Is opening up to your feelings the worst thing you can do in front of a woman? Nothing makes them lose interest faster.
Is opening up to your feelings the worst thing you can do in front of a woman? Nothing makes them lose interest faster
yeah, terrible idea until you're well into a relationship.
They'll tell you otherwise but they're full of shit, as I've tried it with girls who say it's okay.
Yep, what he said. Before you’re actually a thing it’s all smiles and positivity
Even in a relationship it's a bad idea. It's a fast ticket to "you're just not the same guy I fell in love with"
Talk about your problems with your therapist or your friends bros, your girl will be scared if she finds out you actually have negative feelings that aren't anger.
OP don't listen to any of this bullshit.
If you can't open up and communicate honestly with a woman then you're gonna have a shit relationship. If women are leaving you when you open up, you're picking shitty partners and need to learn to date better.
Almost all relationship issues boil down to problems with communication. If you can't present your honest and true self to your partner then at a baseline you can't have a genuine relationship with them or communicate openly with them or even really truly trust them. This is why finding a good relationship is difficult, but what also makes them extremely meaningful.
I was one of the bullshitters, but you are right user. The dating scene must have really jaded me
If you can't openly talk about your feelings, it is a toxic relationship like said. The right partner will come along where you don't have to pretend.
But you're right in some sense- women are so inundated by societal norms that men need to be stoic, no-emotions rock to lean on that they can't fathom the fact that men are human as well. Show even an ounce of emotion and she will flee so fast. I blame the Disney movies.
Maybe I'm secretly a woman too, then, because I can't stand that shit either. Feelings are a personal thing (unless I'm the one causing them) and I'm not a fucking therapist. It's beyond off-putting to have someone dump their emotions on me. I get it, we're human and we have feelings. I can even help participate in whatever strategies a person might use to deal with them. But get me the hell out of any convo that starts with "I just feel so..."
To a degree. It's about not spilling your life secrets to someone unless you know each other very well.
Open up of course, its mandatory ina relationship.
BUT ONLY WHEN YOU ARE ALREADY IN SAID RELATIONSHIP.
Entirely dependent on context. If you're just getting to know me and you start to monologue your insecurities, you're going to make me worry what I'll be getting into once the relationship progresses. When I'm in a long-term relationship and you don't communicate your feelings clearly, we cannot do any productive conflict resolution, and there's no way I can really help or support you.
yes and no.
Its really about how you talk about your feelings. Women need to be secure to be sexually active. They are wired to have babies in safe environments for obvious reasons. Also, they tend to feel fear in situations that would cause men to feel anger. Anger is the default male negative emotion. Fear is the default negative emotion for women. So they feel fear a lot easier than men.
You can talk about your emotions, but you need to talk about them in terms of what you will do about them and then follow through. This sucks but its a pretty good strategy for life anyway. You'll get promoted faster at work with this attitude too. Don't tell your boss you fucked up and then sit on your hands. Tell him you fucked up and what you will do to fix it. Same with women.
"God, my job has me down. I just hate it. I'm going to start looking for a new job. Then leave." - good
"God, my job has me down. I just hate it. I'm going to quit my job. Fuck it." - bad
The second one makes it look like you run from your problems. Like you aren't going to take care of her. Like you dont care about her well being. It leaves the future open and unknown which fills her full of anxiety and fear. Anxiety and fear dry the vagina up.
Don't get me wrong, I know this sucks. Sometimes you just want to vent and you don't have a plan. But this is how women work. They want you to be New Dad. They want you to take care of them. Looking like you are overcome with problems and are hopeless scares the shit out of them.
>They want you to be New Dad. They want you to take care of them.
uh, no. not every woman out there has raging daddy issues
>uh, no. not every woman out there has raging daddy issues
your vagina does even if your higher brain functions do not.
If you are full of anxiety, fear and sadness, your sex drive will probably go to shit.
Hell I'm watching this now with two friends. One friend hasn't had sex in 1.5 years. I can tell the wife has some sort of anxiety issue becuase she tries to control everything. She's very motherly.
She's being motherly as a way to cope with some sort of anxiety. Something she doesn't really have control over or can change, but she has that desire to do so.
Another friend, this time the wife, her husband quit his job and she has to work to support them. She's eat up with anxiety and doesn't even consciously know why. And he's unhappy because the sex is now bad.
The female vagina needs security. The body doesn't want to have kids in a hostile environment.
>If you are full of anxiety, fear and sadness, your sex drive will probably go to shit.
no shit, that isn't a gender-specific phenomenon, dude. a lot of people's "sex drives" dry up due to times of depression and anxiety, it's even considered a symptom to look for in diagnosis. that doesn't mean all bitches need a daddy or whatever and you have to coddle them or their fragile little pussies break
Are all women this anxious? What can be done while also letting me as a dude be a human? I have seen women really support thier guy and be strong when he is weak before and they seem to have strong relationships. Are you sure it's these women who arnt being shitty partners for not letting the guy be a flexible real person?
