>friend cheats on long distance gf he plans to marry but adamantly refuses to admit it. Deludes himself he's got everything under control. >20 girl (friend but not really close) gets ghosted by a friend of mine who was slightly interested in her. Doesn't understand it's because she's still mentally 12 (can't talk about sex or say the "f word").
>Confront both of them about their respective issues and get called an asshole for that.
Am I doing friendship wrong? I always end up jeopardising my relationships for what I think is right for friends/good acquaintances. I wish I could ignore people's self-destructive behaviours but something itches me about having to set them straight. Is it wrong to "hurt" friends by calling them out on their bullshit in hopes to avoid them making undeniable mistakes? I won't lie, there's a bit of self-righteousness in my behaviour, but I wish there were more people who give enough of a fuck to think about your long-term well being before anything else. I feel like the casual approach to friendship (slip in a little word once and never bring it up again) where everyone is afraid of hurting anyone's feelings is not authentic enough. Should I just mind my own fucking business? Help bros.
Two things. One: how did you tell them? Did you try to be tasteful about it or did you just call them retards? The way you deliver the message is just as important as the message itself.
Secondly, unless it's related to some fucked up shit like drug abuse, you shouldn't really be nosy about your friends' decisions. If they are cheaters then let them be. Their romantic life is none of your business. Only express your opinion about those situations if you were asked about it
I didn't call them retard or any demeaning words but didn't sugarcoat it either. In worst cases, I don't go out of my way to be insulting but don't mince my words either. Some messages are going to be hurtful no matter how you say them. >Their romantic life is none of your business Yet you're going to have to damage control when they fuck it up. >Only express your opinion about those situations if you were asked about it But isn't it your job as a friend to look out for them? At the end of the day, they're gonna mess up and you're gonna have to be there to clean up the mess (in the best cases), or they're gonna suffer a great deal down the line for the stupid decisions they make.
>Yet you're going to have to damage control when they fuck it up. >At the end of the day, they're gonna mess up and you're gonna have to be there to clean up the mess
Sounds like you are overly paternal about your friends. They're not your children. You don't have to do shit. Let them figure it out for themselves. If you tell them that they're screwing up they'll just brush off your advice or worse, be mad about it like what happened to you. Let them fuck up and deal with the fallout later. THAT'S your job as a friend.
Like I said, I only consider it cool to intervene when it's some fucked up shit like drugs or abuse issues
I’m 28 and I feel uncomfortable with people talk about sex around me
This sounds like good advice. Thanks.
>Am I doing friendship wrong? Not really, it's just that most people are hypersensitive about deeply ingrained issues to the point where they can't voice them with even close friends. >Is it wrong to "hurt" friends by calling them out on their bullshit in hopes to avoid them making undeniable mistakes? No, you are an observer of their patterns by being their friend. As such, if you're noticing negative patterns, it's more of a duty to inform them because if they continue it is like letting them harm themselves. >Should I just mind my own fucking business? It really depends on the closeness of the relationship that gets formed. Keep tabs on boundaries and you'll know where your place will be.
>If they are cheaters then let them be. Their romantic life is none of your business. Found the cheating scum.
That's okay, it just means you still have a sense of shame and are less likely to be a degenerate.
Honesty won't always win you friends, but it'll win you the right ones. Stick with your morals dude. Godspeed, user.
Oh god, you're one of those overbearing, sanctimonious faggots who thinks he's "too real" for most people. You can call it honesty all you want, but at the end of the day you're just an imperious blowhard. Fuck you.
I didn't mean graphic description of sexual experiences. I literally meant talking about the act of intercourse.
Thanks user, I'll keep that in mind.
>Talk about friends' personal lives, even though they obviously have no desire to discuss these things >sound preachy and judgemental >Am I doing friendship wrong? Yes. You're not trying to help, you're massaging your own sense of moral superiority. They'll resent you for that
Personally I would just leave them alone. I mean still be friends with them but don't try to give them life advice since they both seem retarded
it's called minding your own fucking business
nobody likes a social justice warrior
>But isn't it your job as a friend to look out for them?
no it's not. stay the fuck out of it. people will appreciate you more if you get the fuck out of their way
In precisely what way is any of this any of your business?
You see under the wrong impression, pal. First guy comes to me on his own to tell the story of how he cheated on his girlfriend (got drunk in a bar and started making out with a guy). His argument basically being "it doesn't count since it was a guy" and seems happy about his experience. Second chick seemed really sad the guy ghosted her and asked me about it. There's no taking the moral high ground here. Is telling the guy that he indeed cheated on his gf and should feel bad about it taking the moral high ground? Is telling the girl that there's no way in hell anyone normal dude will put up with a girl that still closes her eyes in kissing scene in movie flexing your moral superiority? Actually if fags like you stopped thinking that anyone criticising their choices is pretending to be superior, we'd have more mature people around.
>telling the guy that he indeed cheated on his gf Statement of fact, nothing won't with that >and should feel bad about it There's the moral high ground >there's no way in hell anyone normal dude >will put up with a girl Nevermind, you're a sanctimonious cunt and the only reason they're your friends is because she's too beta to stand up for herself and he wants your d
I ditched the people who justified cheating. JS
>Telling someone that they should be feeling bad about cheating instead of rationalising their misbehaviour (as a coping strategy) is taking the moral high ground. It only looks high because you're a bottom feeder. Feeling bad about your own misdeeds is crucial if you want to avoid making them again. It is a healthy behaviour. Fags like you have hijacked words like self-righteous and sanctimonious. These are meant for obnoxious twats who think they're better than anyone else and go around imposing their own sense of morality on others. How is that even remotely the same as wishing that the people you care about better themselves instead of giving in to self-indulgence?
Ugh that pic OP. Hated how fucking normalized sexual harassment and jokes about it were in that anime.
Chill, you insufferable pricks. OP was asking for your advice on a serious issue, not fishing for your bullshit.