I’m always gonna be missing a gear, how can I live with it

I have ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) but back then it was classified as Aspergers Syndrome. I currently suffer from depression and social anxiety and I recently started therapy to counter it. But I always feel like no matter what, it will never help because I’m missing that gear that other people have. That social gear that lets people have normal conversations. ASD prevents me from understanding how to read the human face or notice the emotion in ones voice and no amount of therapy or medicine can fix that because that’s just how I was built. Thinking like that has made me lose friends and has dramatically lowered my self-esteem and confidence. I keep on telling myself that since I’m missing that part of me that lets me interact normally, I will never heal, I will never understand what it’s like the have a normal conversation. I break down in tears a lot these days because I’m so alone. And I will always be alone because I will never be able to interact properly. Trying to talk to people, especially girls has always been a failure because of that voice that tells me I’ll never be able to have a proper conversation because that’s who I am and Ill never fix that. I have attempted suicide once through overdose and I just feel like a failed member of society and I failed myself. I’m so lost and so scared. But I always have a desire to be social, it’s a dream to have a girlfriend and be the life of the party. But that voice... never stops reminding me about my flaws. I’m a genetic insult, I’m 5’8, have massive legs, oily skin, Asian decent, and even though people say I have a good face. I feel like everything about me is just a failed scratch ticket. I would think that since my personality and social skills are a bust, might as well try to work on my physical attractiveness and that made everything worse

Ik you should never turn to the Internet, especially Jow Forums for advice, but I’m legitimately out of options. Please community, help me out...

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If you are really bad at social you should consider using drugs that lower inhibition and give you confidence, like cocaine or MDMA.. Some get that boost with alcohol or weed, but I doubt it will help you.

It's not the best advice, but it works for me and many peopls, and no other advice you'll get here will surpass your therapist, who is a professional.

Don´t you have interests? Things you enjoy talking about?
I hope I am not insensitive to your situation, but I believe everyone misses a gear or another, hopefully you are favored in another aspect. You seem to be an eloquent enough person, it´s not like you are a null person no one could have an intelligible conversation with.

Hey hearing from you regardless of the advice given was amazing to hear. Thank you

Just another entitled person who refuses to accept responsibility in life.

In my sadness I managed to learn guitar and piano. Guitar I was self taught but Piano I took lessons. I also like hockey and sometimes I would visit my local pond and skate/practice hockey. I’m also a big fan of music and...

Holy crap, typing these interests of mine made me realize that I’m not such a bland person. Thank you =D, maybe one day, that last hurdle I would have to jump, would be the confidence of talking to others

Autism is a made up disease to control men, basically autism is the so called toxic masculinty

I feel you user. I'm 18, never been with a girl, no idea if it'll ever happen. Not that I don't want to, but I don't see myself asking someone out. Firstly because it's very unusual to meet new people. And even if I get to know someone, I won't get close enough to develop a sexual relationship. Sorry, this probably won't help you, just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

take responsibility for what? Is it not enough to admit your failures as a person? What exactly does responsibility mean to you?

You sound like a precious person and I for one would love to be your friend. I know you'll get friends my man, you sound like an amazing and interesting being. Don't ever end it please, because I think the world would be a little bit sadder without you

No, you're just avoiding responsibility by blaming everyone and everything but yourself for your own problems.

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Idk if you actually read op's post. it doesn't sound like he's blaming anybody.
He knows that he's a weak link for humanity, and admits as much. How much more responsibility can you take?

man just fuck off, if you have nothing useful to say leave him alone
always the most privileged people to come up with that shit

I did read the OP
>I have ASD
>I have depression and social anxiety
>therapy will never help
>no amount of therapy or medicine can fix that
>that's just how I was built
>I will never heal
>I will never understand
>I will always be alone
>I will never be able to interact properly
>I'll never be able to have a proper conversation
>I'll never fix that
>I'm short
>I'm Asian
The excuses never end with people like this. OP admits that he will never even attempt to get better, yet you call this "responsibility". OP is a classic "victim" and unless he changes his attitude, he will always be a victim.
How about admitting that you need to change your behavior instead of feeling entitled to everything for free and blaming your genetics on why you can't change?

What does op feel entitled to exactly?
What do you think he expects to just receive for free? Some miraculous good fortune that'll fix all of his problems? No. Nobody with a sane mind expects that.

Acceptance is something entirely different from victimization. You, however, seem to be so privileged that you can't understand that fact. You think that statements of fact are complaints, but it's not. Truth just is.

