I want to wait till marriage. I know this is a huge limitation to my dating pool, so I have never been too picky beside trying to date good people who are okay with me wanting to wait. I always dated down in terms of looks, wealth, and sometimes intelligence.
I met this guy who is perfect. He's attractive, intelligent, he's a good person. We go to Church together and have been friends for quite a while. He is okay with me wanting to wait till marriage, but he converted to Christianity 4 years ago and before that he slept with 8 girls, 6 of which were casual partners. He hasn't slept with anyone since he converted. I feel very conflicted. Should I date him anyway?
tell me something, does the bible say that you have to judge people based on their past?
I don't judge him negatively as a person for his past. I actually think he's a great person, and respect him very much. I'm obviously allowed to pay attention to a person's character and history when deciding whether I want to date them or not. I'm trying to understand whether he's a good partner or not for me, due to our values and history It saddens me that I saved myself to be shared with the man I am going to marry, and he did not.
You are fucking brainwashed and mental. You are a super red flag by yourself. Good luck finding someone as crazy as you.
Why do you have to offend me for doing something that doesn't hurt anyone to any degree?
Waiting until marriage is stupid and pointless. They did that years ago because we didn’t have effective birth control and they wanted to stop all those out of wedlock kids. Now we have birth control so it makes no difference
imma spill you some shit that is totally going to rub you in the wrong way due to your, frankly, dumb beliefs, but i have to say it: your vagina is not special, and waiting until marriage to have sex is probably the dumbest shit ever. honestly, it's little more than a hooking tactic, and i think you know it. i don't know this guy, i don't know if he has lied that he really hasn't had sex for 4 years (he has absolutely jacked off to porn though, guaranteed. do you have a problem with that by the way?), and i don't know how committed he is to the Christianity bullshit, but let me tell you, if he truly is up to wait until marriage, and you actually like the dude, you better hold on to him for dear life, because you ain't gonna find a someone even remotely close that will tolerate your "my pussy is on a pedestal" bullshit. how the fuck does someone like you even get on Jow Forums anyway?
Because you are judging someone purely based on their past and not who they are now. That is fucked that you push your views into someone's past. Waiting for marriage is fine, but being crazy about their past is insane. If you feel that crazy that you can't be with him because he used his penis in life then go find some introverted guy that has never had the chance to use it so you won't judge them for their past.
You're free to fuck whoever you want, I'm not trying to convince you. I want to save myself for my husband, it makes me feel good.
I'm not pushing my views on anyone. I also think he's a good person, and I'd think he was a good person even if he was fucking around right now. I'm evaluating whether someone is good for me or not a partner based on his values and his behaviour. What's crazy about it?
BECAUSE YOU ARE JUDGING THEM BY THEIR PAST
There is nothing wrong with judging someone based on their past. Convicted felons have a harder time at getting a job for a reason.
I'm looking at his values and his past behaviour to value whether he's a good partner or not, yes. Everyone does it, I don't understand why I shouldn't.
Would you date a girl who cheated on each and every one of her ex boyfriends? Would you let your child be looked after by a guy who raped a kid 10 years ago?
>Would you date a girl who cheated on each and every one of her ex boyfriends my ex literally cheated with me on her fiancee. we were together on and off for 4 years. she never cheated on me while we were together. i broke it off finally due to unrelated reasons. your example with the child rapist is dumb. read my post. and try applying your fucking mind to the situation, not your emotions.
So your gonna compare your boyfriend to a child rapist and a cheater. Do you not see why you're crazy yet? You are judging him based off his Sexual partners, not that he's a child rapist or cheats.
This time compare it to how many times he poops a day, or how long he sleeps at night. Get on the same level as your judging and don't excuse it with extremes.
t. seething manwhore
8 girls in your life is a manwhore? Well i guess based on Jow Forums standards yes. Your man is a manwhore, back out immediately according to this other post.
I don't think my vagina is special. It isn't about putting my pussy on a pedestal. I want to share myself sexually only with the man I'm spending the rest of my life with. I don't care if you disagree, it's up to me to decide, and it doesn't hurt you in any way. Masturbation isn't a huge issue.
