> (1/2)
As I write this I have just exited a relationship with a borderline personality (BPD) girl both equally traumatized and traumatizing. She made me realize the cost of making poor decisions. I was her dad, her key to another life, she said that she owned me and always had me. She knew how to make me feel special, was great in bed, and could be sweet and make me feel loved like no one else had before. The problem was her flip side, which grew to be part of her personality more and more until I couldn't recognize the sweet, seemingly innocous girl I once immediately fell in love with. She would message and call me all throughout my days, would ask me to fill up my entire life schedule to suit her needs, and if I refused, there were consequences. Being around her was like walking around egg shells, she would explode at the slightest offense. Even if I watched myself as best as I could and pleaded that I was sorry she would say she didn't hear me to say sorry again over and over. Sleeping wasn't allowed around her, if I wanted to sleep, I have vivid memories of her shrieking at me like a demon out of hell that I didn't have sex with her that night or that I didn't notice she was upset about something. I find myself unraveling until I realized I had given up all my hobbies, I began to dedicate myself to her entirely to ensure she wouldn't antagonize me. I was isolated by her from friends and family since she had no friends. If I made a mistake she would get mad and scream and cry for the entire day.
PSA: Dating a BPD Girl
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> (2/2)
Then she would be mad that I made her mad, and so on. I remember during one fight we had she slit open her wrists, blood was everywhere. I panicked, it was too awful to bare. I remember her trying to jump out of my car when I was upsetting towards her. She would open the car's door while I would be driving. I am a pretty even-tempered guy, once she opened the door on the highway I had a meltdown on her. She seemed disturbingly satisfied by my outburst, as though it was like what she always wanted. She never told me she had genital herpes, nor that she had 30 sex partners, was a camgirl, and tried getting a sugar daddy. I'll remember her mask in public, I was scared to be alone with her, I wasn't sure if she would kill me in my sleep. I'll remember the vacant look in her eyes, the superficiality of her emotions, and the disparity between her words and actions. She told me that my best friend raped and she geniunely seemed to think I was her deceased father.
Be careful when you guys date women, make sure you get to know them well enough before moving in with them. I am telling you, my life is very fucked up financially from this girl, and I have trouble sleeping because of her still. The damage and drainage of your life force from dating a woman like this is like dating a succubus or a demon. You will not walk out of such a relationship fully in one piece. I have pain in my joints from stress and doing chores for her, really bad depression, and issues sleeping. I don't know if I have an STD and I worry about her stalking me or killing me. Protect yourselves, a lot of people who date BPD women stay their entire lives. It's not recommended at all by me, run as fast as you can.
I fully endorse this message. Never think that you can fix these people. Always, always run.
All the best to both of you and i wish you a speedy recovery my friend. Keep your distance now it's over. The would can only start to heal once you stop poking it.
OP just be sure to recover from this and also get as far away as possible from this person because the most dangerous time in terms of domestic violence is right after a breakup. She's shown you that she can be violent, and being afraid of a partner is considered a sign of danger.
I lived with my ex after a 2 year emotionally abusive rocky relationship. He had also cut himself once during a fight. We moved in together. A few months earlier he poured water on me during a fight and I saw that as a major red flag that he was crossing a physical barrier (he was never physically abusive). We break up months later and after two weeks of calm we get into a fight and he choked me. I'm lucky to be alive. He had never physically hurt me before that, but the nature of violence is that it just kind of happens when you're not used to it or expecting it and it's easy for well-minded people to miss the signs. I left immediately the next day.
I would be cautious of feeling sorry for someone with BPD. Feeling sorry leaves you open to manipulation and guilt. Just like a sociopath, you can make the argument that it's not their fault or to forgive them. My opinion? Get good at identifying people which have potential to be harmful to you and don't risk feeling sorry for them. They have no compassion for you and you need to protect yourself. Avoid them at all costs, don't see them as humans.
I'm very sorry you experienced that. I'm sure that was extremely traumatic. I am in a very worrying situation because her name is still on the lease of my apartment. I am in the process of getting a new lease with only my name and a change of locks, but she still has access to the house. I don't know if I will be stabbed when I go back to check if she's gone, if my stuff is ok, if I will find her corpse, etc.
Were you still living with him after the break up? Why were you seeing each other post break up?
We lived together, and both of our names were on the lease. We had separate rooms and were honestly really civil and adult about it. I was looking for work and just about to start a job.
