I am very afraid of being betrayed. It has happened to me before and i didnt even see it coming so i became very insecure about it, now i have a new partner and i got red flags already How do i cope with the anxiety and fear? should i just ignore it and turn a blind eye or should i run as far as i can?
Other urls found in this thread:
maybe you should tell your partner how you feel, tell them how you were once betrayed and that certain things that your partner does are bring red flags.
Once bit twice cautious, unless you see irrefutable evidence i wouldnt let it ruin your current thing.
No do not do this, she will definately cheat on you if you show weakness. Thats what therapy is for if youre truly desparate. Take it one day at a time.
Thank you she always become irritated wheneer i bring up the topic but maybe i should keep insisting until a get my point across
you are right i just dont know how to deal with the anxiety and calm down
should i just pretend like nothing happen? if so, is ther any way to make it easier?
You didn't say whether you are a male or a female, so I'll cover both scenarios. What I'm saying bellow will go against anything you've ever known about the dynamic between men and women, and that is honestly because you have never applied your mind to it.
Cheating as a concept does not exist in relationships.
Men's nature is to have sex multiple women. You can deny it as much as you want, but this is just what it is. If the man is well adjusted, does not have a hormonal imbalance of some sort and his testosterone levels are in the recommended range, he WILL want to have sex with multiple women. The only reason a lot of men do not act on this impulse is simply because they do not want to hurt the feelings of their current partner. If you tell a man "You know what baby? You can go have sex with another woman, I won't be mad, just come back to me afterwards and treat me well.", he will love you FOR LIFE and will do fucking ANYTHING for you, because you would be allowing him to be what nature has intended him to be without guilt tripping him. In conclusion, a man doesn't "cheat", he's only being a man.
Women, on the other hand, are completely different. Normally adjusted women do not have the impulse to have sex with multiple men. While women DO enjoy the physical act of having sex, it only matters to them when it is with a man who they LOVE and FEEL for. How are women attracted to a man and start loving him? Thankfully, there are many different factors that can make a woman love a man, but so at not make this post too long, I will summarize it as follows - women love a man who is wanted by other women, respected by other men, and can provide security and support.
When would a woman "cheat"? There are 2 basic scenarios.
The first one is out of anger due to something you did or say. This is extremely unimportant, as she is having sex with someone else as a reaction to something YOU did. The other person is literally just a prop. contd.
Basically, whats done is done. You only have the present and the past is dead and gone. It gets easier as you grow away from the past pain and you will notice the present gets better every day. You will Eventually forget it like nothing happened yes. Do your absolute best to not compare the two relationships.
Yeah none of this is true.
This can be easily forgiven and talked through as long as you are both willing to.
The other type of "cheating" occurs when the woman no longer sees you as an attractive and lovable male. This usually happens in relationships where the man entirely focuses on the woman and the relationship instead of on himself, where he loses the social circle he may have initially had, stops talking to other women, and otherwise does not continue to improve himself as any man should.
Usually, in this situation, when you ask the woman why she had sex with someone else, she'll say "I don't know why I did it, I'm so sorry".
In this scenario, her cheating is also your fault, but the problem here is that this is very hard to recover from and it would usually require for the man to discard this woman, resume improving himself and all other aspects of his life, and look for different partners, not making the same mistake as previously.
Now, what you and most other people on this board and in general would consider cheating to be, is a concept created by one own's ego and assumption that this other person is now yours. You don't own anyone, you are not entitled to any one, you are not owed anyone's feelings and love. You have to do the right things to deserve them, and if you are not, then you do not get them.
Once you understand all of the above, you will not be afraid of your partner "cheating" on you, and you will focus on the right things.
Sorry, i am a male dating a female my issue is that i always idealize relationships and try to make them fairy tale like. i really really need to find a way to not make my whole world be about my girlfriend and maybe stop being so obssesed about it. the hard part is that i dont know how. i just lack the guts to try other things or take ir easier with her because i am afraid of losing her.
I'm happy to see that you are at least willing to be receptive of what I said, unlike who is so dumbfounded and doesn't even know where or how to start disagreeing, because everything I said is so against his narrative, created by society and his own ego, that all the can do is spout "THIS IS LIES!"
Read my second post If this is your way of thinking, your girlfriend cheating on you is your smallest problem. You need to reevaluate your life. You are basing your happiness entirely on another person. She WILL cheat on you if you are that way. Men are not supposed to be this way. You can wail in your unhappiness and despair, or you can read, search and look into how to improve yourself and make yourself happy as a man. Apply YOUR MIND AND LOGIC, not your FEELINGS.
