My fiance is acting like an asshole and I dont know what to do.
Hes a good, sweet, caring man, but he has this one bad habit that infuriates me to no end, and that's hanging up the phone on me and then not answering if he doesn't like what he hears or if we have an argument.
We live together, and we've been engaged since June. For the past two months, we have been trying to find a wedding venue that's affordable and accommodating for our needs. While we are not religious, we plan on having a Jewish wedding. My fiance really wants to have a Saturday night wedding, but if we had a Saturday night, it would have to be in November or later, since Shabbat ends at sundown on Saturday. In November, sundown is at 4:30pm, so our ceremony would start an hour later. A Summer wedding would be out of the question if we had it on a Saturday.
This is the only thing he asks for. I ask him if we cant do Saturday if we can do Sunday evening, or even a Sunday wedding starting at 2 or 3, and he says thats fine.
So we finally find a venue we agree upon. The coordinator says there is one Saturday open in September one in October next year. After we get back home, we find out sundown in October next year isn't until 6pm, so our ceremony wouldnt start until an hour afterwards. I personally do not want a super late wedding, and I also would prefer a Sunday wedding, since I could get married outside.
My fiance asks me to go back and see the venue with my parents today. He couldnt go with us because he had a football game to watch. But he says when I go back to ask about available Saturdays in November or December.
So today, I go to the venue with my parents. Theyre pleased with the place, and were even about to give the coordinator a check for a deposit. Unfortunately, there are no open Saturdays in Nov or Dec next year.
When we leave the venue, I call my fiance while I'm in the car and explain the situation. He gets upset and hangs up the phone.
I try calling him and texting him, but no answer. After 20 minutes, he finally picks up the phone, but says "I cant take this anymore, lets not have a wedding, lets just elope" and he hangs up again.
When we finally get back to my place, he gets really aggressive and doesnt want to talk about wedding stuff. He feels hes so done with everything. He runs up to our bedroom, closes the door and says he doesnt want to talk. Meanwhile, my parents are there listening to everything.
I ask my fiance to talk, but he just yells at me and says "get out". So I leave with my parents to go to a local street fair.
When I came back from the street fair, and after my parents left, I just went to my office in our house and closed my door.
Im just really sad, and angry and frustrated at this whole scenario and dont know what to do. I don't know if I should keep myself in here all night and wait until he comes to me to talk, or if I should come out and attempt to talk to him.
I just feel so disrespected that he would act this way towards me, and in front of my parents. And I'm angry that since now we can't have a Saturday night wedding, we can't have a wedding at all?
What should I do?
Henry Hernandez
TL:DR version >fiance and I live together, and have been finding a venue for our wedding thats within budget >we finally find a place we like, but fiance really wants to have it on a Saturday night. We can only have a Saturday night wedding if it was in the late fall or winter since its a fuckin Jewish wedding and has to be after sundown >fiance has a bad habit of hanging up on me if we have an argument over the phone, or gets aggressive and yells at me to leave him alone were at home >Saturday nights for the venue we want arent available in the late fall or winter next year, so now he thinks we should just elope
>im currently now sitting in my office with my door locked because I feel angry and hurt. >idk if I should come out and try to talk to him, or wait until he talks to me
Cooper Collins
bump
Easton Russell
So he throws a hissy fit when he doesn’t get his way, and takes it out on you? Sounds like you’re marrying a chick.
Dylan Brooks
I wouldn't say he's taking it out on me. But when he gets aggravated, he tends to just yell at everyone to leave him alone. He does this shit to his parents and his sisters.
What pisses me off is that Saturday was just a preference, and now it seems like it's become a requirement for us to have a wedding.
Nicholas Gomez
I'm still in my office. He hasn't made any attempt to talk to me. What should I do?
Logan Rodriguez
I should note that it's a home office/guest bedroom in our house. He bought a townhouse earlier this year and I moved out of my parents' house to live with him.
Ryder Peterson
hhmmm...how many stories up is your office?
Chase Flores
I mean honestly if he is acting like a child then he doesn't deserve to get married. He needs to grow up and act like a grown up. Relationships are all about communication. It's important. If he cant communicate to you, his future wife, then hes probably not the one for you.
