I'm 24, but my life has yet to begin. I still live with my parent. I haven't socialized with anyone in person for over a decade. I'm overweight. No job. I can barely bring myself to leave the house due to untold anxiety issues. All I do is daydream about what it would like to be a normal human. But I'm sick of dreaming, I want it to be reality.
Is it too late for me to turn my life around? It looks so hopeless, I know nothing of the real world. By the time I fix all of these issues I could be in my late 20s. Anyone been in a similar situation, or know anyone who has? I need all the advice I can get for the massive hurdles that await me.
One step at a time. Training yourself out of your current ways won’t be easy, but I’m sure you are perfectly aware that you can translate your ambitions into action.
I'm not aware of that at all. So far all I've managed to do is lose 6 pounds, but I promptly put it back on due to injuring my back by working too hard.
Of course it’s possible. It will be difficult and require time and for you to be humble but I see no reason why it should be impossible. The best thing you can do, given what you told us, is find some part time work with a social component. Some kind of retail is your best bet. It may be degrading work but it will force you out of your comfort zone and you will be held accountable by your boss and coworkers. Self-help’s greatest shortcoming is our regular failure to hold ourselves accountable for what we want to accomplish.
>and you will be held accountable by your boss and coworkers. Self-help’s greatest shortcoming is our regular failure to hold ourselves accountable for what we want to accomplish. Can you reword that for an ESL please
Putting myself out of my comfort zone has gone horribly thus far. I always screw up, spiral out of control, and end up worse than where I started. One step forward two steps back.
It will only be too late if you deem it so. It will be too late if you do nothing to change your situation- you will remain exactly where you are.
Stop, and really ponder about what a life you would like. A dream life, one that would make you happy in that ideal scenario. Really think about all the details, the income, the job, the partner and family, the environment, the family you left behind, your friends. Write it all down in detail if you have to. The lifestyle you want. The body. Exactly what would make you happy to wake up in the morning in that ideal life?
THEN, the important part: >really go after it with everything you've got.
Do everything in your power to achieve what life you imagined. Every single day, wake up and try to move towards that dream life constantly. If you can't make big leaps, go with smaller goals but progress is still progress, no matter how slow. Stop eating so much to cope with life problems. Actually push yourself to go out into the challenging and scary world instead of staying in your comfort zone. Actually go out and face your fears and face the challenges ahead. You might fail, but the upside is, you might also win. But not doing anything at all is going to default you to LOSING. You may lose, but you can educate yourself on why and try again in a different way. Keep at this until you get measurable progress towards that dream goal. Never quit until you get there. Eventually you will find, the universe will fall into place just for you. You will make friends that will help you along the way to reach your goals. You will find income and jobs that correspond to that dream life you have because you actually have a goal now! You will know when you are being led off-track because you won't be oriented towards that goal. Humans need purpose and goal, otherwise you will be lost and listless, unable to go somewhere because theres no destination. But if you have a goal you're shooting for, you can SEE measurable progress.
It's better to light a small candle than to curse the darkness.
One step at a time user, seems like you have "wasted" the better part of a decade, it won't take a just a couple of months to get you back on track.
Also fix your mindset, any excuse you have, leave then out of your mind. Make a conscious effort to avoid using them, especially to yourself, like you did with your back problem, you put the weight back because you eated it back not because you injured your back, injuries never made anyone fatter.
>really possible? ROW, ROW, FIGHT THA POWA! You can do it man. Being a fucking TRYHARD is what gets you anywhere in life (wont get you a gf still but it will get you somewhere eventually, I promise and speak of experience)
That's one of the problems that got me here. I have no idea what I want out of my life. I don't know what jobs I want to pursue, I just want them to cause as little stress as possible because I've seen what stress from overworking can do to people.
