Parents that won't let go?

How do you handle a parent that just never let's go?

I have a father and i'm 28 years old. He never let's go. If we don't speak for a while he shows up because he misses me.

I don't have any emotional need of him that way. I just want to focus on living my own life as an adult.

But he wants to establish a son father relationship. I've told him it can go 1 year without us talking and i never feel like im missing you.

I have no emotional need of you in that way, and he says it hurts him that i don't miss him.

This is frustrating to me because over the years ive broken contact with him almost 30 times.

I've told him, let me come to you, when i want to see you, i'll show up.

But then he shows up at my door anyway, and wants us to meet.

It's gone so far sometimes i've thought about killing him just to get rid of him, and i've fantizied about the day he finally dies so i can become free of him.

Don't get me wrong, i love my dad and he's been a good father to me. But i just want him to fuking leave me alone and realise i'm an adult and don't need a "dad" anymore.

He insists on that he understands this bla bla but i don't feel it.

Wtf do you do? Any advice? It's fukd up desu.

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He's trying to keep you in a perpetual state of dependency.

Do you think he does this on purpose and what do you ultimately do?

Get a restraining order?

i love my dad. i can go a year without talking to him and not miss him

How often does he visits you?

sounds like your a socipath that doesnt care about his family or others, call your dad once in awhile and say hi. its not a big deal and he wont show up on your doorstep

Exactly, i've told him this aswell. I love him, but i don't need to see him.

Just to make him understand.

Maybe his father was shit to him, or maybe his life was shit and now you're the only thing that can bring him happiness. It probably went something like this
>life is hard
>everything is stacked against you
>you have a kid
>suddenly you feel like living again
If he loves you this much, you're probably the only thing keeping him alive. If you want him off your back, tell him off. Tell him you never loved him and that he's an annoyance, and he's probably kill himself. If you really care about him, then stick around.

jeez you don't need to kill him, just ignore him and let him hurt, you have no responsibility over his feelings

Well it depends, if i try to avoid him he will show up every day.

But maybe once every 3 weeks. Sometimes it can go almost a month but then he usually shows up because it's been so long.

He your farther. He supposed to feel attached to you. Call him once in a while, might wanna just here your voice to make sure you ok with life. My mom is the same way I have to text her hi or good morning every few days, she says it a ways to make sure her son is ok without asking me over and over again over. I literally just have to text "hi", she text "hi back" and that it we don't take unless we want to beyond that quick convo. My mom is a helicopter over protected mother maybe to is your dad. Literally would it fucking hurt texting your dad hi once in a while. It take 5 secs for a quick convo just do it

looks like your dad might have issues. sound like he's extremely needy. let me guess, he has always been like this?
you're 100% correct btw, you should let him know he's violating your personl boundaries. if he doesn't understand, cutting contact might be the only way. clinging so hard is NOT normal.

If you cut contact and ignore him, he will show up every day at my door until i respond.

I've tried that but it's a pain in the ass.

So i usually open up and talk to him for a bit, then he is fine for a few weeks before he shows up again.

But the more he reaches out, the more i feel like i'm constantly pushing him away and my frustration just keeps growing.

I never get to start missing him on my own.

Fuk it i'm just gunne be a man and get a restraining order against him.

Whining about it won't help.

There is no way he will understand or accept my wishes anyway.

Looks like things have gotten worse in the 24 years since A Goofy Movie

I think the problem is two-fold. One, there must be something that's happened to make him feel so attached. It's one thing to love a child, another to just show up randomly.

The second half of it is that he just shows up out of the blue. One thing you can try is to discuss some kind of boundaries as a compromise. Instead of shutting him out completely, talk to him every once in a while. Just a quick "Hey how are you doing? What's mom up to?" Meanwhile, he has to ask you and coordinate with you if he wants to visit - that's just fucking common sense.

then I guess something has to change. either you take radical measures—don't open the door or whatever—or take him to therapy.
>Fuk it i'm just gunne be a man and get a restraining order against him.
this is radical measure yes. if he won't go to therapy, this might be the only way. he clearly has lost it.

>or take him to therapy.

Yeah, this is reasonable.

It's wrong for OP's father to show up uninvited and unannounced. However, that is the only point that I will give to OP. He's your father; it's normal not to want to be estranged from you. Try talking to him more than once a year and this won't be a problem.

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Sounds like he is a complete beta and has nothig else in life going for him. A good solution might be to help him get hobbies, friends and some kind of "job". I asumme he is retired, so some daily activity that can take up most of his time. You forgot to mention your mom. Is she dead, are they separated or still together? This might be another thing, whomever is his current partner might not love him, or he does not have one. And judging by how beta he is neither would surprise me.

My point is the best way to get him off your back is to help him rebuild a life of his own. Again friends, hoobies, girlfriend, life purpouse, etc. Something that keeps him busy hat is not you.

But you bave to put in some effort jackass. OP I know how you feel, I am similar, but the way to get what you want is to help him first, in fact I bet the only reason he seeks you out is because he has some issue going on and can only trust you. However we can't have the necesary information becauee not once have you asked him: "Dad, do you have a problem you would like to tell me about?"

Trust me OP. Everyone's action are motivated by an ulterior motive beyond just "I love my boy". Ask him and LISTEN, you have to gather information and deduce what's going on with him. Tucking your head under your pillow and saying lalalalala won't get you what you want.

What the fuck is wrong with you? You even think about killing the person you lovingly raised you?

He might be needy but he's your fucking dad you piece of shit. I hope you spend half your life raising a child just so he can fantasize about your death.

You legit sound like a sociopath, he's your father he just wants to see you once in a while. Everything you have in life, you have thanks to him. Ungrateful little shit. I have never met you but I want to smash your face in. Fucking faggot ass bitch I hope you end up alone, maybe then you see your family's worth.

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An abusive father like the one OP described is owed nothing.

Edit: sorry, I’m a dumbfuck that thought this was a different thread. Carry on.

Why not just take 10 minutes out of your week to call him and talk on the phone? The very fact that you are on this board means you have time to spare. 10 minutes so he gets his fix and stops bothering you and then you are both happy.

thats nothing. how fucked up are you. your dad loves you. thats all

You're an asshole. Be happy that you have somebody that cares enough about you to do that for you.

Sorry bud but you have to be 18 years or older to post on here because this is some shit a 16 year old would post. I’m pretty sure your dad just wants to spend as much time with you before he’s gone but I guess you’re just too retarded to understand it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You act like you're never going to die

You dont deserve parents

I'm going to need you to realize life is short before 30

It's called being a parent. I have watched my father (50) being babied by my grandmother (75).

Grin and bear it

Iktf but it's almost my entire close family

Just bite the bullet and have a relationship. If not, when he dies you’re going to feel the deepest, sickest, most unshakeable sense of regret you’ve ever felt

Set up ground rules. Say you don't want him to ever come over unannounced. Tell him you need a few days of advanced notice whenever he does want to come over. Tell him your life is boring and there is no need to talk on the phone more than once a month. Tell him you're open to a bi-monthly hangout wherein the two of you get drinks or see a movie or something. Unless you fucking hate your dad, you should be able to handle hanging out with him for a few hours once every other month and a short monthly phone call.

You’re a fucking cunt hopefully you die so your parents don’t have to live with the fact they have a piece of shit son


This. Tell him you bring girls home and can't have him showing up while you're balls deep in some whore