Why does not having a gf and feeling sad about it make me a bad person?
Why does not having a gf and feeling sad about it make me a bad person?
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Because you’re relying your own happiness on another person which is a type of codependency. It is also an inappropriate social pressure you are objectifying others with. No one should be responsible for your feelings but you user
if you're posting frogs here i'd advice just going for a bf homo
Why did someone tell you that? Feeling sad about not fulfilling part of what makes you a living mammal is normal user. It's how you deal with your feelings the determines whether or not you're a bad person.
I don't know, apparently being a single male means you have women and are an incel probabl
I mean just with this question
This guy is already calling me a codependent mess that projects on others without even knowing my name. It makes me feel sad
It shows that your value relies on the validation of others.
Let you in on a little secret. Once you become comfortable with yourself and just living life, women appear.
See Take responsibility for your own happiness user
People that have been in relationships in the past really shouldn't be so quick to criticize others for not having them, they don't know you.
Now what I said stands, it depends how you deal with your feelings user. People that lash out and vent their frustrations in a violent manner are considered bad people. Feeling sad over stuff like this just means you need support and someone to talk to in order to make you feel better. Women do it, men can do it too. I'm assuming you're an adult male having problems socializing with women and from what you said so far you have to go through some kind of social rehabilitation but in today's world it can only be achieved in a controlled environment. In other words, try going to these places that help people speak with the opposite gender. I understand it's a problem in certain countries and I'm not surprised, I'm not here to judge you user just help a guy out.
I am not sad all the time. I just wish I had someone to share some experiences with.
Today I see the following patterns user. It depends what stage in your life you're in. When you're young as in below 35 years old what people do is network as much as possible building stable social circles to move ahead in the world. Through these circles it becomes easier to find yourself attractive in the eyes of the opposite sex. This is more so the case if you live in large populations. If you lack the skills to develop these circles you're going to struggle in any aspect requiring socialization including dating user. Once people hit that age limit and continue aging they usually start settling down and this is when relationships start to be more about stability than exploring the possibilities. In other words, if you accumulated enough wealth by this time and are doing well financially it doesn't matter as much how big your circle is at this time. You could have a relatively small circle and still find a date somewhere. The older you are the less picky some people tend to become, not everyone can afford to be.
So you still have a chance user, but for now work on your social skills.
I was once where you are. I had to get divorced to “find myself” and just be happy with myself to move on and find a decent partner
Do you want advice or are you just whining?
I really dislike the whole networking part of getting a better job, really. I'm doing decently on that front and getting some promotions but I just hate how vacuous and fake all that stuff feels.
I like people who are genuine.
How did you find yourself? What did you find? Legitimately curious, glad you're in a better spot now user.
So far I've found about myself that I'm really not greedy or ambitious at all and I just want to be a bit of an affable loafer. I don't get mad at many things and I don't care doing different shit, I'm a compsci graduate but for my current job I'm doing shit like swapping lightbulbs or moving racks and honestly it's kind of fun.
people who say "lul you're supposed to be comfortable alone bro" are fucking stupid
pair-bonding is essential to humans
it's no wonder that you're stressed over not having a partner, your body is signaling that something's fucked because you're supposed to have one by now through that stress
it's the same as pain, same as hunger, same as thirst, and so on
that feeling is supposed to drive you to find a partner, not to try and shut it down as these knobs suggest
Well it wouldn't hurt so bad if it wasn't that everywhere, and for everywhere I mean in every town, road, street, city, and also every media like books, movies, tv series and even freaking videogames and animes love and couples are omnipresent and they're thrown mercilessly at you like if they're easy to get.
I see, I guess we're not too different after all user. Well as long as you're financially stable you shouldn't have a problem finding someone eventually. It seems your only problem is socializing. Depending where you live it can be very easy or nigh impossible.
Bad sex happens to bad people
human beings are not so simple
what people need and want is completely shaped by how they condition themselves
there is nothing wrong with wanting a partner but learning to be content with just yourself will make you less exploitable.
Yeah but you can only stretch that so much. As much as we may like to think otherwise humans have limitations, no matter what anyone says this is the truth. You can be content to an extent being alone but deep down you know you you'll be missing something in your life. It's wired through evolution in your brain just like other facets of your human nature.
>learning to be content with just yourself will make you less exploitable.
Also a sociopath as loneliness is extremely detrimental to your mental health. Stop lying to yourself already and go make some friends
I found that I identified myself with my ex. I watched everything burn to the ground and had to build a life from nothing. It felt like I washed up on shore with a bunch of ship wreckage. I literately owned about twenty boxes of stuff, a 20 year old car, and a bed. I was forced with building a new life and I had plenty of time on my hands to ponder what that should look like. All said and done I learned what I’m made of and I know what is possible. Ultimately I learned that this is your life and you better make it what you want it to be. I learned that the opinions of other people just does not matter. Shits not even metaphorical, it’s legitimately true. If you want to go do something, just go. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. The more you don’t care the more on track your life becomes to be filled with joy and happiness. I don’t think many people understand my life as it is, but that’s ok, it’s my life and it’s pretty fantastic.
