COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump’s hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.
“As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale,” a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. “We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale.”
“Denmark would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government,” the spokesperson added.
A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country “to be determined,” with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.
If Denmark’s bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. “We believe that, by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation,” the spokesperson said.
and on the next elections new 300M Danish citizens will elect Trump as Prime Minister
Evan Rogers
Who needs trees? Fuck 'em.
Brandon Rivera
90% of Denmark is ethnic danes. Kinda sad that some burgers are this delusional, we truly don't need you to protect shit, stop larping.
Hudson Johnson
Holy shit, now this is desperation.
>Greenland >SOLD! >200% confirmed.
Anthony Price
What about a trade: our niggers for Greenland? What, our niggers are good, no, you think they’re as valuable as your people, right?
Adam Cruz
America got slam fucked by the Danes. They stuck their mighty penis into puffy American sphincter holes with great ease.
Jason Gomez
>a spokesperson WHO?
William Thomas
>satire from the (((Borowitz))) report Congratulations on probably still getting 200 retards to treat this as real news, though.
Trump doesn't even want to buy Greenland. It was just a stupid joke, but the MSM went with it and Jow Forums, being the gullible fucks they are, believed it.
Cooper Ward
You need to lose about 400 lbs, Brian.
Jaxon Russell
My poorly educated friend I live in Amazonas Fires happen every season in July and August Rain comes in Sept
Happens every fucking year. The biggest fire in history happened in the 90s, We still have jungle. It is part of a natural cycle you autistic cunt
Aiden Watson
It says “satire” right at the top you *newfag*
Levi Gutierrez
Says the country that’s lost 95% of its territories in the last 100 years and is currently being reverse colonized.
Juan Johnson
Trump is doing this "buy greenland" thing to eventually pivot to chinese investments in greenland, and then maybe lead it into bringing up rare earth metals as a point of discussion in terms of the trade war.
This is going to be a fun ride I hope.
Tyler Reed
Honestly I could see this going well States might stay around for a small while, but when that constitution infringement starts... Aww ye civil war 2 time Hopefully kansas will secede this time
Grayson Anderson
It seems they have. Danes on Jow Forums have been seething since Thursday about this topkek
Kevin Williams
But Denmark has no money. Germoney has all the money.
Well played Denmark! The bantz are obviously set to kill, not stun.
Caleb Davis
How about we trade Puerto Rico for Greenland? Even trade.
Benjamin Robinson
>literally the entire world laughing at Burgoid screeching >they screech even louder to take them seriously Sure thing Mutt, sure thing, we're all very scared of you, pfftttt
>They stuck their mighty penis into puffy American sphincter holes with great ease. Must be the permanent mcdonald's grease coating their anuses that made is so easy.
Denmark can't even pay it's full amount into NATO, lol.
Connor Allen
defense is meaningless if you don't have something worthy of defending
Joseph Butler
Colonies became obsolete and not worthwhile, I don't see how that is a rebuttal to Europe not needing the defence of the states however. Americans are not very good at debates it seems.
Evan Hernandez
>Jow Forums believed the US was going to buy Greenland based on a “sources close to Trump say Trump said something” article user if you didn’t realize the “greenland ethnostate” threads were obvious larping and shitposting, I don’t know what to tell you. Sure got you guys riled up though for some reason, and that’s why they kept being made
Liam Allen
and honestly i like the idea of putin in control of denmark.
Liam Jenkins
Okay but they can't afford us
Owen Reed
This. Only by our military are they made safe. They're like Bree to our Gondor. It's easy to hand out health gibs when you have no notable standing military to pay for.
>Colonies became obsolete and not worthwhile Someone should tell China then.
Michael Harris
To date, of the 13 Nobel Prizes won by Danish people, 5 have been for medicine, 3 have been for physics, 3 have been for literature, 1 has been for chemistry and one has been for peace.
The United States has had the most Nobel Prize winners, with 336 winners overall.
DANES TALK SHIT ABOUT EDUCATION SYSTEM
Sebastian Barnes
The thing is, even if denmark did have the money to buy the US, this country is far too massive for them to fix. Denmark is a pretty small country.
Evan Mitchell
They sound so butthurt and salty
Blake Nguyen
theat and the rest of them deserve the same treatment. fick Europeans.
Isaac Baker
do you think 20 times our GDP is a fair price? it'd be about 400 trillion divide that by roughly 300 million people
Grayson Brown
China doesn't have colonies sweetie, they have private business interests in foreign countries. Just like every country on this planet. Next?
David Martin
>skimping on the bill you agreed to How Jewish of you
Eli Walker
They can't afford it kek.
Levi Bennett
Kek
Joseph Lewis
Was this the speech by Danish passive aggressive bitch of PM that got Trump so railed up?
>If Denmark’s bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. “We believe that, by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation,” the spokesperson said.
Brody Walker
This is under the humor section and is just parody
Isaac Howard
Is that a burn on denmark kek
Ayden Brooks
#Whoa #Wow >deporting non-desirables What a novel idea
how about we give you our niggers,Hispanics, and socialists, free of charge.
Charles James
>Denmark GDP: 351,000,000,000 (350b) >USA GDP: 20,500,000,000,000 (20.5t) Fair business purchase is 3 years revenue + real value of the underlying asset. If you dont spend a dime and save up your whole GDP for the next 175 years, and assuming no growth on either end, you'll have enough for the 3 years of revenue. Maybe you can get a loan for the real estate, land, and resource value? Maybe the jew banks can lend you 6 gorillion dollars.
Noah Diaz
Please fucking take me in, let me escape this hell.
Please. I am begging you.
Juan Torres
>Denmark buys US >US declares independence >Denmark foots US's debt Have fun faggots.
Isaiah Miller
You are +20 trillion in debt, we'd buy you in a garage sale.
Blake Rogers
The colossal asspain of Denmarkians (? What the fuck do you call yourselves? Is it just Africans now?) is palpable. Why can’t they handle the banter?
>we’re I see that EU superstate kikery is already working with you, Achmed. No ones talking to you though.
Wyatt Gutierrez
(((Borowitz)))
Charles Sanchez
Okay, not an argument but whatever. No they are not, UK does not have any colonies in Africa and hasn't had anything to do with them for the better part of 60 years. Also to add, the UK has ~2.7 million muslims while Germany has 4.7 million, I think you can take the title of the Caliphate
Lincoln Young
>1 year salary of debt Kek. College kids have more than that
