I’m great at socializing, despite being the intelligent introvert.
I’ve slept with 17 women, dated 3 others for at least a year (8-years the longest) and have a knack for making girls laugh.
NONE of these encounters started online. I’d like help with my online dating game, for a serious relationship with the hope of marriage.
ALSO, how to meet people in a setting that is more likely to generate meaningful relationships?
So here’s my story.
I work 46 hours a week. It’s steady, same schedule, and I get to “leave work at work” at the end of the day.
I calculate that I have 3.5 hours per-day for recreation and relaxation. My problem there is it takes no less than 2-hours to unwind from my demanding executive position.
Then there is the fact that I don’t know what I “enjoy”. I’ve never laughed, smiled or felt fulfilled without other people involved. I can’t be satisfied going on a hike, or swimming, or riding my motorcycles unless I share it with somebody. Literally NOTHING is enjoyable alone.
Even if I try to delve into learning what I enjoy, I would always have this anxious feeling that I’m wasting valuable time that could be used for interacting with people.
What are events that force interaction with similar-minded people and aren’t male-dominated?
I’m afraid that I’m almost 30 and my appearance is only getting worse over time. So my potential matches are DWINDLING!
>there’s somebody for everybody Factually false
Not to mention statistically unlikely in my case.
Divide the population by criteria and slowly I fear that my potential SO doesn’t even exist.
>female >straight >no tattoos Did I just eliminate 80% of the female population? Let’s continue >IQ above average (not literally but just practical intelligence should be considerable) >doesn’t smoke or drink Where are we? 90% eliminated? >is single 98%? >will encounter AND engage me IRL 100% eliminated!
Yeah, tell me I’m wrong. I hate this country, this society, everything about it is Godless and degenerate.
Jack Jenkins
where the fuck did you even come up with these numbers you stupid bitch
Julian Jones
OK can you name even ONE person in your life that matches this criteria? Even ONE?
Julian Ramirez
>act like a degenerate >whine about others being degenerate
>set completely unrealistic standards >knows there's a 0.00001% anyone out there will tick every single box >still whines about how there's something wrong with the world Yeah congratulations OP, you're a fucking retard
Mason Lopez
I feel like I can help you. I fit basically all your "requirements" beside the fact that I sometimes drink with my boyfriend (beer or wine over dinner or while we watch sports on tv), and, well, that I actually have a boyfriend.
If you need socialisation that much, you're not an introvert. You're definitely an extrovert. If you want to meet people, you could try language classes, running groups, hiking groups, volunteering, church activities, seminaries, book clubs. If you want to get good at online dating, you absolutely need to take that stick off your ass and get off your high horse. Your post made you sound so unpleasant that I almost didn't want to answer. The way you write is one of the first things people judge you off when you're dating online, and you sound like such an unpleasant person from these posts: whiny, entitled, with such a big ego that you couldn't probably fit it in a small car. Also, please don't be that guy who complains about degeneracy and Godlessness when he fucked 17 women. Not a good look.
James Ross
>female >straight >single >doesn’t do ANY kind of drugs >at LEAST above average intelligence
How’s that? That’s really asking so much? Can you think of ONE person in your life that fits this criteria??
So which of those should I change?
>male? >hi/gay or whatever? >taken, or poly? >smokes in my house, does drugs but accepts that her SO never does? >is average or below average intelligence so gets glossed eyes whenever I talk about interesting subjects, or should I learn to talk about yesterday’s episode of the Kardashians?
Go ahead, pick one. Idiot.
Brayden Bailey
Online dating is for those who can't do it in the real world. You seem pretty successful at the real thing, so why step down a level?
Hudson Howard
FIRSTLY, thank you for a meaningful response. I don’t ask that people agree, I just appreciate when they contribute.
I am a complete introvert. When I was young and not hormone-drunk, I would stay indoors every waking hour working on model kits, building engines, creating inventions, crafting, writing poetry and lyrics, etc etc. Since I started getting involved with girls, NONE of these things interest me. They do but they don’t. When I’m in a relationship, I focus on trying to do things together. I would *like to do these things I had an interest in, but I can’t focus or slow down, I need excitement.
