I'm a girl. I'm 21. I have a friend who keeps telling me to question whether I'm trans/non binary, I wanted to hear some opinions. I've always been a huge tomboy. When I was a kid I dressed in boy clothes, I had short hair (I grew it out in my teens), I only ever played with boys. Growing up I kept dressing like a boy. I never wore make up, or did my hair in cute ways. I feel deeply uncomfortable wearing feminine clothes. My interests are still male dominated, and most of my friends are dudes. I have a friend in college who keeps telling me I should question whether I'm actually a girl or I'm trans. I don't know what to make of that.
Sounds like this friend is full of shit, you can be a girl and be interested in anything you like. Normal people don't jump to the conclusion that you have a problem requiring you to have surgery just because you have a pussy and like sports.
She says it's "very telling" that I feel deeply uncomfortable wearing feminine clothes, or making my feminine traits pop, or using make up. I don't know.
I personally wouldn’t try to assign some label on your identity. Just do you ya know?
tell your friend to shut the fuck up and stop messing around things which he/she doesn't understand.
having said that, your interests don't necessarily reflect your sexual orientation, those who you go to bed with do.
I have a tomboyish girlfriend and we have a blast going to the pubs and going camping and stuff like that but she is very much heterosexual.
I mean, I definitely like guys. I don't find girls sexually interesting at all, and I don't think she was questioning that at all.
More if I actually wanted to be a guy, or not be a girl at least.
>I have a friend in college who keeps telling me I should question whether I'm actually a girl or I'm trans. you shouldn't listen to preachy people like your friend because it's almost always the case they have an agenda. with the amount of lgbt propaganda around these days I wouldn't trust the first thing I hear. question is, are you sexually attracted to women? if not, you're straight, end of story. the rest depends on your childhood. how was your relationship with your mother and father? did your mother teach you how to be a woman? did she approve of your tomboy behavior?
If it was me I'd think she was bullying me. Just saying.
assuming you are not bait.
if you never had any desire of being the opposite sex, then you are comfortable being a female.
how old are you? almost all of this confusion settles after 25 years of age, if not earlier.
I like guys. Not something I'm questioning at all. She's questioning my gender identity, not my sexual orientation. I have a good relationship with them. My mom never gave a shit about how I dressed or my interests, she just wanted me to be happy and decent to others. I have 3 brothers, and we all were asked to do the same stuff around the house. What do you even mean with "teach how to be a woman"?
I'm 21. I wanted to be a man at times, but I figured is normal since... all my friends were guys, and I wanted to play with guys all my life, and do the shit they did.
That doesn't mean anything; depending on the time and place, men and women have both worn what we consider to feminine or masculine dress by today's standards, interchangeably. High heels were first worn by men for example. If anything, classifying a certain style of dress as masculine or feminine, would be "problematic" if you subscribe to the far left view of gender and it's fluid expression.
If you're happy how you are then don't worry about it and don't allow other people to make you doubt yourself.
Don't mutilate your genitals OP
>gender identity, not my sexual orientation.
in the vast majority of cases ( more than 95% of the population) the things are indistinguishable from each other, in the other cases they are pretty evident and symptoms of gender dysphoria appear pretty early.
I believe your friend is teasing you or has bought into this meme of 2 billions of genders.
>I have a good relationship with them. My mom never gave a shit about how I dressed or my interests, she just wanted me to be happy and decent to others. I have 3 brothers, and we all were asked to do the same stuff around the house. then it's all nice. I've seen a lot of girls who grew up with their brothers and were more tomboyish. a lot of young girls are like this in school and college anyway, has nothing to do with being "trans" or whatever your friend is trying to sell you on.
I don't like doing girly stuff, or appearing girly, but I don't know if that's a symptom of anything. I feel deeply uncomfortable when men come onto me.
>I don't like doing girly stuff, or appearing girly, but I don't know if that's a symptom of anything.
not necessarily, interests are not necessarily male or female specific, nor they are diagnostic.
