So I started seeing this guy. He is super nice and cute...

So I started seeing this guy. He is super nice and cute. I find what he does for work interesting so I naturally ask questions. Even when I don't, he finds a topic relating to himself and goes on about it. When I start talking about myself he loses focus or starts talking about himself without really acknowledging what I said. He occasionally asks generic, close-ended questions and doesn't seem that interested in my life unless of course, I start talking about it without being asked. I think a conversation is like a game of tennis, however, the ball always seems to be in his court. How should I approach this concern?

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Im actually that guy, and would like advice on how to avoid doing this. Its like my brain will always do it, and i find it difficult to ask questions about topics

At least you have some self awareness. It is not hopeless

I think you just have to be more aware of how people respond to you by looking at body language clusters that imply that the person is getting bored. They could be responding with "yeah", "I see", "I hear you".. Just really short responses. As interesting as we might find ourselves sometimes and want to share it with others, we have to be considerate of them as well. They are also people with their own interests and lives.


It's part of his personality.

Deep down his conversational assertiveness makes you wet.

People converse in different ways. Me and my best friend talk like where they share a point about their life, then I share a similar point about mine. But I’ve talked to different people where I responded with the relatable thing in my life and they got mad because I talked about myself. But really I was talking about their experience by relating to it with a reference from my own life. Does that make sense?

It does make sense actually. Maybe I'm not used to this style of conversation. I usually listen well and respond accordingly by asking questions or validating a statement. Thanks.

Cool but I think it’s important that he adjusts to you too yknow? Like not instantly but over time. If he’s always talking over you and ignoring you then he’s just not paying attention to you ya feel? I’d say give it some time for you to adjust to each others speech patterns

Good idea. Thank you.

Also I noticed a lot of boys talk differently to eachother than girls talk to eachother. Like they all talk over eachother and start yelling and shit haha whereas girls tend to be more careful and ask more questions

He's self-absorbed. Don't waste your time.

Every guy I've dated does this.

Chad mentality, he cares about himself too much

To play the Devil's advocate, some people just have a hard time asking other people how they feel or what they think about something, and thus prefer to talk about themselves to make it less awkward.

He's a narcissistic, which is a pretty fucking big red flag

Could he maybe have very low self esteem so he always needs to talk about himself?

He is definitely not a Chad lol

It's because he's profoundly self-centered. The one thing that greatly interests him is himself. If you want him to talk less about himself you have to make him less self-centered. That is not an easy task.

How do I do this?

I'm a guy and read that and all I got was "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah..." Guys tune out quickly. Next time you talk to him ask him if Ford should have brought back the 356 Cleveland.