He expects that he shouldn't have to have any problems in life unlike literally every other person who has ever existed. But yeah go ahead and call me "privileged" for thinking that people should stop complaining and work. The real privileged people are the people on this website who have so much free time that they can invent genetic diseases as excuses why their life sucks and they should continue being lazy.

The first step to growth is acknowledging where you are deficient. Maybe op doesn't want to change, sure. But not everyone who has something to complain about is lazy.

I for one, though not autistic, am clinically depressed. Yet I study every day to learn a new language, and to learn music, because I want to have value and be a better person. But guess what? Still depressed. Do you think I'm entitled too?

I think you probably are, and that's what's causing your depression. If you thought that you had everything that you deserved, you would be perfectly happy.

I guess I really shouldn't expect anything else from someone like you. You seem to think that mental disorders are all about expectation. This is a world where nothing comes for free, not even happiness. I work towards achieving that and you still call me entitled. What would you have me do?

Are you the OP

No, I'm honestly not. I recognize that I can't prove that per se, but no. My issues are very different from his.

Well dont derail threads with your problems, make your own if you want answers.

>This is a world where nothing comes for free, not even happiness.
lol, so 'tough'. This guy was born from his own asshole and taught and raised himself because he's such a rugged individualistic individual.

You cunts always sound so lame and exactly the same. Yes there are crybabies in the world, but you shit on them to serve yourself. Waste.

I didn't claim to look for answers. I was, for the most part, defending op, using myself as an example. That's why I didn't mention any specifics about my depression.

I want to help op as much as you do, but I disagree with your method. You don't understand mental disorder the same way that I do, and I think that's a real shame.

Although I did ask "what would you have me do," so that is a point in your favor which I will concede. Mostly I just wanted you to be a little less harsh, and a bit more understanding towards OP's position. Just saying something to similar effect of, "man up," is not helpful.

I'm not a tough guy. I'm just like the rest of you. I have issues, I deal with them in my own way. But, I'm getting defensive now, and this isn't even my thread.

My stance comes from, at least what I perceive to be, a compassionate position. Maybe my head is up my own ass. I'm not trying to criticize anyone. My goal is to help people in the best way that I know how. Maybe my method is utterly incorrect.

If you think I'm wrong in my beliefs, I'm open to hearing your alternate take.

It's better for those of us who have ASD to have never loved than to have loved and lost. I have level 1/Asperger's and it affects my ability to express and detect emotion. I'm either totally neutral or anime tier extreme, so I've learned to be neutral until a tipping point where I come across as either Godlike patient or a total asshole.

I had a gf of nearly 3 years leave me because I wasn't emotional enough for her. I had a total breakdown on the spot and she said "it's too late for that, I'm sorry, go home". We'd been making a plan for the marriage process for 1.5 years, and the 3rd anniversary was when I was going to propose. It's been 6 months of pretty much no contact though she accepted an invitation to a see a movie about a month later. She showed up late and left right when the credits started, which she hates doing, but halfway through the movie she leaned over and whispered "fuck you you know these are my favorite" before reaching across me to steal my candy and give me a few of my favorite flavors back like she used to. Her excuse for leaving early was work, which was her excuse for being late too. Attempts at conversation since were met with 1 word answers so I stopped trying, though I think about her daily.

I was extremely close with her family and they've kept in touch, sending group pics with "we miss you, let's hang out soon" and stuff like that though it never happens. They aren't malicious people so I think they're trying to show me she's been single. Her mom says she's stopped singing and smiling, and her dad says the sparkle in her eyes and voice left with me. Her sister texted me 2 weeks after the movie saying if I cared for and treated my ex even halfway like she described then she made a horrible decision. It sounds good, but it hurts worse knowing it's my brain's fault for my once best friend and the woman I honestly still want to spend the rest of my life with saying my best isn't good enough for her.

holy shit user, i couldn't relate more. i'm on the spectrum and i'm in a really annoying place in terms of severity, where i'm too high functioning to be happy hanging out with the neckbeards from the needs base but too retarded to deal with neurotypicals effectively. i don't really have any advice other than to keep trying your best, but i just wanted you to know that i understand exactly how you feel

Bullshit. All that is wrong with you is that you lack the natural ability to do without thinking what a lot of people can do (with varying degrees of success) - mainly read people's non-verbal signals and thus judge social situations. But these are all learnable skills. You may have to work harder than most to develop them, but they are not beyond your reach - unless, of course, you'd rather wallow in self-pity