Nah, I don't have an eating problem. I pretty much never snack on anything between meals, and the meals themselves are usually around 400-700 calories. Due to this I haven't actually gained any weight for the last ~5 years, I've just been sitting at the same spot until I started exercise. Not actually sure if I put the 6 pounds back on, just assumed I did because it's been several weeks.
Life is stress. Life is suffering. Everyone goes through this. You cannot avoid it. Every second is suffering.
The successful people know this and work with it. You cannot avoid it. So they deal with what they have and do something about. Not knowing what you want out of life? Lies. You've watched enough movies, cartoons, TV shows to know a basic idea of what a good life for YOURSELF means. Really think about say, in 5-10 years, imagine where you could be and what day-to-day things you can be doing if you were really successful. Think about how proud it would make your family and how you can help them with that kind of life.
Then go after it. Life is about facing challenges and accepting what happens after you face them with complete 100% honesty. Don't lie in life or don't pretend. Go do things and fail, then try again, maybe in a different way, then WIN. Do this until you get that life you dreamed about. Never quit and don't tell yourself you can't do it. You know why? If you keep sabotaging yourself, then you're right, IT IS TOO LATE FOR YOU. Because you decided it was. You'll be 30 before you know it and nowhere close to being successful, because you didn't plan for it and didn't make the right moves. You might as well be dead, a deadbeat.
Women will laugh at you. Men will take your place because you don't step up to the plate. A waste of space.
Sorry user, but you're not really helping. Motivation and imagination have never been my strong points. I have to tackle my problems one step at a time.
I've given you twice what you need to do to get out of your situation. Yet you still push it away and aren't honest with yourself and your situation.
Be that way. Remain where you are- the stubborn person you are. You cannot imagine a good life for yourself? Then you default to a BAD life for yourself. You talk yourself out of any challenge, you tell yourself all the time you can't do it. So be it. You will have accomplished nothing because you have no taken on ANY challenge. You will gain no ground because you psyche yourself out before you even gave it a try.
Lmao i was a shut in neet highschool dropout with autistic tard walkers until 21 years old where someone did something really mean to me which made me go crazy and then i started doing loads of things on my own (the. I went to a ward a bunch of times) lost weight, regained, lost, regained, lost etc. Then i got a spouse and live with them and finished highschool.
This is not a larp, i am a well known poster on other chans.
Yes you can do this. Ur parents are crazy aint they?
Nope, my mother is pretty normal. She doesn't fully seem to understand the things wrong with me but gets that I need time to fix myself.
You have to keep putting urself through pain to go forward, it will fade.
Well u just sound like a wooss (if i spelt that properly)
U just don’t stop trying, no breaks.
It means that if you aren’t motivated then find others to tell you what to do. If you like being told what to do then it’s fine and if you hate it then you now have your motivation for change.
If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master; If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
Man fuck this shit. I'm not the OP but as a teen I used to have goals and a normal good mind, but I was a loner and I thought I was autistic for thinking. Turned out I was surrounded by dumb people and females, and I was weak for wanting to be like others. Wish I just had been myself back then. I'm still weak and insecure and am working a shit job and want to kms every day
>I haven't socialized with anyone in person for over a decade You’re screwed
Tell me about it. Not giving up, though.
Sounds like you have the answer regards the weight question. Either eat less calories or always exercise.
How do I fix that part of myself so I don't need someone to tell me what to do
Bullshit just get a job that forces you to interact with a lot of people, that's what I did and now I am fluent in my native language again
That'd be far too much of a leap of faith. I have major social anxiety, trying to force myself into an extremely social job would definitely cause a crash and burn. That's like trying to walk on stilts when you have no legs.
Yes and that's how you fix social anxiety. Go face your fears and your suffering. Pay attention to the outside and you'll see things aren't that bad and you can handle it
That's part of the issue. I'm aware of the fact that I can handle it and fully believe it too. But my subconscious has the fear beaten into it, my anxiety starts building up no matter what I think.
Get on the right meds.
No can do unfortunately, I am quite broke.