We had only broken up a few weeks before it happened. We weren't seeing each other, we were just friends. If you wanna learn more about violence you should read The Gift of Fear. It's a very good book about violent behavior, how it actually happens, how to predict it, and there's a lot of misconceptions about violence.
It's bizarre because he never hit me before and he only did it because he was drunk and angry but that doesn't take it back. I've never been in a situation like this. You're not alone though and emotional abuse is something that is hard to acknowledge or even recognize sometimes. If she tries to hurt herself you need to understand that's not on your or your responsibility or your fault. Do not worry about finding her corpse, as cold as that might sound. That's her responsibility to keep herself alive, not yours. It's normal that you're anxious, this is a scary situation to be in.
I don't know what to find or expect. I am terrified to go back. I also have double the rent now for the next year and will break even. If she's dead it would be a relief in a weird way. In a way she's already dead. It sounds scary being a woman and experiencing an abusive partner bigger than you. I wish you all of the best.
plot twist i'm a gay man. you should read the book if you're worried. you'll survive this.
I'm literally the Male version of this. The first page at least. Need to reevaluate myself
Were there any indications, signs, or hints of a person being like this before getting involved in a relationship with?
Right now, I'm POSSIBLY going to deal with a girl who's like this. What are the signs, symptoms, behaviors, of a woman before you move in with them?
There's not many good signs, that's why it's called Borderline Personality Disorder.
>There's not many good signs, that's why it's called Borderline Personality Disorder.
So how do people know it exist? How do you know you have it or how do you know SHE had it?
Btw, are you
Been there, done that. You DO NOT date BPD girls. Thanks user.
>The Gift of Fear
seconding this, must read book if you run into a freak like OP's gf
>I have just exited a relationship with a borderline personality (BPD) girl
>I was her dad
Based Alabamaposter
Not shocked to see this kind of hate here, honestly.
Please do your own research before listening to random folks on the internet "diagnosing" anyone with BPD. None of these people are medical professionals, just people who have had a shitty experience with a man/woman who may or may not have even had this disorder, and did not try to seek help or improve on themselves in any way. BPD is not just a synonym for "shitty person doing shitty things."
Too many of the symptoms of BPD overlap with other mental illnesses, and misdiagnosis is extremely common. It's also a flat out lie to say people with BPD cannot recover, because there are plenty of people who do. Do not base your opinion about BPD on one shitty ass person who may or may not have the disorder and are doing absolutely nothing to help themselves. There are more people out there trying to help themselves than there are people who want to do nothing about their mental health, and stereotyping these people only hurts their recovery.
If you want these kinds of people to get help, stop stigmatizing them with this sort of garbage, this goes for anyone with any mental illness, not just people who may suffer from BPD.
heretohelp.bc.ca
verywellmind.com
nami.org
Remember, stereotyping anyone with any mental illness is extremely harmful.
Thanks and have a good night.
BASED AND GOODMENTALHEALTH-PILLED
>yes, most people who have this disorder or who are thought to have it are terrible partners, but not all of them!
That doesn't justify taking the risk of dating such defects. The stereotype exists for a reason, and while it's not great for those lumped in with actual garbage, it performs a much greater service in protecting people from situations like OP's.
Show me where I said anything like
>yes, most people who have this disorder or who are thought to have it are terrible partners, but not all of them!
I've said quite the opposite, honestly, if you had any reading comprehension. A minority of people who don't treat their BPD have overshadowed the majority who do.
Saying the stereotype for a mental illness exists for a reason is no better than saying a stereotype for a race exists for a reason. I shouldn't be shocked after all, this is Jow Forums.
Before you ask, I do have personal experience with people who has this disorder, both personally and professionally, and also work in a mental health facility. I have seen both sides of this coin, the extreme worst and the absolute best. There are more people who want to recover than there are who don't. You can keep choosing to be hateful, that's your prerogative, but don't spread misinformation.
point is you dont put your dick in crazy bitches
even if them be good sometimes aint no nigga taking risks with crazy pussy
>she said that she owned me and always had me
picrelated
we all make mistakes, but if you went right into this abuse despite all the red flags and didn't quit it for so long, you might want to ask yourself why.
