>GF of 4~ months >Piss drunk, tell her I'm turning in the phone for the night so as not to say anything stupid >She pleads that I call her, she's never seen me drunk and wants to >I, drubkly, oblige, figure by now she can handle whatever >Drunk conversation leads to something inane like who would be in charge of we filed a country, say I want Europe >"Why can't I have Europe?" She says >"I want it, you can have everything else" >"What makes you fit to rule" (Remember I'm drunk >"I have two degrees" >She makes a big stink about me thereby, underestimating her and "Demeaning the value of her own education" >Nigga wtf I thought this was a game >Fight continues into the next day, I don't even remember anything until she recites the story to me this morning >Say I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything like that >Accuses me about not actually apologizing, saying just because it wasn't intentional doesn't mean it doesn't hurt her (wtf are all women like this) >End with me just saying sorry again, asking if she needs time >She goes to take a nap, still pissed
Are women fucking retarded? Who the fuck holds such inane small fry shit over the head of their SO, especially knowing that it is unintentional, honestly free of malice, and the result of inebriation to boot. What the fuck. she does this all the time too, Evey tease, or joke or off color thing I say is taken as a big personal attack on her and I'm.fucking berated into being shitty for it. Am I wrong for expecting someone who should know how much I care about them to just be able to brush off small shit? This doesn't seem right, but it's my first adult relationship so I really don't know. What I do know is, if every single little, unintentional, ironic, or sarcastic thing I say is going to be interpreted as an attack and fervently held against me by this woman, I kinda don't want to be with her. Am I wrong? Am I the problem here?
She legit sounds retardo, my GF graduated from a prestigious University while I dropped out of the same university and she treats me and my thoughts with the same respect as her own ideas.
shes testing you, without knowing if you are a giant pussy for apologising for everything
so far you failed it every time sometimes they wana be butthurt and get told they are stupid, then fume a bit and come to the conclusion they are just stupid girls so bf is just a big smart man, and then they suck your dick as an apology
I don't know man it doesn't seem like her, I think she's just really insecure and oversensitive. And I straight up didn't apologize for anything I said, I just said I was sorry she feelings were hurt, because to be honest I don't think I did anything wrong. She should be able to distinguish between joking and teasing and malice, and she should have enough faith in me to know I'm not going to randomly just call her stupid or some shit. If she brings it up again I'm honestly gonna turn the tables on her for not being trusting and easy-going and making a big fight out of every little stupid thing, because this has happened a few times now, where unintentional offense has been held against me from completely inane comments. I don't know if she's looking for shit to be pissed at St this point and I'm tired of it. If she can't have the trust that I'm not intentionally attacking her why even be with her
Why don't you tell her how things look from your end? You deserve to be listened to just as much as she and clealry you didn't have a malicious intent.
thats even worse, you apologise generally, not even knowing what you are apologising for, you are just scared shitless of a females wrath, thats a shit future husband
just chill, you didnt say anything wrong, why are you getting bothered by her insanity, all women are insane, you just need to find the one that annoys you the least, maybe this one isnt right for you
Just kind of fucking annoying. Im supposed to see her tomorrow and I don't want to deal with her being all .oody and shit the whole time. The ability to forgive, forget, and let things go I think is essential in a partner and she's starting to show she's pretty fucking bad at it
Yeah I told her this, saying it kind of seems like I have to do everything exactly as she expects it, without even knowing expectations, or else she gets mad, meanwhile she does shit all the time and I brush it off because I'm not petty with my SO, and yeah I do expect her to treat me as such as well. Which further pissed her off.
Maybe it's a cultural thing. She's Korean, maybe they hold grudges or aren't about the 'let little things go' mentality?
You havent had a lot of relationships have you This is pretty par for the course desu
Yep women are fucking idiots
Nah youre just speaking different languages. Either learn to speak hers or its your fault that the situation continues T. Someone on a much longer relationship
I've dated women on and off for years but this is my first real committed relationship as an adult yeah. It doesn't help that she's foreign too.
Why shouldn't she learn to speak mine?
