What are the craziest copypastas you've ever seen on pol or Jow Forums in general? Preferably politics related

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holy shit one is good

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They've happened a few times

>At friends apartment at college. Just bought my first pistol from a gun show (I was 18)
>Drinking with friends
>Show them my new Jericho
>Try to manually decock
>Thumb slips on hammer, ND into celling
>Upstairs neighbors too high and drunk (underage and illegal drugs) to call the police.

Second time
>At range
>Showing friend pistol
>Think gun is unloaded
>Point at ground show him how to wrack and pull the trigger.
>Forgot loaded mag in
>Shoot between his feet

Third time
>At parents house.
>Just bought a sig from a guy
>Get home
>Try swapping slides with another sig I had
>Forgot the other sig slide was chambered.
>Pull trigger
>Shoot parents wall

Fourth time
>At my new house
>Playing with a friend's 5.56 AK
>Release bolt
Slam fires round into ground

Fith time
>Showing a friend how to use it
>No idea how but a round got chambered
>Show him how the trigger works,
>Pull trigger
>Shoots round into floor in the same place as before

Sixth time
>Thought maybe the house was haunted
>Grab a sig
>Physically clear it, (racked the slide 3 times) with no magazine in
> pull trigger at the same hole
>Round goes off

Turns out the sig's extractor got stuck somehow something got I to the spring

Seventh time
>Friend brings over a used Glock wants me to look over it
>I grab it and pull the trigger without clearing it
>Didn't even realize the thing was loaded.

Eighth time
>Friend brings over his transferable Mac 10
>I had no idea how open bolt guns worked.
>He's showing it off to me
>I put a loaded mag it and decided to try and release the bolt (I thought it shot from a closed bolt)
>Pulled the trigger for some reason
>Shot 3 rounds into my wall

Overall you shouldn't feel too bad about NDs. It's part of owning guns, and you should get used to them.

hold my beer user
do you know who jonas salk was?
he was the jewish scientist that cured polio. he created the march of dimes to raise millions to fund his research.
polio was a crippling and deadly disease putting children all over the world into a wheelchair or an early grave. the vaccine for polio was one of the greatest medical achievements of the last century. its a globally essential medicine.
and this guy jonas salk?
he could have made billions from it. he could have patented it and made actual billions of dollars.
you know what he did? he waived the patent. he gave up billions just to make sure as many people who could be helped got the help they needed. he became a celeb after that even though he hated it. truly a great man and he left the world a better place than he came into it.

If I had a choice between polio existing in the USA/world and jews. I would choose polio every single time and twice on sundays. I would infect myself with polio and tour america spreading the disease in a custom built wheelchair or crutches if it meant all the jews and their influence were excised from my country like the cancer they are.
polio is nothing compared to the harmful effects of jews on the USA and world.I would give anything to live in a world where our biggest problem was building access ramps and compliance with the civil disabilities act.

that sounds like hyperbole. it is not. 100% authentic feelings. I cant sleep at night anymore. I wish I never started questioning things. I wish I was still a dumb rube out there able to laugh at things instead of a woke misanthrope. I envy the dumb.

Trying googling the following, and connecting the dots

"expedient homemade firearms"
"Build Your Own Metal Working Shop From Scrap"
"the modern gunsmith"
"gun drill"
"1853 Robbins & Lawrence rifling machine"
"shaped charge"
"nitric acid"
"borosilicate labware"
"sal ammoniac refrigeration"
"nitration"
"lye"
"acetone fermentation"
"cartridge forming"
"primary explosive vs secondary explosive"
"guerrilla resistance"
"lead picrate"
"picric acid"
"indigo"
"berdan vs boxer"
"solar parabolic trough"
"1920 olympic shooting"
"Cannon shooting at the 1900 Summer Olympics"
"Dutch Declaration of Independence"
"American Declaration of Independence"
" homemade chicken nuggets "paste" "
"piston cartridge"
"Otoya Yamaguchi"
"never let evil take root"
"manual press"
"ttt diagram"
"heat treating"
"annealing"
"urine fermentation"
"paper cartridge"
"how do I buy a shovel?"
"how do I rent a bobcat?"
"shooting berm"
"plywood whipple shield packed with dirt/rocks/plastic/trash/etc because I am a cuck and owning a shovel or using machinery is most likely illegal without a permit from the commissar"
"How do I gain favor with the commissar so that I may use a hammer and nails without having to pay with my blood and forced labor in exchange for a temporary day permit?"

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It's not even that exciting. I just had a bad break up with my girlfriend in high school when i was 16. The fucking whore ruined my reputation by spreading rumors about me being a rapist serial killer and started giving me the silent treatment, so i got back at her in a way I thought wouldn't be traced to me.

