So I was abused all throughout my childhood, and as an adult prefer abusive relationships to healthy ones. I'm not fully sure why that is. For some reason, being with guys that treat me well makes me nervous. Love feels really foreign to me and my brain goes crazy whenever I'm treated with warmth or respect. Being punched, insulted, and screamed at makes me feel more at home, and safer in a way. Please help me decipher my feelings, because I don't understand them entirely. Is this normal? Why are things backwards in my brain?
So I was abused all throughout my childhood, and as an adult prefer abusive relationships to healthy ones...
Joshua Johnson
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Camden James
Connor Ross
It’s because you were conditioned this is how relationships are, and you have low self confidence and so don’t feel worthy of a good relationship.
Thing is, it’s not true. You too can find love and happiness, you just need to see the abuse as it is, which are shitty adults abusing a child because they could, not because you did anything wrong.
Wish you the best user
Isaiah Hughes
You need to disconnect from that version of relationships being healthy and face the fear of deserving to be loved without an exchange of pain. It will likely take a long time-out period, but you can recover.
Wyatt Jenkins
Matthew Gomez
how can I get you to date me? I want to treat you so sweetly
Adam Young
If you google "fawning response" there's a bunch of articles that talk about this in some detail. Abuse is more familiar so it feels safer, like you said. You learnt that love had to be earned, so if it's just given to you it feels unsafe
Henry Taylor
You've answered your own question - you feel most comfortable in what is familiar.
It's almost like language. If you grew up in a home in which French was spoken you would not only learn to speak French but to feel comfortable in French. Even if you learned English or Chinese as an adult, you'd still feel "at home" in French.
You feel "at home" in abusive relationships. This is in fact an all-too-common situation, and one that psychiatrists and counselors have a lot of experience dealing with. If you want to change, they can help you to stop "thinking in French" and change your expectations from relationships.
Jonathan Garcia
You need to find a guy that went trough the same thing but came stronger out of it.
Adam King
>as an adult prefer abusive relationships to healthy ones
this is very common user
you need to talk to a professional about this.
It could take years for you to really understand and confront your emotions.
in the meantime, you need to listen to your head and not your heart when making relationship decisions.
i'm sorry this happened to you