I think you might have codependent traits. I suggest you watch this video on borderline: youtu.be
and also I suspect your gf was not just borderline but narcissistic, because she was grandiose, controlling, and exploitative (afaik almost third diagnosed female borderlines also have narcissism so I'm pretty sure that's the case). her delusional thoughts scream of schizo traits, and her lying borders on psychopathy (although this could be narcissism or borderline, that's a little too much even for them).
Well if we want to stereotype here, then I'm sure plenty of women should avoid white guys (majority of Jow Forums) who say nigga on Jow Forums like they're hard.
ratemds.com
Here's some reviews about the guy who made this video.
>A minority of people who don't treat their BPD have overshadowed the majority who do.
Whether they treat it or not is largely irrelevant. If anything, the untreated ones would intuitively be better since you can more readily avoid them. The fact remains that they are a permanent and inherent risk to a stable relationship, always liable to break down if they falter for even a moment.
>no better than saying a stereotype for a race exists for a reason.
Well, yes. No fucking shit. Stereotypes in general exist for a reason, and masturbatory hyper-individualism doesn't erase the existence of group trends. It's completely unworkable to treat everyone around you as 'le human bean with a story': not only is the effort required out proportion to the small benefit, but also because of the bias everyone carries in their interactions. That's part of why the BPD "love-bombing" is so effective--it lets people convince themselves that everything will be alright with another person even when it clearly isn't.
Any white person who says the 'n-word' without a hard "r" has already forfeited their whiteness.
Wow. Please stay away from anyone who may be mentally ill, or any POC, for their own good. Not shocking.
ok thanks for the info. I felt he was like that. but nevertheless his videos are free and they do contain useful information.
Seconded
I'm sure there's a better qualified professional somewhere with just as useful, if not more useful information in an easy to digest youtube video. Just have to take the time to research.
I mean, yeah, dealing with BPD people is hard, but that's not to say they do it intentionally. Afterall, it's a personality disorder. There is bound to be some dysfunction, but that doesn't mean the person should held personally accountable for the dysfunction. For recognizing it and trying to fix it, sure, but for developing it in the first place, no. But it's totally up to you if you want to stick around or not to help them fix it. You haven't got to deal with their emotional rollercoaster
>oh my god he doesn't give me my special treatment
go be a narcissist somewhere else, you're worthless and your white knighting fools no one
I'm sorry that you're angry and need to resort to namecalling, but I just didn't see a point in continuing to argue with someone so obviously closed-minded. You're free to feel how you want, but spreading misinformation helps no one.
>Just have to take the time to research.
not very helpful is it? if i knew a better vid I'd share
she goes from extremely affectionate to the opposite. BPD is marked by a personality of extremes.
>I'm sorry that you're angry and need to resort to namecalling
I'm sorry you need to make up things I didn't say to inflate your big ego. you just came here to virtue signal when you clearly act like a hypocrite and holier-than-thou. you clearly don't give a flying fuck about mentally ill's feelings or anyone's feelings, you just want to lecture others. go be insulted somewhere else because literally no one cares enough about a no-name whiner like you.
>if I knew a better vid I'd share
That's why I suggested taking time to research. Make sure the video has proper medical sources, and check those sources out.
But that's work, I guess, and not as easy as typing "BPD" into a search bar and clicking the first few links.
Sorry I don't have something on hand, I don't typically trust youtube videos to teach me about complex mental health issues is all.
I am the first poster (); that wasn't me you replied to.
It's not 'misinformation', either--the difference lies in what to do with given information. The suggestion that the solution to the issue of BPD is more 'tolerance and understanding' is far from the only possible one, and I would argue far from the optimal one as well.
Go with a friend or family member. Just to make sure you are okay. Fuck BPD demons. Exterminatus when?
Projection is a strong thing.
I care a lot about mental health, as I work in a mental health hospital. I particularly care about this topic, as my wife was misdiagnosed with BPD when she was 19, and suffered because of it for years due to the stigma. Professionals would not see her. Her friends distanced themselves from her. So i guess you could say I have a horse in this race.
She finally found a proper medical professional and does not have BPD, but C-PTSD as well as a few comorbid disorders. Ignorance caused her a lot of suffering and delayed her proper care.
