I know it's considered immature to place such importance on looks, but let's face it: we would all like to have attractive partners.
But it just seems an unavoidable truth that leagues exist, and who you can be with is limited by your attractiveness.
I know you have a limited degree of control over attractiveness. It's not like I don't try. I take care of myself and am social. But that only goes so far.
It's hard not to feel that sadness when you see hot girls that you know you can never have. Even worse when you see her boyfriend, and he's usually so tall and handsome that you know you'd never compete. I still approach tens because I'm not an Incel who doesn't even try and blames the world for his lack of success. I try, I just still fail.
I know personality matters most, but ideally, I'd want a partner who has a good personality AND is hot. Being hot isn't a sufficient condition, and a good personality is a necessary condition, but I still want both.
And I have my whole life to settle down with a woman who isn't a ten, but with whom I feel a connection. I would at least feel good about doing that if I got my chance to bang tens before finding her. But if you've never had the experience of having a hot partner, be it a ONS or a relationship, how can you not feel like you've missed out on a universally desired life experience? How can you not always wonder what it would be like? At least if you experienced it only to later realize that a less attractive person is the one you really love, you'd always know that you got to experience that fleeting fun before the main course.
I just feel so frustrated. I'm not an Incel, so I'm not angry AT hot women or chads, I'm just frustrated by the situation itself. There is no evil person to blame, but the circumstance is no less shitty because of it.
10/10 women are garbage life partners user. If you only knew.
They expect to be served like queens their entire life, live in a million dollar home, complain about everything.
Trust me when I tell you that after you have cum inside a woman a few dozen times the novelty wears off BIGTIME, and your stuck with a person that you dislike and drains your energy.
So beauty is nice and it's key. But finding a woman you can spend years and years with and truly like who they are, that's a better reward.
No I genuinely put personality first. Even a lot of chub is fine if she demonstrates she has her shit together otherwise and isn't a slob; I'll help her lose weight. Fixing stupid is impossible. Fixing crazy is extraordinarily hard, even just bitchy tends to be incurable. Fixing looks is very doable. And I can find a lot that's beautiful in anyone whose face isn't literally mangled.
I think that goes back to what I mentioned about at least having that opportunity to fuck hot girls casually before finding I connect better with, even if she is less attractive. At least then, I won't have to spend my life wondering what being with a hot girl feels like. At least I'd have the pleasure of fucking them and even having the privilege of realizing they aren't for me. At least I'd know I was attractive enough to be able to land one, and that I'm not "settling" for my inevitable partner simply because I could not get something better, and am with her because her personality was more important than her looks.
I basically get over it by reminding myself why we find each other physically attractive to begin with.
It's mother nature (natural selection) trying to force you to breed with the most physically fit girl to have the fittest children in the next generation. That's really it. You're kind of getting played. Would you still pine over these women if those base animal instincts drove you to it? Probably not. Instead you'd probably go for a woman that's the best possible companion, that would give YOU the greatest happiest and benefit, not just give you sexier grandchildren. Someone that will fulfill higher human needs versus some basic evolutionary drive.
It's a bit easier to adopt this mentality when you think about males of other species (e.g. birds of paradise), and the lengths they go to just to get an attractive partner, and how ridiculous it seems. They're unfortunately forced into it, because they don't have the forebrain for that kind of self control. You on the other hand....
damn user this really put things into perspective in a way I've never really thought about, really really cozy post. I think once I put my penis into a vagina likesaid then I can start thinking about things from a long term standpoint. I've been sexually frustrated for so long that it's natural that I'm trying to bang anything and the hot girl persona is what I gravitate for. i just need some pussy
Same way people cope without having a private island. You look around and begin to improve your surroundings with whatever means you have. The only difference is you can probably find someone you consider a 10/10 and pay her to fugg, but the private island will always be out of reach. Of course then your 10/10 is a literal whore, and since whores can never be a true 10/10 due to their hazardous twats, perhaps paradoxically the best you could literally ever hope for is a 9/10. You too good for a 9/10 OP?
I'll try to meditate on this and see if it helps any.
I guess I just feel like knowing the explanation for why I feel this way doesn't make the feeling any less real. The pleasure of being with a hot girl, even though there's a naturalistic explanation for it, is a good desirable thing in itself.
If it's really just about the sex - and you're willing to settle with a more average looking partner later - couldn't you just hire good hookers? I mean even through the regular methods you're probably going to be paying for her shit anyways, might as well make the transaction explicit and upfront. That and high end strip clubs.
