Probably retarded

I've made the thread before. I'm BPD and ruining peoples lives including my own and trying to kill myself either for attention or to actually die shit idk

>Keep emotionally manipulate wifey, threatening suicide and acting sad
>Have a *mentor/mentee* thing with a bipolar girl @ work where she thinks I'm the shit
>Compulsive liar, make shit up and steal peoples life stories
>Feel absolutely nothing for "dear friends"
>Post on adv wanting advice and help when IM BPD FFS YOU CANT HELP ME FUCK

I'm in CBtherapy, on meds and seeing a psychiatrist bro nothing is working I love my wife to death how do I fix me please..

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Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder

have you analyzed why you got that trauma with your psychiatrist? did you go over your childhood?

She said being neglected as a child and being forced to grow up in a group home probably didn't help. I also had to spend time In a teen mental care ward/house for multiple suicide attempts that I didn't even try to die just wanted attention. She says this sort of bx is just me needing attention.

I'm worried about myself cause I have momentt like this where I feel the CBT working and I have clarity and I look around and hate myself and NEED to die just so I STOP ruining every fucking thing around.

>She said being neglected as a child and being forced to grow up in a group home probably didn't help
what exactly happened?
did your therapist explain how attachment trauma works, why you seek attention?

I know how it works, and I understand nthats probably contributing but idk what tondo about that.

Okay so my father killed himself when I was a baby and my mother raised me alone but was a meth addict and worthless, but still trying her bestso still the state took her away from me and put me in the system. Foster care fucking blows. Foster sister was hot though, that was a bonus. No contact with them since 17 moved out/state and started working.

>Okay so my father killed himself when I was a baby and my mother raised me alone but was a meth addict and worthless, but still trying her best so still the state took her away from me and put me in the system.
sorry to hear that.
it's easy to assume what happened. as a child you were damaged by your father dying. you got attachment trauma and felt abandoned and betrayed. your mother was probably neglectful and couldn't give you enough care and attention, which might have resulted in attention seeking patterns. but then you got separated from her too, and your trauma worsened.
is this accurate?

I mean probably. I don't feel like it is though man, but since I have literally attention whore the disease probably? I know it all probably contributes but the problem is idk how to stop being like this

I know I want attention
I know my wife loves me
I want her to love care worry think hold miss and everything me
Somehow this translates into slicing up my body because *it just happens j don't mean it... Don't make a big deal out of it* when she cries
This is what I want to fix because it's nights/morningz like this where my clarity kicks in when I get really really fucking low on myself and I probably will actually kill myself and I would rather fix this fucking garbage trashcan self than make wife permanently sad maybe I should divorce her and go kill myself in like a year?

do you know how borderlines have trouble with attachment and go from love to hate in a second when they get slighted? have you noticed yourself doing that?
you say your wife is manipulative. are you sure she really loves you? how does she manipulate you?

Oh no. I'm emotionally manipulating her. She's wonderful and I'm trash. When she's busy with her own stuff I make a scene and focus her on me. When she wants to go hang out with friends I'll say *that's great him* then I'll cut myself deep when she's gone and *try to clean up* before she's back but leave obvious evidence. Then get angry when she pretends not to notice.

And yes I honestly feel like my entire exp with people is one big love hate relationship where people are really important to me and I msg them like 20times a day..... To complete garbage that I ghost forever because they didn't respond fast enough. This shit is fucking trash my man

Anyone else here a useless borderline? One bump before I fuck off I suppose. Was hoping some attention whores like me would share their secrets of how not to be dogshit idk shit

tell about your mother. did you have to put a scene in front of her to make her care about you? you said she was "worthless", elaborate please.

>And yes I honestly feel like my entire exp with people is one big love hate relationship where people are really important to me and I msg them like 20times a day.....
I think 1 thing you need to try telling yourself is that your wife doesn't want to abandon or betray you. you seem to be extremely needy and clingy, but your wife is there for you. in fact, your neediness only makes things worse. in normal relationships, people will care about you, and won't abandon or betray you unless you do something really harmful. maybe your pattern is from trying ti get attention from your mother?

user I love you because I like attention and sympathy but I already know my trash ass environment probably made me like this. Idk how to stop is the issue.