I'm pretty sure you've said enough that I wouldn't need to say a single thing about you, but I would suggest you see someone about this misplaced anger, it's not healthy.
oh so now we have to have special treatment for your wife and walk on eggshells around you. very well. I guess you're a special person here on this board, and your wife is totally like a VIP here.
also I get it, you're holier than me. funny how you mention anger, I didn't get buttblasted over someone's peaceful discussion of BPD on an imageboard. maybe get over your wife's false diagnose already? good luck on your moral crusade I guess, spend your free time as you wish. maybe someone else will see you for how special you are, because I surely don't.
What's the main difference between Borderline and Bipolar? Both sound very alike.
Plus, how is a BPD's social life? I and her attend regular religious meetings. She has her congregation and I have mine. Both same religion and sect. She admits to me that is doesn't talk to any of the others around her. She is considered a nice girl in good standing but that's it. She keeps her distance from everyone around her. She has no friends but her sister. She keeps her distance from all the others socially and if they invite her somewhere she declines all the time. She has regular anxiety/panic attacks. I do know she's experienced a case of Dissociation. She has tried to commit suicide 4-5 years ago. She's extremely overly-private to the point where she gets mad if I talk to her sister for innocent reasons.
When I went out with her on a date I ordered a booth for us to sit at a restaurant and she was extremely anxious sliding from one end of the booth to the next the whoooole night. She has an unusually high-pitched voice and the personality vocabulary of a teenage girl between 12-15. She's 24 now. She's a single mom with tattoos and I do know in the past she has taken skanky selfies of herself. She's also one of those girls who puts on a lot of make up, sharp eyebrows, and overly exaggerated glued on eye lashes to the point of looking like a fuck doll.
After our date, the next day she had another episode of a panic attack, erased all her daughters pics on Instagram, blocked me on Instagram, drank some alcohol to cope and drove around our city for AN HOUR trying to calm down. After that she declared that:
>"I need some time off right now, honestly I don't want a relationship right now with anyone. I just want to focus on myself and daughter"
My original statements still stand, regardless. Stereotyping does not help anyone. It's horrifying to suggest that we cast aside a majority of people suffering due to a small minority who do not want help.
Why is "tolerance and understanding" so harmful? You do realize that "tolerance and understanding" does not mean to just let someone unhealthy go absolutely off the deep end and do whatever they want, right? It's just the idea that we not treat these people like they're monsters that need to be avoided at all costs, because they're not.
Providing an environment where someone can learn how to cope and help themselves without treating them like monsters is not a bad thing. Giving a person structure and understanding that they are in need of assistance is not a bad thing. It's dehumanizing to suggest that people with BPD don't deserve "tolerance and understanding" for being afflicted with a disorder they did not choose to have.
I feel like we're hung up mostly on the word "tolerance" here. You do not have to "tolerate" toxic, harmful behaviors from anyone, regardless of who they are or what may be wrong with them in order to be "tolerant and understanding."
>nice girl in good standing
>suicidal
>She's a single mom with tattoos
>skanky selfies and thot-mode appearance
>'good standing'
The absolute state of modern Christianity. Dude, she's nuts.
Borderline is the official name now, Bipolar doesn't exist anymore in the book.
There used to be both, but no difference besides severity, so they changed it.
Oh, I get it now, you're just trolling. Embarrassed I didn't pick up on it sooner lol
I can't diagnose this girl of yours because I'm not a professional. I can only recommend not getting involved with her, she sounds like a nutcase with a lot of baggage.
>Bipolar doesn't exist anymore in the book
What?
I suggest you run and booby trap your apartment so no one else has to deal with her shit afterwards.
youtube.com
recommend this series for those who wish to watch some youtube videos about BPD and other disorders, with common misconceptions, differences between BPD and other disorders, and how to understand the disorder a bit better.
>Stereotyping does not help anyone.
Untrue. It provides a quick and reasonably accurate way of protecting oneself from high-risk groups. While wholly casting aside a group is usually counterproductive (as that would set them loose on society whether the society wanted it or not), to an individual it's beneficial on balance. Are there people with fully-managed BPD who can be great partners and parents? No doubt there are--but that doesn't outweigh either the actual demons or the 'mostly stable' ones who periodically decompensate.
>It's just the idea that we not treat these people like they're monsters that need to be avoided at all costs
In the realm of relationships, this is the better mindset to have in the absence of specific information. You work with these types, you're even married to one--most people don't have such experience, and their own attempts to connect with people who are figurative time bombs will often end with an explosion in their face. The 'stereotype' protects them, compared to what would happen without it.