>Are all women this anxious? What can be done while also letting me as a dude be a human?
its case by case, and also dependent on how many back up plans you have and your situation.
If you have 100,000 in the bank and your bills covered a woman is less likely to flip out over you quitting your job. If you have no back up plans and she's about to have to support your ass, she's more likely to feel unsafe and leave you.
A lot of this is just about being an adult and treating yourself right. Like, why wouldn't you have a back up plan for your self? Why wouldn't you want your self to be secure? Why are you living at the razor's edge where any fuck up throw's everyone into a panic or depression?
And this isn't totally gendered. Some of it is just people. Like I have a sister that keeps borrowing money because she got let go. She has no fucking plan. I don't even want to talk to her these days. She just causes a lot of stress. Now, how do you think id feel if she actually had an intelligent plan and was acting on it?
>Is opening up to your feelings the worst thing you can do in front of a woman?
I kinda agree with , it's not just women. but it depends. "opening up to your feelings" is a vague definition, it can mean a lot of things.
there's just sharing your feelings about things which is normal, and that's one thing.
but then there's excessive attention seeking. there's narcissistic "woe is me" talking about yourself. there's neediness—constant need for validation, seeking an emotional crutch, wanting a second mom to cry to and unload all your issues. and I think all of those zre undesirable not only to women but to men too.
women just want additional security and trust since they don't just hang out with you, they are in a more intimate relationship, and I guess they need someone they can depend on—not someone who depends on them.
This guy knows what's up.
Only if your feelings are self-aggrandizing, shallow, performative, wishy-washy, feminine, etc etc etc. Women want to feel the depth of their man's emotions - particularly his love for her. They want to believe it. They also want him to be emotionally stable and not blown around by the slightest trouble. Women take their lead from the man, which means they want him to lead. They will pick you up and comfort you if you've suffered a genuine blow, that is if they're a good woman. If they leave, then they were going to leave you anyway so fuck em.
Never be the first one to spill your deep emotions out, it’s a bad idea. You flirt, you tease and then you build trust so when you drop something like “I have strong feelings for you” in their lap. It won’t be shocking to them since you showed intimate sides of yourself in the friendship.
Some guys are word smiths, and even they get rejected because they don’t approach getting a woman smoothly. It’s a weird art form gaining the affection of women.
Be mindful of who you share your secrets to, man or woman.
Totally fucking agree and it sucks that i do it from time to time as well.i still hate it but I feel like I'm not crosing the line .
From my personal experience with this shit ... People do it because they are bored , they don't have a life and they don't have anything interesting to say anymore so they start complaining about their shitty lives in an atempt to hide the fact that they suck . This is if by opening up you mean I'll tell her how much I hate everything . If by opening up you mean tell her that you love the shit out of her , I'd be careful about it so that I will not be taken for granted . Anyway better to show it then to talk about it like a moron . But yeah this is quite a broad subject as opening up sounds vague af . Be open about who you and your opinions are , don't be open about all the issues and all the insecurities that you have . Hope that sums it up.
yep, at the end of the day, actions speak louder than words
It will sexually ruin your relationship. I tried both methods so far and in the end you are either the victim or the bad guy.
Only if you're a pussy.
With a girl you just met? You can say small things such as "I like you" or "that made me irritated/angry".
With someone that you have dated for a month or three you can say things like "my time with you has been the best time I've had in a relationship" or "Because of you I feel like a better person".
With a gf of a year you can say anything.
But if you are talking about a woman you just met, then don't go beyond saying that you are interested/like/dislike things and actions. This isn't unique to women; no one likes to hear your innermost thoughts on the first encounter. That shit is vagina poison and only serves to show that you are unable to control yourself even in the most modest scenario.
Personally I open up as a tool to connect or explain my actions. But I don't break out the sob stories and I only talk about weakness in context. For instance, you can effectively disarm a fight by saying "I can handle your anger, but seeing you cry because of me kills me inside" at the right time.
Like all things it works when you apply your mind instead of blurting it out like a sperg.
I have never gotten the emotional spray from a man, only from women. My current one spews her emotions all over the place all the time for the most petty of reasons. Very tiresome to hear about all that meaningless negativity for something so small as a typo in an email.
Bro, that's called stress. Stress kills the sexual desire for both men and women. It has nothing to do with vaginas needing security.
I think there’s a careful balance with any relationship or friendship. There’s talking about your feelings, then there’s crossing a line where you’re being too intense or complaining too much. In an ideal world everyone would be able to handle it, but facts are, if you have a friend who you constantly complain to it can be depressing to them. I try to keep it in a balance and complain less and bring up happy things equally. That’s because I care about the other persons mental health as well- they’re not obligated to care for me and such. I should get a therapist tho because I tend to hold things in
literally everything is considered needy nowadays. only a complete idiot would take these insults seriously
>Maybe I'm secretly a woman too, then, because I can't stand that shit either.
no, you just have little empathy for others
It is. Women want a safe harbor, so do not let your insecurities out, ever.
Never had an issue with that, but I’m not some emotionally draining negative cuck either, so...
Being needy is the worst thing you could possibly do.