>I feel deeply uncomfortable when men come onto me.
what do you mean? that the majority of men are socially inept or that you have no sexual interest in men?
>that the majority of men are socially inept or that you have no sexual interest in men? No, it's just uncomfortable to be hit on. I don't like when guys ask me out, or flirt with me, or look at me, or offer me drinks. I just want to be left alone.
it is understandable, expecially because you are young.
it is not a symptom of not being comfortable with being a woman, more probably a manifestation of being a bit shy or introverted, which is in no way a disease.
I'm not shy at all. Introverted, yes.
there you have it.
you don't have any issue with your sex identification, your friend needs to find a new hobby instead of bothering you. And you need to take other peoples opinions like what they are, opinions, and realize that the vast majority does not require that much of a further scrutiny.
Reading your responses to the thread, OP, I think it's a baseless statement. Dressing like a boy or having male friends don't make you a dude at all. If that's your style and you are into man than that's cool, you know?
That said you should tell that friend of yours to shut the fuck up.
You should tell your friend you're right, I haven't been true to who I really am, then go into the bathroom, grab a can of shoe polish and go black face. Come out and tell her this is who you really are and thank her for helping you to see it's okay to be who you really are deep down inside.
I'm a guy, and my best friend has told me similar things (mostly because I tend to wear unisex clothing, like baggy cotton pants, rings, and necklaces).
I don't think you're trans. You just don't adhere to the traditional gender roles associated with femininity. In other words, you're androgynous (which is cool IMO). You'd have to be deeply uncomfortable with your biokogy to be trans, not just with your clothes and stuff. If you feel comfy being and dressing the way you are, then you're fine.
I honestly always thought I just didn't give enough of a shit. I don 't try to be androgynous or to bend gender roles, I just want to wear baggy jeans and my dad t-shirts.
>I honestly always thought I just didn't give enough of a shit Exactly. You just feel comfortable dressing that way. Just do you, user. Don't let your friend confuse you and carry on being however you feel happy being. :)
Not unusual, my girlfriend is the same way. It's one of the things I like most about her - she's a logical person, or tries to be. She tries to dress respectably instead of in ways that emphasize her "curves", she only wears the barest amount of makeup for special events (otherwise it's just uncomfortable and if you don't need it then why do it everyday other than some subscription to an "idea" of being a woman), and she's always found men's hobbies, interests, and personalities way more interesting. Growing up, other girls would always try to get her into girly things, but she always just thought they were dumb and boring. She has large breasts, which she's fine with now, but when she started getting them at a young age she was super frustrated that she had to wear a bra and wanted to just dress like a boy, since it looked comfier and more practical. Even today, she would rather wear "boyish" clothes, but she's also fat (she openly jokes about it and calls me a pussy if I sugar-coat it) and not just in the nice places, so she still tries to dress like a woman so that she doesn't look sloppy or hobo-ish. She says that if she were thinner she'd totally be more into jeans and hoodies than dresses, but in her current shape, she doesn't want to risk looking like white trash.
You can be a woman and not be "girly". That's totally fine, and in many ways, more practical and respectable, since being "girly" seems to somehow always revolve around consumer choices instead of personal philosophy. One aspect of being girly is being trendy and keeping up with modern social/fashion trends, and a big trendy topic right now is trans/gay-awareness/acceptance/promotion. Don't be surprised if girly women keep trying to convince you that you're actually trans, or actually a lesbian, just because you don't subscribe to the "standards of femininity" that those very women claim to oppose.
>when she started getting them at a young age she was super frustrated that she had to wear a bra Can relate. I've always been very thin, and when I was 13 I got fucking D cups all of a sudden. Everyone in my family is a titty monster so I should have expected it, but holy shit I was so not ready. I honestly know I'm pretty. I'm thin but curvy, I have a cute face. I know that if I tried I'd be a perfect instathot. I just don't want anyone to notice me, attentions creep me out. I don't know if there's something really wrong with me because of it. I've been trying to force myself to tuck my dad's shirts into pants to show my body a little more (a friend told me that "my body is wasted"), but it makes me so fucking uncomfortable when people notice I have a nice figure and comment on it. I don't know. I just want to be comfy, and I don't want anyone to notice I exist.