Same here, if you want the long relationship you gotta learn to compromise. She should learn to speak your language too, so when she does or says something that rubs you wrong she should try to avoid it. But since in this case youre the one who rubbed her wrong, its on you to try to avoid it. Hey, if you do this for her now, you can hope she will afford the same consideration to you in the future, which youll definitely want
>Am I wrong for expecting someone who should know how much I care about them to just be able to brush off small shit? My wife is the same way. Once we had a knock-down drag-out fight over a throw away line by Sharona on Monk. It took me hours of fighting to figure out what were actually fighting about.
What matters isn't what happened, what was said, or anything to do with logic. It's about emotion. You made her feel like you don't respect her intelligence/education/gravitas/whatever. Maybe you're more educated and she feels insecure about it. Maybe not. I dunno. The point is that you made her feel that you feel a certain way. Explaining that you didn't mean to doesn't undo that, even if it's truth and logic. She should know how much you care about her. She might know it. But at that time, she didn't *feel* it. You have to make her feel like she is loved, valued, and respected. Try hugging her and telling her that. When my wife feels hurt, she seems like a pissed off honey badger, but hugging her and assuring her is the best response. Your girl may need something else. Don't be afraid to ask her about it.
Moral of the story: Don't get drunk
Alternate Moral of the Story: Don't get a girlfriend.
Remember that the true moral of the Boy Who Cried Wolf was to never tell the same lie twice.
she argued about her emotions. you shouldn't apologize if your intent was not that of insulting her or demeaning her, you are not responsable of her emotional argument construction. do not back down from this position or you will lose every single argument.
How many "successful" relationships have you been in?
Sounds like she's just looking for an excuse to break up, next time try dating someone who mentally matured past highschool
>Are women fucking retarded? yes
Sounds like this particular girl, but not necessarily every woman, is a debt collector who likes to leverage being wronged against you as a manipulation tactic. I'd reccommend actually going the opposite way and not apologizing, since that's her intended outcome, and just dump her. She will continue to try and manipulate you over small slights and you will continue to be frustrated as you are now. It's only 4 months, move on my dude.
Europe's not a country and two degrees just means your first one was a bit shit.
OP here, this is what I feel like too but it's exactly what escalated the fight.
It's updated and now her thing is that it doesn't matter what the intention of what I said was malicious or not, if I hurt her I was wrong. I personally feel that that's fucking retarded. How can I possibly know if something I say will unintentionally hurt her and how can she hold that against me when it does?? You don't hold honest mistakes against people, particularly small shit, and I tried explaining that feeling to her and she doesn't understand it. I'm thinking it might be a cultural barrier
Breaking news: women are petty creatures and are prepared to take offense at any innocuous thing.
>apologizing >ever Should've spanked her when she continued to act the fool. YGSIU senpai
>Just kind of fucking annoying. Im supposed to see her tomorrow and I don't want to deal with her being all .oody and shit the whole time. So fucking ghost her ass nigga. If she complains tell her you'll see her when she stops being a bitch. Life's too short to be making yourself miserable because some bitch needs to feed her ego.
bpd+maybe narcissism it's because she was hurt and she sees her position in every relationship as extremely volatile and chaotic, she has to subdue it herself to be safe. you can live with it, with practice, but you can't fix her. there, i saved you 12 years.
OP here What I'm.gathering is what I felt all along: I shouldn't have to apologize for something I didn't really do, and unintentional offense shouldn't be held against me. It's folly to argue with this woman because she clearly is projecting her own insecurity onto my words.
So is this something I have to learn to live with? Or are there women out there that wontake such big shits about petty innocuous things? Do most women do this or do some take the ratoonal approach of "why would someone who cares about me say something mean to me, maybe I'm misundertanding or should ask him to clarify". Am I expecting too much?
All women do this bruh. Just some women choose more petty shit for their drama fix than others.
>>So is this something I have to learn to live with? if you're going to stay with her, yeah, but im warning you, i have a filipino wife with the same disposition. what you're experiencing is a power play and they aren't going anywhere. if you are a low energy, introverted guy like myself, dealing with these "shittests" during her up/down moods will eat up a 1/4 of your waking energy minimum. think seriously about this before continuing to be with her.