In a crowd, I am almost always the most outgoing and influencing participants. Problem there is sometimes the crowds can’t match my energy and definitely let me know when they’ve had enough, which is a pretty hurtful buzz kill.
The thing about some of the activities that you’ve suggested is that if I were to join a group, it would not be for my own enjoyment but for the enjoyment of socializing. So if I join and see that there are zero potential matches within a week, I would basically lose interest because I would not see any other purpose for going.
Finally, I do NOT talk as I have typed here to anyone in any circumstance. This is me being the asshole that is finally frustrated at being 29 and having no semblance of happiness. People do seek my company, unfortunately they’re THOTty or put-out. I’m not entitled, I’m just feeling hopeless.
>You seem pretty successful at the real thing, so why step down a level?
Because introverts don’t go out (shrug). The people I’ve been “successful” with just aren’t that smart. Their eyes gloss over if I y’all about anything above the scope of football, Bruce Jenner’s boobs, or what’s in a McRib.
David Ross
Tattoos are a pretty lame dealbreaker. There are plenty of girls with tiny 2-inch tattoos on their inner arm or someshit, you'd never notice. Smoking is hella gross and sloppy drunks are not appealing, but wine with dinner surely is harmless, no?
I'm way too old for this shit and have been with too many dull women, so I've got it narrowed down to just wanting a woman who is healthy, emotionally mature, intelligently competent, and communicates effectively and in an engaging fashion. Someone who is passionate about something besides partying, her looks, dogs, or reality TV. Someone who doesn't let novelty, outrage, or anxiety rule her life, while accepting they are part of the human experience.
No fat girls, no aimless slackers, no pillow princesses, and no bitches with NO CHILL.
Men play too much vidya and watch too much sports, sure, but you have no idea how many women literally have no interests outside their job besides netflix and fucking around with their friends, without a single global perspective outside their local bar scene.
Andrew Ramirez
It is a little disingenuous to define yourself by the things you used to do when you were 9, instead of the person you are at 29. You don't enjoy being on your own and you seek company a lot, both in a relationship and in your friend circle. That's most definitely an extrovert. I would never think of a guy like you as an introvert.
Focus on the activities that interest you from my list, or find other social activities that you might enjoy. You don't need to do them all. I always found that volunteering is a fairly good way to meet new people, who are also decent human beings. Online dating is a fine tool too.
>What’s wrong with muh Tinder? People who post selfies always look kind of depressing. Your bio is a bit try hard and 2016 for my liking.
Jacob Scott
OP it seems that you are very successful in dating. With those numbers you are probably good looking or have a good job; maybe both. A good place to start looking for a wife might be at a dance studio. Girls will be there to learn Latin or classic dancing. They will be forced to dance with you or else they will dance alone. I'm not much younger than you at 26. But I'm a khv eith avg looks and pay do my advice may not be good. Also can you give any tips on how you got dates and what not. My problem is that I don't approach any girls because idk what to say and plus I'm afraid of them.
Austin Perez
I agree with just about everything here. Our consumer culture has made slaves of the masses.
On top of that, the girls with any brain between their ears are settling for some guy that probably doesn’t recognize any depth in her personality, yet offers a comfortable “pain that you know vs the pain that you dont”. Every time I’ve hit it off with somebody on an intellectual level IRL, they put up a barrier because they’re with some guy even though he’s just a meat bag. They feel it’s too risky to jump ship for shore.
These are things I was doing at 20.
Can you rate the top 4 pics I have? Or could you share a profile that looks appealing on first glance?
My problem is that nobody in my circles takes pics of me. They’re always sharing pics of each other, I take pics for them, but nobody ever EVER takes any of me. Not sure how to even approach that cuz it sounds sad IRL
>intelligent introvert >I’m wasting valuable time that could be used for interacting with people jesus fucking christ
Noah Lewis
>an you rate the top 4 pics I have? 5, 2, 10 would be good if it wasn't so blurry, 7 if it wasn't a selfie. None of those photos would make me pay attention to you. Just go outside and take a picture with timer in a nice place. Much better than a selfie.
You look better with longer hair like in picture 7.