Most of the trans stuff is just a fad. We have always had femme dudes and manly women since the dawn of time.
Most people don’t fit into neat gender stereotypes. That doesn’t mean you are the opposite gender or don’t have a gender.
Just because you’re a tomboy doesn’t mean you are a man at all. You’re probably a woman with more atypical interests.
Real trans people have a burning feeling that they are born in the wrong body. Is that you? If not you’re not trans
It sounds like you'd rather people see your personality than your body, and you're worried that if people's reactions are already so extreme to noticing your shape, then they'll probably just see that and be too distracted by it to see you for who you are. The only way to combat this is to build up a personality louder than your body, and to keep dressing comfortably, and in ways that draw attention to your face, instead of to your chest/hips. As a guy, I have to admit how vulnerable the male mind is to physical sexuality. Even I have been too distracted by women's bodies to realize who they really were until I was already dating them. I know better now, but honestly, your best bet is to hide your body. It sounds nicer to "be proud of your body and show it off because it's THEIR problem if they're distracted!" etc., but it's misguided. Don't be ashamed of your body, sure, but "proud"? Unless you're an athlete/body-builder, your body is just the cards you got handed when you were born. You can't really be proud of something you didn't earn, that's like being proud of your blackjack skills because you got dealt an ace and a king on your first hand. Just the same, you don't want to only be known as a blackjack player just because of a lucky hand. Your body is the way it is, and it has the effect it does. Saying that it's horny guys' responsibility to deal with their own libido is like saying that it's pearl-clutching soccer moms' responsibility to deal with their insecurity when they see you flirting with children. It's natural to react that way, and you can't fight nature. What you can do, is try to hide the biggest distractions from your personality, and try to play up your personality and face as much as possible, so that people notice "you" before they notice "your boobs". Again, it doesn't sound fair that you should have to hide anything, but if life was fair, there wouldn't be poor people.
You're just a tomboy and that's fine. Don't listen to your tumblrina friend. I'm a bit older and also dress in boyish clothes, always had easy time connecting with boys, in recent time I stopped being opposed to the idea of wearing girly clothes from time to time but I never execute it because they're rather unpractical and I care about comfynes. I did 16 personalities test a few times with different outcomes (intj,intp,istp), and while I don't treat it very seriously it shows that I don't have typical female way of thinking.
I always test super strongly INTJ.
Yeah, it was always a big thing for me. I never interacted with guys as a girl growing up, and now when they treat me like a girl it fucking drives me nuts. I feel like a lot of girls started interacting with guys when they wanted to fuck, but I only had male friends so for me it's like... all my friends turning their back on me because now they want to put their dicks in me? I don't know, it's weird. I hate when guys are flirty, or nice, or treat me like I'm some sort of retarded frail little princess.
I don't care much about people appreciating me for my body. I stay fit (work out a lot, eat well). Maybe you're right, I just want to be talked to as a person. I honestly just want guys to notice me because I'm an alright human being with interesting shit to say.
based, op give this a listen
So you're a tomboy. Tell her to shut it. I had a fantastic tomboy girlfriend when I grew up, always horny and sexting me. She works on cars now.
Hey. Took me a while to listen, sorry. You have a nice voice, and accent. Where are you from?
I don't mind my body, it's just... there. I don't think about it too much. I sometimes think having a dick would be comfy, or being able to run so much faster or be stronger, but at the end of the day I don't give too much of a shit. I look good, I like it. I don't mind being addressed as a woman. I hate being treated like I'm some sort of frail little princess, or I'm some sort of hyper emotional crazy bitch. I hate the way being a sexually attractive girl shapes my interactions. I hate that I can't enjoy anything I'm into without someone hitting on me, that I can't make male friends anymore because they want to fuck me. That's uncomfortable. I also don't like appearing very feminine, it's a lot of effort and I don't give a shit. I just wear my brothers/dad old clothes. A chunky sweater and jeans are comfy. Thanks for taking the time to record for me. It was sweet, I appreciate it.
