Old guy advice thread

Hi - 47 yo man in us. Normalish life. Own my own consulting firm and married 16 years. 2 kids getting good grades, etc etc

Here is anyone wants a different perspective.

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I'm about your age. Have you gone through mid-life crisis yet, OP? How did you deal with it?

do you think a man would marry the wrong person against everyones judgement, deep down knowing it himself, because he doesn't feel he deserves better and doesn't feel good enough nor want to "ruin" the life of the woman he does admire?

Wondering about a few people actually

How long do you plan on wage slaving untill?

Do you regret getting married?

Not OP, but from what I have seen, marriage is usually a bad risk. The downside could be literally life-destroying and the upside is mild at best.

Just don't marry. Ever

No - Fucked around a bunch til I was around 30.

Basically had my retirement and mlc in my 20s.
However, I have entered the existential dread of realizing, I prob only have 30 years of good life left. It just encourges me to be more proactive.

Sorry, I need anew keyboard. This one is fucked

I own my business, so its not wage slaving, but hope to work FT until about 60, then scale back and sell my firm at around 65.

Honestly, I try to take 8 weeks off every year and do one week a month of 3 days.

But, I love what I do, so its not a bad deal.

how do i unfuck myself
i was a neet until 21(22 now)
my credit score is 500 due to getting a cc when i was 18 & not paying it back
currently have a job as a cashier making $200 a week & im in community college
my goal rn is to get a car & then move from my parents
besides getting a secure card & saving money. what else can i do?
giving up on relationships rn. im always anxious because i feel like im way behind in life.

some days, but not usually. I met my now wife when I was 24 ad she was 16. She lived behind me and worked pt and the corner store. She went to college and and came home after about 2 years andlived at home. We started dating shortly thereafter and hooked up some, but then i dumped her and moved. We got back together when I was about 30 and thinggs have been great since.

She'd getting a little chubbier (was 106 5'4" when we first dated; now about 120) and doesnt fuck like she used to, but we got aloong very well and the sex is great when do .

How do we remove the baby boomer

Don't worry about your credit right now. It starts going away pretty quickly and if you don't make any money, you shouldnt be buying stuff anyway.

Quit retail and work at a bar. You'll start as like barback or busboy, but honestly, if you have a good attitude and work at it, you will get a bartending/waiting job quickly. Don't go to a corp chain. go to a cool locally owned spot. The fancier the better.

That will get you making much better wages pretty quickly.

I can't answer the rest til I know:

what are you studying at CC? Why are you studying it?

Are you handy at all? Like can you fix things?

Nature will take of it in about 10 years

im studying civil engineering/architecture/urban planning because i honstly can't stand how majority of houses are made in my area & the roads in our area are stupid. constant accidents happen daily

wouldnt say im handy but i've been in a situation where i needed to be. besides changing tires for family

actually glad you didn't answer my question.. you don't know what love is

you're just a middle aged man with no perspective, but I guess that is normal

Just turned 33 here. I hate my career, but it's profitable and I can't seem to justify getting training in something else just to start off at a barely functioning wage, so I think the only solution is finding something more flexible than a standard 8-5, or at least some place that won't babysit me.

How do I walk into jobs and set the expectation I don't want to be salaried/working lots of overtime and need a decent amount of time off without coming across like I'm unwilling to work? I'm really talented, but I feel like I'm trapped and will be for life when someone forces more hours or responsibilities on me.

OK - I do planning in my consulting firm. There is a huge need for this work, so you should be able to get a job pretty easily once you get qualified. The bad news is that most places require a Masters degree to hire planers.

The key here is to realign your thinking to the future. Buckle down. Keep debt as low as you can as defer things like a car (or if you need one, make is a cheap used hyundai accent or equally reliable equivalent) as long as you can.

Every dollar you spend now will cost you ten dollars later in life, either through financing charges or missed opportunities.

Seriously, quit retail. You are learning no skills and the pay sucks.

Make a plan. Like a 1, 3, 5 and 10 year plan and review it daily/weekly/whatever it takes to start internalizing your goals.

See if you can get involved with a decent community group, like a Main Street organization.

Ask a local planner, either municipal or private, for a meeting to just discuss their career. Basically say you are interested and want to know more about it. Make it about them though. People like to talk about themselves.

Lastly, make sure you are energetic about what you do. excited about your future.

Dang - you are right that I didn't give a good answer. I walked away and came back with 5 questions so rushed through it.

