My ex-boyfriend just sent me a text asking why I stopped loving him. I have a response typed up: "Stop? I never started. You were nothing more than a passing fling to me. You're delusional if you think that I was ever in love with you, or that you ever had even the slightest chance of winning my heart. I'm sure that if you text me again a year from now, I won't even have the slightest idea who you are. Please try to move on, dear. I already have, not that doing so required any effort."
Should I soften up this reply, or send it unedited? I believe in honesty, even brutal honesty. He's a sweet guy. We were together for about three years. I was just never really in love with him, even though his love for me was transparent almost from day one, and basically just thought of him as a friend that I lived with, went on dates with, and had sex with.
>Dear Just say "It wasn't there to begin with, please stop texting me" and be done If you need to wax dramatic this hard at him it's gonna be pretty obvious you're invested beyond 'forgetting him in a year', like...
Hit send. He was asking for closure. Slam the door.
>Just say "It wasn't there to begin with, please stop texting me" and be done Jow Forums's idea of being humane and considerate lol
I guess just send it as is. I mean you're a horrible bitch with no capacity for love, but at least he'll know that.
This. Just be honest, but don't be mean, it'll crush him. Just be real and give him closure. It'll be good for both of you to be honest.
You're disgusting. You always have been, and make it more and more obvious with every post. Serious question: are you aware on any level of how awful of a person you are?
Whoa, basic human decency on Jow Forums.
OP is being mean though...?
Definitely soften up the reply. I thought it was a perfect reply.... for someone who cheated on you or treated you with absolute disrespect. But if this guy was nice and never did anything bad to you and was a friend, then dont be a fucking cruel bitch for literally no reason. Just say you guys just didnt have the chemistry and that youre sorry. Thats it.
Cant believe your immediate go-to is that cold ass reply. Im glad you guys didnt stay together. He deserves way better than you
Please quote where I said this was humane OR considerate; in fact, quote where I recommended she should be My suggestion was that this Quirky Girl Post (tm) going on and on about how little she actually cares is just her showing that she cares immensely and is more on the lines of BPD or something
A casual, calm dismissal shows she don't give no fucks, and if she genuinely wants him to stop texting her-- which I do at this point doubt-- then supporting the idea that she no longer cares seems like a wise step.
Writing such a long reply is unnecessary. Just say "Stop contacting me, it's over."
The relationship has ended. It would be mean to completely crush the spirit of the man she is going to leave by berating him further.
Just break up and end it- with proper reasons why. Don't try to belittle the guy, just say the truth that you aren't working out and you're done. It's better than being insulting with it, which adds salt to an already bleeding wound.
Thank you for being over the age of 16. Holy shit, this thread.
This is no better, you stupid fuck. Jow Forums has a really twisted idea of what constitutes humane treatment. OP doesn't have to take her boyfriend back, but how in God's name is this terse reply that treats him as though he's predatory anything but needlessly cruel or hurtful? Do you motherfuckers all have ice running through your veins?
What is this? Why do you keep waxing morality? She doesn't wanna talk to the guy, so why string him on? Just say 'nah man, I don't wanna.' Don't 'soften the blow' like you have some warm place in your heart for him, just tell him the truth: you're done talking to him.
Christ, is this what it means to be a bleeding-heart? Just pitying everything in your path and leading it to believe something that's not true?
The post you're responding to is pretty terrible itself, dumbass. It's on the same level as what that "A girl who breaks the rules" feminazi said.
Alright. Well, hopefully if you're ever bleeding to death in the middle of the street, people will walk past and ignore you. Caring for the feelings of others is for fucking pussies, baka.
you like brutal honesty? me too. your response is absolute cringe. sounds like you're in love with your reflection in the mirror. it's so wordy and pompous. I bet you were choosing the best words to sound superior and cool? I think you read one too many shitty novels, no one even talks like that IRL. what you wrote is not honesty, that's you putting on airs and belittling someone else to inflate your own ego. you do it to feel better than everyone, but deep inside you know you're average and not more desirable than others, and this realization is too much to handle. you just found someone easy to hurt, who genuinely cared, so you couldn't let the opportunity slide and hurt them. what a noble act. I guess your obvious ego issues might not be your fault. but choosing to hurt someone very much are. but anyway, will that work? I don't know. if I was that guy, I'd honestly laugh at it and share it online. hopefully he'll find someone better than you.