Jose Wright
I forgot. 3 is fine too. Maybe 18 if you cut the feet out, I don't know why the feet part weirds me out and makes you look super short.
Connor Scott
The only tip I can give is to approach every person equally. On a scale of “get the Fuck back” to “PLEEEEASE SPARE SOME COOOOCHIIIEEEE” you want to be somewhere below the middle, around “su, bruh?”
Treat everybody like this. You aren’t looking for attachment or attention, and you aren’t ignoring people. You’re just a guy that is fucking HAPPY and thinks everybody else is happy you came.
Once you pick up on shit to say that anybody can relate to, you will be able to approach any situation with a remark that holds no personal ego. Meaning, you say what you say and if you get shot down you had no attachment to it anyway. Roll with it
Eventually you will be able to do the same with women if you genuinely just believe you are talking to them with no motive in mind. People seem to like people that are happy to be doing them alone.
One of my favorite lines at a new-to-me place (maybe they’re new too, or a regular) is if somebody watches you as you walk by (you should be smiling, Fuck) is to not break stride and just say “hey! It’s good to see you” don’t walk by too fast cuz they will almost ALWAYS stop you and say “I’m sorry, I forget, have we met?” Then you say “oh actually maybe not, but it’s still good to see you” and laugh it off while you shake hands with them and their company and introduce yourself. Now you’ve planted some seeds. Trust me, do things like this and people will remember that you were personable so if somebody makes room at the table they will beckon you and start asking all about the new guy.
Another thing is that guys will ALWAYS say “how’s your night going/how’s things going for you”. One line that I ALWAYS get responses from and always starts story-telling around the table is “well I made it here, and that’s half the battle” sounds shitty but if you say it casually with no gravity to it, they’ll all welcome you
Nathaniel James
Your mad that no on e meets your criteria but dont bother making compromise.
So basically nothing that actually shows my face :kek:
I was afraid you’d say that about my hair. Dammit. I feel like a sleaze with long hair and unprofessional. I’m an executive and I’m serious about marriage, I haven’t slept with anybody since my ex and I’m not looking to. Doesn’t long hair seem a little juvenile?
Sorry I tried bleached hair but left to right is 1-5 rate? Facial hair?
Charles Cruz
>21332722 # So basically nothing that actually shows my face :kek:
I was afraid you’d say that about my hair. Dammit. I feel like a sleaze with long hair and unprofessional. I’m an executive and I’m serious about marriage, I haven’t slept with anybody since my ex and I’m not looking to. Doesn’t long hair seem a little juvenile?
Sorry I tried bleached hair but left to right is 1-5 rate? Facial hair?
It does seem a little juvenile, but it suits you a lot better. Maybe go to an hairdresser and ask them advice on a haircut that suits your face better. The one you have now doesn't suit you much, in my opinion. I like a bit of facial hair, maybe a 5'o'clock shadow. Bleached hair is a no.
Isaac Taylor
Thanks user. I guess last one then cuz these have different lengths of hair and different facial hair.
I think I fucked up by going so far on the other end of the spectrum, cutting hair short and shaving :facepalm: cuz everybody that has seen the long hair agrees
This is good stuff! I've never picked up on social situations. Please tell me more. I don't have any friends nearby so most of time I would be going out alone. I live in area of country full of retirees and snowbirds. Any other suggestions?
As for your hair you can always buzz it. But don't go medium length or short or long.
Daniel Richardson
The best meaningful convos I’ve had are with girls that I didn’t want anything with at first. I was just chatting because I was thinking out loud and I ended up with their numbers. I never followed up cuz even though we hit it off on an intellectual level they were just not attractive enough to be worth the effort. Sucks but I won’t put myself in a relationship where I have to lie to myself that they’re beautiful in my eyes.
Nathan Long
Look man, the quest for a long-term lover starts with making compromises. The longer you quest for "The Perfect One," the less time you have to actually savour people who, you know, actually exist.
Just get out and meet people.
And no, online is a terrible place. You're a man at almost 30, I do not-- should not-- have to express the importance of body language and subtleties in tone of speech, or the way they inflect on certain things. Realistically, online dating is the same as in person dating except for that everyone can hide whatever they want and it all but encourages disingenuous behavior and posturing. I really don't see the benefit for you if you in fact want something serious.
