So I was abused all throughout my childhood, and as an adult prefer abusive relationships to healthy ones. I'm not fully sure why that is. For some reason, being with guys that treat me well makes me nervous. Love feels really foreign to me and my brain goes crazy whenever I'm treated with warmth or respect. Being punched, insulted, and screamed at makes me feel more at home, and safer in a way. Please help me decipher my feelings, because I don't understand them entirely. Is this normal? Why are things backwards in my brain?
So I was abused all throughout my childhood, and as an adult prefer abusive relationships to healthy ones...
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It’s because you were conditioned this is how relationships are, and you have low self confidence and so don’t feel worthy of a good relationship.
Thing is, it’s not true. You too can find love and happiness, you just need to see the abuse as it is, which are shitty adults abusing a child because they could, not because you did anything wrong.
Wish you the best user
You need to disconnect from that version of relationships being healthy and face the fear of deserving to be loved without an exchange of pain. It will likely take a long time-out period, but you can recover.
how can I get you to date me? I want to treat you so sweetly
If you google "fawning response" there's a bunch of articles that talk about this in some detail. Abuse is more familiar so it feels safer, like you said. You learnt that love had to be earned, so if it's just given to you it feels unsafe
You've answered your own question - you feel most comfortable in what is familiar.
It's almost like language. If you grew up in a home in which French was spoken you would not only learn to speak French but to feel comfortable in French. Even if you learned English or Chinese as an adult, you'd still feel "at home" in French.
You feel "at home" in abusive relationships. This is in fact an all-too-common situation, and one that psychiatrists and counselors have a lot of experience dealing with. If you want to change, they can help you to stop "thinking in French" and change your expectations from relationships.
You need to find a guy that went trough the same thing but came stronger out of it.
>as an adult prefer abusive relationships to healthy ones
this is very common user
you need to talk to a professional about this.
It could take years for you to really understand and confront your emotions.
in the meantime, you need to listen to your head and not your heart when making relationship decisions.
i'm sorry this happened to you
You believe you don't deserve being treated well and vice versa.
>being with guys that treat me well makes me nervous
how does that work?
I don't know... it's like letting my guard down scares me, because it leaves me vulnerable and I think I might be jumping the gun. If someone goes on the attack, that gives me an excuse to put my guard up, which helps me to feel safer and also feels more familiar.
It’s easy for us to be passionate in far away suffering and be distant from up front suffering. But when someone just goes up and show brotherly love to someone who’s been troubled whether they were abused, went through a cancer scare, or an addiction, it makes their world better
What if only the sex is like what you describe? Is that enough to make you feel at home?
>dad is a violent schizophrenic paedophile from a rough city
>my mum was also violent
>parents moved from Manchester to Taunton in 1981 because racist
>had my sister in '89 and me in '92
>used to beat me, lock me in cupboards and wash mouth out with soap when I was as young as 3
>had to watch and sometimes get caught inbetween parents physical fighting
>mum and dad divorced in '95
>mum took me and sister to Manchester women and childrens home
>met a guy called Frank
>he used to beat me and my sister, swung us by our ears until they bled
>dad set up a meeting and took us to Exeter
>sexually abused me, physically abused me, mentally abused me and verbally abused me
>used to go crazy a lot, heavy drinker. extremely violent
>dropped sister off at cop station in June of '97
>I'm with this crazy bastard until late '98
>go into care
>I molested kids when I was a kid (even living with my dad)
>my foster dad cheated on my foster mum so there were a lot of fights there
>foster dad has punched me on occasion
>I tried to fuck foster sister
>killed her hamsters and a dog
>thought about mass murder a lot
>I attempted burglary once
>foster dad rinsed my mum out of 30,000 quid last October and the resulting animosity between them made me fucking worried
>but they renewed their vows for 25th anniversary so whatever
>recently find out paedo dad died 3 years ago
If only technology can let me hug all of you anons in this thread..
You guys have it worst. Dont give up.
I'm a guy, just being annoying atm...
But I don't get why the majority of girls end up like OP. I mean, I get it, it's a coping mechanism. But we need more love than most.
But hey, I'm a 6'3 Chad jaw Anglo who was abused to fuck and dream of a woman who I could treasure whilst everyone else could fucking die. But yeah, no girl wants a male who was abused
damn man. at least you arent a 5'5 manlet like me. And it looks like its going good for you right now. I hope you find a girl who can accept you someday.
based kind user
>6'3 Chad jaw Anglo
Lel. You will die a virgin.
I've fucked 5 women and a trap but ok
You lost my sympathy, fucking normie.
fellow Masshole here. Mother physically abused me after my father left her. i hate women now.
Larp by a fat incel
>reads the greenest
If you can push yourself to continue living a certain way and thinking a certain way, eventually that becomes normal for you and you will forget the old person you were and become a better and happier version of yourself.
As others have said, your feelings are extremely common for abuse victims. Please speak to a professional about it if you are not already
Damn, I thought my situation was fuck up
What would be the OP's mental illness?
You don’t need to suspect any kind of mental illness diagnoses to just see a professional counselor. Healthy people can seek mental health counseling or relationship counseling too.
>reads the greenest
what does that mean?
Sorry. I'm a filthy phone poster. Greentext niqqa
You do realize it's not a competition, right?
I never said it was