Even though I know I could just pay an escort, it's not the same, you know? Because what I want is more like this hot girl to actually want me and be attracted to me and want to have sex with me or be in a relationship with me, depending on if it's casual or serious. A hot girl just tolerating me for money and pretending to enjoy fucking me as her eyes glaze over and she dissociates and she spouts generic porn one-liners like "yes, baby" doesn't scratch the itch that I have, and it would only leave me feeling more hollow that I had to pay for it.
You ever see how those girls look at Chads? How they twirl their hair, bite their lip? How women when compared to men almost seem like non-sexual beings, only to completely surpass men in raunchiness when one of the few men worthy of it is in their presence? The men they are doing all the sex acts with that they claim they don't actually enjoy doing and never do when the subject comes up with men who don't inspire the need to do it in them. I want to have that feeling of a hot girl liking me so much, she enjoys sucking my dick because pleasuring a man she sees as valuable validates her and makes her feel good. These things are happening every day, but not to guys like me.
Life isn't fair. Either put in the effort to fuck them or hire a prostitute. Telling yourself every single gorgeous woman on earth is secretly a pain in the ass is the biggest cope I have ever seen. Of course there's hot women with good personalities; saying otherwise is actually kinda sexist.
Alternatively: rub one out. I get horny and wanna fuck hot women but after blowing my load I go back to thinking about and doing other things.
S E X D O L L E X
D O L L
Yeah, I'm also skeptical of this "pretty girls are terrible anyway; avoid them" advice. Like, yeah, in my experience, a lot of pretty girls are so used to being fawned over and validated just for existing that they never have to develop actual personalities and they become stuck up. But I also have encountered legitimately cool pretty girls. Either way, they don't go for me because, substance or not, they have options, but going "they are all awful anyway, I don't want one" seems like giving up to me. Plus, it leaves out the fact that you don't have to get into a serious relationship with the shitty pretty girls.
I am trying to work on myself so that I can attain them. Despite not being there yet, I still approach and chat them up, because might as well desensitize myself to talking to them and build up practice, even if I won't pull any. I have doubts about how much of my attractiveness is controllable, and if I can really become one of the guys who can slay them. Like, I can get fit, but I can't change my face. But I won't know know futile it is or isn't unless I do everything in my power to get up there. Only after I've done everything can I legitimately say it's hopeless. And maybe it isn't hopeless. Maybe I can do it. Time will tell.
Shade, shadow, and lack of light. Reflection of strobe lights might also be influencing. idk, I really don't give a nigger
Roger Rabbit getting a hotty was a reflection on real life user.
Either that or you could practice being a dom amd get into some clubs, or meet-ups online.
There's hotties out there who are willing to play outside their league, you just have to know what to offer.
I actually gave your original post some thought and I do believe there is a happy middle ground between hottest girl imaginable and unfuckable ogre.
It's not wrong to want a woman who is physically attractive. Especially if she has good hygiene and takes care of her fitness. Just be open to being with someone who is less than physically perfect but still gorgeous in your eyes. To give an example, my dream girl would have big boobs, but I would totally love someone without them if she still looks good. If she doesn't take care of herself at all and isn't attractive I wouldn't bother though.
This Looks are one thing to offer, conversation and even sexual fantasy are other convincable ways to sway some 8's. Not me though.
Maybe this will help: banging a 10 was on my bucket list. I knocked it out before I even graduated college.
It was nothing to write home about. I have just as much confidence now as I did going into it because I wouldn't have had the balls to try otherwise. So what did I really gain? No one even cares.
>Humour Lots of people actually tell me I'm quite funny. I had a reputation for being a "funny, witty guy" in grade school. But it's so much harder to be funny in the context of random cold approaches than when there is actually a basis of your interactions with a person that you can draw humour from (friends, people taking the same class, etc).
Also, I find that when I am on fire with humour, I become entertainment for the group of girls I'm chatting with, but I'm nothing more than that. None of them actually want to FUCK me, just to let make them laugh for a while before leaving so they have a funny experience to share with each other.
>practice being a dom amd get into some clubs
Like, a Dom at BDSM clubs? I'm actually interested in kink and have attended events, but literally all the girls who go to these things are landwhales. I just go to make friends with other people with similar interests and learn from them, but I'm not going to meet any hot girls here. I'm going to have to meet them outside of the scene and introduce the curious ones to it. Nobody already in it is attractive.
For some reason I don't really feel that attracted to women who are extremely hot, like above 8/10.
