>I only ever hear that it's useless, it's a scam, it made things worse, etc.
because you don't hear complain from the people who healed.
but it works, it might not be easy to find the right therapist and the right therapeutic approach for you but, once you do, it works.
what are you actually suffering from, user?
Oh Geez, it's too much to say. If I had to label them I'd say Depression, Social Anxiety, Dissociation, Arrested Development. All of them. None of them.
The TL:DR would be: I'm a 32yo Male KHV, with a very good education, and I've been unhappy my whole life. I thought for the past 5-6 years I was getting better (got the education, got job, exercise, eat right, dress nice, help my family, socialize to whatever extent I can, try hobbies, be nice to people). I'm more miserable than ever. On top of that my acne STILL won't go away, and I'm losing my hair.
Thanks for reading :)
who prescribed your medications and what are you using, if I can ask?
were you diagnosed by a psychiatrist?
Sorry I wasn't clear there. I haven't taken any medication yet. My regular doctor just gave my one of those generic 7 question depression tests and said to post on Big White Wall, and also get exercise (which I've always done anyway). I left his office in a pretty terrible mood.
yeah no, your doctor is not doing you any favour.
talk to a psychiatrist and tell him about your situation and the medication your doc prescribed you, before that don't take any pills.
>thanks for reading Yup, you really are canadian
Yes, it works, as long as you're willing to LISTEN to the therapist after you describe your situation.
I'd say try a couple sessions and see for yourself.
Also, do you change bedsheets and pillowcases regularly? Do you pick on your face out of stress? Have you tried resting your face on a clean towel that you change every day?
Also >socialize to whatever extent I can, try hobbies, be nice to people Be more specific.
Yup I don't intend to. Thanks.
I've tried so many things for the acne. Earlier this year I was using a antibiotic cream for 6 months, which did actually work. My skin was noticeably more clear and healthy. But acne came back within about 2 weeks. Lovely.
Socialize meaning I go out with friends and relatives (dinner, movies, did tree-top-trekking a few weeks ago). Usually do pub lunch with co-workers Fridays.
Hobbies: throughout my life I've done martial arts, video games, DJ'ing, Rock Climbing, Paintball, Hockey, Tennis, and a bunch of other little stuff.
Be nice to people just means I'm friendly, help people with things they need, do my best to answer small talk (which I suck at). I help my family/relatives a lot with randoms stuff. Everyone in my life does like me and say I'm a nice/good fellow.
its a jewish scam
Sometimes acne's solution isn't topical. Look up common acne triggers, most common are stress, dairy, and sugar. Try to reduce these things and see if it helps. Additionally, have you tried no products at all and just washing with cold water once or twice a day? It's worth a shot, and knowing what your skin does without chemical interference will help you figure out what products you need.
I did go a group therapy thing for a week, and the operators were indeed all Jewish haha. They were all very nice, but group therapy didn't work out for my needs it seems.
that pricing is indeed crazy. have you traced roots of your condition? have you analyzed your childhood?
I dealt with suicidal depression that crippled me to a dysfunctional state. Had many docs to talk with over the years and many different meds, many were not helpful. Till one psychiatrists got me a prescription that actually helped stabilize me, and helped me get my life back. Make no mistake that drug induced numbness sucked as I lost happiness as well, but it the lack of sadness helped give me space to think.
I continued working with them to better define my problems. I had problems beyond just the chemical imbalance in my brain. I had an obsession to please my father who I believed did not care for my existence, and bully problems beyond belief, also constantly dealing with condescending adults. That later part was therapy and counseling, and it did make a positive difference.
Later expanded things to include a nutritious diet and exercise which further improved things, much more then anyone would have thought. Working on the problem from all sides is what it takes, there are not easy short cuts.
Eventually I got over it all, and am now a relatively normal adult. I no longer take meds and have not even needed a session in years, though I still need to watch my diet and track my mood in a simple journal to help prevent/manage issues. I think of it like the disease of alcoholism, as long as I avoid certain conditions I am fine.
The chemical imbalance in my brain was real, and still is to some extent. Thankfully passing puberty and a specialized diet manage it now. But at the start drugs were the right tool, despite how I dislike them, they were needed back then. Just know not all solutions are the same, so you have to find your solution. Some people just need more help. Get the help you need.
Yes, I've actually done a lot of writing about my life and issues. The TL:DR seems to be social anxiety/depression runs in my dads side of the family. He struggled with alcoholism our entire life so that affected my childhood. Also a mildly overbearing but ultimately well meaning mother kept held me back a bit due to guilt from disappointing her. I was also bullied a lot (by girls especially!) all throughout grade-school, so the virginity and lack of relationships and low-self esteem kinda make sense too.
this might not be hereditary but an acquired trauma. how did your father and mother treat you? was your dad callous/harsh? what do you mean by "overbearing" mother?
Thanks for your sharing your story, and it does sound positive which is great, even if it did take a lot of continue work from all angles.
I suppose that's where I'm stuck. I can actually function (i go to work, bathe, etc), but I'm just deeply unhappy. I can say stupid stuff like "oh I want a super hot girlfriend and an $80,000 car and then I'll be happy", but I know that's not how it works.
I think mental illness does run in the male side of dads family. I won't outline everything but basically I've noticed it in lots of my relatives.
My parent's gave me an amazing life and opportunities overall. Family trips, education, toys, extracurricular activities, etc.
My dad getting drunk all the time, having to pick up from work because he was drunk at work, having to stay up late random nights because he kept wanting to talk when he was drunk. He'd wake me and brother up because he needed to get stuff off his chest, etc.