No I don't regret getting married. Some days it is hard and as time goes by things are not what you originally thought it would be. For me, i took my time getting married and dated a lot before my wife. We took time to get to know each other in several different aspects and over many years.

I am glad I didn't marry her when we first dated, because neither of us knew what we wanted.

I mentioned the sex and weight part, to illustrate that things change, but I didn't explain that. Of course I still wonder what it would be like with someone else, but mostly that is just borne of my insecurities about getting old and fatter myself. Like, could I still get a younger, hotter woman to hook up with me. But I do use perspective to know that what I have is good and that my wife and I respect each other and work as a good team.

Life is hard and full of ambiguity. having an understanding and loving partner makes it easier in the big picture, even if I hate the color she painted the bathroom.

thank you so much
should i buy a car outright from craiglist or get something from a dealer?
i have 2k saved up rn

This is tough. Basically, the direct advice I have is to position this as really wanting to be prt of the team. It's good to show your ambition, but in the end, a business is hiring you for what you can do for them, not what they can do for you. I've hired dozens of people and this is a common mistake in the interview; applicants that volunteer all the things they dont like about work.

In the end, this is why I started my own company. This isnt always an option, though.

My best advice is to work your network of professional and social relationships and their connections to just do "exploritory interviews" as in, can I meet you for lunch to just get a better sense of your business and what you are looking for in staff performance?

If you come across as professional and hard working - add real value -you may be surprised at who will call you back and offer you work.

The other part of this is you will get a better sense of what an employers "culture " is really like. You can't go into a job and say "I am a rockstar and demand extra time off, if the general culture there is, "be here in your desk at 8:30 and don't leave, except for lunch, until 5:30."

You need to ask these questions in a generic way to find out if your needs fit their culture.

Does that make sense? Basically treat your interviews as a chance to find out wether you want to work there or not, not as in convincing them to hire you.

With only $2k, you prob won't be able to get anything that is reliable. Are there other options? Public transit/biking/walking? a moped?

basically, if you can avoid a car and all the costs that go with it, do.

37 here married no kids. Am I fucking retard for wanting to give up my cushy fairly paid office job to become a rural mailman making half what I do now?

rn i borrow a car from my mom & uber if needed

Not if you would prefer to do that. It's always a tough balance of doing what you want and what you have to do to make the $$$.

If you hate what you do, you should make a plan to change it. However, do you really want to be a rural mail carrier? or is that just the no fucks given response to your current malaise?

There are probably options in between that might strike that balance better.

ride that out as long as you can. If you truly put a plan together and share it with your parents, they should be willing to help you in ways like that, I hope.

Don't let your ego talk you into spending money on things that don't fit your plan.

>gettin chubby
Have you ever had the talk? Would you? How do you do it?

>girl 1 who asked me out out of nowhere, was coworker so ultimately said no, felt like I could have grown to like her but there were no feelings, probably still willing for a while but she knows me very poorly and has no idea I was a full-blown neet a few years ago, and I have no desire to let that spread
>girl 2 who I knew for a year, talked on and off for a bit, and only started recently going out, at second base but she had a wildly different life, and a somewhat sketchy one, I think she's a decent person despite it but it's hard to suss out. My main problem here is I take some offence at possibly being a safe option for her when things screwed up spectacularly in her life, I care less about that when I care less about her so it's manageable but still
>girl 3 who is another coworker and showers me with food and always asks, just not my type but also broke up with a former co-worker who I was acquaintances with so I'd rather not go there, she probably does actually like me but there is a possible ulterior motive involving citizenship

I'm happy to just say no to all 3, fall back on alcohol and remain by myself like I have been until I start a job soon where I'm surrounded by women then try my luck, and it's also a company large enough fucking coworkers isn't too bad of an idea if they're in different departments

what do?

my instincts are to keep going with girl 2 but never fully commit, keep on friendly terms with girl 3, and just widen my social net when I get the job and start talking to girls there if they show interest

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I was a courier in college to pay the bills and enjoyed it. When being in doors I wish I were outside and what I do is self serving and really does nothing for my community. I'm a pretty simple guy and like the idea of being in a small town and being known as someone helpful. Mailman also is set hours, keeps me moving, most people don't hate mail people and the benefits are good. Just on paper sounds like something an idiot would do. Getting an older man's perspective is exactly what I need right now.

When you started building your own company what kept you going?

Currently 23, quit my deadend IT support job to help my dad build our own startup. And well shit's been tough. I'd admit that I'm learning in the past 6 months way way more than the entire year I spent with my old job. But sometimes it does feel a bit demoralizing seeing my friends getting promoted and having successful careers, while I'm now technically a NEET without even the benefit of a free time.