I went to her house, through the unlocked gate I knew about since i've been over there dozens of times, and fucked her pet rabbit up. I came in through the back door that was open, snuck into her room and took her french lop out of her cage. Typical beauty queen slut pet choice, the breed of rabbit that's displayed in the toilet paper ads like pic related.

I pepper sprayed her toilet seat and panties drawer with my gramp's clear cheap pepper spray he forgot about, then shoved her pretty shit machine into one of her ballet stockings. I took the rabbit outside and started swinging it around and smashing it against the tree in front of her yard and screaming like trevor phillips from GTA V. I started swinging it in a 180 degree arc from side to side onto the ground like when patrick pretended to beat himself up in Spongebob S309 "Weenie Hut Jrs". I was stomping on it like the gorilla from the same spongebob season, listening to the bones crunch and crack, listening to the screams that made me feel like a god amonst men.

I tried to shove it in her Mom's Lincoln Navigator tailpipe to hide it, but it only fit part of the way. By this time the fucking pigs showed up with two cruisers and told me to get on the ground, so I started hitting myself and trying to strangle myself with my necklace. Basically, they found the fucking rabbit, lost their shit, and pressed animal cruelty and vandalism charges against me.

I was committed since i was hitting myself and trying to strangle myself to death for being caught, but they let me go, since I was declared competant. I pled guilty to the felony animal cruelty charge, and got it brought down to a misdemeanor.

How do I tell this girl who frequents the same range as me that I love her?

We've only talked once and I know it sounds weird, but hear me out. I go to the range weekly to shoot my ruger AR556. Its not a great gun but it gets the job done. And almost every week I go I see the same girl. She always brings in some sort of handgun, and one time brought in an MP15. The one time I talked with her is when she asked me for some ammo because she didnt have any more for her MP15 and saw I was shooting an AR too. I of course gave her all the ammo I had and then shot the rental gun I had for the rest of the time. She's always dressing in cute tactical clothing and she is the cutest girl Ive ever seen. Sometimes I go to the range just to see her rather than shoot.

My main worry is that she has a boyfriend. Or god forbid a girlfriend. She's never gone to the range with someone but I haven't either so maybe she just has a liberal SO. How do I find out if she does without talking to her? I don't want to talk with her because I'm afraid I'll fuck things up with her and Ill never have a chance with her.

I've never felt this way for another human before, and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't think I'd be safe around a firearm if she rejected me and since me talking to her would be at the range. I'm in a pickle.

I just don't know how to solve this. I want to tell her that I love her and that Id take a bullet for her but I don't think I can handle the rejection especially inside the range. There just doesn't seem to be a situation where I can tell her and be completely safe. She is one of the few people I love, and I can't handle her rejecting me. I can't handle being friends with her and seeing her everyday and knowing I'll never be with her though. I haven't told my therapist about her, he doesn't know I visit the range, I don't tell him because he says I shouldn't be around firearms. I'm safe though, he's dumb.

She looks like pic.

What do I do? I'm stuck.

I've been saying it on this fucking board for years and none of you cucks will fucking listen
Bestiality was accepted as a human behavior until ABRAHAMIC and HEBREW religions went about making it illegal.
It's in our prehistoric cave paintings, in our mythology, it's followed us for ages.
THE JEWS DON'T WANT US TO FUCK THE DOLPHINS.
I'M NOT GONNA STAND FOR IT.
I WANT SOME DOLPHIN PUSSY.
IT IS SMOOTH AND SUCCULENT ON THE OUTSIDE, AND FIRM AND GIVING ON THE INSIDE.
WE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO FUCK THE DOLPHINS.
BUT YOU FUCKING NIGGERS WON'T LISTEN.

Some say love it is a ballsack
That gives you cum to feed
Some say love it is a huge cock
That leaves your ass to bleed
Some say love it is a little boy hunger
An aching endless need
I say love it is my grandpa
And I'm the container for his seed

It's the bones afraid of breaking
Grandpa pounds you like a christmas duck
It's the little boy afraid of waking
That hides underneath the blanket to escape the inevitable grandpa fuck

It's the one who won't be taken
The police are everywhere
But grandpa used to be a stealthy sniper in vietnam
So no one will ever find out about his secret love affair

When the boys have been too lonely
And the cock has been too long
And you think that molestation is only
For the Grandpa & the grandson
Just remember in the cellar
Far beneath - Saved from the bitter world
Lies my sister that with Grandpa's love seed
In 9 months becomes Grandma

hi i'm ian mccloum, and i have special guest james yeager with me

>"today we are both at the wonderful studios, of BLACKED.com"
>" we will be reviewing some black "guns", including classic models like the daquan-203, the tyrone-15, and straight from century arms via their india casting department we have the pajeet-47 "elephant trunk""
>James" now that's a quality model made by the good folks at century!!!!"
>Ian " alright james, let's go to the range and test these cool things out!!!"