Your whole shit is cringe and you're probably ugly so I'm not even going to answer this thread. Ugly people are lower caste. Say whatever bad karma shit you want.
Also, I care about striking a balance between taking care of myself and taking care of others. You guys only care about the former, and that's why I'm a better person than most of you.
I am neither. Morality is all subject.
You were with him 3 years and you didn’t care about him at all? You sound like a moron
If there is anything I've learned from being on Jow Forums for the last few days, is that OP is a man, and this is bait.
Your "morality" is basically "girls can treat guys however they want because I'm a sociopathic feminazi straight off the assembly line. Morals only come into play when girls are the ones being mistreated."
Also if you won’t have the slightest idea who this guy is a year from now, even though you dated him for 3 years?
You have clear brain damage.
This doesn’t sound honest at all (unless you have actual brain damage), you sound like a hateful immature moron.
I hope you can grow up, but I wouldn’t bet on it.
That's why you hang the roasties from their ovaries face down from the nearest tree after a one night stand.
Ah, you are only a newfag then. Because I've stated otherwise less recently. Lurk more.
I've been here for a few year or two and you've had very few redeeming moments that I can remember. What does it matter, though, that you allegedly have some non-terrible thoughts locked away in your brain somewhere when you consistently paint yourself as a cold-blooded shrew?
>He's a sweet guy. Then why do you want to send him such a cruel response, you 15yo edgelord? Just ignore his message.
The first part is good, the second is not. "Just ignore him after he's made himself vulnerable bro, that's not hurtful at all lmao." The ONLY acceptable way to handle this is to give him an honest but considerate response. You guys and your idea of acceptable social behavior is utterly bewildering. No, giving a cold, terse reply that explains nothing is not okay just because it doesn't contain direct insults. No, ignoring him is not okay just because you don't directly insult him. Did your parents never teach any of you basic human decency when you were four and five years old? Why are you all so awful?
>Human decency Lady, you led your boyfriend on for 3 years thinking there was something between the two of you when really you only kept him around to satisfy your own selfish desires just to cut him loose the moment the dopamine wore off. Human decency is not something that applies here. Break it off and never date again until you can at least learn the basic concept of having a meaningful relationship.
Why do you even bother with pointless rhetoric about me? Do you need someone to talk to other than yourself?
I'm not OP, mate. I'm not sure if she's posted since the opening.
My bad. My point still stands, however. She needs to break the guy's heart already and just get it over with.
>I believe in honesty, even brutal honesty.
The smug picture suggests that you now that are a piece of shit
Yep. Most of the replies are bait. Most of the posters are just bored and shitposting since mods don't do anything on this board. Consider that we could answer pretty much all ten pages of questions with a single sticky post. Almost every problem can be answered in as little as a sentence or maybe two, tops, but people are insistent that they're not the cause of their own problems.
Damn boomers all we want, at least they weren't like this.
>Most of the replies are bait.
I hope that the bait posts are the ones that are condemning OP. Not the ones that go "You're in the clear" or the ones that state "Just ignore him or give a terse, five word reply that explains nothing, that's so much better!"
You sound very bitter, block his number & move on
No. Do not do this. Give him an honest, detailed, considerate reply.
OP is very blatantly an asshole that doesn't deserve happiness. Why the fuck would anyone be dumb enough to actually think people who treat others like pieces of meat are righteous in any sense?
? OP's ex-boyfriend is the one who deserves a humane and considerate response, not OP herself
>you ever had even the slightest chance of winning my heart.
kys narcissitic cunt
You're a cunt. Kill yourself instead.
Most people are just giving the lowest common denominator of an answer because we have no details and nothing to go off. I can rattle off five important questions, none of which are answered here, all of which drastically change answers. It's not worth effort. It's not worth involvement. It's not worth thinking, or foresight, or anything. Just fire off a reply, bait some (You)s, go on with life.
People come to Jow Forums for pity and sympathy. If you learn one lesson, let it be that.
Oh my, my thread has certainly taken off like a rocket...
>comes back to bait >probably just someone else anyway Mmmmm... no.
No, this is OP. I went to go pick up groceries after posting this. Submit to me your five questions. ^^
I thought about using Sadist Girl as a trip for the OP, but forgot...