>It's dehumanizing to suggest people with BPD don't deserve "tolerance and understanding" for being afflicted with a disorder they did not choose to have.
On the contrary. It's precisely the involuntary nature of the condition which makes rigid boundaries preferable.
>I can't face ciriticism so you must be trolling
actually my bad, I forgot. narcissists never accept others' position, and project this "closed mindedness" on others. so yeah, this conversation was pointless, just wanted to let you know you need therapy
If you replace "BPD" with anything else, this is an absolutely horrible set of statements, so why is it okay when it comes to BPD?
If you cannot see how harmful it is to stereotype a population of people based on a small minority, there's no point in arguing any different. You'll see what you want to see based on personal bias, no different than those who "stereotype" anyone else.
Also, I'm not married to someone with BPD, but married to someone who was incorrectly diagnosed with BPD who has since had that diagnosis revoked and replaced with something more accurate.
>labels everyone who doesn't agree with them as a narcissist
>projects their own feelings onto everyone who doesn't agree with them
>angrily suggests anyone who disagrees needs therapy
You really can't see the irony, can you?
They're similar but not the same. Don't know where you got the idea that bipolar as a diagnoses doesn't exist anymore.
Good, then we're done. Go be a dumb faggot marrying someone with BPD and trusting black people or whatever other retarded shit you do.
>If you replace "BPD" with anything else, this is an absolutely horrible set of statements
How so? It follows with any high-risk group. You can come up with nonsensical substitutions, like replacing BPD with "people who eat Big Macs", but that's beside the point.
>If you cannot see how harmful it is to stereotype a population of people based on a small minority
First of all, it's not a small minority, it's behavior inherent to the condition which is the risk. Secondly, I do understand the harm involved--that's why it makes more sense to avoid active risks than to expose oneself to them. I prefer to concentrate the problems inherent to a group within said group, rather than inflicting them on the rest of the population.
> I'm not married to someone with BPD, but married to someone who was incorrectly diagnosed with BPD
My bad. You still have much more information and experience than most, though.
Op
Listen Very carefully
I didn't read the first two paragraphs because I was too afraid it would trigger my own traumas,
But as someone who had a BPD in place of a mother,I understand the soul sucking black holes these are that suck away all bit of happiness and hope there is, but once you get away and start living with normal people you realise all the hopeless was projection on you,
You don't fill the void, you delete it because there is no void in you then the the one artificially imposed
Every BPD, NPD, Sociopath and all cluster-B personality disorders should be exterminated though.
Nope, BPD have no compassion or empathy for anything, the human aspect you see is just the fake, the bait they put out, there is no 'person' there
I just made contact with her and tied up all loose ends. It's over. She gave me permission to move on. Thank you all of you for your advice.
This. Or at least made to wear identifying badges on their clothes
Me hereA combination of tattoos and being a young single mom is all you need as a badge of honor. Add to that a lot of make up, over-exaggerated eyebrows and eye lashes and constant selfies and you got a bonafide Holocaust patch for them to wear.
>She gave me permission to move on.
That's quite pathetic you needed permission to move on.
True, I'll admit that. But the reason why I preferred HER to throw me to the curb is because I refuse to be added to her list of men from her dad to her last ex of abandoning her.
As egotistical as it sounds I was the best thing to have ever happened to her. And she threw me to the curb. So I made her give me up so she can regret what she did. So in the end, she has no one to blame but herself.
My girlfriend is terrified she is undiagnosed BPD because she fucking hates them. She has anxiety issues but she doesn't really fit any of the shit I've heard in this thread; perhaps more mildly.
What advice would you give her, OP?
this isn’t correct. we feel lots and lots of emotions some good and some bad
What's the difference between your emotional state and everyone elses?
What advice can we give you? Dating people with bipolar or any mental illness has never been a good idea. Trying to change people hardly ever work. Idk, seems pretty standard. How come you went against all the warnings and still thought you would be special?
OP's dilemma is that she started out as a "normal" person only for her true self to be revealed later. Some mentally ill people are smart enough to pass as normal. The rest are easy to spot.
Bumping for truth
Know when to run and decide what is too much for you.
So advice is, don’t fast track a relationship until you know someone. Like dating 101.
Correct, however, it seems some slip through the cracks and can hold their true selves long enough to have you by the balls at the end after you move in.
