Adverse childhood experiences

Who has had them and how have you coped? I score a three on the questionnaire (yes to no love #4, street drug parent, and mental illness parent)

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1, 3, 5, 9

4/10 looks like we got off pretty light OP

4 is considered severe, actually.

I dissociated from the childhood rape, the rest I coped with by developing mental illnesses of my own.

Now I cope with group talking therapy, having hobbies, and meditation.

Realising that you can't control what happens in life, but you can control what you make of it.
Learnt my lessons, accepted that it happened and it is now out of my control, forgiven, moved on.

I have Asian parents, no score below 10/10 is severe enough.

i got a 6 (yes to 1, 4, 5, 6, 8, and 9)

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Thanks anons. I am going to a therapist who is mostly CBT. Since my issue was mainly no love meth household I apparently have a deeply negative view of the world, along with major anxiety disorder. Therapy had helped but I keep having days where death seems preferable. Can't kill myself because I have kids I just don't want to be mentally ill and give them a ACE#9 being around me like this. Diet and exercise aren't working... Paleo with weight lifting and running. Blood work came back normal.

I think I might have damaged my brain with drugs, I have tried a lot of them. I have preached against meds but I'm thinking I might try something odd like buspirone if it keeps going like this

Nice to know other people are in the same boat at least

4/10 items 1,5,8,9
Tobacco, drugs and alcohol of course

A slight majority of all domestic abuse victims are men, but the questions don't even acknowledge it's possible.

Fuck the Duluth Model.

That looks like a very outdated ACE questionnaire.

Source: I work in a trauma informed environment and have seen the up to date ones on an almost daily basis.

For all those here with a 4 or above; how is life going for you?

Do you know what is missing from it? I'd like to find the updated one then

What's your most successful treatment options?

>Do you know what is missing from it? I'd like to find the updated one then
I don't have my books with me so I can't get the latest ones, but it's a bit different and comes with explanations on statistically how much more likely you are to have your life go to shit and how much so depending on how high your score is.

>What's your most successful treatment options?
Ideally you want to avoid extremes like medication, you need to address issues rather than take pills and hope that you have more better days.
Trauma informed people and environments are great because they reduce the chances of resurfacing trauma and causing bad reactions, think "what happened to them?" rather than "he's just being a dick head", you deescalate then get them to learn an alternative to kicking off so that in the future they can react better.
This then allows you to get the individual to address their own negative experiences and understand WHY they react the way they do.

Second bit coming up

Someone who was dragged through the care system might be re traumatised by being restrained, the same can apply to being rub down searched in places like airports.
Someone who was groomed may react inappropriately, try to turn conversations sexual or do things like wear kid's pyjamas and seek out partners/father figures or even victims of their own.
Someone who was beaten by their parent/guardian may be hyper vigilant and overreact to being challenged or turn violent if someone they are friendly with is threatened or attacked.

A lot of people don't socialise much outside of their socioeconomic group, if you are from a poor area and your don't know your dad or your dad assaulted your mother, chances are you will see it as normal with some qualifier ("he only hit her the once because she did something wrong").
If your parents are alcoholics and piss away their money, you probably socialised with other kids in the local pub and socialised with them more than others, you grow up thinking that drinking every day or that you can't socialise without alcohol.
If your parents got into a state where they couldn't get you to a hospital if you needed it (drink/drugs) you will be more likely presume that it's normal to get into that state or leave your kids on their own because you did it and you turned out ok.

I'm , not great but I have a new job with career progression lined up and I'm not in debt, so not as bad as it could be I guess. Still want to cop-suicide by ramming a van full of explosives into a crowd from time to time but such feelings pass.

The 5th question can also be argued with, but it was more because we were all struggling.

Meh, i get a 3 too. I haven't really had to cope or anything. The only lasting effect ive noticed is that I can't really talk to my father.

Feeling pretty blessed by all these dubs. Looking forward to therapy tomorrow.

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Thank you user. I have been doing therapy for a few months and I will stick with it before really considering medication. It is good to see that you consider meds extreme.
My problems were more like having no bond with the parents, no hugs or warm feelings even as a small child, they were too busy but also wanted me to be tough I think. Both alcoholics with a history of drugs, but financially stable. One was using meth at work for my entire childhood and behaved erratically and angrily.. most people I talk to don't match my experience, so advice is slim

>Diet and exercise aren't working...
They are working, your blood works prove it. Don't be scared of taking med, just do your research and talk to your doc about concerns.

CBT and DBT really helped me when I was at my worst. Give your kid a good life user.

So you still felt loved and protected by your mom? Did that give you the strength to carry on?