Because you put pussy on a pedestal and think that having a GF=Good. You fail to recognize why people have relationships at all, and you simplify and reduce human relationships to good/bad based entirely on external factors and ideology. This might sound like a joke or a troll post, but just be comfortable with yourself and you will realize that all of that external pressure is actually BS. Don't believe me? Answer this; what separates a bad person from a good person?
A good person is someone who makes other people happy.
So if you have a SO you're probably at least a decent person since you're making someone else happy.
Oh so you think that being in a relationship means you always make the other person happy? Even though you are 2 separate people? Wow dude, you've got this shit really twisted. That "Happily forever after" shit is only in Disney movies. In reality people are always working on their relationships, and the closer you get the harder you have to work to keep that balance between fulfilling your self and being there for your SO.
I don't think you make them always happy, but at least you make them happier than if you didn't exist, if not they wouldn't be there.
You live in delusion. Pay attention to the second half of my post. A relationship is about balance, it's not this sacrifice of yourself. You have a romanticized vision of what a relationship "should be" rather than what it really is.
Mate you're kind of understanding what you want to understand. I'm just saying that if you're in a relationship then the other person will consider you a plus in their lives or they wouldn't bother being in a relationship with you
This is bullshit, I'm comfortable but there are no fucking women
People have relationships for lots of different reasons, it seems like you want to believe that all relationships are "meant to be" or some storybook shit like that.
Go find someone on those experiences then
This might come as a surprise to you but you have to do stuff to meet people,
From where, an anonymous UPS package? This is the worst Jow Forums meme, you can't expect anyone to try and meet you halfway.
Maybe try leaving your basement for a change?
Bro just wait and it will happen bro haha
I go to work, go to concerts, exhibits, sometimes travel. The only person that has ever actually approached me was an old man in Japan that thought I was lost looking at a train map and we spent some time practicing his English, talking about the best way to phrase something and so on. Nobody falls into your lap unless you're lucky. You have to always expect to put in all the work, which you won't do or even think about doing if you're a hard introvert unless you feel some pain from loneliness. Or maybe I'm just ugly, idk.
Dating is work. Courtship is work. Relationships are work. The difference is you sound antisocial, not just "an introvert," which will make the work harder than someone who loves to be social. In other words, tough shit nigga, not the world's fault you're shit at something innate in most other humans.
You have a different voice from OP, so I'll assume you're another user.
When you go out to these places and see women, how do they respond to you when you approach them and talk to them? How do people generally respond to you when you approach them and talk to them?
Being comfortable with yourself isn't a component in a magical spell that summons women to you. It makes being with people easier. It makes interaction with them come from a place of comfortable casualness rather than a place of need. It changes a great many things. But it won't change the social dynamic that, generally, men approach women.
Even if they did magically appear, you'd still have to approach them.
Not having a gf and feeling sad about it doesn't make you bad person. It's just that you come off as a weak man for wanting something in life and not actively searching/obtaining that which you want. Whining about wanting a gf will make women think "what's wrong with that dude, better stay away from that walking red flag" and it'll make men think "Lol look at this loser fag" but you're not a bad person. Just not a person of value based on your current actions.
That's just cause ur ugly m8
It does though. If you don't have a gf and feel bad about it you're an entitled incel codependent piece of shit that should just die.
>once you become comfortable with yourself and just living life...
Tried this. Didn't work. 26 now and never been on a date. Whoever you are, stop trying to fuck up this dude's life.
That's being pretty extreme though, normal single men and women all get the feels of "damn I'm lonely, wish I had someone" but the difference is those well adjusted folks tend to move on with life and don't make that shit their whole personality like incels do.
When you point finger at women in general and repeat black pill shit like a meat puppet, it makes it impossible to respect a person who does that and isn’t joking.
But I don't do that ;_;
I just feel sad because I'd like to cuddle with a girll and tell her she's pretty.
If you’re not an abusive creep then there shouldn’t be a problem. Even if you aren’t great looking there’s plenty of single women who want the same things you do. The question is how high are your standards compared to what you could realistically pull off? Older women are my thing, manly because younger women don’t know what they want.
>there’s plenty of single women who want the same things you do.