You sound like a pretty genuine person. >I honestly just want guys to notice me because I'm an alright human being with interesting shit to say. This is completely normal, it's how most guys and girls feel, actually. The only problem is that because human societies have gotten so huge (thanks to the internet), we don't often see people as individuals anymore. Since we are surrounded by like thousands of people at any given time (if you live in a city/town), we start to make mental shortcuts, like "hot person", "rich person", "nerd person", etc. There are even guys who have gotten tired of their own libido and how girls treat them like a big tall trophy to make other girls jealous and appear more successful.
However, >with interesting shit to say is the important part. Too many women get so used to using their bodies to essentially "hypnotize" men into thinking with their dicks, thus getting "any guy they want", that they start to realize that these guys only care about them so much as they can touch their bodies and have sex with them. They start to demand that men "grow up" and find their personalities interesting, but they never actually bothered to develop a personality in the first place. It's like someone who's horribly obese, out-of-shape, and bed-ridden demanding that people find their body sexually attractive instead of just their personality, despite never bothering to develop their body. The way you talk about pursuing more "masculine" hobbies and interests actually leads me to believe you're on the right track, but just make sure to keep self-aware: Are you actually interesting, cool, funny, etc.? Would you want to hang out with you every day? You need to be your own exciting/interesting person to attract other exciting/interesting people, otherwise, you run the risk of those girly girls who can get all kinds of guys attracted with their body, but have no personalities to keep guys attracted to their person.
tomboys are my fetish so fucking much please ignore some fucking lgbt idiot telling you what you are or aren't in this day and age alot of people want to tell you what to think or do.. i don't think you're trans, I think you're probably very comfortable with your vagina and just enjoy masculinity as a personal trait. I wouldn't trust this friend who tries to make you doubt about yourself, honestly especially when it's about gender, having a transexual operation is seriously intense and not some small cuts..
Please, us males are short on tomboys right now. Some girls are just a bit different, taht doesnt mean youre something that youre not.
I'd say I'm pretty cool. I am curious about a variety of topics and read a lot, both fiction and non-fiction. I like woodworking, I've been doing it with my dad since I was little. I hike for good (like multiple days hike). I'm a good cook, and work out. I volunteer with the mentally ill. I'm very good in school. I speak 3 languages fluently. It's a bit too self indulging to say I'm funny, but I like what I'm doing with my life at the moment. I wouldn't date me, because dating someone just like me would take out the most interesting part of dating (learning new shit). But I hang out with me every day and I haven't gotten bored yet.
>whether I'm trans/non binary This is probably the worst thing about the current trans craze. Being a tomboy does not make you somehow a male it makes you a really cool girl many guys, including me, prefer it just be you
>hi I'm the perfect girl on your anonymous Mongolian basket weaving forum, please a-accept me UwU if you're real I don't believe you if you're not i believe you how would dating you take the most interesting part out of dating? sounds narcissistic desu.
I don't want to date someone who is too much like me, it's boring as shit to date someone who shares all your interests. I want someone who teaches me new shit and who makes my horizons broader, I want to grow with someone.
Tell her to fuck off
You realize your just a girl who likes guy things right?
That doesn’t make you a guy
just be you. and don't be pressured by 'modern' standards to be trans of something. someone will like you to be you.
These, dysphoria is an "I can't be myself" mental problem. You are comfortable in your ways of dressing and still being a girl. They need to stfu.
Thanks, I'm from eastern Europe. Yeah, sounds to me like you're just a pragmatic person and not very sexual. You don't seem to have a problem with your gender identity, more so with generalizations, stereotypes and some behaviors. If you were a man, trans or cis you would still be annoyed by these things, they would just manifest in a different way.
Plenty of girls are like that. Not every female is a girly girl. Your friend sounds like she's less of a friend and more of an idealogue, I would dump her
post a selfie
>it's another episode of "question all of your beliefs until they look just like mine, then don't you dare think for yourself" Leftists should be put in camps
>I just want to wear baggy jeans and my dad t-shirts. Congrats, you're a woman that likes to wear baggy jeans and dad Ts. You're not trans unless you think you should have a cock.