I love those that are hot but they don't stand out. I don't really know why. A girl like this for example. She has a cute face and an average body, no tits whatsoever, not a great ass, she is quite short. But she has something that drives me mad. I'd rather have sex with this girl than with any 10/10
What's 10/10 to someone varies a lot. Some people like gingers, or fatties, or milfs. And attraction is pretty fickle. You can train yourself to like certain things you never would have thought attractive before.
That girl with the big nose and a bit of a tummy? She's some guy's 10/10 too. Unless you're looking for recognition for fucking a conventionally attractive girl, realize that there's no such thing. That girl in your OP pic? She probably looks terrible without makeup and photoshop and whatever she does to her hair. 90% of girls could look hotter than her if they put in the effort she does, it doesn't mean shit in the long run.
Though different people have different tastes, studies show there is high inter-rater correlation on assessments of attractiveness. People generally agree on who's attractive and who's not.
tldr but i'm going to say that,
if girls makes the effort to look into us for something they love, we should do the same for them.
My type tends to be alt/art-school girls, and when it comes between a perfect ten who is basic as fuck and an average-attractiveness girl with awesome style, I find myself more drawn to the latter.
However, I still want to fuck some tens, even if they are basic. I have no idea how to talk to basic normie girls, though. I can carry convos with artsy girls or intellectual girls or alt girls fairly effortlessly. But basic girls are never interested in anything I have to talk about, and when I try to probe to find out what they like, they offer nothing. No hobbies but "hanging out with friends" and Netflix. They aren't interested in convos about cool science shit or philosophy or music or art.
Ideally, I want the cool-style alternative art-school girl who is ALSO a ten physically, though. I've been on dates with a few, but have never had enough game to get past more than that or actually fuck them, let alone get into a relationship with any.
Is this a real issue?
It sounds like you just need to keep trying. I would keep an open mind to being really aroused by someone who isnt perfect in every way physically, and that does NOT mean you have to settle either.
Eh, offering "sexual fantasy" to a woman only works if you're already attractive. That's the entire reason why they would entertain fantasizing about you sexually. It wouldn't matter what new, interesting experiences I could offer if I'm unattractive. It would just be creepy, instead.
However, I do agree with you that attractiveness has several dimensions beyond the physical, especially for guys. I need to work on that other stuff, too, though. I'm already told I'm a good conversationalist and dress well, but that stuff alone without things that make you high-value only really gets you into the friendzone (nobody wants to fuck me just because I can hold a conversation on philosophy or science, but they might say "oh, he's a cool friend").
Stuff like having certain social status indicators, having a "fun" life that she wants in on… I've never had the means to travel or so shit like skydiving or jetskiing… don't even own a car. Ive always wanted to start a band (not just to get laid, I genuinely have a passion for music), and if I finally got around to this, it could certainly help as a status indicator. What other stuff can I work on to increase my interestingness/status?
The same way you come to terms with not being born wealthy, or had good parents, or a great job, or well educated, socially respected etc. list goes on. You can cope. If you really want something you can try to work hard to get it, even though odds of success is slim.
It's funny, I was born to poor parents, and though I know I will likely never be rich, it doesn't bother me all that much. All I want is to be comfortable and not struggle like my parents do, but I've never really cared about being rich or lamented the fact that I will probably never be. I've never been materialistic.
I don't know why I have a totally different attitude toward dating and sex. It DOES distress me that I'm of a certain league, and may never be able to bat beyond it.
I thought that wall next to her was a huge butt cheek holy crap that lighting is messing with me thanks op for the laugh i appreciate it haha I'm sorry I havent read your post yet though. I will read it right now and see if I can possibly help.
get rich have super good personality get to know a lower #. looks are like the cost of admission not the quality
this. As the saying goes: fuck a 10 marry a 7.
Sex is a small part of relationships and if your partner is ugly on the inside that is who you are actually with. For your sake OP, know this, there are plenty of hidden 10/10s that don’t doll themselves up with makeup and just want to live a normal life. Find a girl you find a attractive and with a personality you like and settle down with her and quit reaching for the stars. No woman is perfect (except for mine)
Tbh OP, normally tens are really disappointing in sex. They think their looks are enough and they don't put any effort on making it any good. They just want you to do everything. Of course you're banging a hot girl and that's great but seriously, I've had more fun with "average" girls (they were hot to me of course) who at least were more involved than with tens. Don't put them on a pedestal.
10/10s are what you see is what you get and nothing more. Dont get me wrong though there's some nice ones out there 5 - 9 normally think they have room for improvement which could possibly turn them into the partner your looking for
Find me a guy with a same taste as you!
are they called stockings?
You make very good points but you’re gay so it’s invalid