>The question is how high are your standards
Nah, the question is how high are her standards.
lots of moralism in here and lots of nonsense.
feeling bad because you don't have a relationship is normal, people desire relationships and only people in absolute denial affirm the opposite.
having said that, if you keep failing to get a relationship and blame the opposite sex for your failures that can make you resentful and turn you into a "bad" person
also the buzzword "codependancy" gets thrown around a lot.
feeling happy when you have a relationship is normal, being unhappy when it ends is also normal and not a symptom on mental issues.
being happy ONLY if you have a relationship or putting the relationship as the ONLY objective of your life is actually unhealthy but then you'd have to focus on understanding why you behave in such a way without thinking you are a insane maniac, since those behaviours almost always come from psychological damage or abuse from previous experiences, childhood issues or lack of support and proper parenting.
So if you recognize that something is wrong you'd have to treat yourself like you would treat your best friend or a person you really care about, by recognizing the issue but not bashing the person into a cycle of self destruction and self blame.
It doesn't. There's plenty of other stuff to enjoy. Keep it up user.
Nah, he had it right.
There are plenty of decent women out there willing to cuddle with a decent guy with hygiene and a job.
He doesn’t want to hear the truth, it’s not a comfy excuse to be alone like generalizing that all women are shallow.
If only the most attractive people can have kids, humanity would die out.
So ugly people have families too.
Incels have nothing but holes in their logic, that’s about the only holes they’ll ever fuck with lol.
Black pill shit is pure death cult nonsense, bunch of losers who try to pull others down with them because misery loves company.
>people desire relationships and only people in absolute denial affirm the opposite.
An fool never learns from his mistakes. A smart man learns from his mistakes. A truly smart man learns from the mistakes of others
Humans were always social animals. For the longest time, it wasn't even a question.
>Are you getting married?
No I'm just fucking toiling in the soil so I can "not" have sex before I die ignominiously. When they killed cripples back then, it was more out of mercy than necessity. You're never going to breed, never going to hone a craft, never going to have value to anyone, and are probably going to be mistreated because the person looking after you is doing so out of obligation. There wasn't any enjoyment to be had in that. Best case scenario you ended up in some kind of home with a crazy spinster that beat you.
Well, now we have distraction. Alright, great. Is that what you want your life to be? Distraction? Even if it's something that impresses, like learning to play an instrument, playing the guitar stops being cool when you've got a friar tuck head and beer gut down to your dick.
Don't let your misery cripple you, though. That is the BASE of what people mean when they criticize you for this, even if they don't know that they mean that. You have to find that reason you were put here, and for the love of God, don't just let them endlessly amuse you while they waste your body on demeaning tasks.
Because women only exist to create suffering in men. They hate to see us succeed of be happy. BE GAY AND BREAK THE CYCLE!
The only guy guys I liked hated other gay guys and ended up single more often than not because of it. Thin skin and sharp claws. They'll pick you apart for being fat, redneck, unfashionable, but call one a fairy fruitcake and they lose their shit.
Fine. I say we all just organize our labor into a general strike until women treat men better.
I've been told a few times that I smell good because I make a point of using cologne every day. Is this a good thing?
Because only weaklings cry about things you don't have. Love isn't something you 'get' it's something that is earned.
None will love you if you can't love yourself.
That is why you are a bad person.
fuck off kike
Codependency is the purest form for love.
>Lushes natural blonde hair
Daily reminder that this was paid by the US ministry of defense
Daily reminder that "the US ministry of defense" doesn't exist.
Not him, but if women have reasonable standards, why the fuck do I keep getting rejected? I don't aim about my league, I even aimed below my league, for shitty results. A 2 month relationship in which I got dumped for someone else, in 5 years of trying to find someone. I don't expect to be approached but why the fuck am I rejected so often and when I'm not, ghosted later?
if women have reasonable standards, then you are not up to them, it's simply logic.
having said that, you are not giving us enough details for what has caused your rejection.
Do you have a job?
Do you have an education?
Do you have hobbies you can share?
Do you play an instrument?
Are in acceptable physical shape?
Do you have any bodily anomalies?
Are you bald?
How tall are you?
>if women have reasonable standards, then you are not up to them, it's simply logic.
Or they don't have reasonable standards and the assumption that they do is false
then you are even more fucked, because you are playing a rigged game and then you're dead.
but since people have relationships and systematically reproduce, it means that you're going the wrong way
>Do you have a job?
>Do you have an education?
>Do you have hobbies you can share?
>Do you play an instrument?
>Are in acceptable physical shape?
More than acceptable
>Do you have any bodily anomalies?
>Are you bald?
No, but it is starting to thin kinda
>How tall are you?
nice, then the following question is:
do you have anything you're interested and passionate about which you could talk about during a date?
I'm not putting any boundaries about the arguments, the requirements is that is interesting to you and you have a non superficial knownledge of the argument
Interested and non superficial knowledge yes, about many things, I have a great memory and consume a lot of information. But passionate about something, nope. I used to be passionate about my field of study but it becoming a job somehow ruined that. Never really found something else.