Jayden Cooper
see It's a 2 bedroom townhouse. My "office" is an office/guest bedroom. Bedrooms are upstairs, living room/kitchen is downstairs. He's downstairs and I'm upstairs.
Xavier Howard
sounds like you did the right thing, trying to talk, and he's fucking up on the one thing that would solve the issue.
that childish attitude is not acceptable and people like that don't change. you have two options: call it off, or find a way to circumvent issues before they get to that point with him.
he needs to learn how to talk to people without throwing a tantrum, and yelling at people is never acceptable. try asking his mother/father if you can't find a way on your own.
Lincoln Gutierrez
So what should I do? Just sit here and wait until he decides to talk to me or should I try leaving my room and approach him? It's already been a few hours.
Michael Kelly
you could let him sleep on it. sometimes i get irritable and am better the next day. you could also speak with his family and see if his mom or dad knows how to handle him.
Austin Baker
I feel like if I contact his mom, dad, or sisters about this, I'll be going behind his back.
Jayden Lee
don't talk about the marriage arrangements, just ask his mom for advice on how to deal with his moodiness and irascible hardheadedness.
Jace Howard
>this absolute manchild was about to get married in a month What's your excuses, incels?
Noah Long
>in a month
....what?
This was for fall of NEXT YEAR 2020
Camden Turner
Mah bad. Have a bump as an apology.
Ian Walker
Sounds like minor issue ib communication. Also what kind of woman uses phone calls to make hwr future husband angry? Do it in the old fashionable way aka face to face so you can have hot angry sex afterwards.
Btw you are angry about total nonsense. Want a real reason for marriage? Dont get married until you are pregnant. Practical and easy. The date will solve itself.
As someone who has been through a marriage before I will tell you that for every normal, well-adjusted person I know a partner who completely shuts down and refuses to communicate is the #1 biggest and most damaging red flag you could possibly imagine. There is no universe in which a marriage with poor communication will at all be lasting or meaningful. I can promise you that 100%. I don't have any particular advice for you other than to really take some time to be introspective and think about whether or not you want to commit to spending the rest of your life with someone who won't communicate with you. Finances, life goals, children etc., these are all the things that are going to be massive topics of conversation in your future marriage and your partner, who is supposed to be your sole source of support and stability, ignores you and refuses to communicate. Really, truly ask yourself if this is the kind of marriage you want. This wedding venue business is pretty small compared to the kinds of hardships you two will face together. Contemplate the possibility that his refusal to communicate with you, his future wife, will put you in a position where you'll be forced to face these hardships alone. After my failed marriage there is no amount of money in the world you could give me to commit to a relationship with another person who refused to communicate with me. It was hell. Just some food for thought.
Isaac Scott
I'm getting kinda hungry though. I haven't eaten since lunch and want to go into the kitchen to get something. But he's in the living room, which is attached to the kitchen, and I want to avoid him for the night because I'm pissed with how he treated me earlier.
What do I do?
Aiden Hill
>implying I'd even show up to a Sunday wedding for someone other than my best friend Think long and hard about why a wedding reception on a Sunday isn't any fun at all.
Also your fiance is like a flighty cat. He just wants to retreat from scary situations. If you cut of his retreat don't be surprised that, like a cat, suddenly he pivots from running away to lashing out.
Alexander Carter
Even if the wedding was from 2pm-8pm? I could understand if it was 6pm-midnight, as that would be super inconsiderate to people who need to go to work the next day, but I've gone out to dinners and happy hours on weeknights where I wouldn't get home until late and still go to work the next morning.
Joshua Kelly
I think focusing on the issue with the wedding reception is missing the forest for the trees here. I think the overlying issue is that OP is about to marry a dude who runs away from her whenever things get tough. That seems far more urgent a problem than what day their wedding reception is on.
William Turner
??
Easton Cooper
It's called flight or fight for a reason. You might think you want a fighter but someone that's personality is so attuned to the "fight" side of the scale is someone that smashes someone's head in with a hammer in a self righteous fervor. Of course it's not always as extreme as that example but the point I'm making is someone can be self destructive by being too much of a fighter just like OP's fiance can be self destructive by being too flighty.
Aiden Wilson
Guys seriously, I haven't eaten for several hours now. I feel like im going to faint. what do i do?