Thanks user. Well the truth is I've always eaten healthy..I was hoping the exercise would boost my mood more though.
I have never head of dialectical behavioral therapy, I will look into it.

fine, i have a decent amount of hobbies but i might be too isolated from people

No, my mom was never really around actually because she was always working overtime and i only saw her every other weekend. My dad was the only one that made me feel in danger though. On another note I double checked the list and if going by a less severe interpretation of 2 (i don't remember getting injured but i definitely got grabbed like i was about to be hit) then I have it too so id be a 4/10

Glad you are doing well user

Me again.
I'd give no to 10th, 9th and 7th, but if a family member going to the asylum for a few months counts as being mentally ill then it's 8/10.
And not sure what you mean by coping. They sent me and my siblings to a bunch of therapists when we were young, but it was easy to see how detached those women were from our life experiences, so that was just a waste of time in my opinion.

Weeelll, I never said thaat. I have other issues but I just don't see how any of them are connected to the stuff in the questionnaire, for example im a bit of a nihilist, and I have the 'tism and have never really had any friends

It's highly commended for BPD which I suspect/ed myself of being so I wrangled my way into it and it helped a ton.

Do you enjoy the exercise you do? I use to run but that made me miserable, I get a cortisol rush instead of endorphin rush at the end or something. Rollerblading worked better, I still just go to the local park and do laps like running but it feels refreshing at the end.

Good luck user! We'll make it.

Therapy/counselling is great, but most people don't realise that you only get out of it what you put in, if you don't want to disclose things to whoever is supposed to be helping you, they can't help you, the same goes for not accepting their advice, so many people get caught up in their own thought patterns and don't like hearing that something wasn't their fault, that they couldn't have known or that what happened wasn't normal.

I was raised with my dad being a voice on the phone, when he was in the house my parents would fight but then hug if they knew I was nearby to hide cuts/bruises/ripped clothes, I didn't get to watch TV and any weakness (emotion) was met with being hit and being sent to my room without dinner (if I stopped crying soon enough I got a cheese sandwich), my parents would also threaten me (a couple of times with weapons) because they decided I was talking with an attitude.
I would literally burst into tears if I watched a sad film/TV show because I wasn't emotionally equipped for it, become angry then excuse myself because I thought that was how to deal with it, my friends never really understood it until we were adults and I explained my upbringing, because as a kid you think that what you experience is normal, my friends (one of which is now a primary school teacher) was totally shocked when I talked about it because she had never really considered why.

I since then have had counselling do address these issues I didn't know I had, I took every parenting class and read every book when I was expecting my son, I'm determined to give him a better upbringing than I had.

You're going to do better than your parents provided you recognise what was actually bad and realise that not everything is the "nanny state".

7/10.I dont really feel bad tho. The study does say some people build resilience so Im good lol

I used to think my childhood had nothing to do with my problems, but now I think outside of genes (major) the shitty childhood set me up for very negative outlook on life and being incapable of relaxing enough to get the social experiences I crave. For me it is generalized anxiety so I'm not especially nervous around people, just have a sense of doom and dread, easily upset by noisey rooms and such

You know maybe the running is making me feel worse. Weight lifting feels okay but I have been thinking about mountain biking for the nature exposure therapy as well. Thanks I did not even consider the possibility. We will make it

6 or 7/10 [1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, 9] depending on whether or not an adult I didn't live with beating and choking me technically counts.

I mainly cope with exercise, food, work, tv shows, and therapy. I do occasionally drink heavily and cry myself to sleep. I also kept myself separate from others for years.

Oh shit wait, I reread the questions and I realised I missed 7. Mom threatened dad with a knife during arguments sometimes.

So 5/10.

Yeah, I get that. Being socially ostracized in elementary school (and subsequently completely isolated in middle and high school) definitely affected me, making me instinctively assume people are forcing themselves to put up with me when they're around me, but its not on the list.

Damn user, I'm glad you made it. Yeah I'm embarrassed about how old I am finally realizing that much of my personality and interests are built on coping with my childhood and denying I have any issues that couldn't be solved with even more toughness from myself

My main focus is letting the kids know u love them, how proud I am, and how I will protect them. I am getting that right which is the main thing I was missing. My challenge is giving them all the rest now, while dealing with the exhaustion of anxiety and depression. I don't want to be the dad who doesn't want to leave the house

Good luck user, thanks for the feedback

Kids are so fucking cruel. I hope you are okay

>an adult I didn't live with beating and choking me technically counts.
Same, but it said often so I didn't count it because for me it was maybe one or twice a year. Did you get beat by this random adult often?

Take your kids out for the nature exposure you wanted anyway, take a picnic and chill with them (and the wife if she's not busy), do shit together.

You're welcome
Repeatedly. She wasn't random; we were sexually involved. She even managed to bamboozle me into falling in love with her prior to most of the violence

Great idea. I will plan a picnic next weekend