I've suffered extreme trauma throughout my life (childhood abuse, mother committing suicide, being kicked out at 17). I always used schoolwork and the like to keep my mind off things. That worked for awhile.
Now, however, I am getting burned out. None of the work I do really fulfills me anymore. IDK what else to do.
I've confronted this void before and it only left me feeling extremely suicidal. Visits to a therapist and psychiatrist didn't help either. I've tried meeting people as a way to distract myself but people come and go, and I relate with only a select few.
What can I do to fill this void? I've tried just about everything, and it all seems futile.
nothing will be able to compensate for the pain and the suffering you went through, you can only learn from your past, understand what it has done to you and try to help others and your future children by not allowing those things to happen again. Also sharing those things with people you feel connected is a balm for the mind.
How does one manage it then?
it depends, what do you think about when you are down in the void?
>what do you think about when you are down in the void? How my past has left me with a myriad of issues that prevent me from properly living life, socializing, and being happy. As I realize that there might not be any real treatment for these issues, I become angry then sad and hopeless.
>As I realize that there might not be any real treatment for these issues, I become angry then sad and hopeless.
that's the cognitive mistake.
>myriad of issues that prevent me from properly living life, socializing, and being happy
if you can list them (and I mean literally, make a list) you can fight them, understand them and get past them.
it is not easy, it is not that movie crap where everything gets solved in an outburst of emotions and tears, and I'll give you a very good reason for it.
The things you've experienced are more than enough to knock even the hardiest of people out of their place in the world, you are like a medieval soldier after a siege, which has survived in the midst of a pile of his dead dear comrades and goes home only to find his house burned down.
What does he do then? Lies to himself pretending it's no big deal? He might, but he'll never goes far with it. Then he curses God and the whole reality for the catastrophe. Then he looks around, and sees the rubble and the ashes around himself, and other people crying for help. He goes towards them and helps them, while never forgetting what has happened.
Being happy, you say. Happy is the reward you get at the end of the process, you can't aim at being happy because you can't have a clear plan for your life. But you can know what you can do to improve your life.
You mention issues with socializing, mind to share one?
I understand where you're coming from in regards to happiness. However, in a society dominated by seemingly happy people, it seems like an urgent necessity to be happy like them. To me that's what allows them to be so extroverted and socially mobile. Waiting for happiness at the end of having helped others, while noble, seems like a barrier or delay to enjoying life as normal people do.
As for issues with socializing, anxiety and trust issues. I feel either unfit or that I will be inevitably rejected somehow. And I'm only comfortable with those who prove themselves to me by like going out of their way to be my friend or meeting me halfway. I find it impossible to put most of the effort into making a friend. I usually just wait for them to come to me.
>urgent necessity to be happy like them
and who tells you that they are happy? if you take a look at peoples lives, nobody has their life in order and probably have a serious issue or two and if they haven't, they surely will. Or their spouse will Or their child will Or their parents will
>I usually just wait for them to come to me.
The thing is that I feel that this mode of interaction does not satisfy you, correct?
>if you take a look at peoples lives, nobody has their life in order and probably have a serious issue or two and if they haven't, they surely will. You're right. But they do have friends, people in their life so when those issues do arise they have people to fall back on. And having those people in their lives probably increases their self worth and such.
>The thing is that I feel that this mode of interaction does not satisfy you, correct? Yep. Seldom does anyone come up to me. I used to make the initiative all the time but then I realized it never worked.
Also, thanks for this. I really appreciate the help :)
>Now, however, I am getting burned out. None of the work I do really fulfills me anymore. IDK what else to do.
Work isn't really about personal fulfillment. As long as it pays the bills, gives you some left over money, doesn't work tired, and doesn't put you into a state of disrepair then that's what work is. You can trade off between those, like more pay for more hours or stress. You can obviously find some fulfilling work, but you're paid for a reason and that's usually cause you're doing something some person wouldn't volunteer for.
I don't know what kind of burnout you're facing (hours, bad management, feeling easily replaceable, etc.) but a lot of jobs are like that. You might consider working towards starting your own business on the side. Slowly grow it, and then stop being a wagecuck.
>I used to make the initiative all the time but then I realized it never worked.
hmm, did you think about why it didn't work?
Also, do you have a job, an hobby or things like those?
Not asking to be nosy
Lol I’m a uni student. In my free time I work ahead in my classes since there’s really nothing else to do other than smoke or drink.
I am involved in clubs and stuff but I don’t really connect.
I think it didn’t work either because I was coming off too strong (I would go up to random people) or because they just weren’t interested. I was told by a friend that people don’t appreciate someone coming up to them out of the blue trying to talk so I ceased.
I’m a uni student. I’m in a few student orgs and stuff.
yeah, talking to people out of the blue and having a successful interaction is a difficult skill to master
>I’m a uni student. I’m in a few student orgs and stuff.
well, are you doing things which have a meaning for you or are you just killing time? not that there's something bad in killing time, but...
They have meaning to me, like I’m in model Arab league since history and politics pique my interest. But whereas I’m like autistically passionate about it, others are there just to do it.
Other clubs like chess club and outdoors club I’m in just because my friends are in them.
so, even you have interests you feel that the people you talk to aren't engaging enough, correct?
Exactly. I’ve tried to find engaging people but have had no luck.
Give them a reason to want to be around you, and try to eliminate anything that would put them off. Going out of the blue to someone isn't necessarily a problem, but being "strong" is code for forceful and desperate. Less is more basically.
An Hero before it gets any worse.
I usually do some sort of self exploring on a topic or question that I have. Experimental cooking, Self assesing physical health symptoms and prescribing my own meals a la Ayurveda, Singing, Going for walks, ect.
>Give them a reason to want to be around you, and try to eliminate anything that would put them off. This kind of thinking is flawed. Everyone wants something different. What one person wants might be what one person is put off by, and vice versa. To try to cater to everyone's interests is impossible and disastrous. I speak from experience.
I shower and make myself presentable. I smile and am friendly to others. However I won't be someone I'm not to attract people who will leave once they find out it's a ploy.
And yeah I realized being stingy with my time for some reason makes some people like me better
This is all the work I was talking about in the OP lol
Beleive it or not every single person you set your eyes on are dealing with an issue, or have dealt with an issue just as big or bigger than yours. The only difference is that youre holding onto it as if its impossible to change
you should resolve your trauma, understand why your parents harm you and hold them responsible. I suggest this channel youtube.com/user/clinicalcareconsult see vids on childhood trauma. whoever raised you probably had little empathy. it might help to realize your parents are incapable of love and stop thinking of them as parents. this might leave you feel lonely but it helps resolve your trauma.