Hey user! Its the police open up

>"After we beat and tased his ass white boy just kept saying "I want a lawyer" ahahahahaa"

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It wasn't me.

*Activates Estonian Superpowers*

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"I don't know."

You wouldn't get 5 ft onto my property without a warrant a few new holes to breath out of for your minecraft character,

>Honesty is the best policy user. Be honest

>Ok we will place you in holding cell for a day until you figure it out

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>CALLING ALL UNITS SUSPECT IS ARMED AND DANGEROUS
>"10-4 we will be coming in heavy"

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youtu.be/NmpAx8Z5z40?t=43
vid related.

I will literally die asserting and protecting my minecraft servers constitutional rights. If a man doesn't have his sovereignty or principals he is nothing.

I undress completely, go get some oil in the kitchen and pour it all over myself. Just massage my tits, open the door and invite them in. If they enter, I immediately start peeing a bit in a way that they'll see. I don't empty all my bladde though, just a quick and short stream of hot piss. If they don't for every question they ask I'll push a bit of the shit in my colon toward the exit. If I feel like it's the last question, I'll just push it all in one go, making uncomfortable faces and just let the shit slide down my legs. I'll even lift one leg and shake it so some shit goes on them as well. Is there even any thing they can do to stop me?

Why would you initiate the traditional French mating ritual?

>traditional French mating ritual
Lost

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Prove it was me

Mock me I don't care anymore

This advice is to anons out there that might at some point experience this type of event. This only applies to United States and its Jurisdiction.

While I'm not a lawyer, I have had significant experience in interacting with Cops and FBI. No interaction with other alphabets though. My background is in background checking people using public and privileged information, including some redacted cases in Federal LE DB, and 100% of all local LE cases including Sealed and Juvi records. Additionally access to a special Lexis Nexus DB.

FYI: safebook and wistlre have special access for LE (warrant), and background checkers (paid).

OK ready?

>be you in future.
>Knock: its the police. (this interaction is not an exigent circumstance knock)
>spills eggs.
> *remembers user advice from some slide thread.

1. Grab a pencil and a small note pad (keep these items near front door).
2. Open door, step outside, close door behind you.
3. Have them identify who and why they are there. POLITE.
4. Ask for Each ID to be held at eye level for you to read and write down the name.
5. If Local Cops, in uniform with a "marked police car", it will be obvious that it is the police, but write down the name and badge number for future reference.
6. Police Cars have a number assigned to it. Write that number down in pad.
7. Find out what they want.
8. If they want you to come down to the Police Station and you are the suspect, ask if you are being detained? If not, politely tell them that you can not come down. If you are not suspect and are a witness, agree to go down there, but that you will drive yourself there. Don't accept the ride to the station as a witness unless you don't have a car. They probably won't bring you back home after you do the witness statement.

9. If its the FBI or plain clothing cops, you need to Write the names down- each one, then tell them:

/cont

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Get a search warrant or fuck off.

crank up the music, yo.
youtube.com/watch?v=p4amEWUw6t4

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>No hablo Engles senor, no puedo ayudase
kek

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Sauce?

First thread ive been in with a legendary post

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"I am exercising my right to remain silent"

Then try to pop a boner to make it really awkward.

top kek

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Tell them come back with a warrant

Stop heckling my performances, glownigger.

This. Good advice, user

Answer their questions. What's the problem here?

>*Installs cameras in house*
Based room temperature IQ police, thank you for the millions in settlement money.

AM I BEING DETAINED???

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Laff.

If beaners don't have to open the door for illegal border crossings and failure to appear in court, I'm not going to give one second of attention to a bunch of LEO cucks who want to pretend this is the UK.

Shut the fuck up, Judy Blume.

>closes all blinds
>*shhhhk click*
>no one is home, i don't post online.

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>assisting a glownigger in investigating you
Are you retarded or a glownigger? Even if you feel you've done nothing wrong, they can still nail you for lying if you make a mistake in your testimony. The best response is no response. They'll lie to you, try to separate you from others, try to question them as well.

Just don't answer them.

...

/cont/

9. If its the FBI, write down the names in the pad. FBI do not like to take out their ID cards, but they present it and you write down their name.
10. If they give you a phone number, thats fine too.
11. Again, this interaction is not a "hot pursuit" or exigent circumstance. /OPs situation is exigent or a warrant interaction.
12.Explain to FBI that you will call the local Field Office to verify their identity. They are going to try to get you not to do that, but you must politely insist.
13. Say: "I'll be right back, agent [put name here]
14. Turn around, open door, step inside, close and lock the door.
15. Google FBI field office information number.
16. Confirm its FBI.
17. Step back outside, closing door behind you.
18. Follow step 8.

