball and karaoke at a dive bar. I decide the night before that she's more of a [local] botanical gardens evening and cocktails kinda girl if any cocktails at all.
Today (Thursday) I get off work. Drive to her home. Knock on the door, say hello to [date] endure a cringey moment shaking hands with her female roommate. Head out and have some polite chit chat in the car on the way to the highway.
She suggests we stop at a good chicken place on the way. I drive six speed and am not a fan of bumper to bumper so I say sure.
Arrive at fancy Asian chicken fusion restaurant. Kind of fast food but definitely a modern chain if a franchise chain at all. We order, meal comes fast.
The two of us have seated ourselves outside on a shady patio with nobody around to bother. Have a fine conversation*.
I am always anxious about conversation in dates. A great talent I have is putting words together as you can tell from my concise run down of the events this far. I probably talk too much. I'm happy to discuss this further but don't want to linger. I only mention my anxiety for how events roll out here shortly.
I'm talking, answering her questions. Made deliberate points in conversation to ask her questions. I learned quality information and wove it in further. Thought I was doing ok. Meanwhile her phone is going off every minute or two. She only grabbed her phone once that I can remember when I got a refill of water. I don't really have any doubts that she was actively concocting an exit plan, but I am here on Jow Forums begging the insight of strangers so I'm curious of your thoughts.
our convo ranges from college experience to work to faith. not stated in convo: I am looking for a genuine relationship that leads to kids, and a house, and in my mind, I'm almost thirty and would like to line this up asap. I believe in my heart that there is another half of me walking around out there, I just have to find her. explicitly stated in convo: that if she is genuinely interested in me that we should arrange to do something regularly. dance class, backpacking/hiking club, something social, public, something light, something fun. maybe a place that we would meet some friends together and things can feel organic around the online dating connection.
After we've both more or less finished she gets a call from an unsaved number. the first thing she says is "what hospital?". My GGG senses kick in and I spring up, keys half in hand. before I realize it I have the trays from our meal bussed. I didn't need to hear anything else. I knew that it must be part of her church work to be on call for emergencies. I had half an idea that I might be in for an interesting night of consoling the misfortunate blah blah blah and am sincere in that that would have been a fine, unique, and genuine experience to share with someone.
She finishes up her call. explains it was almost 100% what I thought it was. A member of the congregation was in the hospital, my date was on call, and she was sorry but she needed to go. I acceded.
what else could I do? I have this... woman? babe. out in the ghetto/barrio at a chicken stop. I offer to drive her home. she says she needs to go to the coworkers house which is closer than her own.
>Be me swm 190 5'9" yuppie hipster
Truth is, the game was rigged from the start
In dropping her off and trying to be understanding I tell her that everything is fine. I ask her if she'll call and she says yes. I insist that I hope she calls.
Then I back out of the driveway and leave, taking great care to not flare the engine between gears or make any fuss.
As soon as I pulled off I realized that I hadn't waited for anyone at the door to greet her. So, my full gentleman mood in full tilt, feel like a scumbag for leaving her by herself. I should have stayed, or said hello to her co-worker and ensure she has a safe ride for the rest of the night.
but then again I'm already in the rush of the city traffic. my mind is just racing while I'm driving. I'm thinking of how I can excuse myself for not sticking around while I'm driving... but the further I drive the more and more I realize that I'm s i n g l e s t i l l . . .
my mood darkens, I don't feel like going home. I remember there's karaoke at the bar near my apartment. I've never been. swoop in, sing three songs, have a whiskey and a craft beer meanwhile. singing, especially in a crowd, is like skydiving for me. it clears my head so much.
I endure some catcalling from cougar or two, but they're not what will bring me what I want. there's no future in a woman substantially older than you. I leave inconspicuously, mildly pleased I can still please a crowd and raise a real woman's brow. but I am sitting here drunkish in my apartment wondering if I wasn't scammed earlier by a "man-skipper" or something.
tonight my date was really awesome. shorter than expected but probably better for me that way. I am overall hopeful that she's interested. but there's still this little voice inside that tells me that women just are immediately intimidated or disgusted with me. she's not the first to find a polite reason to leave early, but she did have the most legit and genuine feeling reasons.
it's been three or four hours and I haven't heard from her. not really waiting for anything. on the positive side: I got some good chicken I got an eyefull of a really fine young lady we didn't get to the botanical gardens, pay $50 to get in and then get "called in" mid first drink.
Soooooo selfloathingchan what do you think? I don't have any real questions I need answered, but I've satisfactorily expressed my feelings, my doubts, and my hopes and am just drunk enough to be curious of your thoughts, criticisms, and predictions.
Quit blogging and get to the point
Am I destined to be forever alone?
Possibly. Post your bumble conversation so we can properly assess your autism.
I want to... But I just checked and she unmatched me or whatever... Kinda depressing
Yes. Accept it. Become a trap or get into gaming
Im 31, you get used to being alone.
Okay, pal. Your obsessing over this shit is what, if anything, will give way to you making her uncomfortable. Do whatever you need to do to relax and put the idea of being with her or any woman on the back burner. People can always tell if you're actually happy or comfortable with yourself.