What would be the first step to take if i want to take control in my priorities? I feel that i am slowly becoming her slave emotionally
Read books. Go to the gym. Get into a martial art. Get into rock climbing. Educate yourself on nutrition. Learn a new language. Look for a different job paying more money. Pay attention to what other people are doing around you, you may find someone is doing something that is interesting to you as well. Talk to them about it, this is how you make friends.
Clicked post before I was finished.
Find something that you thoroughly enjoy and want to excel at and master. For example, for me, this is bodybuilding. In the past, it was martial arts. There must be shit that you enjoy doing other than sitting and thinking about your girlfriend, her eyebrows, her dumb smile and how your pee pee feels in her wet hole.
I don't understand how you could be a man and actually want your partner to allow you to cheat.
Thats a woman with zero self respect or self worth. She's lying to herself if it doesn't hurt to not be enough for your partner - man or woman. And if it actually doesn't hurt, she may in all likelihood one day see it as "if he can do it why can't I?".
You don't understand it, because you place a huge emotional value on what is a rather simple physical act for a man, which, however, is important and he needs satisfied. It wouldn't be much different than getting angry at your man because he rubs one off watching porn every once in a while.
What, you think you are perfect, physically and emotionally, and I should forever be satisfied with what you are giving me and never want anything more, or different? If I get turned on by big tits, but you have small ones, and I just want to fuck a woman with big tits every once a while, how does that hurt you? You will something that is out of your control (nature giving you small tits and me liking big tits)? Do big tits making my dick hard make every other aspect of our relationship (communication, understanding, friendship) unimportant?
Or I should suppress my instinct and gut feel to the point where I become miserable and sexually frustrated, because your feelings and ego will otherwise be hurt?
How about you let me go fuck a big tiddied bitch whenever I feel like it so I can get it out of my system, and then I'll come back and eat your small pussy and eat your thicc ass (because for example, these are the things from you that get my dick hard), AND I'll keep loving you, supporting you and cherishing you, because you acted like an understanding woman, applied logic to your feelings, and didn't make me feel like a human piece of trash for liking and wanting to fuck a bitch with big tits?
And yes, as it's only fair, you are also allowed to go fuck a BBC if you feel like it. But that's the thing, you are not wired this way, and you won't have the need to. If you do, it's fine, no problem, but you most likely won't.
*You will be offended by something
Unless you find a woman with the same opinion, most relationships are built on a commitment. The idea is that you will rise above baser animalistic desires you describe and be with that one person as proof of your feelings for each other.
I mean, if you're both happy, whatever, you do you. But in most "open relationships" i've ever encountered? Lets just say they were very one-sided.
Exactly, I do not expect for every woman I meet to have this mentality. I am straight forward about what I need, I do not deceive. If she is not ready and does not feel that this is something she can deal with or even wants at all, I do not purse a serious relationship with her and let her be. Also, if you consider placing such importance on rising above (it really is suppressing, not rising) this basic animal need as THE proof of commitment and feelings to each other, then perhaps you need to re-evaluate your value system.
And let me guess, the "open relationships" were one sided in the sense that the man was fucking different women but the woman wasn't sleeping with other man? If yes, you can refer to my previous posts.
If you feel like it, listen to this song
I don't know this woman's name, I don't know any other songs that she has sung, I don't know how smart, funny or interesting she is, I don't know her personally, but being up there, willingly, singing these lyrics, I can guarantee you - this woman had not one, but many, many men in her life love her, cherish her, and be committed to her.
Why'd she go through all that with you just to cheat on you later?
She'll suffer the consequences later if she will cheat
>This usually happens in relationships where the man entirely focuses on the woman and the relationship instead of on himself, where he loses the social circle he may have initially had, stops talking to other women, and otherwise does not continue to improve himself as any man should
This is the deephole i got myself into with my current relationship, i doubt she'd go too far and cheat, but God! your comment just spoke to me and am so afraid, please user help me, what should i do? am a bit clueless, i get distracted when i read, while she is improving herself. i didn't notice how time flew away and i lost some of my social circles as you said, i wanna be great again, and not break now and feel miserable, just fucking help with a chart a video anything my brain is clouded and i can't think properly, thank god i stubled upon this thread rathern than starting a new one
Chill the fuck out nigga and read my other posts in this thread.
what the fuck are the red flags you see in this new partner?