>how the fuck does someone like you even get on Jow Forums anyway? I converted at 17, I was on here since I was 13.
So the girl who couldn't commit to her ex then couldn't commit to you and you had an on and off relationship. A good example on how past behaviour doesn't reflect on your future behaviour.
>So your gonna compare your boyfriend to a child rapist and a cheater. He's not my boyfriend. I'm not comparing him, I'm just saying that it's fair to judge people by their past actions.
>You are judging him based off his Sexual partners I'm not. I don't think that having had sex before makes him a bad person, I said multiple times: I think he's an awesome person, and it's not up to me to judge him. I just am wondering if his past behaviour makes him a suitable partner for me, due to our different history and behaviours.
this, but unironically
>Christianity 4 years ago and before that he slept with 8 girls, 6 of which were casual partners. He hasn't slept with anyone since he converted. >I feel very conflicted. Should I date him anyway?
>>You are judging him based off his Sexual partners >I'm not. I don't think that having had sex before makes him a bad person
You are contradicting. If you were not judging him based off his past Sexual partners, why is it a main talking point in your original post? You need to sit and think about what bothers you the most about him, and if it's his past sex then break up because it will always bother you.
>So the girl who couldn't commit to her ex then couldn't commit to you and you had an on and off relationship it was me breaking it off every time. she wanted to have a child with me. i was dumb and young, still am, but have learned lessons, which is why i'm in a position to tell you the things that i am telling you. stick with this dude, you are not gonna find another "suitable partner" and you'll reach the women retirement age without having a child, and the realizations will hit you like a fucking truck. his past is nothing you should worry about.
calling a man manwhore is like calling a lion a savage beast. you are dumb as fuck.
I'm not contradicting myself. I think he has a history very different from mine, and I don't know if he is a suitable partner due to the fact that we come from really different paths when it comes to relationships, the value we give to sex and such things.
It's retarded to judge casual sex negatively for women and positively for men. Casual sex is either bad or it isn't.
I appreciate your input, I'll consider it. Thank you.
I don't know my husband's body count, never got the nerve to ask. He described himself as a manwhore vs he took my virginity (all 3 holes).
Blunt: it has been eating at me for a while now. Every bj now I think about all the girls he's wagged it in front of... Wondering about hpv all the time now too. So my advice: if you're 100% not a jealous person this should be no problem. However, if the sex is bad and you know he's gotten others off you'll want to die everyday.
This is something I've always been a little worried about. I'm not particularly jealous, but I don't know how I'd react to sexual jealousy since, well, I never experienced it. It'd be depressing if sex between us was bad, I never even considered it.
I'm really worried about HPV. I've got the vaccine so that should cover for all times that cause cancer, at least. I'd like him to get tested for other STDs before we agree to go out, tho.
>It's retarded to judge casual sex negatively for women and positively for men. Casual sex is either bad or it isn't.
this is probably the most wrongful and clueless statement posted on Jow Forums at this time and shows an incredible lack of understanding of the dynamic between men and women. i could go on a 5 post rant on why but it will be wasted on you. you are literally mentally sick and i say this in the most uninsulting way possible. i honestly feel bad for you and for your man. you'll both be fucking miserable in the near and distant future. may God help you or whatever the fuck.
What are you implying though? Is the idea that if he had sex at some point already, he's going to want it before marriage with you? You think he's going to cheat? I'm not seeing how this is an equivalent analogy. Be more specific about what your actual concern is, or what it is you want. He's assumed your values for the past 4 years. You converted when you were 17. How long ago was that? It's not like your value system was a lifelong fixture, you just adopted it before you had a chance to have sex. The core of your posts is "I only want to marry a virgin"
So here's a reply for you, OP. We can't really make this choice for you. Your standards, for your satisfaction, need to be set by you. Otherwise, you run this risk of making everything a disaster for you because you've 'convinced yourself' you want them.
I think you should look within for the answer here, not on Jow Forums.