Mate the problem is not when you’re 31, it’s when you’re 61 and your body starts falling apart and you have no one to support you or care for you and no one will employ you and you’re seen as defective by society and your options become suicide or withering away in a chair to be found weeks after your miserable death. 30s are prime years to be used to set yourself up for comfort in the miserable years.
I mean hey that's my motivation. I'm not crazy or selfish
Im committing suicide long before then
>I ask her if she'll call and she says yes. I insist that I hope she calls. Why did you do this? Unless it was funny, don't do this again. Otherwise, there are a million reasons as to why she unmatched you. Gotta get back on your horse, man.
She used you for lunch, congratulations! The next time you call her, not the other way around. Women aren't expected to be the ones to start the conversation. If you ask your next date when you will call her and she says yes, you got a match. If she says she will, you were played.
>I am a catch >190 >Autistic blogger Yep.
What's wrong? All I did was asked "Will you call?" She said "yes" I said, "I hope you do." With a smile.
I was going for genuine
alone doesn't mean lonely. there are so many losers in this thread
why are u going out with 23 yrs?
girls at that age. just wanna fuck & have fun
Hey 23 to me is a fine age. That is one year out of college to experience the world. That's on the edge of old enough for a maturer person
The thing is user, even though she exhibited positive behavior towards you and is Christian, you got to witness 2 things. 1. She’s probably not nearly into god as you might think. She has no problem lying to you, finessing drinks out of you, and absolving absolutely 100% of the guilt. She gets to walk away from this interaction not feeling a single thing towards you, and probably even thinks your a loser and talked shit to her friends about you. Which brings me to 2. You got the unfortunate experience of witnessing a woman on her path to self destruction. You messed up by trying to consistently set yourself up as the nice guy. The moment that you got vibes that things were off, was the moment you should have walked away. Unfortunately, despite what our brains might think, our bodies can tell when there is something not being communicated outright. Instead though, you stuck through it, get the phone call, give her the benefit of the doubt, let her run the conversation topics. She could tell she could get away with these things because you weren’t going to say no. That thought never crossed your mind. It’s unfortunate, but learn from your mistakes, and move on
>29 yo loser going after a 23 yo Tracy What did you expect?
>Unfortunately, despite what our brains might think, our bodies can tell when there is something not being communicated outright how do i stop letting this happen. i can feel something is off. but my body freezes & i let the events happen hoping maybe im on over thinking or being negative. but yet in the end my fears are right
If you can feel it, then that means you’re not completely hopeless. Those feelings aren’t there for you to feel bad, it’s your body asking you to step up and get ready for the rejection. That feeling is to help cushion the blow of rejection, so embrace it. Next time you feel that way, you need to step up to your bodies challenge and assess the situation. So when you felt that way in this moment, you should have done one thing. Let her finish her sentence or whatever she was on, and say, “thanks for coming out for drinks, but I’m gonna go home, this isn’t going to work out”. This allows you to cut things off before you get strung along, allows you to confront her and make her acknowledge that her behavior is bad, it makes you acknowledge your feelings and feel confident in your actions, and the best part is, you don’t have to feel bad. You’ve just recognized you need to move on, and you do so accordingly. Since you took responsibility of the mess she made by having you coerce her into a date she wasn’t ever interested in, you can also leave, all by yourself, and you don’t have to look back. Let her get her Uber and be the 23 year old she wants to be. You go back to being you.
Remember, it’s not a bad thing to feel that way, and it’s just your bodies response to acknowledging rejection
Peoples brains don’t fully developed until 25 years old, so a slut who can’t keep her legs shut is more from a lack of intelligence then calculated manipulation. Men are genuinely retarded when it comes to dating younger women, they don’t see what kind of shit they’re stepping into trying to control her life. guys in the 50’s dating 18 year olds all have the same motive, to fuck and control someone like a sex slave until they’re too mature to put up with it. Pedos do the same thing it looks like.
Guys in their 50’s*
OK. So what you do is phone her and say "I'm sorry our date was interrupted. I was having a good time. Can we pick up where we left off?? Choose a night."
And her response will tell you, one way or another, what's going on so you can stop obsessing
You sound like a massive faggot
This is the most reasonable thing I've seen so far and is close to what I was thinking.
I think I'll just leave the situation alone this weekend and phone her up with that line (thank you) on Monday or Tuesday
>"christian" yuppie, 29 year-old (yes, 29 y/o) "hipster" This is a poser and a hypocrite
>Am I destined to be forever alone? Yes.
That's just like, your opinion, man
Uhm, not quite, dude. It happens to be fact. Pass the bong?
Just let it go my man and move on. She ended up being not interested, I don't know what else you want to know.
>What's wrong? All I did was asked >"Will you call?" >needy >She said "yes" >I said, "I hope you do." With a smile. >needy weak beta loser >I was going for genuine genuinely needy clingy weak beta L-loser is what the girl saw >unmatched, NEXT!
I can only speak from my limited experience.
From what I'm reading it sounds like you're too upfront with you want. You need to stagger that out and create a lure of mystery around you. It's hard if you're really attracted this woman but if you tell her your whole plan you may come off as overbearing and needy.
Don't phone her. Just text her.
Reading this as a woman, I don't think she likes you. You come off as too strong and needy. Do not call, it'll only make you look more needy and pushy
He can say >Hey, I know I came across as needy but it's just I really liked you. Anyway, goodbye.