AT RANGE

>Ian" all right james, lets undo are belts and lube our extractors up with "gun oil"
>Ian" now all we have to do is call the range hot"
>James"oh WOW i want to be fucked harder than century arms fucks it's customers!"
>James"RANGE HOT!!!"
>Ian "Oh MY iTS SOOOO BiG.... OH OH oh HoH Ho, SPAB SPAB SPAB SPLAB SPLAB"
>James"POUND ME HARDER CENT... woW PA PAP APA PAP AP PAP, SPLUB SPLUB SPLUMB"
>Both "AWWWWWWWWWOOOO PFFFFFTTTTTT PFFFTTT PFFFFFTTTT PO POP OPO POP POP POP POP POP"
>both "BARAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"
>James "oh wow ian i might have to lie in a ditch after that"
>Ian" it certainly wore my locking lugs down james"

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user, I know you're feeling pretty shitty right now, but you have to remember, it won't always be like this. It can always get worse, you'll feel even shittier but maybe someone will have convinced you not to do it by then. You'll be depressed as ever, living a life not worth living, all because of the idea pushed by christians that "suicide is wrong". The longer you wait, the worse it gets, and the harder it gets to pull that trigger because "you've gotten through this before user, just believe in yourself!". You have the right idea using a gun of decent caliber, although a shotgun would be more effective. But for the love of god, don't be one of those faggots who turns up dead sitting in his chair with no one around. Set up a livestream for the rest of us to watch, we'll be here with you as you pull that holy trigger. Oh, and one more thing, make sure you know the angle of the gun before you pull the trigger, otherwise you could blow your face off and survive.
liveleak.com/view?t=CkP2V_1521220291

Cheers,
user

Nobody is bullying me? I do stand up for myself, and it's in the form of love

I cannot help but love, it is my purpose

empathy softens even the most troubled of minds. You can move beyond revenge and take the higher, more difficult road of compassion and healing.

Early in my life, I would simply beat my bullies with my hands. Later, I let them beat me because i couldn't fathom causing any more pain. But now? there's no beating. I was sexually assaulted and instead of banishing this person from my life, or beating the fuck out of him, did you know that other options exist?

Did you know that you can sit down with people who've hurt you and talk, and scream, and cry together until you figure it out? Did you know that you can both dedicate exceptional time and energy to reforging and repairing your relationships?

It's easier to throw a fist than it is to have compassion.
I stayed my fist, and came out with an even stronger friendship.

You choose

That's hilarious fuckstick..

Dude I'm 6'8 275 pounds and a fighting machine. I'll take a shit that's probably bigger than you, and probably more painful because I take big shits that burn and hurt rectumly... you're slap would be a cunt slap and my shit exiting my asshole would bother me more is what I'm saying dude..

You're just mad because I'm right. You hateful little fucks wouldn't survive any happening you claim to get excited for.

Sit the fuck down, your vagina isn't ready for that kind of pounding.

Fucking pedos. How could anyone get off to the idea of removing a little girl's clothes and licking her tiny body all over, nibbling her neck and kissing her adorable little nipples? Only a heartless monster would think about her cute girlish mouth and tongue wrapped around a thick cock slick with her saliva, pumping in and out of her mouth until it erupts, the cum more than her little throat can swallow.
The idea of thick viscous semen overflowing, dribbling down her chin over her flat chest, her tiny hands scooping it all up and watching her suck it off her fingertips is just horrible. You're all a bunch of sick perverts, thinking of spreading her smooth slender thighs, cock poised at the entrance to her pure, tight, virginal pussy, and thrusting in deep as a whimper escapes her lips which are slippery with cum, while her small body shudders from having her cherry taken in one quick stroke.
I am disgusted at how you'd get even more excited as you lean over her, listening to her quickening breath, her girlish moans and gasps while you hasten your strokes, her sweet pants warm and moist on your face and her flat chest, shiny with a sheen of fresh sweat, rising and falling rapidly to meet yours.
It is truly nasty how you'd run your hands all over her tiny body while you violate her, feeling her nipples hardening against your tongue as you lick her chest, her neck and her armpits, savoring the scent of her skin and sweat while she trembles from the stimulation and as she reaches her climax, hearing her cry out softly as she has her first orgasm while that cock is buried impossibly deep inside her, pulsing violently as an intense amount of hot cum spurts forth and floods through her freshly-deflowered pussy for the first time, filling her womb only to spill out of her with a sickening squelch. And as you lie atop her flushed body, she sighs breathlessly and her fingers dig into your back as she feels your cock hardening inside her again. You're all sick.