Jason Young
AGAIN, the shit you people are asking to compromise are legit deal-breakers. Pick ONE that I should reconsider.
>female >straight >single >doesn’t do ANY kind of drugs >at LEAST above average intelligence
As opposed to
>male? >hi/gay or whatever? >taken, or poly? >smokes in my house, does drugs but accepts that her SO never does? >is average or below average intelligence so gets glossed eyes whenever I talk about interesting subjects, or should I learn to talk about yesterday’s episode of the Kardashians?
Brody Edwards
The two girls I mentioned both started as just chit-chatting like normal. BS random thoughts. They led to
>turns out she’s starting a career in IT and knows UNIX and Python
>turns out she likes Jordan Peterson and is a end-of-life therapist/care provider
These are the most engaging convos I’ve had and want this kind of stuff in my life but I can never go back to the internal shame of coping with an uggo/frump
Luis Young
The benefit is WHERE AND WHEN do I meet people in a way that I can engage them and it won’t seem weird? The only places I “bump into” people are places where I’ve tried making small talk like I normally do and they either keep moving or run.
Levi Reed
One bump?
Jeremiah Gomez
What's wrong with Latin dancing classes?
I need more tips on talking to strangers and girls
Jack Reyes
>Even if I try to delve into learning what I enjoy, I would always have this anxious feeling that I’m wasting valuable time that could be used for interacting with people. I am literally the opposite of you. Bless you user.
Chase Harris
Probably nothing. Try one. I just don’t like seeing people dance. No matter how good you are it’s so tribal and embarrassing, so I could never even pretend to want to. Honestly I’ve had to hide that I have no intention of dancing at my own wedding. I know it would break future wifey’s heart but so what? Would she suck me off in front of her family? K.
As far as talking to people, learn to bullshit. Learn what people do and don’t care to hear. The more you talk the better you will get at filtering shit that you’re only saying cuz you don’t socialize enough. You will learn what topics get everybody in, or how to respond to things that make them think you’re interested in their story even if you aren’t, and how to take their story and relate to it when you speak.
I found this “meetup” app where the goal is just to arrange meetings with similar minded people.
Literally it’s just divorcees trying to get hitched to divorcés, all over 35
I really feel like it’s hopeless. I just NEVER encounter anybody my age that is single. It was easy before I got into my last relationship....eight fucking years ago. Now everybody my age is either married, turned gay or given up and bitter about men
Jason Turner
I have started to feel like joining any of the classes or interest/activity groups would be disingenuous.
I would ONLY be doing it to meet people and literally no other purpose. So what am I doing in a German class or rock-climbing? Who am I attracting? What happens if we start to get to know each other and I realize she’s based everything on a total fucking lie?
I hate this society. I hate existence. I want to down a bottle of ambien and stick the cruise control at 90 on the freeway. Tonight
Cameron Perry
Have you considered that your ideal women wouldn't wanna speak to you BECAUSE you are such a miserable degenerate? Improve yourself before blaming everyone else for your own damn problems. This world doesn't owe you a damn thing so don't act so fucking entitled.
Believe it or not you're not owed love or sex or anything from anyone. You need to earn it.
Tyler Carter
I wasn’t miserable until the world trampled on me UNMERCIFULLY FOR DECADES. Faggots like you are the reason suicide is at epidemic rates. You have not one god damn clue how people like me get here yet you march around acting like just because you’re getting your dick sucked when you want that everybody else should quit bitching.
It’s just like people in top talking about how “anything is possible. Just DO IT!” Yeah easy to say when you’re a fucking Hollywood actor, try coming out of my cesspit of a life shining.
Wow Jesus you're pathetic. Just blame the world instead of your own stupid way of looking at the world. Have you considered not living your life desperate to have someone love you? Being in a relationship should be secondary to your everyday life. Everyone has it rough. Everyone has problems. Get over yourself.
Hudson Garcia
Your criteria is straight females without tattoos. You then eliminate 80% of women. How many women do you think are gay and how many do you think have tattoos? Date my soon to be ex. No tattoos. Is female. Is straight. Smokes weed though.
