GIOYC

I wanna fuck a longtime family friend haha yeet

I'm going to kill myself before 2020

Why is this happening again?

Why do I feel life every day is like waging war for my own place in the world?

I feel like ripping my hair out. I should just take a bunch of xanax and go take a nap on some railroad tracks.

Ffs.

YOU FIRST

If you just wanted a break for a couple months, that's all you had to say to me. I would have been upset by it, because it's bullshit, but as long as we set parameters to get back together and not to be with anyone else, everything would be good and I would accept to the terms.

We could have worked on our separate aspects of life alone, but also together.

Why was that so difficult for you? Not going to say I'm a catch, but I was raised at least to be a decent person who loved and treated you right even when your ex didn't.

I want to run my car into trees but I know it's not worth it. I feel like I was just a fill-in to boost you to where you are now.

What the fuck

I want to pay someone to do my college degree, but idk where the fuck to start looking.
(It’s just a bullshit degree. Don’t worry I’m not going to be a doctor at any shit like that)

You could get a fake degree from Pakistan

You ignore my PMs (although you have no reason to because your identity is fake anyways) and only want to chat anonymously where I confuse your posts and seeminly pour my heart out to some strangers. It all looks like a mockery and I despise you for doing that to me.

That’s the problem though. For what I’m looking to do, they look into shit. Like check with the college and all that.

You sure you got the right guy?

Since we got married I keep realizing how big of a mistake I made. Shouldn't have rushed into it and now I'm just waiting for us both to finish school so I can make enough to live on my own. I'm tired of you being a fucking manchild that has to be told everything to do. You're a grown ass adult and I shouldn't have to constantly pick up after you. Grow the fuck up. I'm counting down the days until graduation so I can slap you with divorce papers. I don't think you'll bother fighting and it won't do you much good when my friend has great lawyer connections.

There are 8 billion people in this world and everyone is bound to have similar situations.
If you found someone you know it would have to be a massive coincidence and you could always contact them in person.

Is it something interesting that can be done all online?

no, not at all. They're probably gonna throw even worse fits if we get closer.

they used to drop some hints so I can recognise them, but I might not as brilliant as they think I am + really tired with all the mind games. I have no other option of reaching them, they barely reply PMs.

Yes. It just needs to be a Bachelors. I’m currently attending college, and I’m doing English because in school it was my strongest subject. It’s not that I’m not capable, but I just don’t wanna be in school for 4 fucking years for shit I already know.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

It's honestly scary when someone responds to your post and they know it may be you and you feel it may be them.

Are you sure that the person you're talking to is the guy you want to be talking to. Are you sure it's not some guy pretending to be him online to get close to you? Are there any discrepancies in the behaviour of that person? Do you have a legitimate way to contact your person where you can be 100% sure it is them?

You lead me on for a month and didn't mention having a boyfriend. I fucking hate you for that.

>Do you have a legitimate way to contact your person where you can be 100% sure it is them?
They pretty inactive there.

>Are you sure that the person you're talking to is the guy you want to be talking to.
You know what, I don't actually need to be sure, because they're able to 100% tell my posts. I just expect them to reply to my posts even if I addressed them to a wrong person. I have no other way of communication so I have to deal with this.

So you don't know then irl?

i hate faggots and always will

How much are you willing to pay? I'm a student myself and wouldn't mind doing classes for cash.

i despise money, and people, and hyporicy in myself, so i will see if cold and hunger and hard work will get rid of it for me

Idk, that’s part of why I’m trying to find someone who does it for a living or something. I’m not sure how much stuff like that runs.

no

Ooookay, did their first name you met them by start out with an m?

I don't understand this sentence.

Whatever good luck buddy

I don't want anyone but you

Do you want to actually want to meet up tonight or what's up?

...

Late night thoughts about the thiccness, god bless these cozy thoughts

fuck you and your little hearts

I wish there was a way for me to stop people from knowing I exist

On the off chance you're a person that's important to me..
What's up?

I don't think so "pal"

Are you mad about that, do you want me to threat you more like a girlfriend?

Get off the grid

>do you want me to threat you more like a girlfriend?

I wish there was a good AI who'd pretend to be my long distance gf
I can't I'm a neet living with my parents

Kill myself shamefur

Yes can you?

Losing my best friend

I can try

Lol your walls are like those one way mirrors. Their function is to blind you from the ones peering in, the people on the outside see everything. You don't seem to realize this at all however. But its really cute you think you're super complicated and mysterious

I'd probably get back with my ex is she asked me. I miss her

Do you wanna die?