>it doesn't matter what the intention of what I said was malicious or not, if I hurt her I was wrong. You were wrong. You were unintentionally wrong in a way that you could not have predicted but still hurt her. Apologize for hurting her. (not for saying the thing that you couldn't have anticipated hurting her)
>How can I possibly know if something I say will unintentionally hurt her You can't. Sometimes, no matter what you do, or how right your actions will be at the time, if they hurt her then they will be wrong in hindsight. Accept that being wrong unfairly is a part of a relationship, just as she must accept that being hurt unintentionally is a part of a relationship. Apologies and forgiveness should commence.
>how can she hold that against me when it does? It is not about "holding it against you". It is about her being hurt by what you said. This isn't a "blame thing", this is a "hurt thing".
If she accidentally hit you in the balls with a bat, would you want her to apologize or explain why she shouldn't be blamed for it? Which would better show you that she cared that you were in pain?
Communication in Asian cultures is heavily weighed toward the listener being the one responsible for understanding the intent and meaning of the speaker. Part of this is because it can be considered impolite to ask for something directly. If she's had an issue with you not responding when she's been hinting at things, she may already be primed to think that you're insensitive.
I'm more inclined to think along the lines of that this is an indicator of borderline personality disorder, or at least some of common behavior of people with bpd. She's sensitive to interpreting things in a negative way, and while she's doing that considering you in an entirely negative light.
It's not something worth trying to deal with unless she's making a conscious effort herself to understand and moderate her thinking, and while I understand that the behavior of BPD women can be very seductive I'm surprised when anyone puts up with the sort of shit they pull for more than a few months.
>Do most women do this? Respond emotionally to things that hurt them rather than with cold, detached logic? In my experience, yes.
What seems petty to you might not to her. It might be a big deal to her.
But I did apologize for hurting her and tried to offer if there was anything I could to to make her feel better but she just wants to stay pissy at me. That kind of unwillingness to just forgive and forget is kinda alien to me, I've never experienced this before and I don't understand how I'm supposed to fix it.
This sounds like hell. I just want someone who treats me as I treat them and can trust my intentions are good rather than assume the worst possible thing out of everything I say. I kinda want to break it off now over this unless she comes around and just blows it over. I deserve better than this shit
This reminds me of something that is tangentially related but could be of use, which is that some people are raised in an "ask culture" and some people are raised in a "guess culture".
Ask culture people are people who are used to asking for things directly. They value honesty over other things, ask clearly for what they want, and are willing to take no for an answer. These people prefer open and honest communication even at the risk of being impolite, and are willing to take the hit of a denial, preferring straight answers.
Guess culture people are people who are socialized to never ask directly. They value politeness over everything else, and they are conditioned to never say no, essentially, because it's rude. You accept, you accommodate, and in exchange the other party is supposed to realize your suggestions and your implications. Instead of asking, they hint, and you as their counterpart are supposed to take the hint. They never ever ask for anything unless their careful prodding reveals that the answer is guaranteed to be yes. Even then, they would often rather not ask and wait for the invitation.
When these two clash, it's usually a mess. The ask person comes off as rude and presumptive and self-absorbed for being direct, because in the guess person's mind it puts them into the position of having to say yes even if they don't want to.
The guess person, on the other hand, comes off as passive aggressive and dodgy and dishonest because the ask person doesn't see or pay attention to their subtle social cues and hints that they rely on.
Interesting. It makes some sense and I told her I think we might be having a culture difference a bit too.
She hasn't been talking to me today, and this has gone on for 2 days now, well beyond my apologies and efforts to make it right. I can't even fathom the concept of shitting yourself out and being depressed over the way your significant other "apologized to you wrong" and "underestimated you". Like really? It sucks because I genuinely don't want her to feel sad or upset and now she's shutting me out. I just have to sit here with my dick in my hand until she decides to stop being so pissed about what was an insanely minor spat. This is what I expect from discovering your partner lied to you about something important, or viciously and intentionally said something cruel to you, not drunkenly offended you on accident over the phone about not my education being slightly more than yours. I'm fucking over this, and In seriously considering an attempt at an amicable breakup once she's back to normal.