Get a job and do it while you feel anxiety, fear or whatever, you fuckin pussy. I'm leaving the thread
>just stop having your mental illness lol Great advice, user.
I was in the same situation att 22, so bad I didn't leave home for 6 months
Then I started running with headphones 10 minute runs 20, 30, 40 every week increasing it a bit, I now go out daily. The biggest secret in the world no one told you, people are farmore forgiving and like you more than you know. I always had anxiety to say wrong thing while socializing, now I jusr say whatever I think.
24 now I got my own apartment, group of friends that love me and the only thing I lack is a partner now, still havent gotten over thag one.
Do the small things, i didn't start running. I started by going to the store to buy noodles, then running, then going to town and buying food to take home. Then making more eye contact etc.
Whatever it is you need to do you just gotta start, start and don't stop do the small things and take the chances you get. You will never get a chance to show the world the loveable person you can be if they never see you.
I don't know what your steps are but I could tell about mine. What is it you want? I wanted my own apartment, working with small steps I got it, and friends on the way, because I went to a party I didn't wanne go to, because I just took charge and cleaned my clothes so I could go feeling comfortable. Can't clean your clothes? Youtube exists, google exists, You can learn
I wish I could go for runs or walks, but my neighborhood is trash, I'd probably get mugged.
With what money?
It isn't at all OP. 24 is young as fuck, though don't let that be an excuse.
1. Buy some jogging shorts and trainers, and go jogging at night. Over two weeks you will be able to jog further and this will feel good.
2. Apply for any job you can and take it, make a good impression, be reliable, and get a good reference for future jobs. If you're academic, maybe train to be a teacher or something.
You have suffered, but you can use your suffering to your advantage by appreciating anything you accomplish knowing the alternative is to be back where you started.
You get some for selling your current place I would hope, if that isn't enough, save up.
I don't own this place, like I said in the OP I'm living with my parent.
>go jogging at night Not possible, terrible neighborhood. For exercise I've been mostly sticking to an exercise bike in my house. >Apply for any job you can and take it I'm nowhere near that step. Still need to figure out my anxiety problems first. >knowing the alternative is to be back where you started That's the thing I'm most worried about. Where I am right now isn't actually that bad. If things go poorly in this new life I'm aiming for I might be tempted to fall back into this obscurity.
Exercise bike indoors is unhealthy, unless you're in a garage or something. You need to sweat a shit ton if you are overweight. Can't you go out to a rural area on weekends and spend a few hours exercising?
As for anxiety issues, you just need to go headfirst and try to teach yourself to remain calm and self-aware in stressful situations.
>You need to sweat a shit ton if you are overweight I do, I even wear sweatpants just to make sure of it. >Can't you go out to a rural area on weekends and spend a few hours exercising? I don't have a car or a license. >As for anxiety issues, you just need to go headfirst Oh, definitely not. Tried that many times and it fails spectacularly. >try to teach yourself to remain calm and self-aware in stressful situations Easier said than done, every time I try to force this anxiety issue my ability to stay calm actually gets worse. I probably need therapy, not that I can afford it.
I was a complete neet loser at age 18 with nowhere to go, no degree and no friends. I was forced to move out because we lost our house, got lucky and found a job and now i get to socialize more.
I've never felt so miserable and unhappy. Moral of the story, 180's can't always be good, even when your original situation seems bad.
OP here, headed to bed, but will read any further replies when I wake up. Thanks for the advice thus far.
I'm turning 28 soon with even more dismal prospects than OP. What can I do?
Yeah I can understand not wanting to go headfirst when you have anxiety, seems like the kind of thing that would make you jump from a bridge on the way to work.
Eat less. You're eating way too much. It's not even about exercise. You could literally be a paraplegic and not be fat.
I mean, to be fair, I'm not actually THAT fat. I'm only about 70-80 pounds above what my height range should generally weigh. Getting to a healthy weight will probably be the easiest part of my trials.