Got "discarded" by one of these females. She had me fooled real good for a few years- >making me feel super special and that our relationship was perfect for us both. >Until it wasn't.
Slowly and surely >she started distancing herself. >Started insulting me more, what I stand for, my friends and then my own family. >Then she started actively coming up with excuses as to why we can't see each other anymore. Suddenly she is like a whole different person- almost like she had amnesia and nothing I would say or remind her of the past would do anything.
How do you get over a rough break up of a long-term relationship? She really had me going that she would be my wife someday and that we had a future together. Women really do get into relationships just for the attention or the fun- my mistake was pretending like this wasn't going on. Sometimes you just feel like something's not normal with your partner, that maybe they have this narcissistic mental deficiency/problem.
>>Started insulting me more, what I stand for, my friends and then my own family ... I mean before you can call her a narcissist or sociopath you might want to realize that she has legitimate complaints about you. Otherwise you might just be dehumanizing her out of denial
from the description, it sounds more like borderline. they will start awesome and loving, but then they get slighted easily and start rejecting you intensely. I suggest you read on it in wikipedia and you can watch this vid explaining it: youtube.com/watch?v=diEhdbGC-mg&t=3s why I doubt she is narcissist/sociopath is because these are different, and not loving at all. both have exploitative tendencies and grandiose egos. you'll see more superficial charm from them than actual love. narcissists will make it all about themselves and require you to be their "fan". sociopaths are cold and fake, they have no conscience.
No, in the beginning stages, she was all about me and my life- it seemed really perfect. Nothing was wrong. Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, I was blindsided. All the hate came pouring out when I thought she could never be that way. I asked her and reminded her of how things were not but a few months ago and she literally does not remember. Its quite literally mind-boggling.
Yeah she started awesome and for like two years she was great. The third year was when she started slowly going down hill and started getting far more abusive. She would stop putting in effort in her clothing, hang outs, and the relationship in general.
How do you get over someone like this like? It totally destroyed any sense of reality in my life right now because we both were that close. Having a perfect partner one day, the next- a completely different (and indifferent) human being. My mind just cant fathom how heartless and cold someone could be.
>She was all about me and my life she wasnt the narcistic psychopath. Im getting a pretty good picture of why things went downhill. But everything was her fault, yes? Uh-huh.
I mean that she literally mirrored my life and was into it where it was the perfect relationship and couple in her eyes for a while.
It is her fault. I had been happy and everything seemed cool- for a while. Until one day she literally snapped; almost overnight. One day we were cuddling watching Stranger Things 2 on Netflix like always the next, she is red in the face with anger about everything wrong with me and that everything was indeed my fault.
I found myself apologizing over and over again- I realized I did nothing wrong but she would come up with fresh new reasons why she would be right every single time. I never got closure. Thats why I believe she was a narcissist, or a sociopath. No remorse or emotion, that they feel nothing about the memories or the person they were with. No compassion. Just straight rage quite literally out of nowhere and I'm just this normal dude who thought everything was peachy not too long ago.
>How do you get over someone like this like? Going full no contact with her. Telling your friends and family what's happening, and prepare them for what's to come. Go to therapy with a psychologist that deals with Borderline Personality Disorder. You'll need a lot of help with your psychologist on how to build yourself up. Not only that, but you'll need training on how to deal with her future antics. I won't be surprised at all she'll try to reestablish contact with you (called "hoovering"), and every emotional manipulation tactic possible. This process with her may be several months to several years. You need to also be prepared on how to tell your future girlfriends about her, cause there is a good chance she'll contact your future girlfriends. Same goes for friends and family members. These types have gotten their brains incorrectly wired due to abuse or trauma. These types of people are not normal, and it's out of your control. You need to protect yourself first with full no contact, and then getting help healing. A psychologist will help you with this.
Ahhh. Then she likely cheated on you or you mirror some part of herself she hates. It's called projection.
It really hurts user. I cry because those memories I would cherish forever. I cry because I know that she has that problem and there is little I can do to change her. All those memories were fake to her but they were very real and vivid to me. It was so sudden and my life came crashing down- I am contemplating suicide because you built your life with this significant other, only for them to betray you like that.
My weakness are my loved ones- I will protect them no matter what it costs. But its when they themselves are the ones that hurt you, it stings that much more. I think she took that weakness and played it accordingly
Yes, I feel in my gut she found someone new she can manipulate now since she "won" me over. She won't admit anything but the signs are there. Suddenly forgetting your loved one and what you used to do for years isn't normal and it really sucks :(
first thing to understand is, it's not your fault at all. it's entirely her issues that cause this "double" nature and gradual loss interest, this is exactly what borderline is. it's not anything you did, and there's little you could change if anything. only therapy can help her. I suggest you read/watch what I linked, it explains this better than me. but in short, your gf likely has childhood attachment trauma because her caregiver was unavailable or abusive. because of this, she has extreme subliminal fear of abandonment, criticism and rejection. she also thinks in black and white. other symptoms might include attention seeking, overreaction, extreme demands for closeness with blurred personal boundaries, manipulativeness, impulsive behavior, self harm and addiction. so her pattern is usually like this. when she meets a person, she feels like she finally found someone, and she nearly idolizes you. she thinks of you only in "white". everything is so perfect it's almost unbelievable, she feels genuinely loving, perhaps too much. then time passes, and something minor triggers her—it could be anything irrelevant and small. suddenly out of the blue she turns 180 and thinks of you only in "black", and you're now a bad person who betrayed her. she goes into depression and might resort to addiction and self harm. I guess this is what happened between you. as you can see it has nothing to do with you or anything that you did, you're likely not the first and not the last one she will burn bridges with. it's just her issues that made her harm you. this is exactly what most relationships with borderlines are like, they seem perfect then end abruptly.
