I respect this board and their general opinions on various issues so I’ll ask here. This is my background
>Grow up with single mom who would regularly beat me
>Imagine my dad was a famous sports star or hero. Mom would regularly tell me that I ruined her life.
>When I was 14 my mom tells me that I was conceived from rape and my dad is in prison as a serial rapist.
>Feel emotional crushed and start self harming. Eventually stop though and years go by
>Cannot have sex with a woman because I’m disgusted by my own feelings of arousal
>Can’t be friends with anyone because I’m an awful person
>Snap at someone while clubbing one time and he beat me up. This is where the worst of it happens
>I start self harming again but through constantly trying to cause fights.
>Worst when I’m drinking. I was in a bar and suddenly I got hit with this terrible feeling and my first instinct was that I wanted someone to beat me to death.
>I start fighting the doorman and he almost kills me.
I’ve been beaten up 4 times now and I can’t get drunk anymore because I keep doing this. Physical pain is the only thing that makes me feel better inside. I went my moms house last month and during an argument I gave her and knife and told her to cut me. I’m a fucking mess and I don’t know what to do.
How do I deal with self hatred Jow Forums?
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Why do you feel responsible for the fact that your father was a scumbag? You obviously had no control over this, which means extending that to the conclusion that this should correlate to some kind of black mark on your existence is retarded
Oh and your mom is a retard too for abusing you that was pretty cringe and yikes of her
by realizing, it's not worth hating yourself. find purpose in doing something positive, anything. get a job, get a better job, find a hobby anything. start socializing. this way you achieve two important things: first you keep yourself occupied, which means less energy and time to hate yourself, and second you actually do something productive and thus have less reason to hate yourself. hit the gym, learn to work on yourself. show the world and most importantly yourself, that you can do better.
Ever consider that your mom is just a wretched bitter cunt and maybe made the shit about your dad up?
just watch this live stream of tornados and it will be okay
youtube.com
I look at my reflection on a full length mirror and masturbate, it really works you should try it
Your parents don’t define you, you need to realize that life is dynamic and is what you make it. You would not have these issues if you would have never known which is indicative that the problem does not lie within you but your fuck up mom.
Disassociate yourself from you mom and carve your own path in life. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you had non say in any of this.
hey bro i dont really have any advice but i just wanted to say i love you and i hope you feel better soon
Same here
Wait, this isn't /b/
consider this.. dont let this bitch ruin your life, she probably lied about him being a serial rapist, these things are very rare.
most girl who cry rape were usually involved in drunk sex they regret (not all, but a bunch) and they start actually believing it was rape because everyone tells them it was rape and it helps them cut loose from the responsibility of their actions.
move to a different city, get a shitty job and a shitty apartment, meet new people and grow from there.
i dont know where you are but you can probably move to the other side of the country and never see anyone you have met.
embrace the fact that your mom lied - you can have sex again.
a good woman can put you right where you need to be
get a fresh start man, move.
You're at your lowest point now user. You can either wallow or build yourself into something great. The story of mankind is looking at the impossible and making it happen. You can do great things, user.
Yeah that sucks, but look at the bright side, at least you aren't a midget
Two things to two.
1) Seek a therapist and explain the situation to them. Jow Forums is ill equipped to help you with these endeavors. A therapist may refer you to a psychiatrist who may in turn prescribe anti-depressants to help you along the path to recovery.
2) If you are feeling suicidal, please, please, please, PLEASE contact a suicide hotline so you don't harm yourself further. Your life isn't worth wasting and while your past has been very rocky, the future is up to you and it doesn't have to be that way. You can choose to move on from your past or live in it.
I have a few other suggestions including picking up hobbies you enjoy, but I'm not really sure how it would help. As a dude, I've been raped and deal with the self-hate every day. Just know that time will heal it, but it'll still leave a scar. Sometimes picking up a new hobby or finding a new group of friends that are very up beat will help pull those feelings of suicide away.
While not everyone here in Jow Forums will help, I'm certainly here to help you the best I can. :>
Take the leadpill user.
>nazi flag
>self hating beta incel
Have sex
>incel
>Have sex
jesus christ we really are as bad as they say
Invert your self-harm. You've been in 4 beatdowns already, right? Start learning from them and start beating people up instead.
My uncle used to beat the shit out of me and my brother with a cane, every night for almost 5 years. I eventually just stopped going home after school, because it meant I'd get the cane.
As a young adult I started taking martial arts and because I was made aggressive and full of hate, I began beating up all the other students. I actually got promoted to teaching asst and then teacher for this. I quit altogether after I felt I had nothing left to learn there and my boss called me a "violent man". All I wanted to do is hurt people and I became damned good at it. Perhaps my only one true skill in life, because I still have a burning rage in me and the need to physically damage people.
