So as it turns out, I dated an abusive female. Has traits related to narcissism or borderline personality disorder. She went from treating me with excessive love and attention to absolute silence. She pretty much just threw me away like we didn't spend loving years together. She doesn't remember a thing.
I still have her presents/gifts and love letters with paragraphs telling me things I need to hear right now- but she doesn't say it to me anymore. She abandoned me and I thought I had a future with this chick. It hurts. It torments me inside, every day since the break up which was about a week ago.
My mind can't handle it. That the person I loved was just a "mask" and that the person never truly existed in the first place. A careful construction to take advantage of my mind, resources and body. I've been told that person I fell in love with never actually existed at all and that's she's already out there with a new victim- a Chad of sorts like me to transform into a beta fag once you actually develop feelings for her.
How do I get over a painful break up? For those who had their hearts torn, what things did you do to help yourself heal? How long does this healing process take? Did you delete and go no-contact with this person? Did they try to contact you again later? I hate this. I can't stop tearing up about the memories I know aren't real.
From a similar situation. There person and memories arent 'not real' and there was a time when she really was expressing these things to you. You just have to know that, the positives were real, but the negatives were also just as real. And its these negatives that you must accept as a reason it will never have worked out in the end. Part of life is going through relationships, and finding out what works in them and what doesnt, and finding people that you think you will spend the rest of your life with but ultimately you find you will not. Unless there are firm borders in place upon meeting again, to just discuss an amicable resolution and then part ways, you should not hang out again in the hopes it will become better. This sometimes works with true commitment and many kinds of changes. but it does not sound like this is the right path. Focus on now how you can steer your life in a new and positive direction that you did not realize was not possible with your previous partner around. Focus on you and what you want in your life outside of a romantic partner, ie self improvement. good luck and were all gonna make it.
>How do I get over a painful break up? Honestly, this is something you should figure out by yourself. How do you cope with sadness and pain? Does hanging out with friends help? Any hobbies that might distract you? >For those who had their hearts torn, what things did you do to help yourself heal? I listened to depressing music and smoked a lot. That probably made the pain worse though. >How long does this healing process take? Took me about a year. It varies from person to person. You could recover much more quicker or much later than me. >Did you delete and go no-contact with this person? Yes. >Did they try to contact you again later? Yes, twice. I kept my replies very short so she could take the fucking hint and leave me alone. Not every girl will do this though. I wouldn’t keep my hopes up if I were you. >I hate this. It’s only natural user. Things will get better, I promise.
Sounds to me like that loving person existed but did not want to sustain such adorations on you. Look inward.
Yeah but we were literally super close.
Then she's gone. Just as quickly as she appeared in my life.
Get rid of all the gifts and shit you retard.
she doesn't mean it, not like a normal emotion. it isn't the same person. its literally a sickness not personal. BPD really ruins ppl and relationships. nearly impossible to stay with ppl. this may be dramatic, but you are more like a widow than thrown away. "she doesn't remember a thing" so how would she even try or know to hurt you? It sucks; it isn't your fault; you didn't become unloveable
Just get over it and don't care
Easier said than done- especially after something so traumatizing: >spend years of bliss together >in absolute romance >she's the one user >I'm going to marry this girl >I'll find a job and support us and it'll be good >I can't wait to spend more time with her this weekend
To nothing. She doesn't exist in my life. I got deleted from hers. How can someone be so cold and callous and uncaring? They don't remember any memories or refuse to. I got replaced. Am I worthless? Was I that bad?
What led up to her leaving? Did she offer any insight into her reasoning behind the break-up or she just randomly leave?
She was projecting a lot of the abuse she was doing to me as if I was doing all of that to her. She wouldn't own up or take responsibility for anything she did that would cross my boundaries or make me feel a certain way.
She said I was mean and abusive- when I know for a fact that I wasn't. This was brought up when I would have a conversation with her about how she's been acting and treating me. She would ghost me for a day, a week, straight- no contact, text, phone call, nothing. When I would bring it up, she'd flip the script on me saying I'm being mean.