Answer these few questions I will have an answer for you, answer them honestly, and I will give you the honest response you should give him that will even satisfy you.
1. Were you actually never in love with him or are you saying that? 2. Were you actually a fling or were you actually enmeshed in each others lives? 3. Is this person actually forgettable? 4. Does this actually require no effort for you? You did make a thread on Jow Forums.
Give me answers to all 4 and I got you.
I was never in love with him. I've never been in love with anyone. We were deeply enmeshed in each other's lives. I was best friends with his family and they all took for granted that I would one day be a daughter-in-law/sister-in-law. I loved spending time with him, but as far as being romantically in love with him, not really? I just wanted sex and a stable place in life. He's a very unique and interesting person, but I easily forget people because I don't particularly 'need' them to begin with. I got used to being alone during my childhood. It wouldn't really require effort, no. I don't get attached to people all that much. I'm a social butterfly, but individuals are expendable and easily replaceable with another.
sorry but by sending this copy-pasta you just clarified that you are clearly like all the other girls and that he ain't missing on nothing wihtout you.
sorry if you trough you where being original or something.
You sound like a very sad pathetic person. I pity you
What a fucking crazy yandere.
How is she pathetic? She's a Stacy.
This is completely true. OP, just tell him you're done. 100%.
Unable to feel love, brain damage either from trauma or birth
"I'm done with you" is a cruel and terse reply that explains nothing, user
idk its what my ex gave me and it didnt feel too bad.
Alright, so I would keep it half the same. I would take out the part about being a passing fling, because that's lying to yourself. If you're gonna be brutally honest, that means being brutally honest to yourself too. I would change the part about not knowing who they are possibly. It really depends on deep your trying to sink it in. If you're trying to nail it, go for your current message, but if you're trying to continue down a path of honesty, I would do something maybe more along the lines of "I've already moved past our memories together and in a year won't have a reason to remember these things fondly". And then maybe throw something in like "I've always thought of you more as a friend." and then drive home on the end there, if you feel the dear is necessary, keep it in, if not though, take it out, direct, straight to the point, sometimes leeches like this hold onto every last detail.
Otherwise, checks out, you sound a little bit like a sociopath so you might wanna check out a therapist. Don't listen to most of the losers telling you not to send it, you're trying to teach this person a lesson about who they choose to share their feelings with and be connected, and you've chosen to be the purveyor of their destiny in that regard, well done.
Yeah but we're assuming that OP's ex is a normal human being and not an Jow Forums poster
This is definitely much better than what other anons have proposed, but man
>"I've always thought of you more as a friend." This hurts my heart. It's the truth, but it's such a cold one. You've really fucked your ex over, OP.
Man, I wish I had threads that blew up for no reason
Wouldn't be the first one.
Yeah, this is the one that'll probably send him. There's no easy way to let someone down, and if you give someone honesty, the only thing they can do is reflect and improve. Something they probably need to do.
In your first sentence, do you mean "This is the version of the text that I would send him" or "This is the one that'll probably send him over the edge"?
Over the edge. It highlights the disparity in thought processes from her thinking of him as just a friend. This sounds like someone who would have sacrifice a lot to be with OP, but OP would rather let this person be a footnote in her book of life. But that's life for you, and it goes on. Hopefully that's the lesson they learn.
I mainly just want him to be happy. He sounds like a good person, and OP can potentially hurt him very, very badly.
>3 years >Never loved him
Women, my bros.
Never bother arguing with a tripfag. You should know better than that.
>individuals are expendable and easily replaceable with another.
You'll find this isn't the case when you get older.
This is bait. No one would think of a three year relationship as a passing fling. Also, it would be impossible to maintain a three year romantic relationship without saying "I love you" a shit load of times. So maintaining that you never loved him would be super dumb (unless you're ok being a self absorbed controlling liar), if this wasn't clearly shitty bait.
She has implied that she did say things like "I love you." She just didn't mean them.
how the fuck is 3 years a "fling"
It’s clear you have a weirdly cold & “cruel” shield built up to hide something broken internally. Whatever delusion you’re playing into, hurting someone who loves you dearly won’t give you anything but the fleeting satisfaction of bumping your immature facade up a notch or two. Don’t be such a cunt, you’re not better than this boy. You owe him an apology and a firm, succinct goodbye at the very least. You owe it to yourself to grow up & get a real personality/some healthier coping mechanisms.