Your friend is a sub 90 IQ dyke that thinks being mentally ill is cool. She wants you to become a freak so she can defend you on social media and say that she has LBTQFIONX friends
These busy bodies need to leave people alone, tomboyish girls are just fine the way they are and it makes me sad they get subjected to rubbish like this.
arent you just saying that because you find them attractive bro?
Can't tell if this is real or rollplay.
All this trans sexuality shit people come up with is making tomboys an endangered species. More than half the women who would in a better time just become tomboys as nature intended it are now being tricked into being weird lesbians or transexuals. It's a sorry time we live in.
Your friend is retarded. If you are happy doing the things you are doing, that's all there is to it. You don't have to switch gender just because you like to dress like a dude.
Gotta love people who read a Vox article and now think they're a 15 year experienced psychiatrists.
>I hate that I can't enjoy anything I'm into without someone hitting on me, that I can't make male friends anymore because they want to fuck me. That's uncomfortable. Yeah I get the feeling, but from the other side. I would like female friends, mostly because I've never really had many friends to begin with and I don't really know how women act differently from men. But at the same time I know I'm a lonely little creep and if I see a woman who I'm attracted to I can't really help it. Biology is a bitch. Like, even now I'm trying to be unbiased and try to talk casually, but at the same time the thought is going through my head "oh this is a girl who sounds cute". I don't know, can guys and girls ever be friends and not be attracted to one another, or at least ignore that attraction? I guess if both were fat and ugly it would work. It seems to work for my parents college friends.
That's because they need groupthink to cope with being a bunch of guinea pigs for pseudoscience.
Are you still attracted to guys?
I never understood this. Trans people used to be people who had a dysphoria, an extreme uncomfort about their gender as they perceived themselves as the other gender.
This has nothing to do with hobbies or clothes, it is perfectly fine to have hobbies others don't. Let's use a more famous example: Danica Patrick. She has been pretty awesome to listen to when she does podcasts and is quite feminine now, but her interests are very "male". If we stripped her of her gender and called her a man, nobody would know who she is and mostly male interests become all male. Fuck that shit.
that pic bro... nah bro... nah to that sushi roll shit
>I have a friend in college who keeps telling me I should question whether I'm actually a girl or I'm trans. I don't know what to make of that. One possibility is that they saw your own comfort with "masculine" social stuff, and that they're now projecting their own gender discomfort onto you. Maybe have a chat to them, see if they're okay.
It's not the only explanation, but it's probably worth checking.
I don't know enough of your situation but I think your friend is wrong Since you are atypical your friend is trying to force the transgender label on you Be who you want to be, not who you are told to be It's the stupid politically correct society that is trying to tell you "it's okay to be transgender, so you have to be it" Personally I think it's kinda cute how you describe yourself, and I don't think that makes me gay
Thanks user, very sweet.
The only male friends I have now are guys who are into hyper feminine cutesy girls and dating one, or guys who know me since I was 2. Neither of them are really ugly.
Yup. I am not a very sexual person, probably, but I'm attracted to guys.
That'd be pretty fun.
I'll have to pass user.
OP, I'm a female that used to fantasise about being a man instead - if pictured an 'ideal' it was always masculine. Nothing about femininity was cool or desirable. I had penis envy. I also hated the stereotypical women's interests, didn't want kids, and instead wished I was a man, as I would much much prefer to play a 'father's' role. I never in a million years imagined pretending to be a man, let alone taking hormones and mutilating myself, because that would never make me a man. It would make me a pathetic woman roleplaying as a man. What helped was essentially realising that the feminine isn't so bad. Dressing in a flattering way and improving my appearance gave me confidence, instead of fighting against it. I think something hormonal may have occurred, and I met a wonderful man at 22. We're engaged and now I can't wait to reproduce. He is the 'masculine' cool now, and I feel comfortable being the woman. Realise that you have a lot of power and value as a female, and are the 'chooser' - you are literally the gateway to the future of humanity. You decide which genes (of males) get to survive. TL;Dr disregard the stupid idea that you can become a man, as it's 100% bullshit fantasy. Accept you are a female, and however you express yourself is by default as a woman, because that's all it can be.
