My long term girlfriend of 9 years cheated on me and left me to live with the other guy. The thing that gets me the most about it all, isn't the heartbreak, the anger of betrayal, or the depression, but it's this weird sense of jealously. Why are women just able to move onto some other guy and start a completely new life, with different perspectives, priorities, sense of humour, ways of loving, hobbies, interests etc. and I'm stuck here with the same life I was trying to build with her? I'm happy with my life, but it just feels weird that I'm stuck with it whereas she was able to just move onto something else.
Even if I got a new girlfriend, I would just be introducing her to my life, rather than me becoming absorbed in hers, and it's not like some MILF is going to scoop me up and take me into her life and take care of me (and be excited, eager, even desperate at the chance to do so) whereas it seems this is the appeal for women who cheat. The ability to run away into another man's life and start over.
Sure, I could drop my current life, move somewhere new and try to build a new life, but it's still just me, a continuation of my current life journey, stuck with myself and my thoughts, rather than a brand new one as part of someone's else's ongoing life.
Does anyone else know this feel? How do I get over it?
You sound like you have unresolved mommy issues. That's probably why your girlfriend left you. You need to be a man. Don't move to avoid your problems or her. Just deal with your issues head on. Maybe go see a psychologist to deal with this.
>9 years >girlfriend
Maybe she was looking for commitment that you weren’t giving her? Why almost a decade of a relationship and no proposal?
At any rate my advice is the usual. Hit the gym or work out at home, eat healthy, dive into a hobby and worry about yourself for awhile before trying to start a new relationship. Also you should DEFINITELY go no contact with this person. Block them on everything and don’t contact them by phone or anything like that. Keeping them in your life in any capacity is going to be poisonous for you
Well the cheating part always sucks man. I don't mind my gf deciding to leave me for someone else as long as she's not doing it behind my back. On the other hand I'm the kind of guy that backs off any girl I know is already in a relationship. Sometimes I can't help myself acting a little off around women I like because I'm shy as it is but I'll never make a move on them.
Sorry to hear that man, but really did you ask her why she cheated on you? Like other anons said she was waiting for you to make a lifelong commitment but still, it's not a justification for cheating.
>You sound like you have unresolved mommy issues
How do you resolve those mommy issues (don't say see a psychologist, if you don't know then you don't know)? My mother passed away when I was young and I was raised by my father, so perhaps I will never over it. Not to mention that most men are still very close to their mothers, even if they hate them, whether they're single or married. My gf may have replaced my mother, and possibly I replaced her father, which seems like the male ideal and how we lasted so long together without having children.
Yes it reached its time limit without having children I guess, but that jealousy is still there even though I'm past everything else. I guess you have a point by tying it to mommy issues, but then I guess it's not a normal feeling for young to middle aged guys since they are still very attached to their real life mothers, whereas I never had that. My gf leaving just revealed those deep feeling to myself. Perhaps I will never get over it and will just have to live with it. Thank you for the insight.
>Maybe she was looking for commitment that you weren’t giving her? Why almost a decade of a relationship and no proposal?
She made clear early on she didn't want children whereas I did, and I just accepted it. Marriage seemed pointless without that and just an unnecessary complication, and she never brought up a desire for marriage. She had family issues of her own who essentially abanoned her so I had to take care of her. At the beginning things seemed equal but it became apparent I was developing my career whereas she couldn't keep a job or even want to work, and she started developing health problems which I helped her sort out. Marriage proposals were the last thing on our minds.
She started speaking to people online while at home and I guess this guy promised the world to her and asked the same questions (why no marriage or kids?) even though she was wasting my time as much as I was wasting hers if you take that angle, though I never judged.
The reason she cheated and left isn't hard to figure out, I accept that, it's just the jealousy that I've had to struggle as well with my own problems and life on top of hers, then she can just run away and start a new one whereas I'm stuck with what I was building. I was mostly wondering if other men felt the same when the relationship ends, especially after cheating, but maybe this is something only divorced men feel and I just got a dose of reality way too early in life and it didn't actually affect me materially too much, so I'm just left with the emotional impact.
>Also you should DEFINITELY go no contact with this person. Block them on everything and don’t contact them by phone or anything like that. Keeping them in your life in any capacity is going to be poisonous for you
Completely agree, the jealousy is a big part of what motivates me to do that. She wanted a new life and got it, I don't want her new life to impede on mine, even if she ends up missing it. Thank you for the advice.
>don't say see a psychologist I already stated you maybe need to see a psychologist.
>if you don't know then you don't know You stated you wanted to date a MILF, so I kind of had a clue you had mommy issues. To what extent you had mommy issues, I didn't know.
>My mother passed away when I was young and I was raised by my father That truly sucks. I'm not surprised though.
>My gf may have replaced my mother, and possibly I replaced her father That sounds like a very dysfunctional, and impossible dynamic to have. You should both be non-parental roles to each other.
>which seems like the male ideal and how we lasted so long together without having children. Good for you, but she left you. Also, there are lots of other couples who don't have this dysfunctional dynamic, who also have longer lasting relationships or shorter lasting relationships.
>Yes it reached its time limit without having children I guess but that jealousy is still there even though I'm past everything else. I don't think you're past everything else judging by your posts. I think you have a lot of unresolved emotional issues prior, during, and post relationship.
>I guess you have a point by tying it to mommy issues, but then I guess it's not a normal feeling for young to middle aged guys since they are still very attached to their real life mothers, whereas I never had that. Your mom died, that sucks. There are other children who's mothers died, abandoned them, abused them and causes some problems. Some of them do know how
>My gf leaving just revealed those deep feeling to myself. Which goes to my aforementioned point where you probably have more unresolved emotional issues prior, during, and post relationship.