Don't engage that fat cow user.
have you considered the permanence of typing out and sending something so stupid? do you realize this man will have a message from you that he can show just about anywhere to anyone?
>alone on a Saturday night getting excited over edgy heartbreak fantasies well if you aren't going to be honest with yourself at least you're posting in a place where everyone else can be honest for you
>winning my heart It never fails to amaze me, how roasties all think they are a special prize to be won only by the most Chad of Chads. How does one sustain such a potent lack of self-awareness? How is this possible? Do they not see the wrinkles forming around their eyes, the fat rolls on their gut? Do they not realize that a job as a secretary / teacher / HR woman is completely and totally inconsequential, and they will never perform any action that matters to anyone besides opening their holes? Absolutely sickening
I mean first never heard of a passing fling that lasted 3 years second what's up with that text I mean you stayed with the guy for three years and you say that just tell him you never had same feeling for him as he did for you and be done, don't need to be an ass about
Maybe you should apologize for letting him think he was spending three years with someone who loved him back instead of making it clear that it was just a casual thing.
god damn OP u must feel like shit now
you're a horrible human being
my gf of 4 years did the same thing to me and used the same bs excuse as she only saw me as a friend.
I honeslty don't know how people like you live with themselves. To lead somone on for these many years is beyond humanity
Sad and pathetic, hm? Nope. I loved when I was a child, very deeply. I loved my family, I loved my friends, I loved strangers. It brought me nothing but pain, abandonment, and rape. How am I someone to be pitied? You are all vulnerable in a way that I will never be. The only things that I love are sensory pleasures like anime, hot showers, videogames, sex, and bubble baths - things that will always be the same day after day after day and never hurt me. You guys will have your hearts ripped out and twisted into forms you never thought possible. You have an immense amount of emotional pain and heartache waiting for you in the future. I do not.
'Sad and pathetic' my god damned ass.
o rly. Well, here's some good news to calm you little boys down: I took back my ex. I'll leave the reason why - as well as whether this is a temporary arrangement or a forever one - a secret. Not just to you darling anons, but to him as well. Jump to whatever conclusions you wish.
Any response you give will prompt another from him and nothing you say will ever be enough. Never respond to him in any way. Its over and it not your responsibility to try and make him understand. I don't understand when women stay in contact with an ex like this, keep on and he'll end up killing you.
>Any response you give will prompt another from him and nothing you say will ever be enough. Never respond to him in any way. Its over and it not your responsibility to try and make him understand.
You people are horrifyingly cold-hearted. You don't know OP's ex. There is NO INDICATION WHATSOEVER that he will endlessly harass her or that "nothing will ever be enough." He might genuinely just be a victim of OP's sociopathy, who's been strung along for three years for no good reason, who wants the truth for closure.
Let me make this clear: you, as a human fucking being, are obligated to strike a balance between taking care of yourself and taking care of others. OP isn't obligated to take back her ex because that represents a huge, undue burden on her. But she does owe him a fucking explanation and an apology. All caps for emphasis: IF YOU CAN'T WRITE A FEW GOD DAMN SENTENCES TO GIVE SOMEONE PEACE OF MIND AND MINIMIZE THE PAIN THEY'LL CARRY WITH THEM THROUGH THE YEARS AHEAD, YOU ARE A SELFISH, DISGUSTING PIECE OF GOD DAMN SHIT WITH ICE RUNNING THROUGH YOUR VEINS AND I HOPE KARMA BITES YOU IN THE ASS IN THE WORST FUCKING WAYS POSSIBLE.
Be real with me, Jow Forums. Are most people in the real world a disgusting, sociopathic monster like , or is Jow Forums just a microcosm of horrible people?
Look men do not like to hear NO under any circumstances. Period. You want to make this about OP's sociopath when its the ex's inability or refusal to accept NO. You men make everything about you and if rejected you play the victim or get aggressive or both.
There is a reason we all know how fragile a mans ego is and how dangerous it is to damage it in any way. Most often we find ourselves going along with men because of it and its like living beside a slumbering beast.
Congratulations! You have just verified the worst fears of virgins and incels everywhere