The other problem is that people's emotions are incredibly high with nostalgia, joy, serotonin, that it clouds their judgement. As a result, they are incapable of seeing the occasional slip of the crazy that the other person expresses.
That's probably what happened. I know that's what happened with me. As of today, I tied up all loose ends and moved on.
Mild medication of some form (either mental meds or hotmones/bc) and or diet experimentation.
OP, from personal experience and without trying to discredit what you're saying, it sounds like she had a lot more issues than simply bpd, more bordering on histrionic and antisocial behavior
Not that user but recovering former-BPD black hole. For me at least there was no faking or "manipulation" (not consciously at least).
It was just every interaction felt like so much more; really deep, really intense, and it was either complete bliss or the end of the world. But at the same time it wasn't just emotional overload, I was able to detach a part my mind from those intense emotions think, so I was constantly over-feeling and over-thinking and over-reading into even the tiniest situational changes.
When you're at your BPD worst there's no you, so all the effort normal people put into themselves you put as pressure onto people around you. There's no love for yourself, no sense of identity, no self-image, no core-values, you're empty so everything comes from the outside. It's like the line between what constitutes (you) and what constitutes the people around you have blurred.
You're at one with the world in the worst possible way.
The outside environment essentially "is" you, so you put all your energy into modulating the environment rather than yourself (hence the "manipulative" stereotype). Because you are sensitive to evething around you - the tiniest things other people say/do or don't say/do.
It's like reverse autism, like you read social cue in hypermode way beyond how much information those cues actually contain. As a result you appear crazy because you over-read, manipulative before you're thinking and planning for 500 steps ahead, or like you can't read social cue but you're also clearly not autistic so people think you're faking it for attention.
Recovery is hard and to start you have to have that tiny bit of yourself left that wants it (rather than just someone telling you to get help, because that comes from the outside). Then you work on building up a whole new human from that tiny bit of you that wants to exist as your own entity.
cont.
Basically you fucked up/got fucked over during childhood development so much that letting go of what it means to be you was the less painful option. As a result you become selfish and narcissistic as you grow up, you take it everything around you personally because you essentially ARE everything around you.
>It was just every interaction felt like so much more;
What kind of interactions?
>it was either complete bliss or the end of the world.
Did you get anxiety/panic attacks?
>You're at one with the world in the worst possible way.
Like a Siamese Twin where "You" and the world are attached but not knowing where one begins and the other ends?
>the tiniest things other people say/do or don't say/do.
This explains a lot after what happened to me when I was thrown to the curb just recently. Did you behave all nervous and anxious with friends or a date in public? How did you behave around familiar people or with a date?
>you fucked up/got fucked over during childhood development so much that letting go of what it means to be you was the less painful option
Explain further please...
Based single mom fucking Chad. Keep it up
>What kind of interactions?
Neighbor says hello but less enthusiastically than usual. WHAT DID HE MEAN BY THAT HE DIDN'T SMILE AS MUCH AS HE USUALLY DOES, HE BODY LANGUAGE SHOWED THE TINIEST SIGN OF STRESS (nevermind that it could be something else going on in his life or work or whatever) DOES HE HATE ME, HE HATES ME, WHAT DID I DO? WHY DOES HE HATE ME? I NEED TO CONFRONT HIM ABOUT THIS. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG, I NEED TO CLEAR IT UP SO HE'S HAPPY NEIGHBOR AGAIN. And you repeat that level of intensity with every human interaction, amplified with emotional distance, the closer you are to the black hole the stronger the effects. Coworkers, family, friends, relationships...
>Did you get anxiety/panic attacks?
Yeah, sometimes.
>not knowing where one begins and the other ends?
This. Like ink spreading in water. But only mentally, like I was obviously aware that physically I had my own body and brain. If Iwas dissociating really bad it didn't feel like my own body.
>Did you behave all nervous and anxious with friends or a date in public? How did you behave around familiar people or with a date?
There was no set behavior. Sometimes I was nervous and anxious, sometimes I was confident and outgoing af.
The people closest to me definitely suffered the most because the closer they were to me the more I essentially thought of them as an extention of myself (I wasn't aware of this at the time) and bearing in mind BPDs hate themselves so much that they basically erased their "self" from existence, you can imagine why they treat the people closest to them with the most suspicion, mistrust, and paranoia.