>I am contemplating suicide BPDs tend to pick people who are very susceptible to codependency. They suck the emotional life out of you. BPD is considered secondary psychopathy and in the Cluster B personality disorder. They are very aware of what they do, and she knew about your weakness. The techniques she was doing were to destroy your sense of self, and put her in a very controlling position. It's very similar to how cult leaders and abusers operate.
Stop considering suicide. Go full no contact, detox from her nonsense, have the support of friends and family, and get some professional help to deal with her and your issues. Cause it won't get better until then, and she'll probably prey on your codependency and insecurity issues.
This sounds exactly like it. Before, we were the "perfect couple." We even have so many social media photos together. It was golden for those first few years and finally, I said to myself "I found the one."
But yeah, something insignificant set her off and suddenly she's all >I can't stand being with you >You're mean and abusive >You weren't there for me >You always just fight
When we were okay just before. Yeah, she did a complete 180 and now anything I do for her- even if it were good things are suddenly viewed as bad things. Nothing I said or did mattered and I am now just viewed as the bad person now. It didn't matter if we had years together or that we had all these amazing first-experiences together. To her, I'm just this abusive person out of nowhere and there's nothing I can do to change that. I tried saying sorry or to appease her but nothing. It hurts me and it sucks to literally lose your other half in life.
>It hurts me and it sucks to literally lose your other half in life. please be easy on yourself. I feel your pain. you might want to know that your gf likely got her childhood trauma from an abusive / addict parent. this happens when children need to get close but they repeatedly get shut down / harmed / abused instead. so this forever gave her "walking on eggshells" mindset, of needing attention from a dangerous person, who might explode any time. she desperately yearns for connection, and tries to be perfect. but as soon as she senses any tiny rejection she burns bridges and pushes away at full force, because you reminded her of her abuser. so likely, she didn't want to do you harm or "scam" you or betray you. she yearns for love but sadly she's too damaged to be in it. I think most borderlines actually do feel guilt and moral discord when they do harm, unlike actually bad people like narcissists and psychopaths. many are aware how they burn bridges, and they realize this happens for seemingly little reasons, they just don't understand why. most of them will deeply depressed and even devastated afterwards, feeling like "what is wrong with me". some borderlines will want to lure you back, but not all of them, far from it. I guess you need to come to terms that your gf was a different person than you thought she was. it's tough but what you went through was never to deliberately hurt you. it's just the kind of people borderlines are and I'm sure you'll find someone better for stable relationship and move on. if nothing else, you won't fall for this kind of person again. give it time and recover.
This sounds exactly like it. She even told me in her childhood times that maybe her parents weren't always there for her.
Damnit user. I hate this. I can't accept the fact that this person wasn't real. I can't accept that they have a mental problem. It really hurts and I just wish for things to be in the "white" in her mind again. But I look back and our relationship indeed was like a rollercoaster and I had my suspicions. She would be alright and happy a part of the week, the other, she would be intolerable and in a raging fit. This led to amazing sexual experiences and then crushing fights the very next day.
I thought it was just how normal couples handled problems- but I suppose not. I might also agree that we were both codependent on each other. We relied on each other to complete each other and I really enjoyed that bond and connection. But suddenly it is severed. She hated being ignored or being left alone. She would get into fights if I wasn't 100% dedicated to her. But now she doesn't even bother at all. She totally vanished from my life at this point and its so sudden and abrupt that I'm still trying to come to terms with it months after.
thanks for the input and video. I just can't accept it- it hurts me so much.
from your posts I feel that you depended on her so much, you put all your faith and devotion in her and then you felt extremely betrayed and used. it is very understandable that you go through intense anger and pain right now. it might eventually go away by itself if it's your first relationship, and if anything now you're more experienced. but if you feel this hit you too deep to go away by itself, you might yourself have some unresolved trauma—maybe also regarding trust and attachment. I get a feeling this breakup in particular hit you right where it hurts. you need to analyze why it hurts so much. it is very possible you have a childhood trauma yourself. our brains naturally "bury" these traumatic memories deep in subconsciousness, but when they get triggered by a particular situation they suddenly break out without control, and with them breaks out all the anger and pain we felt back then. it is suddenly as if we "see" the childhood abuser in someone, much like your GF saw her abuser in you (even if it wasn't true). if you have a trauma, it might possibly be something connected with trust and betrayal. I suggest you analyze if any of your parents left a trauma on you. you can visit a therapist for that or if you want to just post your thoughts in this thread. also the channel I linked has many more videos on codependency which might help.