My mom just had to know everything about my life. Where I was, where I was going, how many people there were, how much I spent. When cellphones came out, god forbid I didn't get a call from her once it hit 10pm asking where I was and why I wasn't home yet because tomorrow was a school day. One time my friend brought over a friend of his (girl), and after they left my mom said "don't ever invite them over again". No explanation. That was last time a female friend came over to my house.
>I think mental illness does run in the male side of dads family. I think it's more probable that they just left the same trauma to each other, father to son. >He'd wake me and brother up because he needed to get stuff off his chest, etc. your dad sounds like an extremely needy person. this is actually traumatizing for a child because you basically reverse roles with a parent: HE needs attention, and you had to provide it and care for him. this can condition you for whole life that in order to get close, you have to give up yourself and exist for another, and it can basically give you self-sacrificial, give-up-everything attitude for life. >My mom just had to know everything about my life. controlling mother? I think the pattern becomes clear here. you had to live to please both mom and dad. why do you think your mother did this? was she callous? did you feel she treated you like extension of herself? did she feel grandiose? or none of the above
It's true, my dad is needy. He's not bad person though, but neediness can have it's own consequences (such as alcohol to cope with unmet desires).
My mom isn't callous or granduise at all, she's the kindest person you'll ever meet. I think she was just a typical caring mother, but took it a tad too far. Usually you have the dad in these circumstances who can hold that motherly care at bay, saying "it's okay hun, let him make his own mistakes". But since my dad isn't the type of person who can do that, my mother was on her own. Also she was already struggling with my dad's issues, so she was likely worried about me getting into the same issues.
from your pots I get a feeling you have an overly humble view of yourself. while I guess your dad wasn't evil, such a burden of caring for your parent is too much for a child. like I said, it gives you a pattern, that in order to feel close, you should exist for another person, and reject yourself. that you shouldn't enjoy something yourself and just do for another. that you shouldn't be happy and someone else comes first. >My mom isn't callous or granduise at all, she's the kindest person you'll ever meet. I think she was just a typical caring mother, but took it a tad too far. I believe you, but a "tad" here is sugarcoating it. did you ever feel like your mother completely dominates you? that she kind of makes your life all about herself?
14 years of chipping at the problem bit by bit, seemed like I would never get here. Been here 10 years now, last 4 without any sessions, keeps slowly getting better.
Money, sex and the other stuff don't matter much. Jumped from a $23 an hour to $16.50 an hour to get away from what I would call inhuman working conditions. Just got promoted to $19 with solid benefits and think I will keep growing there, still dealing with the high cost of living. And still need more friends and people, but that will come some day. Rather wait for good friends than a mob of frenemies. I burned nearly a decade and am anxious about my place in life, but have found impatiences makes more problems (i.e. last job).
A hobby helps, so long as it doesn't become an obsession. Got to clean out the clutter in my room and start a hobby, been meaning to for 3 years now, but I got a good feeling about my most recent plan, should be more sorted and settled by end of year.
I kind of feel the same, like things aren't moving when they should. Everyone I know is married with kids now, but I avoided such relationships because I don't want to drag anyone down with me. Part of me is horrified that any children could get depression from me, suspect partly genetic. Think once I have a house I will be much more self confidant on such things, food and shelter rank high on my list, but am not stupid/reckless enough to buy big things I can't afford. Still got 2 years left on my reduced rent plan, so I just need to keep save save save, for now. I got about 18% saved to goal so far, but don't want to take a loan. No rush to worry about it now, life is good.
Yes. It helped me through my depression, it helped me deal with a broken marriage, and it helped me deal with the stress of doing a PhD. Counseling and CBT have been highly useful tools for me.
The only reason people say therapy/counselling is useless is because they're insecure and uncomfortable in dealing with their emotions, and they don't want to admit they have a problem.
I think a good chunk of Jow Forums is a good example. Why the need to have an aggressive attitude towards mental health issues, unless you have your own insecurities?
I just started therapy a month ago and it's been pretty helpful. My old psychiatrist gave me meds which help treat the symptoms of some stuff while I slowly work through my issues in therapy. So, I would say give it a chance. What do you have to lose? Oh, also, the stigma of only severely mentally ill people needing therapy is bullshit. Everyone can benifit from a little therapy :)
In regards to cost, I'm surprised user, I live in Vancouver and I was able to find a sliding scale therapist who sees me for $100 per session. Look up sliding scale therapists in your area. My gf sees one for $50/hr. There might also be resources/subsidies that you can access to help you.
Don't know why I am posting this, but just think you would want to know.
Dad was never there, always at work. I use to hate him for that. Find every male in my family died a young death from health issues, they say heart attacks from weak hearts. Statistically speaking I am going to die in 9 years, though I doubt it. But after learning more I think it was cumulative physical damage from constant high levels of mental anxiety. Dad grew up poor, so he works himself to the bone in consonant fear I will suffer poverty like he did. Grandpa was the life of the party consonantly working to make everyone like him which was partly why he missed more profitable opportunities, which dad hated him for, and grandpa chain smoked like a pro that didn't help his health.
Mom was actually diagnosed with depression years later. Her love of wine always worried me, but was not bad enough for many to call alcoholism though I believe it was a mild case of it as self medication, and still bothers me. But she was typically a source of strengths in my life and helped me greatly, thought now that I am much older I find myself labeling her a stupid alcoholic at times and some of her advice was not so good.