>Perhaps I will never get over it and will just have to live with it. Thank you for the insight. Nine years sucks, and sometimes it'll seem like it won't resolve, but it'll should get easier if you have the proper support. Seeing a psychologist should help.
I don't want to date a MILF, I don't really want to date anyone at this point, it was just an example of the inverse of what women do when they cheat and move in with some other guy, especially if they're older and have more financial/material means, but yes, I suppose it was quite revealing that I used an example like that.
I don't believe I'm past everything, but like I said, it's not heartbreak, anger or depression, it's this strange jealousy that doesn't seem like a common response to being cheated on and a LTR ending, so I was wondering if it was normal, which apparently it isn't.
We all have unresolved emotional issues, regardless of relationshipsi this feeling of jealousy is one of them I'm aware of. Mommy issues are a part of that, no doubt, but there's also the logical unfairness of the male/female dynamic of relationships ending and pursuing new ones that I'm having trouble coming to terms with. Women have men chase them and introduce them into their worlds as an escape from their current life, men have to chase women and show their current life is worthy of bringing them into. Men are human and naturally have a desire to escape as well, but it seems there's no option for them. Mommy issues would just exacerbate that.
Find new mommy gf
I'm not dating single moms or dried up MILFs since my mommy issues has ironically made me attracted to very feminine women to make up for my lack of female comfort from my mother, so I guess I'm stuck paying escorts to go on mommy dates.
>I don't want to date a MILF >and it's not like some MILF is going to scoop me up and take me into her life and take care of me (and be excited, eager, even desperate at the chance to do so) Okay, whatever you say.
>strange jealousy Usually jealousy is part of anger and heartbreak.
>We all have unresolved emotional issues, regardless of relationshipsi Again, it sounds like you have a lot of emotional baggage. That could have contributed to it.
>this feeling of jealousy is one of them I'm aware of. Again, thanks for supporting my previous mention you have other issues.
>Mommy issues are a part of that, no doubt, but there's also the logical unfairness of the male/female dynamic of relationships ending and pursuing new ones that I'm having trouble coming to terms with.
Stop trying to justify your self-professed unresolved mommy issues you just stated earlier. Your ex didn't want to be a mom, and she didn't want to be a mom to you - as in taking care of you like a child.
>Women have men chase them Depends what kind of a man you are and how you approach it.
>and introduce them into their worlds as an escape from their current life No clue what that means, but you sound somewhat delusional.
>men have to chase women and show their current life is worthy of bringing them into. Goes both ways. Plus, you can just be yourself and not fake it.
>Men are human and naturally have a desire to escape as well, but it seems there's no option for them. Escape what? I prefer to be grounded in reality.
>Mommy issues would just exacerbate that. Or cause it, whatever that is.
Again, go see a psychologist.
Everyone in this thread is attacking you for some odd reason. But I understand. I hate women. I had a girl do this shit to me. No remorse, just pounce into someone else with no feelings.
She doesn't know what the fuck she wants and I'm glad she's gone. Bitch brought too many problems to me.
I kinda see what you are saying, just realize that means her life is built around other people, by herself she has nothing. You are stuck with your life, but whether you are alone or with someone, it's still the life you built.
>She made clear early on she didn't want children whereas I did That was the point you should have broken up. Don't sink another decade on someone with such a fundamentally different direction in life.
We were in our early 20s, I just mentioned kids hypothetically, I assumed her view would change, but mine did instead, and her baby rabies kicked in later on. There wasn't much redpills on women (eg. the Wall, hypergamy etc.) in the early 2010s on the net at the time, not that I could have taken it 100% seriously and end a good relationship at the time for it when we were still young.
Thanks, I assume she will do the same shit with the new guy, and then the new one, and so on. The price of escape is you don't learn to deal with what you have, but the jealousy still stings, especially while I'm still young (28).
Look up "war wives"
Women have a natural (some would say sociopathic) ability to compartmentalize relationships to suit their whim
Focus on yourself,lift,hobbies,friends,etc. Eventually you'll be dating better women.
Luckily men age into the dating market. Women age out
they move on to another while still being with you monkeys and branches they do it because we allow it
haha that's what you get for engaging in romantic relationships with females, your heart torn out as if she's actually some wild beast behind those cute eyes. That's what you chose when you started dating a female, you literally got what you were asking for. How could you possibly be 9 years with someone and not consider that she's obviously cheating on you? She ruined your life and her just got better. That's again your own fault for having a relationship with women.
This is just what happens when you are the cheatee and not the cheater. I assure you the victim feels similar to you no matter their gender or sex.
Most women feel this way when their old ass husband leaves them for the 25 year old model and starts over with a new baby and life, and they're stuck their trying to pay for some teenagers or whatever from their ex, and guys their own age won't date them because they all have 25 year olds.
If it makes you feel better, my ex moved on, got married to his new girlfriend, bought a house with his new wife, and now they're having a baby. In the meantime I'm stuck trying to cover rent at an apartment I can't afford because he didn't qualify for the lease. But yet he can buy a house with rent less than our old apartment.
honestly OP. yoi were with that girl for 9 years and it wasn't clear to you that she was planning to cheat? Most girls do this after a while once things become boring.
In every break-up there is a dumper and a dumpee. It always comes as a shock to the dumpee, but the dumper has been thinking about it for maybe months.
So she is not necessarily cold - she's just several months ahead of you in the getting-over-it process