My body causes me constant suffering. Should I try to change sex or just kill myself? Nothing else worked, I don't see a third option. If I go with the first I might end up homeless. I believe in reincarnation but Im not convinced. I live with my parents and they are determined to stop me from getting help that isn't through church. Im 26 and my salary isn't great.
Thanks for the thread btw

I'd like to know more about the business aspect also, OP.

And what advice would you give for a 19-year-old who just has an idea, but literally no connections and no finances to create the idea himself? My plan was to partner with a company in that field and then create the product, but I'd like to know if that's the wrong way to go about it.

I mean, she knows it. We all add afew when we age. Its fine, but damn, she was TIGHT when she was younger. Still looks better than 98% of women her age.

I think your instincts are correct here. You don't need to only fuck work women.

If you think you would enjoy it, give it a try. If you hate it, start interviewing for a new job in your old field or find something else.

Basically, I am building something for myself of my own. And I hate having a boss.

I am busier, but happier, and make more money now. Plus, I can just schedule myself to take off every July.

That is wat keeps me going, but my job is very interpersonal, so I have a lot of human contact.

Find a way to move out of your house. I can't relate to your problem, but certainly, you shouldn't be tortured in your home. I hope you can find some kindness and I believe it may start with leaving your parents house forever.

If you KNOW your idea is a winner, follow it. But maybe work on something else (education/job/etc) in the meantime while you are doing it?

Can you get a job with a company that is in the same field so you can start making those connections?

The main point is this: Most choices are not A or B. There are usually other options in the middle that you can try out to see which way you should go. Also, Just because you make a decision now, doesn't mean it guides the rest of your life.

try more - worry less.

I want to purchase a home in 10 years. It will be between 250K-500K.

I currently make 50K, and will be making 80K in ten years.

I have 7K in savings. What changes should I make?

Damn - that's going to be tough to do at the high end of that range.

I mean there are really two things you can do:
1) be very frugal and save as much as you can. Like no starbucks, etc and if you do go out, have a couple drinks at home first then have like 1 or 2 while you are out.
2) Get a second job. If you got a weekend job that paid $150/wk and you actually saved it all, it would be an extra 5k in the bank every year.

here is another idea - Can you save enough in the next year to get about $15-20k in the bank?

If so, you may be able to buy a duplex. Duplexes, if you are going to live in one of the units, count as single family for mortgage purposes, so you can actually get into one with like 3-5% down if you have a good credit rating. The best part is that usually, you should be able to charge about 75% of your costs to the tenant in the other unit. If you can stand having a roomate, you can actually end up living there for free or even making a few $$$.

Meanwhile, you will save on rent costs and hopefully the house will appreciate. Between paying down your mortgage and appreciation, you will get a good amount of equity for your nest egg.

Also, if you can swing it, get a 15 year mortgage.

But seriously, no one is going to give a $400,000 mortgage to a guy making $80,000. If you want that $500k house, you will need to put about $200k as down payment. 80k gets you qualified for about $300k in mortgage, tops.

God-tier career advice, but remember that acting this way and being this kind of person will also increase the likelihood of being more materially and concretely focused. This can be either good or bad, but one should also know that there is less time for more contemplative action. A lot of your entire self will be dedicated when doing this with companies that will be making this a step up for retailfags. This has effects on personality and behavior and for a lot of them it will be superior to the old self but there are also spiritual achievements that come along for the ride that represent the exclusion of other glories. A life in Christ is another one.

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you have no clue what you will be making in ten years and its juvenile to pretend to a certainty.

>was 106 5'4" when we first dated; now about 120
>doesnt fuck like she used to
This is what 16 years of loyalty will get you as a woman. Wife? Mother? Care and love? Nah, 14lbs better be the first mention. Followed by another critique (don't worry, just sexual). I'm sure a man with just as much stamina from 16 years ago puts her to shame.

Not sure if you're still around, I had to go into the office before your reply. I definitely care about the culture and try to ask those questions, but I've gotten burned by being outright lied to about the culture a few times in my career. That's why I'm wondering how to be more forthcoming.

Yeah - the key is thatyou want to research a company beforehand. Hence the non-interview networking.

Also, use linked in
I have tracked down people from firms that I wanted to contract with and cold asked them to tell me about their company. Some have straight up said, "its a shitshow. runaway"

Where the hell should I start working if I want to work in management or any white collar job with an alright salary?

what are your qualifications?