And btw I didn't feel sexual at all, or want attention from men at 21 either. I lost my virginity at 22 to my current partner. Wait until you find someone who is life-partner quality, and be with them - your perspective will change once you're in a relationship.
I am woman too, but it is no problem that you write about that. If you wanna makeup someday, you can makeup. If you don't wanna, you don't have to makeup. You had no problem. I think there are a few girls, who like boy clothes and short hair. It is quite comfortable and there are girls who like play which boys like. I also like pc game, which boys like.
Just ignore her and stop being friends with her. She is a psychopath, meaning she is unable to feel remorse for her actions
Yeap I agree with you. She is not good friend I think. There are many girls do not enjoy makeup, but nobody say so. And girls can like hobby which boys like more.
Hi! I'm a girl interested in what has always been considered boy's stuff (sports, cars, camping,...) but I know I'm a cis girl. Even having short hair and hardly ever wearing dresses I still know which my gender is. If you have never doubted it, it's because you are a girl. Taste, hobbies... Who cares? It doesn't imply that you are a guy! Just think about the hard process of getting a gender reassignment procedure. It takes years, you are even advised to consider psychological support. People who do it are really sure of who they are. If you never questioned it until this friend told you so, you probably aren't trans. Hope you do fine in the future, user :)
Trust me, if youre trans, you just KNOW you are. Its like KNOWING you have 10 fingers. So if youre not sure about it, then youre not trans.
>I am a woman >I'm so easily influenced that someone else said something about my identity and it rocked my entire world, and now I'm considering believing that person and changing my entire life instead of having my own personal values and being sure of them
First time I immediately believe a poster is, in fact, female.
I just wanted to hear opinions on the topic. I'm not even particularly phased, I just found the thought curious. Posting a thread on Jow Forums isn't that much effort.
Yes, I also ask for advice on and talk extensively about things that do not phase me in the slightest.
It's a curious comment to receive, I just wanted to have a discussion about it. It was a pretty interesting chat to have, a lot of posters gave me interesting insight. It's not like I've booked SRS because a girl told me I might be trans.
The advice is simple, stop listening to stupid people. Especially stupid people who grew up in stupid world where no one can be just straight and simple anymore, everything's gotta have some little special tag. The fact that you even thought about this enough to create a thread on it is very telling.
I find this personally dumb because one of my exes was exactly like this. Every single time any dumbbass said anything to her, whether it actually had a base in reality or not, she'd go OH I WONDER IF TRUE and obsess for the next few days. Have a fucking hold of yourself and stop letting others comment on you.
>Realise that you have a lot of power and value as a female, and are the 'chooser' - you are literally the gateway to the future of humanity. You decide which genes (of males) get to survive. Only if you yourself actually have good genes
Again - it was a weird comment to receive, I wanted to have a discussion about it because I thought it was interesting. That's it. It didn't change my opinion of myself, or anything like that.
Being a tomboy has NOTHING WHATEVER to do with being in the right gender or not.
Do you feel like a woman? Do you like being a woman? You're a woman, even if not especially "feminine" by mainly outdated stereotypes
Honestly my only problem with dating is that I liked maybe two guys in my entire life: one when I was 12 and one when I was 17. I struggle finding guys I like, not guys who like me back.
just because there are guys who like you doesn't mean they want to get you pregnant. Men are by far the most dominant sexual selectors, if they weren't we'd literally still be chimps
I'm 21, attractive, not aggressively mentally ill and fairly intelligent. I can do everything that a proper wife should be able to do around the house well, I'm good with children. Not saying I'm everyone's dream girl or whatever, but I also doubt I'm going to struggle to find a guy who wants to put babies in me, if not for my own pickiness.