Save yourself, user. Go out and start beating the shit out of people. Stop hurting yourself, unleash your anger, but not on YOU.
>1 post by this id
You stupid faggots
You have done nothing wrong. You are not responsible for your father's actions, just as we are not responsible for the actions of our ancestors.
Better yet, instead of beating other people up to vent your anger, learn many kinds of martial arts and compete to be the best in martial arts and get paid to beat people up for the sake of the sport rather than to do it with malicious intent.
This is a pretty stupid sentiment, idiot. Do you understand that most of us can't even make new threads anymore, since the jewish lefty mods that run this joint have BANNED anyone using a dynamic IP from creating threads?
Go fuck yourself, stupid faggot.
>When I was 14 my mom tells me that I was conceived from rape and my dad is in prison as a serial rapist.
Your mom clearly hates you. What makes you think she doesn't lie to you about your father? Did you actually check the criminal records?
There's no reward for feeding your ego. Venting rage by destroying someone's face is far more satisfying. If you're going to feel guilt about anything, feel guilt after you've crippled hundreds of people, and know that at least you taught them a valuable life-long lesson; don't fuck with people you don't know.
You make a very fair point. Maybe it would be best if he picked up a more constructive hobby?
Life is suffering.
I'm a piece of shit.
But so is most everyone else.
Embrace it.
Join a skindhead gang and lift
>feigning empathy
Even the low-tier Schlomos are becoming advanced.
>she probably lied about him being a serial rapist
>most girl who cry rape were usually involved in drunk sex they regret
>embrace the fact that your mom lied
Kek. It only took you a few sentences to turn speculation into facts. I'm starting to understand the whole "it was real in my mind" thing.
absolutely this
Life is super short dude, and it's FULL of morons that deserve a hard lesson. OP should teach that lesson to all. There are plenty of things worthy of doing in life before we all croak, but circumstances don't make many of those possible for most of us.
Wrecking idiots that deserve it is something anyone can do, with enough hatred and some effort in learning how easy it is to permanently damage someone.
just watch this LIVESTREAM OF TORNADOS and you will be okay
youtube.com
bodywork therapy
You clearly have deep seeded issues here friend. It's entirely unlikely that anything anyone here can say anything that would help you. That said, the only things that I can think of to say if I was to attempt such would be:
Why do you think that you are nothing more than the sum of what your parents personal actions and words? You will never overcome your self hatred until you come to the realization that you ARE inferior and scum, but only as long as you THINK you are. Being a subhuman is as much a state of mind as it is a state of being. The two are linked. The moment you take the first step to self improvement (the highest goal a person can set for themselves as an individual in life), then you have stepped over the puddle of dogshit. Just recognize that what you are now is not that which you will always be, and that you have the capacity to affect change to your existence if you choose to.
You're currently stuck in a viscous cycle of self abuse. You want my advice to overcome it? Channel your self hatred in a manner that is beneficial. The height of genius isn't necessarily creativity. It's taking a bad hand and turning it into a good hand. Take your self hatred and self loathing that others have thrust upon you, and combine it with the simple truth: you could've lived a lift free of it had others not been such baseless hopeless degenerates and scum. You need to GET MAD, not sad. Use that anger to push yourself to your personal limits.
Use this process:
>I hate myself
>why do I hate myself?
>because others have conditioned me to hate myself, there are far lower and worse people in the world
>so why do I hate myself?
>repeat steps 3 and 4 until you are very angry
>use that anger as a fuel source to lifts weights and train
Once you have proven to yourself that you have what it takes to change your body, your mind will realize that you have what it takes to change your mind and your outlook. Then you won't self loathe anymore.
Good luck brother.
You worded this a lot better than I did.
High self esteem has to be earned. The more good things you achieve the better you will feel about yourself. It is not your fault that your father did some terrible things. All you can do is try and make the best of your own life. The more good things you do the better you will feel about yourself. Start by getting your shit together. Get your own place to live. It doesn't have to be fancy just somewhere you can get your head straight. Then get a job. You might want to pick something that helps people. If you spend your days doing something that you know is helpful to the world then you can hopefully stop hating yourself; Police Officer, Firefighter or Ambulance Driver. Those are just a few examples off the top of my head. You don't need to be super smart or anything. Most people are capable of doing those jobs, but, they are all important and the people doing them know they are making the world a better place. If you can spend some time doing helpful jobs like that you might stop hating yourself. Then you might even meet a girl and start a family. I hope at least some of this helps. The main messages are that it is not your fault that your father did bad things and the more good deeds you do for others the better you will feel about yourself, Religion is not really my thing, but, there are a lot of nice people at churches. You might want to give some a visit. Good Luck.