I've been in a relationship for nearly two years. Am I asking too much if I ask my boyfriend if he genuinely sees a long-term future with me? Like being able to marry me? He still says he doesn't know, is it wrong for me to expect him to know at this point?
I've been in a relationship for nearly two years...
He's looking for the door. You should, too.
You let a man use you for two years without seeking a commitment? Stupid girl
I mean, we're in a committed relationship. I want to get married though someday and I want to know if he could see himself marrying me. When the heck do people realize this kind of thing? I figured it out after a year had passed of me being with him. Yet he still doesnt know.
I honestly might break up with him if this isn't normal
How old are you both?
He's 25 and I'm 23
if he doesnt want to marry you after a year let alone 2, hes either been cheating or looking for other girls to bed.
He is looking for the door, I guarantee this. Start making moves to break up.
Why wouldnt he just break up with me then? Im not saying you're wrong, I'm just curious.
He’s comfortable and likes where things are. Do you live together? Why do you need marriage? Stop listening to your mother.
>He’s comfortable and likes where things are
>Why do you need marriage?
That's not really for you to say, is it? I needed steady sex, my ex wasn't willing to give it, so I broke up with her.
We dont even live together is the thing, if we did then I wouldn't be as hung up on this kinda thing. We're in a long distance relationship. Hes in the army, initially marrying would allow us to live together. However, now, he moved out of the barracks into a house with his friend and his friends wife. I asked him recently "so can I move in with you now, since you basically have your own place now?"
His response was "well, they didn't invite you. So no, probably not." so that's why I'm worried.
Yeah he’s not taking this as seriously as you. Sorry. Get out before you get too hurt
He has issues written all over him and serves you off.
Now what you can do best is confront him and try to get a glimpse of who he really is. Ask him why he does not want to commit himself, and why he does not want to move in with you.
If he does not see a future with you, then you should reconsider being together with him.
The thing is, I've asked him before if he does want to move in with me like a few different times.
He usually says that he wants to move in with me but he wish he could go on more dates with me in person and have our relationship progress like a normal relationship would if we werent long distance. I told him that it's clearly not possible due to our circumstances and he says he knows and that he'll think about ways to move in together. Then finally an opportunity presented itself and he hasn't even asked his friends about me possibly moving in or anything.
What are you doing here at this point? He's an unsure git. Talk to him about how it's not what you wnat from him./
What about visiting him for a holiday to see him longer? Or make plans to get a job closer to where he lives.
Imo ldrs are quite the meme. You dont get the true dynamics of being close to a person. Also my housemates personality would flip 180 degrees when his ldr girlfriend visits, si you dont get to see the true person.
He’s wasting your time and keeping you around when he’s lonely while he looks for something better. Sorry
>2 year mostly long distance relationship
>starts talking to him, a 25 year old man who serves in the military, about marriage
I will ask you a couple of questions OP, and I will stick around to see your answer, then we'll go from there.
1. Are you hot? Best if you just tell me your height and weight.
2. What do you do with your life? What do you work, do you study? What do you do for fun?
3. Do you have interesting conversations with him? Do you make him laugh?
If you want genuine advice, you probably shouldn't be posting here. Adv is full of incel cucks who haven't even seen a vagina in real life. 2 years is barely anything in the larger scheme of things. Why are you so desperate for a commitment so quickly? I wouldn't want to marry someone I've only been with for 2 years. Try 4 to 5. Maybe your bf is just cautious. Personally I think you're jumping the gun here.
Read the thread. Dude is stringing her along
>What about visiting him for a holiday to see him longer?
Whe went out five months together in person before it came long distance. A couple months ago we had a two and a half long visit together.
>Or make plans to get a job closer to where he lives
I could easy relocate with my job and have mentioned to him if we find a place to live together all I need to do is tell my employer that I want to change locations.
Honestly, it kinda feels like it at this point and as another user said. He probably is just comfortable with where we are and I am not so it's probably for the best to end it it seems like. I'm kinda tired of constantly nagging him to take our relationship to the next level. I think I'll bring it up one last time and give him a short time period to figure it out and go from there.
Dude what he's clearly not ready. Like she's pushing for all this shit and the guy is flailing. Its not even his house?
They are both wasting each others time.
On that we can definitely agree
>I'm kinda tired of constantly nagging him to take our relationship to the next level
I realize I worded this wrong, it's not like I'm constantly pressuring him to move in with me and stuff. It just feels like I am sometimes. In fact I've only brought it up a few times as of late because my lease is ending soon and I need to know if I should resign it
You're probably right
I'll take this into consideration, thank you for your honest advice. Maybe I am being too pushy and making him uncomfortable. I've never been in a real serious relationship before, so this is all very new to me. My last ex who I spent three years with was extremely abusive. So I still am unsure how everything should go.