>But I did apologize for hurting her and tried to offer if there was anything I could to to make her feel better but she just wants to stay pissy at me. The only experience I have with this is when I truly apologized and immediately followed it with an explanation for why I did it or why it wasn't that bad. Which, come to find out, is considered by some to be a shitty apology.
Any time an otherwise usually reasonable person gets emotional over what appears to be nothing, I have found that there's an associated reason that isn't apparent. Like the time my aunt got pissy with my wife on Facebook for mentioning how sad it was that Alan Rickman died.
That said, if she refuses to let this go after a day or so, she needs to talk about why she's so worked up about it or drop it. Before I learned how to not to not hurt my wife (as often), she could only stay upset for so long before life distracted us and things went back to normal.
>I can't even fathom the concept of shitting yourself out and being depressed over the way your significant other "apologized to you wrong" and "underestimated you". Wrong apologies exist, apparently. I have to actively tell myself to apologize and then SHUT UP, and maybe be sweet. But I compulsively over-explain, to my detriment. The reaction to "underestimating" her makes complete sense to me. Especially if she has other reasons for feeling insecure about her education, like her sister having a better degree or something. Even she never told you about these insecurities or even actively hid them from you, she would feel like you were attacking her where she is vulnerable.
I once included the fact that exercise during the day is one of several possible solutions for her insomnia. I didn't even make the connection that I was suggesting to a woman that she needs to exercise.
Yes. One pat on the head for you.
Big mistake. Don't give women one little bit of ground, they are more socially competitive than men and are without shame or morals when it comes to seeking status.
Well just send her a text thanking her for letting you know to dodge that fucking bullet, OP You owe her one so buy her a fuckaccino at starbucc or something.
>Am I the problem? You're both the problem man, you guys obviously can't communicate worth shit. Work on your basic communication skills.
Yeah that's exactly what I'm talking about. I don't believe a true apology is undermined by an explanation of the action itself, I feel like it's kinda owed to that person so they can see where I am coming from and better understand that I had no ill will against them so in the future such issues could be avoided. I don't understand how that's a bad thing. We were supposed to go out today after not seeing eachother for a week and now she hasn't texted me all morning so it's probably not gonna happen
>Wrong apologies exist This is so ass backwards to me, if an apology is sincerw why does anything else matter? I feel like I'm my life I've been able to easily forgive people for much worse, much quicker.
I feel like she has a script for what I'm supposed to exactly say when I do soemthing that upsets her and if I deviate from the "I'm sorry, I am wrong, I'm so awful, please forgive me, can I help you, how can I fix this" script, and in any way try to explain my actions, defend myself, express a miscommunication or my own feelings, I've only dug myself deeper and am even more the bad guy for it. I just dont get it.
Update to any of y'all following the thread: She wants to.meet up tomorrow, I asked her if she wanted to talk tonight, she said no, she's trying to think of what she wants to say to me tomorrow. Sounds like a breakup speech incoming to me. Honestly if that's what it comes to, I'll tell her off and be done with it. I did nothing wrong and I deserve better. Thanks for helping me see this Jow Forums
>I feel like it's kinda owed to that person so they can see where I am coming from and better understand that I had no ill will against them so in the future such issues could be avoided. I understand this completely. It was my view.
The problem is that that it *feels* like we're saying "I'm sorry, but here's why you shouldn't feel so upset." or "I'm sorry and here's why what I did was okay from my perspective when I did it. " "I'm sorry, and..." feels like it mitigates the offence, attempts to lessen her upset, and invalidate her feelings. And you can't argue with how she feels. You can just try to make her feel better and you can't control what will make her feel better.
If you do break up, I hope you find a girl who only gets upset at things that you consider important and who rationally responds with logic and fairness after she's felt hurt by you. Good luck.
Obviously this wasn't a strong relationship if this kind of silly shit leads to a breakup.