>have sex for the first time in six years with a cute girl
>it was pretty disappointing
I don't understand

Did you like her though?

I'm not sure if she's coming back. Probably other people are telling her not to. I mssed up so badly with my bad emotions that made me act like a maniac.

She will decide in the morning. If it's a not, I won't move on. If she stays, she'll be the happiest girl in the world.

I do. I guess it was just a little too fast for me.

Who cares if people care enough to look, I wasn't asked for permission nor did I give it. So what is happening is an insane attack on my privacy but what does it actually matter?
Do you blame the rape victim for getting raped? I'm not doing anything wrong but living my life just the same as anyone else, if not better because I actually respect people and their boundaries.
I don't think I'm a ''mystery'' I think I'm a person that grew up fucked up and hence is fucked up, you can call it mysterious if you want to but convoluded and complicated would be more fitting. I was raised in a way that for me humans and human interaction skipped multiple levels and went straight into the deep shit world of lies and betrayal and this stupid game we are playing right now. Basically I learned indirect communication at its most evil and destructive growing up before I learned ''normal'' human interaction people normally get taught as a kid. Face to face I can expain it way more conclusive and less dramatic because I can be more specific not having to use a filter I use.

But that's besides the point, I'm not doing anything wrong. In fact people watching me are the ones doing something wrong and if I tried stopping them I would just destroy myself, I would move on and be caught in the same with other people. So why leave? Keep running from people disrespecting me and my personal rights forever? Those rights and that respect I yearn are just fake anyway, their ideas of ''me'' and my idea of having the right to my own person as well. Rights are given and if you're not given any you don't have any.

So what ever, so much for that like I said I'm just going to take what I want what people give me and ignore the rest.

Because in the end what did I ever do to be treated like this?

Here to all the losers constantly trying to ''get'' or ''catch'' me living my life.
I was always my only judge and now that I accepted god for what he is I am even more secure in my actions.
I'm not hurting anyone, I'm not betraying anyone, despite what people say I don't steal nor do I owe people shit.

I'm fine, you can look all you want and think you are ''catching'' me but fuck off I'm not going to be ashamed for literally running my modus operandi. Show me pictures of you in your most private moments beging gracious and I can see reasons for me to feel anything about people watching me.

I'm human and unless you shit out pure gold and sweat out clean diamonds while flying around never dirtying your feet you're also just a human and in no position to judge. In the this is not any form of consent for me, I just know that I'm not doing anything wrong but I'm ''too weak'' to stop it. So why bother when I know that in the end all that happens is part of gods plan and he truly is just so I don't have to worry about anything?

Alright who do I gotta kill

Was invincible but now the armor is wearing thin

It's going to be over soon though you should get some rest if you're free I want to go out

No. I'm not sorry anymore. I need a break to sort my priorities. So if you don't think I care about you, think again. Perhaps I'm a bit slow, but I have finished dwelling in the past. Hopefully.

If I start bitching again, take the nearest blunt object and hit me as hard as you can.

>you're free I want to go out
Naw you gotta have sex first then I'll do it

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Alright you know I get it now.
It's not worth pursuing a relationship because not only is there no purpose to it, but all it does is lead to pain.

Because I'm not a fucking dumbass like 99% of people I focused on school, my writing, myy career and researching things I like online instead of making people like me. This means that I don't have the ridiculously hard head that women, or men for that matter I bet everyone is just fucking shit, expect and therefore am not """mature""" enough for those cunts.
I mean just look at this post. Right? I'm not mature at all. You can see that in my post. You'll say that. Fine. Because I guess it's true.
Idiots.
Anyway, it's not worth going after women because of the pain and if anything goes wrong and she feels pain, she'll probably allege abuse because of her emotions and get support from damn SJWs while everyone else is too chicken shit to speak up because "oh no they brought up rape. I have no defence for that.
Just look at what happened with projared and the Charlies. I've seen it happening myself where a woman,a teen, or a non-white person alleges something for what could very, very easily be alternative motives and gets props and support from everyone for their emotional lie without ever being held accountable. Even award winning shows like Bojack Horseman will believe this crock of shit. These life destroying lies. So of course, a woman IS GOING TO DO THAT. That IS the direction the world is in now.
And eventually, that destroys her life too. Hell, maybe I WOULD be an abusive asshole just cuz I feel bad sometimes.