My mom was trash. She literally ignored me for everything, I had to go to donations for clothes and shit and everything really cause when I'd ask her for stuff she'd say okay later. Honestly she was so neglectful I'm amazed I didn't die as a baby, I assume she had a lot of help or just hit the drugs after I was a child. I really just remember nher sleeping all the time and slapping me over dumb shit not too much else honestly. I don't even know how she made a living. That's what I mean by worthless, an absolutely useless woman that didn't have the time of day for me.

She does though I know she's just waiting nfor the chance to bail on me, all the time I'd be sick of my shit too. The second I'm *fixed* she'll be fucking someone else. She doesn't really give a fuck about me, not really.

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Look up splitting.
You have up and down but you also have side to side

Fuck I responded to that without using my big brain. I know she loves me and won't betray me and I love her to fuck shit ass fuck chicken duck.
Looking this up now pls don't be a meme

>She literally ignored me for everything, I had to go to donations for clothes and shit and everything really cause when I'd ask her for stuff she'd say okay later.
> I really just remember nher sleeping all the time and slapping me over dumb shit not too much else honestly.
that's extreme neglect. indeed it's surprising you're alive.
I guess you must have conflicted feelings inside. on the one hand, she's your mother, supposedly closest on earth to you. but on the other hand, you realize she barely cared about you and was withdrawn. is this accurate?
>The second I'm *fixed* she'll be fucking someone else.
how are you certain of this? do you have children? why do you think she will go if you stop manipulation?

>Looking this up now pls don't be a meme
yes, splitting is thinking about thinks only in "literally perfect" and "completely worthless" which is characteristic of borderlines.

Eh.. I don't feel anything nfor my mom, she may aswell not exist to me. She's garbage.
Also j assume she'll leave me because I'm a uselet piece of garbage and idk who why or how anyone or anything could love me but she says she does so idk. She is an angel though so it's possible and probable it's true. She's amazing

No kids. I can't subject them to this.

Ah shit. Is this sone other shit I have goddamn, I haven't noticed myself doing that though? Hopefully not a thing I have.

Don’t let bpd become your identity, not everything comes back to that. Consider other disorders that contain similar criteria like bi polar

Chick at work I'm helping is bipolar. I don't understand why I'm making her life better but not mine. I'm apparently helping her a lot, her life is on the upswing meanwhile I might die next week because I'm a fucking dipshit. Also it's hard for me to do that cause I have literally "PAY ATTENTION TO ME" The brain damage. I fucking hate myself senpai holy shit could I.. BE anymore cringe?

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>I haven’t noticed myself doing this
Sorry, not trying to create more problems for you, but you’ve been doing it in this very thread, calling your wife perfect and yourself trash stood out to me personally as I do the the same thing and someone mentioned splitting to me.

It can also be called black and white thinking or all or nothing thinking.

>Eh.. I don't feel anything nfor my mom, she may aswell not exist to me. She's garbage.
I see. how old were you when were you taken to group home? how long did you soend there, until 17?
>Ah shit. Is this sone other shit I have goddamn, I haven't noticed myself doing that though? Hopefully not a thing I have.
it's how many borderlines will think of people, they can go from "perfect" to "worthless" in a minute.

LOL fuckin rip for me. Goddamn it. How did you help yourself deal with it if you don't mind me asking?

I was in the home at like 12 and left at 17 yeah. And oh. Yeah now that it's been pointed out to me just reading this thread and i see myself calling everyone worthless is yikes tier

I’ve literally just heard about it myself recently so haven’t figured out how to deal with it, but being able to identify with it and catching myself doing it definitely helps, so the awareness is a big step in helping yourself.
Don’t let it become an excuse for your behaviour though because I know myself that’s really easy to do

But the way the person who brought it to my attention explained it was to look for different “directions”
Like I said in my original post, you have up and down, or good and bad, but you also have side to side. What are side to side? I don’t really know, they never got to that part.


I guess another way to think about what it is black and white vs full colour range. No one is good or bad, but a range of both good and bad traits.

not him but Wikipedia says therapy can help you learn thinking in less rigid categories, with things in between. also, meditation and mindfulness, basically relax and focus on present moment—you can read here en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness
also, I think you sound a lot like histrionic type:
>is uncomfortable in situations in which he or she is not the center of attention
>interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior
>displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions
>consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self
>has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail
>shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion
is suggestible, i.e., easily influenced by others or circumstances
>considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are
so it is literally attention seeker: the disorder.