>But passionate about something, nope. I used to be passionate about my field of study but it becoming a job somehow ruined that. Never really found something else.
that's the issue.
need to find something which is important for you and pursue that.
when you'll share that with somebody else they will be hooked.
because they might not be directly interested in the argument, but enthusiasm draws people like moths to a flame
Not him, but what if I’ve never felt passion and think I may be incapable of it? I’m pretty detached and don’t really experience any strong emotions.
>I’m pretty detached and don’t really experience any strong emotions.
nah, that's a lie.
bang your thumb with an hammer, you'll feel a strong emotion allright.
probably you've sheltered yourself from feeling because
-you've been badly hurt so you don't poke your head out of the shell because who wants to be whacked on the head
-you're actually sensitive enough that you need to numb youself to cope with anxiety and stress since you haven't learned to process them in a fully functional way and feel overwhelmed
>need to find something which is important for you and pursue that.
>when you'll share that with somebody else they will be hooked.
Depends if women also find that thing interesting. I've got lots of interests but most don't appeal at all to women so I come across as boring. I don't have this problem with male friends.
>I've got lots of interests but most don't appeal at all to women so I come across as boring
obviously, select women which could be interested in what you like.
or change your focus if you want to have more possibilities.
It’s the second one, but at this point it’s become subconscious and isn’t something I can exercise control over to a significant degree. I wish I felt anything more than a sense of obligation toward my family, but if they all died this instant, the only thing I’d feel is relief. Conversely, I can’t watch tv shows because they’re too emotionally raw for me. An odd dynamic.
It’s easy to shut your feelings off. Finding them again seems impossible. I remember when I graduated from university, all the girls were watching me closely for any sign of sadness. They had some inkling that a cold exterior likely concealed a fragile core and expected me to break down in tears like them. All day it was “is anything bothering you, user?” But there was nothing. I felt nothing and all I could think was “if only they knew how deep it goes.”
does playing video games count
>obviously, select women which could be interested in what you like.
Thanks genius. The problem isn't so much finding them, but if it's a male dominated interest then there will be less of them and competition is much higher. It seems like the trick is to just have normie hobbies, like netflix or superhero films, as well as niece hobbies but it also seems less genuine.
Bullshit. This coming from an autistic guy whose emotions tortured him to the extent that he denied their existence for 19 years. You can get the fuck over it But You don't want to. It's as simple as that
Go on and share how you got back in touch with your emotions. I’m interested because I’ve been searching for resources on this issue for the last seven years and haven’t been able to find anything.
What was your reason for not trying therapy?
Since I'm on my mother's health insurance (student), the bill for any treatment that I didn't pay for out of pocket would go to her and I'm not comfortable with her knowing I'm in therapy because she's a psychologist herself and quite overbearing. Thus, I was forced to rely on the counseling services provided by my university. The thing about that is my university was in the midst of a mental health crisis and suicide epidemic while I was there. Two people in my residence alone committed suicide. The wait times were extremely long and non-suicidal patients were not a priority. On top of that, I was in the co-op program, which had me moving to a new city for work every other semester. When, in my last year, I finally got a research job at the university itself and was able to secure an appointment, it turned out that job had me traveling constantly and without warning such that my schedule was in complete flux and I could never get any follow-up appointments. I was able to speak with a social worker who flat out admitted she was underqualified for my case and referred me to a psychology PhD student who put me through a standard questionnaire. After that, in order to book a formal assessment, I would have to submit another questionnaire, except this one needed to be filled out by my parents. I chose not to proceed with that since I was in my final year and focused on my undergraduate thesis and applying to grad school. I'm now at a different university for my master's and will be trying to get an appointment after my schedule solidifies. I'm skeptical of therapy's effectiveness since my condition checks a lot of boxes for schizoid personality disorder (for which there is no treatment), including blood relatives with schizophrenia and the fact that I have Celiac disease, which is closely associated with autism (which my sister has) and schizophrenia.
I don't really "see" other people at all let alone approach and talk to them. I don't expect otherwise from them or resent them for it. The couple times I tried approaching someone it just for the sake of trying it out it was fine. But for the most part I feel like other people are magnets constantly tugging at each other and I'm brass, drifting among them with neither resistance nor attraction. I'm fine until it gets to the couple hours before bed on a typical night where I have nothing planned. Then I start thinking about that wife and kids I want to eventually have, know I won't get the way things are going, but don't know how to change course.
I do approach others from time to time which generally goes well but I've never successfully converted such encounters to lasting relationships platonic or otherwise.
Well that's the thing, you still have to approach them. Not converting pleasant encounters with strangers into more was challenging for me too. Manufacturing a reason to see them again didn't usually work out. But it eventually did.