I'm not sure how the first question is relavent. He does find me attractive though and I've had other people find me attractive before too. So no, I'm not ugly and I'm not fat if you're also wondering that. I have a stable job and I do have hobbies, we share some of the same hobbies. I've made him laugh before as he's done for me, we do have interesting conversations sometimes. Lately the conversations have felt very bland though and kinda short and to the point.
m8 stop. Here's the fucking truth: Two years you two been going out. A couple months ago you two were together for two and half months. He's in the army at 25, which means he has a DAMN good idea where his life is headed at this point. He'll either reenlist, or parlay his experience in the army into employment. He can forecast his life by 10 years at this point, and he's not sure if you're in those 10 years. YOU had to ask him about moving in since he was off barracks. C'mon now. You're both holding each other back. Two fucking years and he's this unsure, are you kidding me?
>Lately the conversations have felt very bland though and kinda short and to the point.
If this bothers you, tell him so. Tell him you'd like him to be more present in your life.
>But babe we're long distance
If he's unwilling to compromise, then he's not relationship material.
What do you mean you're not sure it's relevant? It's probably the most important thing.
If he's got a girl wanting to marry him after barely being with him for 2 years, this can mean 2 things:
1. He really isn't much, but the girl is below average, desperate and is clinging to the one guy she has because she realizes that if she misses her chance, she's gonna hit the female retirement age without any children.
2. He's got good shit going for himself and is attractive, and other, hotter, women probably see it as well. And he realizes it
You seem to claim that it's not the first, so let me elaborate on the second.
He's 25 years old, he's hitting the prime age for a man. He wants to fuck multiple women (you included if you are down for it) and see what's out there, but here you are talking to him about marriage and moving in together.
So to answer your original question in the OP - yes, you are being pushy and unreasonable towards him. I saw someone say that he's not relationship material. He IS relationship material, but it's not the kind of relationship that YOU want.
My advice is to drop the moving in and marrying talk, and tell him that you can see he's clearly not comfortable and ready to give you what you need, and you understand, but you'll have to move on. There's no need to cut contact or for this to be super melodramatic, and you can remain friends.
Then put yourself out there for other men to approach you. If marriage and commitment is what you want, I'd advise you to start dating older men, mostly in their 30s.
Cheer up user, for me it's been 10 years so it could be worse. Advice: dump him now, he won't change.
Ignore that second response. Wanting marriage at your age is absolutely normal. He should know at this point 25 what he’s looking for, the dude is playing games. Break up.
I didn't know that there are so many girls on Jow Forums. 70% of the responses in this thread are by girls for sure.
He's already wasted 2 of the best dating years of your life, how many more will it take for him to decide? You are giving away something extremely valuable and not getting what you want in return.
>only females want marriage
>only females want marriage
actually, yes, and if a man tells you he wants to forgo the single life where he can do whatever the fuck he wants, he's a lying piece of shit.
>pic related, the reality
Where do you suppose married men come from?
You're not asking for too much.
Go ahead and ask him directly.
OP he knows but also knows if he told you the truth you might leave.
Don't be stupid. He won't marry you, has no plans to and will ride you as long as he can.
social constructs, low libido men, and some find a woman with a head on her shoulders and decide to reward her with commitment for being a good girl
What's op pic from?
If he's in the army, getting married isn't a great idea unless he's an officer or a senior NCO. And if he's in a role where he regularly deploys he has COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY JUSTIFIED fears of you cheating on him. ESPECIALLY if he's a private or junior enlisted.
Basically, he hasn't settled down at all but he might. Also, , a year isn't that long. People will take anywhere from the moment they accidentally realize they made a baby to 5+ years.
TRUTH. It's like a fucking army.
Why don't you give him the choice? Either be marries you or you walk away, plain and simple? You say it with a calm but determined attitude, and be ready to stick to your resolve no matter the response?
I don't know is a fine answer.
Some relationship experts say you should wait 4-5 years. It's enough time to really know someone, see if you'll get bored, and have enough major conflicts to see if you can get through anything.
2 years is an average. That doesn't mean it's right.
Life experience allegory: my ex gf asked me to marry her after 2 years. I said I loved her, happy she felt that way, but i wasn't ready.
At around year 5 when I was ready to propose and all the way down for it she had a major mental Illness eoisoe (she had bipolar all along. Made some new friends and got high on herself triggering a major psychotic manic episode) and she transformed into a fucking moron. Turned into a mecha alcoholic, Got a dui, lost 4 jobs, all the expenses of the house fell on me, and she didn't care and kept drinking and being a bitch.
It was Jekyll and Hyde. Give it time. You don't know what'll happen. 5 years is enough
My friend just proposed to his gf after 8 years. Just give it time and see where things go
If I was in his shoes I probably would have done the same thing.
I'm allowed to live with my friend and his family, why would I ask if my girlfriend can move in as well? What does this look like on my part?
He's also 25 and in the army. There's always talk about army wives cheating left and right. I know that goes through peoples heads.
You're both in your 20s.
You need to sit him down and talk to him before you make any rational decisions about leaving him like most people bring up in this thread.
This was a 2 year relationship, don't toss it away like it was nothing. If you really loved each other, you would be willing to wait instead of pushing to get married so quickly. What's the rush?