Supposedly the secret to getting a girl is not to be desperate. It’s been 22 years of my fucking life without anything so much as a kiss. How can I not be desperate?
I’ve spent my entire life having no one interested in me, having no one care about me. Yet I can watch a 28 year old ham Beast who looks like a leper get laid every other night, by virtue of having a vagina. How in the fuck should I not be desperate at this point?
How many girls have you asked out in your life? We all know the answer.
Prostitution isn’t love user and you know it.
A couple of times and it’s never worked or well.
Because you don't *need* a woman in your life. It would be nice, yes, but it's not necessary. You are basing your personal worth on whether someone likes you; something over which you have little control! The most you can control is how you react to whether a person likes you or not. If you overreact to either, it's clear to others that you don't have your worth based in yourself, which undermines their estimation of your inherent worth. What man has so little worth that he *needs* a woman to fill in the gaps for him? Fill in the gaps yourself and exist by yourself. Consider this: if you can happily exist with just yourself, it's worth so much more to someone else when you decide you want them in your life. You don't *need* them, but you want them because, despite how good your life is without them, your life would be better with them. Whereas if you *need* them, you essentially admit that your life is incomplete and that someone else needs to pick up the slack for you. That's a lot of pressure to put on someone! You are going into a relationship saying, "this is not for fun, but because I am not putting enough effort into my own life. I want you to do that for me. This is work for you because I haven't done the work myself". That doesn't sound very appealing, does it? That's how desperation comes across. It says that you have nothing to offer in a relationship and just want to take and take from someone else. That's not the groundwork for a healthy or fulfilling relationship; not for you, and even less so for the other person! Stop acting like a romantic relationship is a necessity for your survival, and just go have fun with your life.
t. been through this thought process and dealt with romantic desperation for years
> but because I am not putting enough effort into my own life. I want you to do that for me. This is work for you because I haven't done the work myself".
But I have been putting the work in myself, but it doesn’t seem to matter in the slightest. I’ve lost weight, gained muscle. I’ve gotten better eating habits. I’ve learned to cook, I’ve taken steps to set up my career. I’m more than halfway through a 4 years degree program. I’ve been saving money, working tough jobs. I’ve been socializing more.
I’ve literally been putting effort into my life to improve it. I spent 6 solid months changing my life around and it matters diddly. Instead I can watch as a girl did nothing but get fatter over a period of 6 months and have guys clamor over one another just to have a chance with her.
I’ve put in the work. I’m making my life better. At what point am I “worthy” to have a relationship then? At what point am I “fixed” enough for it to be acceptable?
Beyond this I don’t need a girl sure, but I want one. I couldn’t give less of a shit if I live or die, I just want to make someone happy. I could live a single life and gain power or money or influence but I don’t want those things. I couldn’t give less of a shit. That isn’t my goal in life. It’s not going to make me happy.
You can whine about sexual disadvantages all you want, but it won't change biology. Women often whine that they must go through periods, pregnancy, childbirth, or take birth control. They're also weaker and can never compete with a man physically. There are tradeoffs. At least human males don't have to smash their heads against each other with horns like a deer or ram, no? Or get eaten after mating like a mantis or spider. It isn't so bad, I personally prefer being male than female. I like being big and strong and having a dick; being female wouldn't mesh with my personality at all. If I were born female with my brain, I'd be wishing I were male my whole life and probably go FtM tranny.
>Beyond this I don’t need a girl sure, but I want one. I couldn’t give less of a shit if I live or die, I just want to make someone happy. I could live a single life and gain power or money or influence but I don’t want those things. I couldn’t give less of a shit. That isn’t my goal in life. It’s not going to make me happy.
You say you've improved yourself, but even through text we can see that you have a very needy and approval-seeking personality, and are prone to whining. You need to change this aspect of yourself.