Not every woman is this immature (although in the case of your gf maybe this was just her excuse to break up) and I'm hoping the next time you'll be able to find a more stable and understanding gf. Good luck
>Obviously this wasn't a strong relationship if this kind of silly shit leads to a breakup. Yeah, that's why I figure OP is dealing with one of two possibilities: >she's trying to think of what she wants to say to me tomorrow. An immature breakup speech is incoming Or She needs to talk about why she's so worked up about it.
Many of the guys in this thread have no idea how to maintain a long term relationship with a woman.
>Who the fuck holds such inane small fry shit over the head of their SO, especially knowing that it is unintentional, honestly free of malice, and the result of inebriation to boot. women
OP here I guess I understand this, but I still personally feel like an apology isn't undermined by an explanation of the action. I hope the answer to a long relationship isn't just, bend over and submit every time there's a disagreement. Because that's what it feels like was the only way to avoid trouble with this one. Well I sincerely hope this isn't a breakup incoming, but yeah, if this goes down in flames I'm going to be very upfront in my next relationship about how being understanding and more laid back is important to me.
I'll update the thread after I see her today if it's still up. Thanks everyone.
Aight, you got it chief. OP here again just mainly to bump the thread. On the train to see her now, only interaction today I asked her how she was feeling and she said "just trying to think about how to say things to you, I'll see you at 2" So here we go lads
>she's korean Ahahahaha cuck For real though probably a cultural thing, especially with regards to education.
I'm white but I live in korea, not a huge amount of choice in the dating field here lmao. This is my first time dating a non white girl though so like I said maybe there's just some cultural differences
Don't stick with a shitty relationship just because you want sex or you want to be in a relationship. Your personal issues with them will compound and become a mess later. A relationship has to be tolerant but it also needs to be grounded. If you are getting shit for nothing repeatedly and expected to "make it up" to them, then get out. They're better off learning that good relationships don't roll that way and to be ghosted at that point. In the future, don't depreciate the value of your sorrys by saying sorry for shit you have no reason to say sorry to. Women want you to be reasonable to a point and have principles because those things are harder for them lol.
>I hope the answer to a long relationship isn't just, bend over and submit every time there's a disagreement. The answer to a long term relationship is to respect your partner's point of view and acknowledge that if you don't understand their behavior, then the deficiency is in your understanding, not their behavior. As in, if she's normally sane but sometimes acts crazy for no reason, there *is* a reason. Sometimes she'll tell you the reason, sometimes she won't, and sometimes she won't know. But if tells you what she needs and you can harmlessly give it to her, it doesn't matter if it makes sense to you. If she wants you to get her a towel because she wants make hotdogs, get her a towel.if she wants you to apologize without editorial, do that. If she wants to spend your savings on a pair of shoes, reconsider.
>Because that's what it feels like was the only way to avoid trouble with this one. And she should understand that you feel this way and help you find a way to feel better about your relationship,
Here's hoping I can explain that to her. Honestly, I feel like I've said everything I can say to her. I'm willing to just listen. I'm not going to make any further concessions or apologies other than reiterating what I've already said. If she still has a problem I don't think that's on me. If she wants to end it over this, that alone is telling that I'm not losing much, but if not I obviously would like to work it out with her.
T minus 20 minutes to getting there lads. Wish me luck
Okay op back. Had about an hour conversation. After getting through the issues with the apology, turns out the real problem was: I was being racist? Because I said she couldn't role Europe in our little game over the phone. Kinda three me the fuck off guard but I subdued it fairly well. I guess all her friends hate me now but all is relatively well for now. I still voiced I want happy with how she handled her bring upset and it'll have to be a conversation in the future, but all is well now I guess. Thanks for sticking around everyone, I have a lot to think about going forward with this relationship, and I'm gonna do whatever is right for me in the end. Thanks Jow Forums.
>wtf I date outside of my race/culture why do I keep walking into cultural walls all of the time? >are all women this retarded?? Either learn to be culturally sensitive or stop being a race traitor.
Despite all this I have unironically only had dramatically worse experiences with several white women.
Lolno this bitch is just looking for a label to throw on you that you can't defend.