You're absolutely right. I'm mostly looking for a place to talk these things out and get other points of view I haven't considered. It's hard because when I talk about this with people who share my faith they tend to view this negatively, while if I talk about it with my other friends they're calling me a retard for not going out with this super hot guy.
I've been christian for 6 years. I had multiple chances to have sex but I wanted it to be with someone I really loved, even back then.
We have different dating experiences and I'm worried about how it will reflect on the relationship. We have different experiences around sex: if we get married, I'll explore everything with him for the first time, for him I'll end up being the 9th girl he sleeps with. I'm worried it's not going to be special for him. I'm worried that since he's so experienced he's not going to be as patient as I need him to be, both during sex later on but also during the relationship before marriage: that he's going to get pushy, etc. He has nothing to explore with me, I have everything to explore with him. And that saddens me.
I do want to marry a virgin. I am considering him as a partner because he is absolutely stunning, both inside and outside, and probably my best friend.
He didn't wait and you want to, but he's willing to wait for you. I wouldn't say it's a blow to your value system if you think you can trust him 100 but who am I to say anything about your value system.
1000000% get an STD check. Literally no reason not to and it will save a lot of grief on your and his end.
Bad sex can be avoided if you're willing to play with hands, make sure you can both make each other climax without mouths or actual intercourse. I understand if that goes against your faith and can't, but I strongly urge you to see of he can get you off. Good luck.
If it's important to keep your virginity until marriage then why would you marry with someone who isn't?
Thanks. That's how I feel right now. I have some worries, as I said in the post above yours, and now that the other user told me I'm also worried about how jealous I'll feel.
Thank you anonette. I'll think about it. I'll ask him if he's open to taking an STD check. I'm sorry things aren't going great with your SO, I really hope things works out for you.
>We have different experiences around sex: if we get married, I'll explore everything with him for the first time, for him I'll end up being the 9th girl he sleeps with. I'm worried it's not going to be special for him. >I'm worried that since he's so experienced he's not going to be as patient as I need him to be, both during sex later on but also during the relationship before marriage: that he's going to get pushy, etc. >He has nothing to explore with me, I have everything to explore with him. And that saddens me. >I do want to marry a virgin. I am considering him as a partner because he is absolutely stunning, both inside and outside, and probably my best friend.
You typed out every year of mine that came true. The worst part is absolutely you'll never be his first sexual anything and might feel all alone on what should be an incredible journey.
Im telling you, first time he comes and you don't and you're just lying there, it will hit you like a punch in the face. That said, I would absolutely marry my husband again. Just wish he had protected himself.
As someone who has had sex before I wouldn't worry if the sex is good or bad. Sex with someone you love and communicate well with will be great.
If I was building my ideal husband, he'd be virgin and waiting till marriage. Life isn't The Sims, tho. I met a really amazing man, who is my best friend, who shares my faith, and is handsome. His only "flaw" is that he wasn't virgin when we met. I don't feel like virginity should be the most important thing. It matters a lot to me, tho, I'm just wondering if it matters enough to let him go.
That's probably the part that breaks my heart the most. I really wish I could be as special for him as he would be for me.
You're breaking my heart! I think you should maybe see about pre-marriage counseling, talking this over with your faith leader may help resolve your feelings one way or a other. I'd say as much as we're similar you're way ahead of the game. You being able to articulate this all BEFORE it's an issue is a good sign, but be sure to say this all in front of him as well. Awkward but needed. And absolutely don't budge on the STD check. My final say before I run like hell from this thread: If he's obstinate about the STD testing, or dismisses these feelings you've typed, or is already treating your virginity in a way that makes you feel he doesn't appreciate it, then I dont believe it's worth marrying him. IF that's all not a problem, dont throw this relationship out.
That's a good idea. I might ask him about that. We've been hanging out for at least a couple years and we've got a huge crush for each other, so I might just tell him that if he wants we can date but he needs to take an STD check and I'd like to talk to our priest. I'm fairly sure he'll agree to both. We have a fairly young priest who has been pretty open about this kind of stuff, too. Thank you very much, you've been really kind. Good luck for everything.