>Prostitution isn’t love user and you know it. Your question was how to not be desperate retard
>At what point am I “worthy” to have a relationship then? >I just want to make someone happy. You are worthy when you decide that you are worthy of making yourself happy. You've accomplished some good things and are working toward other good things; be proud of that! You ought to recognise the positive things in your life for just what they are. They are there whether or not you can use them as a ticket to a relationship, and shouldn't be disregarded just because you can't. Other people don't need to recognise your accomplishments for them to have worth, and if you do wait around for others to validate your actions you might be waiting for a very long time! You aren't enjoying your life and activities because you're doing them with the one goal of achieving a relationship from them. No one owes you that recognition. You owe it to yourself, however, to recognise that your acitivities have had a positive impact on your own life *without any externalities*. You reap your own reward.
Is it such a condemning thing to be lonely and want someone to love you though? It's like you just have to give up hope and lie like you're ok.
And it's basically
>give up hope >if you don't like being lonely too bad >better keep it hidden from everyone or else they'll dislike you even more >here bro you just gotta do something that feels useless for an indeterminate amount of time and if you feel lonely and still want love then you're doing it wrong, wasting your time, and you'll never be loved
Its such a harsh and cruel existence, you don't need to be bitter or jealous about it but when you see countless others with incredible issues and not need to go through this unclear process to find love it's like
Well what the fuck is wrong with me and why me? Why am I having to go through this? Even if you accept it for what it is and slowly try to make things better, it's like a tunnel without any light at the end.
just dont be desperate. is every waking moment of your life spent thinking about fucking? if so you have to find a way to distract yourself. hit the gym hard, go for long runs, read, learn a new language. hopefully after this you'll find there are more fulfilling things in life than benis in burgina.
Thanks user. I'm so surprised to find actual good advice on Jow Forums.
Same op but i didn't even had a kiss, once i met a girl and she wanted to be more than friends and i said no because she was quite unstable and I wanted to help her, she flied to other country and got pregnant at 18 with a pussy fuckboy, maybe all I tried was for nothing Maybe I should have used her as an object
Start sucking dick if you want it easy.
OP isn't living in isolation. i think he's wildly exaggerating with the >no one has ever cared about me he's just got his priorities wrong and is egotistical and narrow minded
>I spent 6 solid months changing my life around and it matters diddly.
Oh, wow, a whole 6 months of effort? Well shit, how has everything in your life not changed? Everyone knows that there isn't a single thing that can't be fixed in half a year.
Christ man, give it some fucking time. You made good first steps, you didn't change anything. Real change, the type where you aren't going to backslide into your lifestyle in a matter of weeks, takes a long ass time. So does finding someone. Going to school, or lifting a few weights doesn't magically entitle you to a new life the next day.
Top tier post, this is pretty much the conclusion i came to after laying on the couch depressive and catatonic for a year straight, actually got girl of my dreams shortly after
Because the world is not fair. Never has been, never will be. Now you can either work with the cards dealt to you or you can stop trying and whine on the internet about it.
Nobody owes you companionship. Not women, not people in general and certainly not the universe. People spend time with other people who add some kind of value to their life (not necessarily material). You can work on external shit like career and lifting as much as you want but if you're a whiny, needy emotional black hole of self pity and angst you're still a drain on peoples happiness and enjoyment of life. No, it's not fair. Yes, it'll turn into a self reinforcing spiral if you don't manage to break out. But people don't care. They have the right to look after their own happiness. They don't owe you shit. You don't want to spend time with people who don't add value to your life either.
Either turn yourself into a person who adds value to anothers life or stay lonely. That's how it works, no matter how much you cry over the unfairness of it.
>the world is not fair. Never has been, never will be I wish more normalfags acknowledged this, they always act like they fully earned their success and didn't get lucky
Stop trying to blame others. I won't get you anywhere. It doesn't matter what normalfags acknowledge or not. The only person who has to acknowledge it is you. And then you have to play the game with what you have instead of whining about what you don't.
Yeah, some people have an easier time getting laid than others. But unless you're literally deformed the one thing holding most incels back isn't money, a career or fitness, it's their own personality and outlook on life.
>Stop trying to blame others I'm not, I am just sick of people acting like they understand others problems