So fuck it! I don't need to play dumb games just so eventually one of us ends up losing our job, getting threatened, becoming publicized by MGTOW or SJW subreddits
I hear people can be better off alone than in a bad relationship. Then I don't need the risk.
I can be happy on my own; that's how a lot of people live.

Only worth it if they can guarantee they'll stay etc and that's impossible.

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So... Now that I'm done with that possibly unhealthy anonymous rant I guess sI should go drink and play EU4 as Grenada...

Calm down. Why do you think any violence is needed in the first place?

Seriously?

Just shitposting

Guess what?

You did this. Through all your years of putting me down, you destroyed every bit of confidence.

Guess what?

I'm never going to let you build me up again. I know this was your plan.

You aren't good enough for me. Someone did what you did, isn't capable. Leave me alone.

Hmmmmm

Holy shit man. I messed up way worse than I thought. I really gotta work hard and be a way better person. I don't want reconciliation I just don't want to screw things up worse.

With Jesus ofc
It's alright if you say nohomo

Lol @ dat vanity

Tfw you realize oneitis is a whor

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Meet a better friend, they exist.

What did they do?

I watched Maleficent for the first time last night. So relatable. Men will cut off your wings for their own selfish reasons, for power. I also loved how a maternal love is much stronger than some boy's attraction. That movie is just truth.

Continual abuse....somehow they thought I wasn't keeping track.

I use to hate your guts, but now I realize you’re not worth it. I know you’ll continue to make bad choices, because you always create problems with no solution as it suits your drama filled life. Always a victim instead of a fighter, I wish you’d just wake up and stop hating yourself.

Sounds like what my girl went though with her ex, there’s better people in the world. Even if you don’t feel like there is right now. Good luck on finding a good person.

Whatever this is getting too confusing so before I say hurtful things thinking you are saying hurtful stuff I'm going to stop. I think we're at least moving in the right direction if not tomorrow I'm going to write you throughout the week anyway, if you want me to have sex with other women before we meet again that's fine though I don't know why.
I'm in this shit for real, believe me that's what I want or don't and believe my actions.

i have no chance but forgive because it is the only act of love i can do for myself. i have dark circles from stress for thinking about this for too long. there's really nothing to think about, i know, but the realization I'm not cared for is enough to make me lose sleep everyday. I'm not sure i have fully realized it if I'm still thinking about forgiving. what is there to forgive? they're not coming back out of genuine concern.

Really?

All this jumping around'd got me tired
Time to finally take a decent nap

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Don't be an idiot

quit tuning in to that place, it's a cesspool of what they want you to think is happening

Why is their life any of your fucking business? It's not. I hate people like you.

There's two mosquitos stuck in my car REEEEE

Two more day until headphones. Supposedly. The suffering will be over soon

Yes, killed one.

Everything's fine, more than fine i'd even say but there's still something i'm missing, i wager i don't want someone to be with but rather I want to find someone that can talk emotions with me, i realize now that relationships are more than just physical contact or having someone to have fun with, it's 100% about the emotional investment you put in, it happens that most people aren't worth that investment at all and the reason for that is because not a lot of people care about emotions all that much, if they can't understand how you feel what's even the point? If you wanna have fun just grab a friend it's so much easier and better all around, if you want sex you can hook up with someone from sex apps or something like that, you get into a relationship because you wanna FEEL emotions, and even if I do want that I don't really need it because i know what happens if you actively look for that.

I'm happy by myself, but I still want to feel with somebody else.

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Everyone dies eventually

That explains the cock ring. Uhh have a nice evening I guess.

... What?

Im a goddamn joke, whatever this is good I'm wide awake for this anyway. Charge the phone and just do some work. Thanks god for looking out for me.

A friend of mine -let's call her A- got mad at me because I didn't tell her that another friend -let's call her B- was screwing around with her ex, and that it was sad that I preferred my other friend rather than her, that I should've persuaded her to not get involved with the guy. The only time we talked with B about the guy, I told her that I didn't like him (even since he was dating A, somehow the guy always gave me bad vibes) but if she still wanted to fuck him, I told her to be careful and not get too attached to him. And that was everything I talked with B about the guy, at some point I even completely forgot about it because heavy things happened at my house, dropped uni, got beaten by a relative, had -still have- depression so I shut myself down from all my social circles for about half a year, just concentrated on the little things that made me feel better to cope for a bit. And now shes all over me, even threatened me because of that and dunno... I know it wasn't my fault but still make me feel bad.