I do have childhood trauma- that may be part of the reason this kind of treatment hurts a huge deal for me.
She is just so cold. We were really close and I can't accept how someone could be so callous and careless. In my mind, I keep hoping that she's just playing a really mean game and that she'll revert back to normal and we can spend time together again. But shes straight telling me to leave her now and that it's over.
She took most of my best younger years and I really wanted to be with her. But maybe being in a toxic relationship isn't the most ideal and she did me a favor.
>This sounds exactly like it. Before, we were the "perfect couple." They generally care about appearances outside the relationship to other people a lot. >We even have so many social media photos together. Again, they care about keeping up appearances. >It was golden for those first few years and finally, I said to myself "I found the one." 'Love bombing' is what it's called. They'll make you feel like "the one" by intoxicating and flattering you. Then they'll slowly limit your contact with other people. They'll play mind games making you think it's your fault for overreacting or under-reacting. They basically screw up your barometer for success.
>I do have childhood trauma- that may be part of the reason this kind of treatment hurts a huge deal for me. Probably. >She is just so cold. They're either very cold or very hot. They'll be a 0-3/10 or a 8-10/10 on the feelings side. >She took most of my best younger years and I really wanted to be with her. Believe me, it'll get worse. Like I stated earlier, see a psychologist that specializes in BPD. She'll probably try to suck you back in with hoovering, or go nuts when you finally say no. She'll probably go nuts when she discovers you have a girlfriend. From trying to make you have an affair by showing up naked apologizing, to slashing your new future girlfriend's car tires. >But maybe being in a toxic relationship isn't the most ideal Toxic relationships are far from ideal.
>she did me a favor. No, she didn't She didn't do you a favor at all, and don't think she did. Your thinking is part of her BPD mind that created this mess.
Thanks for the insights user. So we finally split ways today and I feel stupid for typing paragraphs trying to reason with her. She really doesn't care.
Our relationship had been rough- we'd have break ups where she'd show up to my doorstep in tears in the most attractive outfit and then try to win me back over with sex. Not but a month later the same thing happens again; cute outfit and try to make up. Over and over this happened because she would cross boundaries we both agreed on and I would get upset. This time, I got upset and she once and for all said things like
>I can't deal with your behavior and attitude >You're always fighting me >I can't stand being with you
So we split ways today finally. It sucks but I need to learn to be single for a while and heal because this is so traumatic. I may indeed get therapy because I can't help but try to reason with myself- but the logical way is to accept that things were not right from the beginning.
>Our relationship had been rough- we'd have break ups where she'd show up to my doorstep in tears in the most attractive outfit and then try to win me back over with sex. typical bpd. just last week there was another user () who dated a chick diagnosed with it (but she was crazier). every time that user wanted to break up, she made a million promises begging him to give her another chance. then after some time she got worse again. she didn't go to outright hate stage but that user finally got sick of her bullshit. btw he also mentions how she splits thing into black and white. she might go from absolutely hating somebody to idolizing them almost an hour later. it's a rollercoaster like you said. >I do have childhood trauma- that may be part of the reason this kind of treatment hurts a huge deal for me. you might want to analyze it. what exactly happened? I think this applies mostly to worse kind of bpds who are exploitative (possibly have narcissistic traits). not all bpds are really that evil, although a lot of them are.
>Suddenly she is like a whole different person- almost like she had amnesia I've had this recently. I'm still 'dealing with' her as of now but she wrecked me and I went searching all over youtube and elsewhere "how to deal with a narcissist" lol
as was discussed above, that's likely a borderline—not necessarily a narcissist (although it can be both)
>She really doesn't care. She'll care when you start following through. BPDs hate being alone. It sounds counter-productive but they have this weird cycle of doing things to push you away, despite having a fear of being alone.
>Our relationship had been rough- we'd have break ups where she'd show up to my doorstep in tears in the most attractive outfit and then try to win me back over with sex. Not but a month later the same thing happens again; cute outfit and try to make up. Over and over this happened because she would cross boundaries we both agreed on and I would get upset. This time, I got upset and she once and for all said things like This doesn't surprise me. Expect that she'll do it again. Then she'll probably really lose her shit when she sees you aren't going to capitulate to her crying or offer of sex. She'll probably also try to trash your reputation online and with your friends and family.
What specific boundaries did she cross?
>So we split ways today finally. It sucks but I need to learn to be single for a while and heal because this is so traumatic. I may indeed get therapy because I can't help but try to reason with myself- but the logical way is to accept that things were not right from the beginning. Yes, get some help with a professional who deals with BPDs. You need to have the tools to get out of this nonsensical mind-trap.
BPD is part of Cluster B personality disorders. Cluster B also includes NPD (narcissist). There may be some narcissistic traits that overlap with BPD, but this is definitely not narcissism.
did she recieve a formal diagnosis from a specialist or did you talk about her behaviour to a psychiatrist?
>Dated a narcissist You have no idea what this disorder means >sociopath You again have no idea what it means. You sound like a sub room temperature iq moron and I'm not surprised she left you.