I'm happy you guys broke up. There's no point explaining this to someone with BPD, they need to realise it for themselves. You can't build an identity for someone and if you try you just make their lack of their own identity worse because having what other people wanted forced onto them was what made them this way in the first place.
Lots of male friends
Lots of partying, drinking
Drug use
Tattoos
Piercings
Art hoe
Satanic or esoteric decor
Etc
The red flags are always obvious, we just overlook them when they're lovebombing us and we're thinking with our dicks
BPD is heavily connected to a history of childhood trauma that can be different for everyone.
I can't pinpoint exactly when I lost my sense of self, but it was sometime during university under extreme stress. Like a dam broke. I guess I was lucky in that I at least had memories of knowing who I am, having ambition, a moral compass, an idea of what I liked or disliked, etc. For people who go full BPD in their early teens, I can't see how they can to find their way out.
Fyi I was raped for 2 years as a 7-9 year old, and also had a very invalidating upbringing in general. Very absent but also very possessive parents. The memories of knowing who I am all came from before I was 7 pretty much.
I am OP and my mother is BPD as well.
>sense of self
I guess never really had it for my teenage years either, I was constantly changing everything, but that's normal for teenager so no-one cared.
Have been pretty sure I've had BPD for awhile now (can't explain my impulsivity, hatred of myself and my life, or why I lash out at people for no reason), I check all of those boxes plus the ones in the DSM. I experienced some serious trauma over the last 4 years that seems to have compounded my BPD symptoms.
Fuck me, all the people I've accused and hurt didn't deserve it. Going to have a serious talk with my therapist this week about my diagnosis. This thread has been eye opening.
>don't see them as humans.
I think most or maybe even all of them really are just essentially helpless people trapped in a sort of vortex of suffering.
But denying their humanity really is the only way. For some of us, if we don't manage to do this, we will keep trying to help them.
They prey on compassion and devour it.
Sorry to hear that, but it's great that you can reflect and identify the problems in yourself. Most NPD/bpd have a very time admitting any faults.
>But denying their humanity really is the only way. For some of us, if we don't manage to do this, we will keep trying to help them.
That's pretty black and white thinking... Why do you have to go to the extremes of denying their humanity to just so you can stop being a meddling brown-noser?
Devaluing them as less than human because your "help" didn't work when you don't actually know what's helping and what's enabling when it comes to BPD, that sounds kinda shitty.
>True, I'll admit that. But the reason why I preferred HER to throw me to the curb is because I refuse to be added to her list of men from her dad to her last ex of abandoning her.
So you need her approval not to be on the naughty list, just like breaking up? That sounds even more pathetic. The part I find hilarious is you have no clue if she'll talk highly of you behind your back, but I'm guessing that's cause you're probably going to hang around her like the obvious pathetic codependent person you are.
>As egotistical as it sounds I was the best thing to have ever happened to her. And she threw me to the curb. So I made her give me up so she can regret what she did. So in the end, she has no one to blame but herself.
You didn't make her do anything except ask for permission to do something you don't have a spine to do yourself. The mental gymnastics you play are hilarious. No wonder she was able to be this way with you.
>you're probably going to hang around her like the obvious pathetic codependent person you are.
Nope, just established contact with two other women. Both mentally stable. About to re-establish contact with a third either this Monday or Wednesday. Semi-Chad.
>You didn't make her do anything except ask for permission to do something you don't have a spine to do yourself.
Well I didn't ask for permission so to speak. I MADE HER tell me to move on. This way, she cannot vicimize herself and add me to her naughty boy list because I literally did nothing wrong. As a result, she will regret it later on in life. That's her permanent slap to the face.
>No wonder she was able to be this way with you.
Possibly true seeing how I either ignored the signs but also I wasn't well educated in BPD. It was my sister, who is a LCSW, who helped me come to this conclusion. As a result, I figured Jow Forums would have some advice on this and they did. Now I know better and now I know what to avoid. Hell, thanx to this experience I am now aware that I'm attracted to these kinds because of their over-exaggerated skanky bimbo looks.
The next three are modest girls. This will never happen again.
>Nope, just established contact with two other women. Both mentally stable. About to re-establish contact with a third either this Monday or Wednesday. Semi-Chad.
You just proved my point about reestablishing contact.
>Well I didn't ask for permission so to speak.
Don't move the goal posts.
>Possibly true seeing how I either ignored the signs but also I wasn't well educated in BPD.