She said all sorts of things. That I "broke her trust" somehow by wanting to know more information as to why she's been ghosting. That I was a bad person for having normal emotions such as doubt. I already have a feeling she's been cheating on me for months now. You know that closeness you get meeting a new crush or a new partner? You can't wait to kiss them, hold their hand, hug them, be intimate with them. Those suddenly stopped and she became very cold. I brought it up and I was being mean or too needy apparently, when I believe these were normal things couples should be able to talk about.
After all that, anything I said she would take horribly. Nothing I said got through to her and I was forever a bad person in her eyes. No apology, no make-up made her happy. It truly is mind-boggling and I don't understand how someone can be so loving then do a complete 180 the next day like she's not the same person anymore. It kills me inside.
I'm sorry that she treated you that way OP. From what you have mentioned, the behaviour she was projecting was possibly due to an affair with another. It's almost like a wall of separation between you and her. Cheaters tend to rationalize their behavior (in their own minds). One way they do this is to push the blame onto you. Their internal justifications for cheating leak out, and they behave judgmentally toward you and your relationship. It's almost like you can't do anything right. Anyway, your wounds will heal with time. There is no specific time frame. It depends on the length of the relationship, the experiences, and the level of intimacy you shared. The most important thing to consider is to not put blame on yourself, rather think about how someone else out there would be very lucky to share their life with you. You definitely delete them and stop all contact, otherwise they will continue to string you along and you will never be able to heal.
Yeah, people have said that she will contact me again eventually. That it would be a toxic thing to take her back- and maybe that's a better way.
If she has narcissistic traits, then her new partner would be subject to the same treatment. It makes me sick how someone who was so close to me suddenly up and decide to find another. All the lies she said and the fake promises. You fall for it because you believe them to be trustworthy. Before, I was just doubting trusting her- but since she pretty much threw me away, just reaffirms my convictions about what is happening. Sure enough, she already has new followers and is following new people on social media. I deleted her so I can't see who it is- I hate this. I didn't want this at all. I should have known.
She might, but you have to be strong and ignore the contact unless you want to put yourself back in this shitty situation. What matters now is that you take care of yourself. Fuck what she is doing. Good luck.
>Yeah, people have said that she will contact me again eventually. That it would be a toxic thing to take her back- and maybe that's a better way. >If she has narcissistic traits, then her new partner would be subject to the same treatment. It makes me sick how someone who was so close to me suddenly up and decide to find another. All the lies she said and the fake promises. You fall for it because you believe them to be trustworthy. Before, I was just doubting trusting her- but since she pretty much threw me away, just reaffirms my convictions about what is happening. Sure enough, she already has new followers and is following new people on social media. I deleted her so I can't see who it is- I hate this. I didn't want this at all. I should have known.
She's not BPD user, she's just a fucking narcissist. run and don't look back. Thank your lucky stars you didn't have children with her.
>She's not BPD user, she's just a fucking narcissist Part of me is still holding out hope that she's just playing mind games and will hit me up and we can be back to normal.
But it's been months of this back and forth, cold/hot abuse. She'll want to Netflix and Chill one night and then she'll be missing for a month straight. It stressed me out and made my health suffer. I keep hoping we can go back to the way things were, but I don't think its possible at all because it was all fake- a ruse to keep her entertained and me, engaged.
It hurts. My brain can't accept this- because she isn't acting like a human being that feels sympathy, love or care.
I cry a lot lately
Sorry to hear about this shit turn of events. It really reminds me of my first wife and how she treated me in the end. You know what though? It's the best thing that ever happened to me. I look back and realize that our relationship was pure shit. It was all a lie, and what I have now is so much better. Take this as a learning experience, don't ever let a woman slowly grind you down like that. Those sort of mind games are the hallmark of someone that is mentally unhealthy and you don't need that in your life.
This happened to me too user. Look up Spartan Life Coach Richard Grannon on YouTube. This guy saved me. My world was destroyed after I was discarded by a narc. This dude is the only thing that helped for a time
>giving a woman that much power over you I'm glad to be that guy, but you fucked up. Entirely your fault. Learn from this and quit being a dumb, weak shit next time