Young girls are naturally more desirable than older women. It's simple biology. Men who disagree do so simply to comply with societal norms. It's sad, really.
To explain, let me list some of the traits that men typically look for in the perfect girl.

The perfect girl
>is small
>is cute
>is pure
>is impressionable
>is soft
>is naive
>is innocent but has a natural curiosity for lewd things
>smells good (faint milk/crayon/fruit smell)
>will always look up to you
>will listen to you
>will trust you
>is interested in your hobbies
>doesn't care only about money
>likes to watch you play video games
>will let you teach her all kinds of things
>likes to cuddle with you
>has perfect skin without blemishes

As you can see, all of those exclusively apply to younger girls. Also, they tend to have a slightly higher body temperature, which feels great when cuddling.

OP, you aren't going to like what I have to tell you, but all I offer is the truth. You hate women, because you are weak. You lack the necessary skills and talents, to charm them to your way of thinking. Were you the kind of person who spent a large percentage of your waking-hours dedicating yourself to a singular purpose; a hobby - the RIGHT hobby, a career or perhaps a healthy mix of both, you would find that most, if not all of your hatred and focus would be redirected as energy into that activity. Instead, your hatred is directed at women because you are lazy and unmotivated.

Even men who, for all intents and purposes, are considered "ugly" by society's standards, manage to attract good-looking, available, personable women because they know ... not think, not feel, not believe, but KNOW ... that they have acquired enough skills through sheer hard work, for their confidence to be justified.

You would know this also, if you did a single day's worth of hard work in your life.

Are you ready to have your mind blown? In the multi-billion year history of planet Earth, women have never been treated better than they are right now in liberal western countries. But they claim we're oppressing them. And you might imagine, if they were treated worse than we treat them, then they would take extra special care to behave themselves. But these videos prove that isn't the case.

These women in these videos were fucking with stone cold killers - they were fucking with men who will cut off your head. Like, if I was around those fuckers, I would cross every T and dot every I. If I owed those fuckers $20 on Tuesday, I would be standing there at 12:01 AM with twenty fucking dollars ready to pay.

But these women, they still act up with these men. They fuck around on men who will cut your head off.

Why would I ever imagine that they would be loyal to me? I'm not going to cut anyone's head off. They wont be loyal to men who literally kill people. They sure as fuck aren't going to be loyal to me.

With this most recent achievement, fate has, in a single stroke, marked the decline of the west and spelled a new era of wondrous prosperity and peaceful global dominance for the Chinese dragon, which promises to firmly stand in sharp contrast to the historically bloody ascent of western powers and the cruel subjugation it brought to the humbler nations of the world. The blessings of Chinese plasma stealth technology, undetectable hypersonic combat vehicles, quantum direct-current electricity, neutrino submarine detectors, gamma titanium mono crystal turbines, quantum aircraft carriers, unmanned autonomous A.I. tanks, near-space ballistic air-to-air missiles, super light tanks, +2km range airburst rifles, quantum enhanced railguns, 5G Remote Surgery, and magnetized plasma cannons will be the instruments with which China affirms its noble stewardship of 21st century world politics and offers the non-western world a different option; an humanist alternative to the depredations of Western leadership and the opportunity for a more equitable and dignified multilateralism

I drink lots of vodka. That cleans out my system, and even cleans my teeth (I haven’t brushed in years, and haven’t had a cavity since).

I also eat a liverwurst sandwich pretty much every day – to counterbalance the effects the vodka has on my liver. I make my sandwiches on seeded rye (because it’s the healthiest bread), with mayo (because eggs are the best protein; I use kewpie, because the msg makes it taste better), coarse mustard (good for the white blood cells), zucchini pickles (because they taste good), and a bunch of baby spinach (just for filler; it could honestly be left out).

I also eat a lot of canned fish (mostly sardines, but also the occasional fancy smoked oysters) on saltines. They give you all your essential amino acids, and provide a nice opportunity to try out various hot sauces, which are generally very low in calories, while high in flavor and immensely prodigious to healthiness.

Aside from that, I drink large amounts of water (anywhere between ice-cold to slightly chilled) every day, always through a straw, and sometimes with a lemon wedge.

To each their own, I say, but I’m just shy of 30 and am doing better than most of you.

Lol'ing at all of you faggots. You may not like it, but this is unironically what peak performance looks like. I am nimble and quick on my feet. Not weighed down with useless plates and other stupid shit like heavy ass radios and 30 mags. I take my shot and drop you and then move on.