This is the proper way to interact with LE. Most people can't recall the name of the COP or agent that visited them. Remeber, if you help them out with something big, you might be able to reach out to them for a favor: like a parking ticket or something. Check their community officer. Helping LE is what good citizens do.

If you are black, please larp as a white guy doing these steps. It just might save you from a GSW

*muffled fuck niggers comes form behind door*

>glowniggers take my computer and don't know how to extract evidence from it because I wrote my own OS

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>Come in officer
>Don't open the door
>They kick the door down
>The only thing in the house is a monitor with speakers

I'm behind 7 proxies faggot

Things sure have gotten weird across the pond, it seems. They still need to bring proof and I do always have the right to trial. Matter of fact, I had my first run-in with the law at twelve years old for allegedly shop-lifting, and when the cop in charge of hearing me produced a falsified record I got him suspended for it. All you got to do is know the law.

I'm not a piece of criminal scum unlike you redditors.
Repeal the 4th amendment.

OK, c'mon in, but don't shoot my dog!

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>I can hear you just fine from here, ask away!

>They need to bring proof
The entire reason they're interviewing you in the first place is because they have insufficient proof and they need you to provide it. Don't assist them.

Unless you've posted specifically illegal shit why would you hide from them? They're going to get in your place and do what they were told to anyway, I guess the difference is you could end up dead or jolted for "resisting" or some other bullshit claim but your life isnt aorth obscuring your memes. If they have a whole archive of shit you posted and you've never called for violence or posted illegal shit then what are they going to do? Take one shitpost out of a hundred and make you literally Hitler? Twitter and FB literally allows for calls to violence against innocents which is definitely illegal and you dont see people getting dragged out their house

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I live in America, I'd start taping and tell them to come back with a warrant.

But they won't get one. And if they could have, they would have come with it in the first place.

I'll say nothing and wait for my lawyer. Then I'll sue the city and move to a new one with the 10-20k I win.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate you looking out for me. Thank you. But I really have to wonder what kind of police you have in the US that this outlook has become necessary.

I don't think you Canadians really understand the American legal system. It sounds like you're thinking of your own system, with no lawyers and mandatory police interviews.
Real life cops just don't act like this if they actually want to interview. If you're drunk or if you're being a jackass randomly and they want you to move on, maybe, but never if they're going to interview you.

Never answer the door for anyone for any reason. Your door is like a phone. Fuck answering it.
>mormons btfo
>UPS just leave it on the step
>if police have a warrant they'll come in without you inviting them

Not usually police. But the FBI is famously shit at it's job despite media BS trying to convince people otherwise. They rely entirely on perjury traps, where they try to get you to deny something slightly embarassing, but that they can prove, then trying to use that to bargain for testimony on what they actually want.
So not talking to them, or hiding behind a lawyer and making good use of 'I do not recall' is your best bet.

I have never posted or endorsed racism or extremism on this board of any sort. I think I'll be just fine. I primarily come here for the EPIC maymays

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>I have never posted or endorsed racism or extremism

Alright, this does really not sound like any group one should cooperate with. Good on you for getting the word out, and I apologise if I came off as one of them.

I don't know what the situation is in Deutschland but when you're interviewed by the FBI or the police they can pretty much do anything they want, including lying, to trick you or any friends/witnesses/co-conspirators into saying something. They're the ultimate jews.

The trick of the game is that you can't lie to them. So as an example, let's say you are being investigated and you had a friend with you. You don't think that thing you did was illegal - maybe you wrote some stupid post they construe as a threat and they're looking for elements of that threat to build a case against you.

So you deny writing it. Boom, now regardless of whether what you did was illegal, they can bust you simply for lying.

Now let's say you actually weren't the one who wrote it, you don't know who did (maybe your roommate, maybe not) and so you deny writing it thinking the truth will help you. They interview your roommate. He denies writing it and says you wrote it. Boom! The conduct still wasn't illegal but they decide to believe his testimony and bust you for lying.

Or... same as above scenario, but the FBI lies to your roommate and tells him that you said he wrote it - then, because he is angry at being falsely accused, he says you wrote it and boom! the same result.