Oliver Watson
I'm not sure what your point has to do with whether or not OP getting married to this guy is the best decision.
Carter Allen
You shouldn't expect people to routinely deal with issues in anything besides some shade of flight or fight. It's completely normal. When someone tries to run away and you don't let them then you've forced them to react in the only other way they can. If you think the fiance shouldn't have peaced out like he did then that's fine, but everyone upset by what he did after he tried to get away is dumb.
Leo Morales
There's so many things wrong with this situation that can't be explained or interpreted in one post.
Here's a suggestion: why don't leave and buy some food and give him some time to realize what an ass he's being?
Cooper Wright
OP again. I have an update I went down to the kitchen. Opened the fridge and saw my fiance got pizza for us. I grabbed a slice and said "thank you for the pizza". He responded with "I'm selfish right? That's what I heard you say earlier"
I may have called him "selfish" out of frustration for not wanting to communicate with me, but he proceeds to give me the guilt of "i bought a house for the both of us to live together, and dont ask you for a penny, and I'm selfish?"
Nevermind the fact I pay $800 every month for utilities but ok... Yes, I called him selfish for hanging up on me, for not answering his phone, and then saying he wants to elope instead of having a wedding because he's not happy that we cant have a Saturday. This all could have not been escalated if he didn't get frustrated and hang up on me in the first place.
I mean, does this make sense?
He's the one who wanted me to go back to the venue with my parents today to begin with, so we could book a date asap. Then when I call him to tell him about what dates are available, he gets mad and hangs up on me. Then when I get home, he yells that he wants to be left alone and doesn't want to discuss wedding plans.
So then, we cant proceed with planning for a wedding, because he's frustrated and doesn't want to talk about the wedding this night, so I have to put off making a decision for another day.
Was I wrong to call him selfish?
Jackson Johnson
>we plan on having a Jewish wedding Please don't mutilate your future son's genitals.
>$800 every month for utilities you running a grow lab or something? wtf?
Elijah Harris
This. And dump the man child, lol.
Adam Sanders
Nah I have a lot of savings.
Ian Barnes
This is happening because you're trying to have a stupid fucking meme kike wedding. Have a normal fucking wedding like a normal human being you stupid faggot cunt.
Julian Gomez
>stupid fucking meme kike wedding
And there it is
You do know Saturday night is the most popular day/time in the week to get married, right? Doesn't matter what religion you follow.
Luke Lopez
OP again
Its 4 am. I need to wake up in a few hours to go to class (I'm continuing my college education after years of working), but I cant sleep. I heard my fiance come to bed earlier but it looks like he decided to sleep on the couch.
Idk what to do. This whole fight had gotten me shaken up and now idk if I've made things worse for myself for not trying to resolve shit earlier.
He's mad I called him selfish. I felt he was for hanging up on me and not discussing wedding shit. Idk why he had to put off discussing wedding shit for the day in the first place, when he's the one who asked me to go back to the venue with my parents.
He's the one who fucking texted me, after I left the venue, how things went. So when I called him and told him no Saturday dates were available in Fall of next year, he hangs up on me. Then he says he doesn't want a wedding anymore, we should just elope. I dont even get to explain to my fiance that the venue coordinator put a soft hold for a Sunday date I liked and that I have to give him an answer by this week.
Idk what to do at this point. I'm tired and cant sleep and my muscles feel sore from tension.
Juan Ross
Why did you say yes then, you demented whore? Now deal with it
Jace Hughes
Incels are even worse, if you can imagine
Landon Hughes
I live in a house with my brother. Our mother visited a few weeks ago for a few days. One day I come home and she tells me the following story: "So I went upstairs to asks your brother if he wants to have dinner with us. He said he didn't feel like having dinner with us, then I made a silly joke, and he absolutely flipped and started talking to me about how I cannot treat him like a child anymore because he's a 32 y/o man. Can you believe this!?" I later spoke with my brother: "So she comes upstairs and asks if I want to have dinner and I tell her I'm not hungry, then she made one of those dumb jokes she does that really aren't a joke but are meant to offend you, so I just tell her "ok, whatever mom". Then she comes over and slaps me in the back of the head and tells me she's my mother and I cannot dismiss her like that, and I absolutely flipped and told her that I'm not 15 years old and she cannot treat me like this."