I carry 3 mags plus whats in my gun. A sidearm and 1 extra mag and sometimes my baofeng in my back pocket. I have a CAT-T taped to my rifle and a water bottle of economically sourced fluids.
Unlike you gaytards, I actually spend days at a time in the woods living off insects and hunting for my food. I am death and I hunt normies in my free time. Just stalking them, knowing I could take them at any given moment but theyre not worth the effort.

Wake up and face the facts that I could end you before you even hit the ground and you would never know what happened. All of the money you turds WASTED on your useless gear that I will just leave rot with you because its not worth its own weight. Just remember that because I will and I will be waiting for you butthole bandits.

the one about the three acorns and flute, turning into a jewish thing, it's my favorite.

>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! GUYS HE ONLY POSTED A ONE WORD RESPONSE! SEE HOW COOL AND ABOVE IT ALL HE IS! YIKES OOF WEW LAD DAMN SON!
Get fucked, get fucked, get fucked. I hope you are destroyed. I want you to be raped, I hate you so much. Fuck you, with every fiber of my being fuck you. Stop posting like fucking girls on this board. Stop responding with one word comments like "yikes" or "oof." This shit is fucking infuriating and it's been going on for way to fucking long.
>"b-but I was just talking like a girl ironically"
Oh yeah, and I dressed your dad up in a wig and fucked him up the ass "ironically." Wow so funny am I right? What irony! Stop ruining this fucking board with this fucking yikes bullshit. Nobody is better for having read a single word comment just saying yikes. That bandwidth could have gone to something better, the net negative value of your comment is such that it is actively destroying the internet one bit at a time. Maybe those pixels that would have been used to say "yikes" on your screen could go to a more worthy cause, like reddit or a facebook group!
>"yik-"
No stop right fucking there. I no you're going to comment back with "yikes," I know you just can't get enough of that retarded shit. I want you to know you're disappointing everybody right now with everything you say. Get fucked. Nobody comes here so they can see the word "yikes" unaccompanied by anything else. If that were the case, they could just get a marker and some paper and write "yikes" on their own time. Leave it by their computer maybe. Fuck you and your yikes.
>"please, st-stop being mean to me"
Then fix your life. Fix how you comment. Maybe fix what sites you go to. Stop with this yikes crap that's just fucking irritating.
Remember this: nobody wants, nobody likes, yikes yikes yikes

Horses are fucking assholes. I worked on a farm for a semester as part of my school's agricultural program, got kicked probably 15 times by different asshole horses.

One time I was just walking by a horse in the field, went around behind it and bent down to pick a 4 leaf clover and this bitch knocked me out.
I was leading one of our older horses to the small barn so that the vet could check out its hoof infection, was walking like 2 feet to the left of him and he jumped up and just stomped on my foot. I tried to knee him in the stomach and he fucking bit me.
I was walking through the woods, leading one of our ponies on a kiddie ride, just minding my own business, not even tugging on the bridle. I swear this motherfucker had it out for me because there was a narrow section of the trail and he fucking nudged me off the edge and I fell like 30 feet through saplings and shit.

If a horse was ever particularly violent to me, I'd poison them. Now I couldn't have the farm catch on so I'd usually do something which would make them ill enough that they weren't useful anymore and had to be put down, but it was a different method every time. You know how they say there are a thousand ways to skin a cat? There aren't, it's closer to 10 unless you count really minor changes and breed differences, but there are probably 60 different ways you can poison a horse.

Homosexuality is the divine manifestation of the divine spirit.
Straights have dominated the world for too long. They have done nothing but make war and rape eachother.
Straight sex is IMMORAL because it forces one party to carry a child and birth that child into a world that is harsh and cruel.
Soon genetic engineering will make this once-necessary-evil obsolete. When this happens, heterosexual sex SHOULD and WILL become criminalized.
Homosexual sex is super to straight sex because nobody is harmed.
You are seeing so many people become homosexual now for two main reasons.
1) The collective human spirit is adapting to the changing times and the emergence of technology that will make breeders obsolete.
2) There are many enlightened people like myself in the upper levels of society ensuring that humanity becomes homosexualized. We do this through television, media, microwave radiation and the introduction of chemicals into your water, food and clothing.
NONE of you should be appalled or frightened of this future. Homosexuality is BEAUTIFUL and if you cannot accept that fact right now, don't worry, soon you will be FORCED to accept it and that forcing will indeed be a wonderful experience for you.

The world is changing. Be a part of the change. Be a part of the positivity. Embrace the divine beauty and wonder of homosexuality.