All of this shit could happen regardless of whether the conduct was illegal or whether no one being investigated actually performed the act they are being accused of.

This is why you never talk to the FBI.

Their new thing they are doing is encourage people to apply so they get a perjury charge for jobseeking. Absolute scoundrels.

>Officer asks what you what you ate for breakfast. During a long interview process. You say scrambled eggs and toast.
>Follow up interview, they ask a similar question, about the same day. You reply with scrambled eggs, they follow with "that all?".
Getting people to accidentally lie is super easy. It's why you don't answer questions, ever.

Open fire. Pigs here would run all the way back to the station at a car backfiring.

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Act like you’re mute, don’t say a word. And don’t open the door. Ironically this method also prevents you from being deported by ICE.

youtube.com/watch?v=_42QugHuWfs
"evening officers, boy do I love diversity :D"

This user computers.

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Kek

yea they will bust you for lying or try to talk you into doing a terror attack if they think youre dumb enough they are faggots

Does it really

I feel sorry for people that actually think the police are their friends

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Because "if you have nothing to hide, you'll let officer Smith fist your anus and be happy for the privilege" isn't an American take on the issue. I don't want some stranger poking around my property, it's a matter of principle, and fuck right off if you think I just make wholesale exceptions to my principles for people who demand I do so. If I wanted that kind of life, I'd move to north korea or england.

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It does, one of the reasons why “MILLIONS DEPORTED NEXT WEEK” didn’t happen.

My parents think police are family counselors

It's not about hiding shit, it's about not getting shot. If they are executing a warrant for arrest or a search warrant and you open the door, you've now opened yourself up to possibly ending up like the kid in Kansas. At that point your good intentions don't mean much. This shit does actually happen so the best move is to let them either come in or leave, and if they come in you keep your hands up until ordered otherwise and make no sudden or ambiguous movements.

As for the "if you have nothing to hide do not answer the door" line of questioning: see the video above. The guy does a better job than any other I've talked to as an attorney in breaking down exactly what can happen to an innocent person who volunteers info in an investigation in which they are a suspect. The police can and often do lie to ferret out information or to establish contradictions. Additionally, it is in fact possible to coerce or manipulate and otherwise innocent but stupid/plain individual into confessing to a crime there was now way that they could have committed. There is an interview played on an episode of a podcast called Court Junkie where an officer interrogates three minors and lies to them about the evidence they have so much that they simply break and confess. They could not fathom that a trusted authority figure would lie to them and began questioning their own memories instead.

With that in mind, it's not a matter of hiding anything but rather self preservation.

This gif reminds me of that twilight zone episode with the religious man in a dystopian nightmare that locks the door and rigs his house to explode when the executioner comes to carry out the sentence on live tv. Any other user know the episode I'm talking about? Timeless classic.

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>What do?
I never answer the door for cops. Just play possum until they go away. At some point they'll leave. If I have to, I'll call work and tell them I'm going to be late.

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Mmmmmmmm

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I live in a free country. The cops from my town would probably steal my memes & repost to local Facebook groups.

If the police are coming to your home unannounced to question you, absolutely nothing good can come of it. A lot of innocent people have had their lives destroyed because of this "well I haven't done anything wrong, so why not?" attitude. Unless you're giving a statement relating to a crime perpetrated against you or filing a missing person's report or something, assume the police are looking to take you in on any flimsy pretext they can manufacture from any innocent statement you make. Innocent or not, you can fuck your whole life up assuming good faith and trusting that an officer will have good judgement and intent because you're a good person and did no wrong.

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is this a regular occurrence for you?

Lies

This is literally me
youtu.be/gnKuATDRsBs

all criminal shills are deaded

I understand & empathize that trying to teach a leaf about freedom is like trying to teach a retard math. Hang in there user

This.

I don't know how/when it happened, but somewhere down the line the average American forgot the most important lesson to be learned from our nation's founding: unchecked authority tends to result in tyranny, and positions of authority act as magnets for despots. Does this mean every cop/politician/judge/etc is a tyrant out to get you? Of course not, most are honest men and women doing whats best for their community. However, accepting the practical realities surrounding the grant and exercise of authority, assuming good faith instead of cautious ambivalence leaves you open to grievous injury against which you likely cannot defend.