Hrm that's something good to think about, identifying this is important cause I didn't even notice myself doing it. Surprised my dumb cunt therapist has never never mentioned anything like this. I thought she knew her shit but I guess not.

Broooo that all speaks to me HAHAHAHA I do the theatrical shit all the time and I am hyper sexual TF what did you look up to find this

God damn it bro why the fuck is this a thing

You just did it with your therapist ahhhhh

>Broooo that all speaks to me HAHAHAHA I do the theatrical shit all the time and I am hyper sexual TF what did you look up to find this
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder
histrionic disorder is usually paired with another, so I guess you're both borderline and this.
as for causes,
>Other environmental factors that might be involved include a lack of criticism or punishment as a child, positive reinforcement that is given only when a child completes certain approved behaviors, and unpredictable attention given to a child by his or her parent(s), all leading to confusion about what types of behavior earn parental approval.
so I guess since your mother literally didn't care, you did receive neither negative nor positive cues about appropriate behavior and personal boundaries. so according to this snippet, your intuition about what's appropriate and what is not might be a bit off.
also, of course childhood trauma plays a role.

so I think maybe understanding personal boundaries might help. boundaries are normal for all people. they help us understand when we make everything too much about ourselves, or when we become clingy and ask too much attention. people will like you more, not less, if you respect boundaries.

Low-key that makes me a little mad, goddamn it.
Fuck shit duck ass chicken.
I guess that makes sense, apparently I have no idea how to behave. Scratch that, i do, maybe. I do understand the way i act is wrong I just feel like maybe the best next step is to just put my worthless tard self back in an no institution or something. My psych had done a very good job and getting me to realize that I'm fucked up, she's good at her shit I think so it's making me sad knowing I'm still an attention whoring cunt.
This is interesting because I don't understand how much of what I'm doing is off base other than directly self harming or threatening suicide to get my say and really those aren't that bad just not ideal.

>My psych had done a very good job and getting me to realize that I'm fucked up, she's good at her shit I think so it's making me sad knowing I'm still an attention whoring cunt.
I just read this: "They function as a cover for deep-seated self-esteem issues, representing a form of overcompensation for feelings of insecurity and inferiority."
so… since you think so low of yourself, I guess this might be the issue. I honestly think your self description is 1000% worse than you really are. yes you have issues, but they are not _your_ fault or inadequacy. you can see your childhood has been extremely rough, rougher than 99% of people.
your mother's lack of attention also might have created a feeling that you're undesirable. but you yourself know this has nothing to do with you. you might as well just be a normal guy, just desperately trying to make people love him. you should realize you're not defective, people will like you just for who you are, as you are, with any flaws. you wife proves that.

*"they" as in people with histrionic disorder.

I think I'm lucky to have her but legit she probably looks at me with derision so I don't see her being with me as proof of shit.
A mostly normal dude? Yeah that's me. I'm fuckin CHARMING and everyone loves me but they're all trashcan tier. The little bipolar minx, the dumb people I work with, the"friends and family" right.
I am defective I typed that shit then went to delete it and I'm like goddamnit. This is the shit that is always going. I'm literally about to start cutting and I know it just leads to an annoyed wifey and more attention and I love it but hate it and high-key will try to accidentally go too deep and diefuck my bitch ass goddamn it. Pce. I'm probably gonna go now.. thanks for responding but I'm too trash to help.

>they're all trashcan tier. The little bipolar minx, the dumb people I work with, the"friends and family" right.
it is typical of borderlines to think everyone is worthless or angel. it is ok. they like you because they are good. don't be so ashamed that people like you.
>I am defective
no you aren't. there's nothing defective about you. you just inherited this thought when you were a child and your methhead mother rejected you.

You're nice man. I'm not good, and i hate being like this. I'm getting so sleepy. (tired not being attention whore suicidal)

I'm dead serious though—you are a good person. it's just in your brain. getting rejected and father's death simply made you feel like something's wrong with you. just work it out, you'll stop attention whoring. never be ashamed of yourself.
good luck.

I'm falling asleep... But that was really nice to read. Thank you.

you can post tomorrow if you want to, I may try and help with your issues further