The thread should have ended here
Europe here. Tell her insects can't rule Europe since they lack soul and spirit. Therefore, letting them have Europe would turn it into another Asian beehive. If she fails to understand try an analogy will wolf packs and bee queens or Federation and Borg. If she dumps you fuck conquer her gf. This will teach her her place as mere replacement in a Korean kpop jawsurgeoned drone colony. No racism just culture.
Lmao. Didnt see that coming. Fucking slint eyed dog eaters. How was that racist? Insane.
She complains about racism over nothing yet I bet she only dates white guys kek.
Yeah the whole racism thing is kinda a fucking weird point for her to take out of whatever this spat was about. Honestly it feels like she just cycled through a bunch of different reasons to be mad at me. That aside, the way she handled it and blew this whole thing up was way more than I fucking want to deal with on a regular basis. If this was really about the """""racist""""" comment, then she could have just said so 3 days ago. To drag this out and throw in a myriad of other nonsensical grievances is just too fucking much, I'm almost disappointed she wasn't pissed off about something else. But we talked it out and had a good day otherwise. Trying to figure out kinda where I wanna go from here myself, but the storm has passed it seems.
Based, dont worry I defended your honor Evropa
Good luck friend but I think it's always hurricane season with her. Enjoy the pussy and make her call you oppa who reigns over Europe with an iron fist.
It is shit like this thats makes me appreciate my single life
>shes testing you, without knowing if you are a giant pussy for apologising for everything
this is your mind on extended celibacy
The model here, guys
>turns out the real problem was: I was being racist? Yep. She felt insecure about the interracial relationship, has probably picked up on tiny little racial/cultural things that bothered her but you never noticed, and then heard you say she couldn't control the country of Europe, applied a racist connotation to it that only existed in her perspective, and that's how she viewed it from then on. I don't know. Maybe in her culture, there isn't a retarded institutional dependence on degrees that are simultaneously required, useless, and arbitrary.
But the point is, everyone brings their own baggage to the relationship and each partner must change the things the other cannot accept and accept the things that they cannot change.
Her friends hating you is the only real downside that I see. But that'll either be a problem or it won't be. Not much you can do about besides "be likeable". They are not worth effort.
I am reminded of a long time married couple eating breakfast together and the wife was, once again, spreading toast crumbs on the butter. The husband hated it. She knew he hated it. But, she still had a habit of doing it the way she always had. The husband complained about it and it started a conversation about putting up with annoyances in long term relationships. The wife pointed out that they had both met young and neither had had any other serious relationships. The husband comments that he did once. The wife, surprised, asks about it because he had never mentioned it before. He told her about a relationship he was in, before he met the wife, with a girl that he loved and was very serious about. With a serious expression, he told her how he even bought a ring, was planning to propose, and everything. With a little hurt and concern in her voice, the wife asked what happened. The husband shared that on the day that he was planning to propose, they met for breakfast at their favorite restaurant. And he reached into his pocket for the ring, he saw her spread toast crumbs into the butter and left her in disgust. The husband grabbed his coffee and ducked off to work with a smirk.
Could be, I've never done the interracial thing before but other than this it's been snagless. But I'm not that far in either, so eye opener I guess. Based Boomer Appreciate it, I'll run with it while it's worth running I guess and see from there.
>Nigga wtf I thought this was a game That's where you fucked up. U should have said: "aahhh fuck u. What's the criteria then?" Then she would keep bitching about it. And you finalize by saying: "look, just suck my cock after I sleep, ok? Bye".
After that wait for her call on the next day. She would bitch again and then u'd say: "bitch, fuck u, i was drunk". And she would be happily ever again.
No, this is bullshit.
OP, she was just shit testing you. What you should do is DON'T GIVE A FUCK. Firstly, u r drunk. Secondly, despite knewing about it, she dragged a meaningless conversation with u, tiring u more. Thirdly, she purposedly digged a retarded conflict in the discussion to trigger drama -> AND THIS IS WHAT MOST GFs RECURRENTLY DO: a final drama, after some shit tests, to alert the man that this is the last chance of passing the daily set of shit tests. If u fail here, she'll start looking for other man; because u r, if failing, considered a weak and retarded partner that is not reliable.
U r hilariously cute. How long and happy are your relationships?