What would you do if you got tomorrow's news today?

Start betting on sports probably

masturbate

Lotto.
Start harem here.
Then probably onto stocks.
Buy Washington and Wall Street.
I have my own country now.
Annex, invade or colonize the rest of the world.
After ushering us into a golden age of mankind, be the first to live on Mars.
Also be the first with a interplanetary harem of hot ayys.

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re-enact early Wochenschau

KILL IT WILL FIRE!

IF IT HAS A HOT FLASH IT'S A WOMAN!

Oh yeah, tomorrows news is not as import as the news of today.

>a day in the life for OP
>wake up, still sick from drinking last night
>everything hurts
>look at yourself in the mirror, a fat, greasy, disgusting pile of shit
>start drinking again from the soul crushing weight of hating yourself and knowing Trump is president
>decide to go on Jow Forums to vent some frustration
>make the same bait thread for the 12000th time
>0 replies
>go to discord to beg other crushed alcoholics to bump your thread
>can see it’s not working, drink more to drown out despair
>ignore the fact you've lost family and friends because of how repugnant you are
>despondent, discord tranny NPCs are your only source of social interaction
>cycle your proxy
>make same thread for 12001 time
>"DRUMPF CAVED! DRUMPF BTFO!"
>0 replies
>*sigh* drink more
>consider how pointless your life is
>sink deeper into depression
>know deep down in your heart that suicide has become an alternative
>pass out while posting today’s spam that your handler dictates

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powerball tickets.

>be in CST
>NYT post article at 12:30 EST 6/1/19
>Currently it's 11:30 CST 5/31/19
Checkm8, I already have tomorrows news.

>her

make a big bet

i already got tomorrows news and its the exact same shit they wanted you to believe yesterday

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spoil it like endgame

Early edition was a good show.

ITS BLOODY DAD'S GOOD HISTORY

Finally, someone caught it.

Disregard it as the worthless garbage as it is today.

what the faggot is that ?

shut up queer

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Search "Dad's Google History Skit"

Oh wow that was horrible to sit trough. Also I was shocked to find out it has double X chromosomes what is wrong with ppl these days. The best part was the comment section. Thx for the hint user I now have reevaluate my taste for British humor. Godspeed

I am surprised I even remembered that. It was the first thing that came to mind.

My how waifu demi

some joos did some things

HAHAHAHA WTF IS THIS SHIT

and no, america, when are you going to learn that this shit is not universal... WTF HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

I am still drunk, but HAHAHAHAHA

But what if that bet, which maybe didn't happen changes the outcome? you follow?

Tonightly was garbage, so glad it's dead
Mad as Hell forever

>Butt spreading
kek

you just made my benis turtle, stop that

Lottery tickets nigga

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hahahaha

okay germany sometimes your humor is actually funny

profit

47

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Find out where any fatal car crashes happened and livestream them for the lulz.
Also probably bet all my money on sports.

blodydadsgewgulistoree

I would know pic related a day early.

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Fuck off faggot

Im done.
Western society can go fuck itself

hey yugoslavia this fashwave song, what does the text actually mean?

I actually haven't wanted to play or ask my frens, incase it means something bad
youtube.com/watch?v=RW1hzPGjXkg

is a very good song, where are the lyrics from?

wsong here
youtube.com/watch?v=CNwoxM3rliQ

make a decent amount of money from the lottery, enough to confirm it's a real phenomenon

originally start by investing wherever has the best returns

once funds have grown significantly then start to funding only companies who support our cause, even at a loss, and short-sell (((their companies))) to fund it

then transition into funding politicians and activist groups that support our cause

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