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>Explain to FBI that you will call the local Field Office to verify their identity. They are going to try to get you not to do that
I never understood this. Why is it that the FBI and state investigation bureaus are so sketchy and will try to weasel out of presenting ID or making direct statements/asking direct questions? It's like dealing with the fucking mafia from what I hear, even if you've done absolutely no wrong and aren't yourself a suspect in anything, they just behave like at any moment they might snap and murder somebody or something.
I can't seem to find the video some user took a while back, the one where the FBI come to his house and try to demand he work for free monitoring Jow Forums threads with weasel language? They try to get him to stop recording, too. The language used and their demeanor makes it seem like they're trained in weasel language and plausible deniability in making demands/intimidating people into doing things without actually asking if it's illegal to ask, that shit's disturbing.

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They are trained in precisely that. Centuries of SCOTUS precedent have firmly established that police may act in a deceptive quasi-coercive manner in conducting investigations. The line in which this conduct becomes unconstitutional is blurry at best, with the progressive wing much more likely to land on deference to authority in murky factual circumstances (progressive as in the judicial philosophy, not legal. Scalia and Gorsuch as two examples of the opposit more libertarian wing). On top of that, the expansion of Qualified Immunity has made it virtually impossible to bring a 1983 suit for violation of your constitutional rights by requiring there already be an existing case with almost exactly the same facts establishing that the conduct was unconstitutional. The court has been willing to bend over backwards to try and distinguish older cases from what case they are deciding so as to avoid attaching liability to the officer. To make matters worse, the rare officer who has actually been found guilty does not pay out directly but rather uses department/city/county funds, and termination is the exception not the rule when it comes to professional consequences. There are very few tools left in the utility belt for the average citizen to protect against potential abuse of authority so I roundly reject any argument which attempts to cast their usage in a bad light. Constitutional protections must be protected or we will continue to see them whittled away.

THINK-- what happened to Anonymous?
The answer to this should be obvious!
Anonymous had what Jow Forums now lacks
The power to wage vigilante hacks,
And publicize corruption where it rots,
And force truth into sleepy public thoughts.
Has Anonymous now disappeared?
Once legendary, now no longer feared?
Once sparking protests-- is that fuel now spent?
The lulz are gone, gone the seething dissent?
What do you think this disappearance means?
Is speech still free in internet machines?

Well, look at what the chans have now become;
Examine what swirls in the daily scrum.
Ask yourself-- does it seem really real?
Does it show what actual people feel?
Does it seem organic and not fake?
How much repetition does it take--
How much frenzied vile monotony
Until we guess that internets ain't free?

Ask yourself-- if you sought to control
The media, and hence the public soul,
And something like Jow Forums was swelling up
And spilling truth from propaganda's cup
Would you let it go its merry way?
Or would you lock control down in some way?
And if you locked control down would you try
To do it in a way to fool the eye?
To make it seem like free speech carried on
Even though, in fact, it were quite gone?
For if you shut down free speech openly
The public would respond suspiciously;
But if you hid control beneath a ruse
What you once feared becomes a tool to use.
So that, controlling, you have it both ways--
Enslaving dissent, dictating what it says!

Anonymous was infiltrated by
The famously mendacious FBI
Whose antics as shown by COINTELPRO
Target dissent, as I'm sure most people know.
Do we think that having sunk its claws
Into Anonymous, with lies and laws,
That the FBI would then allow
Free speech to have stayed quite free till now?

But it's not like we have far to look
To see by what means free speech got the hook;
The image made by chans' mirrors and smoke
Is so stupid it seems to be a joke!
How laughable must a deception be
Before the world opens its eyes to see?
The simple fact-- as stark as winter dawn--
Is that Anonymous, busted, now gone
Was replaced by swarms of-- wait for it--
Virulent nazis spewing nazi shit!
We would have to laugh if we were told
This outcome in the Jow Forums days of old.
So formulaic, politically cliched--
And yet this very game is being played!
How can a joke as stupid as this one
Be used to strangle free speech, and to stun
The helpless mainstream public with the fear
That an internet fourth reich draws near?
But if that preposterousness is not
Enough to spark the understanding thought,
Consider, even stupider to tell,
The arch absurdity of the “incel”!
No, it's not enough that nazis rose
To cloak and choke the chans in nazi throes--
No, these scary nazis all the same
Must wallow in their helplessness and shame!
The “incel” is not just a defeated man--
But a powerful extremist with a plan!
No matter that these two things contradict--
We'll just keep hammering at them till they stick!

youtube.com/watch?v=H8S8rWkc2Fw

this one?