I feel that I'm a bad fit for my girlfriend. I think I'm just dragging her down, and even when I tell her this she encourages me to be better. I think she would be happier with a stronger, smarter, more ambitious man. I'm neurotic and unstable... I know she isn't going to break up with me, even if she should. Should I make the decision for her and end it?
Is it okay to break up someone if you're the problem?
what's stopping you from becoming a better person?
To put it bluntly: you aren't considering her feelings in the matter, only your anxiety and insecurity. It doesn't count as kindness if you make the decision by disregarding what she wants.
Be grateful that she cares about you so much. Appreciate her and strive to become the person you know she deserves. It sounds like she would be much happier that way.
I try every day but some days I fail. Other days I do okay but it feels like I haven't been treating her any better and I just want her to be happy and treated like how she deserves. She's a great girl and I have no idea why she's putting up with me.
I know her feelings count too and that it isn't right to take the decision from her, but if I can't change, and all I do is hurt her, why shouldn't I rip off the bandaid for her? It's going to kill the both of us but in the end I think she could do so much better.
I know I'm a piece of shit if I do that to her, but isn't it just as cruel putting her through all this? I don't know.
If all you really did was hurt her she would have left a long time ago. AT the very least she would have taken the opportunity when you said you didn't deserve her.
The fact that she is actively choosing to stay with you means you're not as bad as your brain says you are.
I did that """for""" my ex-boyfriend. I regret it and I'm pretty sure he still resents me for it.
I still really want to get back together with him even so many years on but it'll never happen and I've come to accept that.
Sure I've worked on myself and I'm less neurotic and unstable than I was but I'm still nowhere near feeling like I deserve his love because I'm nowhere near as successful, witty, multi-talented, well-adjusted as him.
Cautionary tale then?
Yeah, but idk what the moral is because I'm not at the end of the story yet.
LISTEN UP OP AND ANYONE CONSIDERING DOING THIS:
Leaving someone because you "know they deserve someone/something better" is bullshit.
It is bad romance novel tier bullshit.
It is literally Final Episode of Dexter tier bullshit.
Never seen it? Google how much people hated it. Dexter was a serial killer that murdered two innocent people, directly caused the deaths of two great cops, and indirectly caused the deaths of others including his loved ones. And the worst thing he ever did is exactly what you are suggesting.
>"I love and respect my partner so much that I'm going to ignore their thoughts, feelings, and choices because I, the person that I insist is inferior, know better!"
And fuck you for reminding me of that ending.
Fuck all these dick-ass replies my man, I did that for a girl I was dating years and years ago and it was the best thing to happen to her.
I fell down into a spiral of drugs and violence and political extremism - which is all very cool as hell - but she was the nicest sweetest most innocent and caring girl I had ever met. I for sure would have dragged her down into all that and she deserved better. She got better. She moved on her with her career and also moved on to date nice guys that weren't stereotypical degenerate trash like I became.
Could she have been my rock or my anchor or whatever and prevented me from going through what I did? maybe, I wasn't going to risk her life and her future to see how it would play out.
Outside of the comparison you're making (though it is resonating with me), yeah. That ending was God awful. I remember sitting there and feeling so pissed off. What kind of ending was that? And who did he think he was helping? What was the fucking point of all those seasons?
I was so fucking angry.
But shit, when you put it that way.. How can I argue? I feel like she deserves better, but yeah, I am the stupid unstable partner and if she really wanted to leave, she probably would.
Drugs, violence, and political extremism are a bit out of my depth. I'm an insecure loser. You kind of take the cake, though your shittiness is more interesting than mine I guess.
Yes take the advice of the guy whose best real world example is a TV show episode.
Hey maybe if you stick with your girl you'll get married and have kids but then you'll get lung cancer and to pay for your treatment and as well to financially provide for you your family you'll start to cook crystal meth and fall deeper and deeper into the world of organized crime, getting all sorts of innocent people killed, and ultimately end up dying in a gun battle with neo nazis and because the police caught onto you, you won't even be able to provide that much money to your family
cause real life is TV shows.
Being an insecure loser is exactly how I got into those things.
It's a pretty good example if you've seen the show and invested in it. I remember the feeling the finale gave me, and he did pretty much pull a 'make a decision for other people', but after he'd already fucked everybody's lives up anyway. Eh.
I think you're missing the point of his example. Never seen Breaking Bad but it's terribly unlikely as I don't know how to cook crystal meth. Checkmate atheists.
I guess it's good I don't care about politics and believe in D.A.R.E then.
>I think you're missing the point of his example.
I believe I am, because most of his post is about how cops got killed because of Dexter and that most people didn't care for the ending of the show including him.
So unless you're a serial killer, his example is just as random and invalid as my breaking bad example.
The point wasn't that he was a serial killer. The point was that the worst thing he did in the entire show was make a decision for someone else, despite the fact that he was literally murdering people throughout every season. That finale was monumental, but only in that it pissed every viewer off. It just resonated with me because I remember how bad it was, and how much I hated that he chose to do that.
I have never seen Breaking Bad and would not understand any reference or if some finale was upsetting. That's just a random show to me. Maybe you're having the same issue with his explanation.
>The point was that the worst thing he did in the entire show was make a decision for someone else, despite the fact that he was literally murdering people throughout every season
The second half of that sentence is what stands out to me.
>Art never imitates life.
>Life never iimitates art.
>I believe I am missing the point of his example
>So unless you're a serial killer,
his example is just as random and invalid as my breaking bad example.
You really, really are missing the point. And it's not subtle or complex.
>The second half of that sentence is what stands out to me.
He was murdering murderers. The two innocents he killed were one mistake and a mugger (I think). The others he got killed by indirect actions while trying to maintain his "lifestyle".
The infuriating thing is that he hurts people throughout the show by selfishly pursuing his obsession. By the end, he's finally at a place where he can stop and understand that. So, like the stupid human he's become, he hurts his loved ones by selfishly making decisions for them, instead.
I'm glad you got my point, user.
You have poor self-esteem so you're trying to self-sabotage the things you have because you think you don't deserve them.
If she wants to be with you, you have to accept it. Stop cheating yourself out of future happiness.
this is a really good response OP
>being weak in front of women
>telling women your problem
You sound just like I was when I was in a moderate depression.
This is self-sabotage happening because you are depressed and have an unrealistically low image of yourself. You need to treat this like the health issue that it is and make changes, which may include exercise, therapy, or drugs
Nah mate you’re still depressed don’t lie