Or cause you ask for permission and want to be
> It was my sister, who is a LCSW, who helped me come to this conclusion.
You really are deluded.
>Hell, thanx to this experience I am now aware that I'm attracted to these kinds because of their over-exaggerated skanky bimbo looks.
No, you're not. You're also a moron for thinking that BPDs have an over-exaggerated skanky bimbo look to them. You're probably codependent and possibly within the Cluster B personality disorder as well.
>You just proved my point about reestablishing contact.
I just met these three women. They were just quick encounters while I was dealing with the current crazy one. Once she left me I remembered all three of them and established a dialogue with them. Got ones phone number plus Insta, another just Insta, and the third I can see in person tomorrow or Wednesday.
>You really are deluded.
Why?
>You're probably codependent and possibly within the Cluster B personality disorder as well.
Cluster A. Closer to Schizoid Personality Disorder. That's why only a semi-chad. Basically, I'm an odd, weird, strange, loner with a stone-cold face. But I have been working on that for years once I recognized it. Now I can establish relationships with anyone easily.
To be honest, this girl with BPD is one of my greatest acheivements. It took me 3 months of talking just to finally convince her to go out on a date with me and accept a gift from me. She was such a bitch at the beginning but I was able to maker her open up to me to the point of telling me her deepest secrets during our date. I think she ended up falling in love with me only to have a panic attack and then drop me like dead cat. This is something a socially awkward nerd could never pull off yet I did it.
>I just met these three women. They were just quick encounters while I was dealing with the current crazy one. Once she left me I remembered all three of them and established a dialogue with them. Got ones phone number plus Insta, another just Insta, and the third I can see in person tomorrow or Wednesday.
Thanks for proving my point you'll most likely reestablish contact with your BPD ex.
>Why?
Moving the goal posts on your neediness, who broke up with whom, and then stating your sister is a LCSW.
>Cluster A. Closer to Schizoid Personality Disorder. That's why only a semi-chad. Basically, I'm an odd, weird, strange, loner with a stone-cold face. But I have been working on that for years once I recognized it. Now I can establish relationships with anyone easily.
To be honest, this girl with BPD is one of my greatest acheivements. It took me 3 months of talking just to finally convince her to go out on a date with me and accept a gift from me. She was such a bitch at the beginning but I was able to maker her open up to me to the point of telling me her deepest secrets during our date. I think she ended up falling in love with me only to have a panic attack and then drop me like dead cat. This is something a socially awkward nerd could never pull off yet I did it.
Again, thank you for proving my point that you're needy and delusional. Just like your self-professed Schizoid Personality Disorder, this will probably take you years to recognize and deal with it.
I understand OP, I've dated 2 bpd people now. The first one perma discarded me thank god, even though that break up was extremely agonizing, and the 2nd one didn't develop her symptoms until a year into the relationship, and at that point I didn't understand what was happening, up until a week and a half ago when I broke up with her after she hit me.
It's gonna be okay, you're not the only person that has ever had to date a woman like this. Get some therapy, I've already done a session and I feel an immense weight lifted off my shoulders. It's not your fault she's this way, and it may be sad, but the only thing you can do is walk away, and if you want to, even hope that they get help. The acceptance of these things is important. It may be heartbreaking, and even tragic, but when you get away from this all, you'll feel better.
did she recieve a proper diagnosis of BPD?
I live in constant fear that I'll become person like that (excepting that I have almost no libido and I feel like a disappointment because of this)
Two things, OP:
1)Did you make sure she was taking her meds and seeing her doctors regularly? It seems like you didn't, because
2)You tried to be her therapist instead of her boyfriend and this is big no-no when you date people with personality disorders.
In your post, I see a lot of red flags, but they're not her own behavioral red flags, they're your course-of-action red flags that you could have avoided taking (and that I can list for you if you like).
Dating such a person IS possible, but you always have to remind both yourself and the person themselves that you're not a therapist and that you shouldn't try to be one for them.
You also have to remind yourself that sometimes it's the disorder/meds doing the talking, instead of the person themselves. That means that while you're not a therapist, you still need to learn to discern when the person is not in control of themselves (a proper therapist can help you with that). You have to become the person's ally against the disorder, not serve the disorder.
To me, dating a person with a personality disorder is like dating someone with a severed limb. If you like avoiding responsibilities in your life, it's probably not the choice for you, but you can still have good times if you stick around.