Could I get a sanity check here. Last night it was late when I got to bed and I was tired. My gf was on her phone on bed watching YouTube, when I got into bed I said something along the lines of "goodnight, let's sleep". She said something like "I'll just finish this video". She was playing it over her phone speakers but it wasn't super loud so I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep anyway. Around 5 minutes later either she was watching a different video or something and it got a lot louder. I was half asleep and didn't have full faculty so I sighed at the annoyance (I wouldn't normally do something so passive aggressively petite). At this she put away her phone and turned away from me. She might have said something after this but I was 80% asleep and don't remember, after a little bit she got up grabbed her pillow and went to the lounge room. I sent her the top two messages and then fell asleep. Today is one of the two days she works so I didn't see her in the morning before I went to work. I messaged her while I was having my lunch break. Pic related follows.
Would my reply be out of line? "I think you need to think about which is more important, bring angry or being with me. I am the one who was bothered and now I am being punished for it. That is not a healthy relationship. In my entire life I have never met anyone who treats me like this and maintains a grudge over such small things. I love you and want to be with you but if you behave like this you are just pushing me away."
Yikes bro did you get yourself involved with a fob chink? Her response is completely disproportionate.
Sounds like she's very childish. But next time ask her to lower it. Don't tell her let's sleep that's demanding. You tell her you intentions and ask if she would like to do the same. If not tell her put some earphones on
She came to the west in high school, around 3-4 years before we met (so around 12 years ago).
>Don't tell her let's sleep that's demanding. I get what you're saying but this was more of a "ok let's sleep" because she was waiting for me. Staying up while the other person sleeps isn't something either of us does.
>fuck >im a zombie phasing out >aw bebi i sleepy, mind if i listen to a podcast >mmm ye ye >splat
try to be more manly user, they bitch and whine about men but they get wet for stereotypical man things, one of those things is sleeping anytime anywhere like you were shot, fucking them before sleep is an excellent way to achieve this
You should've given her a good pounding your fault op.
How's my reply though? Should I tone it down/add anything?
Her lack of libido is a separate issue. She considers once a week excessive.
Are you married for ten years or something? If not, sounds like she's cucking you on the side
Bro what the fuck? Why are you with her? She doesn’t fuck you, can’t speak English and whines about insignificant shit like a little child. Are you married?
>OP going through the trouble of excusing himself to anons about why he sighed >chick goes to other room because her bf sighs >"hi lovely, I'm sorry, I feel bad" :( She's crazy and you're whipped. If she had a boyfriend who wasn't a pussy pushover, she'd probably act a bit more normal.
We've been in a relationship for 7 years. I know she's not because she never goes out without me.
She works as a school teacher, her English is fine, we just talk retarded in chat because couple things. Not married.
I used to be more assertive but then shit just drags out forever, usually a quick sorry is enough to get her to settle down. What do you think would have been a better response? Is the reply I wrote up in the OP worth sending?
>I think you need to think about which is more important, bring angry or being with me. I am the one who was bothered and now I am being punished for it. That is not a healthy relationship. In my entire life I have never met anyone who treats me like this and maintains a grudge over such small things. >I love you and want to be with you but if you behave like this you are just pushing me away. Send? y/n?
Good luck reasoning with a person who seems to be guided by their own selfish emotions
Never apologize when you aren't in the wrong. Set up some ground rules for the bedroom you both can live with. Having a pair of headphones next to the bed could solve the sound issue, that is what I do when I visit someone and wants to watch YT before going to sleep. Sending an ultimatum like that over text is a bad idea. She is angry with you and you don't know why. Telling her to stop being angry doesn't work. You need to talk in person and figure this out.
She replied >What do you want me to say to make you feel better?
Back home now and she's in the other room. I'm not in the mood to talk to her. We both have earphones on our bedside tables.
you're too far gone, just ask her to find a bull
I know why she is angry, because she never wants any blame on herself so will target someone to get angry at when something goes wrong. The other day she missed a shift at work because the person she asked to cover could only do one of the two shifts. She didn't pay enough attention/assumed someone would be free to swap with less than a day's notice and she didn't say anything to her boss about not being in that day. When it happened she talked about being angry with her work colleague who couldn't swap.
fix the sex issue first, not being fucked properly makes bitches angry seemingly no reason
She sent another message >In my entire life I have never met anyone who treats me like this and maintains a grudge over such small things.
>I am very sorry to hear that. Cannot believe it was such a small thing to you. >Sounds like I am the one who caused all these problems even though you were the rude person last night
Am I taking crazy pills, Anons?
It sounds like she wants something to change. First of all, you should talk to her about this in person. Also, you need to ask her for her perspective in this, and after hearing her perspective, let it be known that you didn't see it as such a big deal. Tell her that you have a better understanding of why she was so upset, but didn't honestly mean to make her feel that way, and then tell her your own perspective. Writing >In my entire life I have never met anyone who treats me like this and maintains a grudge over such small things. was asking to escalate things further, so I'd say it was a mistake. It was also a pretty mean thing to say, so I think you should apologize for saying that. Ask her what she thought was rude about what you did, and just tell her that you were half asleep when the noise from the video woke you. Make it clear that you weren't intentionally so passive aggressive. After having this conversation, if things are better between you, you should ask her what she'd prefer you to do, and then tell her what you'd prefer her to do, and come to some agreement moving forward.
Yeah nah, fuck that. I'm sick of this shit, I'll probably try to break up with her again.
:( Good to know I wasted my time writing that.
I still appreciate user but the thing she wants to change is that she wants me to be focussed on her and nothing else. If she gets bothered by something she wants me to immediately apologise to her, but not just any apology is has to be an apology which hits all the targets she wants but won't actually tell me are.
Fair enough. Have you told her that though? You might as well if you're gonna break up anyway.
Fair call, I'll say it to her.
stop apologizing when you're not in the wrong
This is what I mean, you have no idea what she is going through and you relate everything back to your own worldview, not hers. She is upset over something and you need to figure out what that is. In this messageShe say you were rude to her and she feels like it is a big deal. You can't just say no it isn't, you need to figure out why it is a big deal to her.
From your story it seems like you scoffed at her for watching YT in bed. Then you apologize for being grumpy, to which she say that you always say you are sorry but you never do anything about it, I can assume to her you are grumpy a lot and you take every minor thing and make it a big deal like the YT watching. Then you feel offended she didn't take that apology and gave you one for making you grumpy and the next day you tell her to stop being mad or get the fuck out. To which she gets offended and say you are the one being grumpy all the time, why should she apologize?
Obviously this has nothing to do with the incident last night. I would guess she feels trapped at home and she can't do whatever she wants. Things she do annoy you and makes you mad at her. If this assumption is right, she needs to do something at home that is creative and fun for her and you won't get upset with or criticize in any way. Does she have such an outlet? It also seems like something is wrong at work, so maybe she isn't being fulfilled anywhere. If she doesn't have such an outlet, you need to give her one or encourage her in the one she chooses herself. This means wearing the sweater she is knitting, getting excited to see her painting or reading and discussing the books she writes. These things make her happy and encourages her to keep doing that thing. You need space from each other and these things are healhy ways to do that. You probably also need something like that for yourself right?
Holy shit dude you are a living, breathing doormat.
A lot of wrong assumptions there. She's free to do anything she likes at home or elsewhere. Me showing any kind of annoyance is few and far between because anytime I say I dislike something she's done she gets angry with me.