Let me tell you guys what just happened to me. Maybe you can learn something from my experience.
>3:00am
>Grab some late night Cookout and head into an empty parking lot to eat and listen to some YouTube
>Cops cruise by
>Creeping up on my car...
>Park right behind me and hit the high beams
Y u gonna harass me like this, man?
>Turn on my cabin lights and roll down front windows
>One officer gets out of the squad car with a big ass maglite and comes over to my window
Fun fact: he did thumbprint my taillight just like YouTube says they do.
>"You mind telling me what what's going on tonight"
>"Eating, sir."
>He says that's suspicious and wants to know my life story.
>Tell him what he wants to know and give him my license when he asks for it.
>Another cop shows up and starts asking if I had been drinking or doing drug.
>I tell him no, but now both cops pretend they aren't buying it.
>"Well, it's awfully suspicious that you're out here, so why don't you just go back home?"
>About to leave but...
>"One more thing, you mind if I search the car? It looks good for our records."
>"S-sure, I guess."
>2nd cop starts coming into the car.
>1st cop, "mind stepping out of the car for me?"
It's about to get bad here.....
Cops
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>you mind If we search your car?
>s-sure I guess
that's where you fucked up OP.
The fuck op?
>"One more thing, you mind if I search the car? It looks good for our records."
>"S-sure, I guess."
Never consent to a search. Any cop worth his salt can find something to arrest you for in literally any home or vehicle. If he didn't want to arrest you he wouldn't try to search it.
>Looks good for our records.
Is a bald-faced lie. It only looks good if he finds something which of course he will.
No I’m a massive pussy and even I tell em no thanks to the 2 times I’ve been asked to be searched. C’mon man.
Cont
user, not that shithead cops have any reason to harass you, but why did you get food and drive to a parking lot at 3 am to listen to youtube?
>>"S-sure, I guess."
You should have said no, don't get upset you invited the vampires past the threshold.
>It's about to get bad here.....
OP, fucking continue
>2nd cop, "anything in here you want me to know about before I start going through stuff?"
>Yes, there's a big knife in the glove box.
>1st cop, "whoa, what kind of knife?"
>"It's a big folder" (pic related)
>2nd cop, pulling it out and showing it off, "WHOA, you ever see anything like this before?!"
>"Yeah, that's an Espada XL; I love that knife. I don't think I can carry it here (NC), but I do carry it back in VA...
>1st cop, agitated now, "It's like crocodile Dundee... Wanna spread your arms out and let me search your person?"
I'm about to get fucked here...
>"O-ok sure, I do want to let you know that I am carrying a firearm on me, on my right hip."
>1st cop, "WHAT?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT BEFORE?!"
>Removes my gun
>"NOW, you want to keep your arms spread out as far as you can and don't make any sudden movements. What else you got on you, cause now you weren't being honest with me!?"
Well...
>Oh shit nigger what are you doing
>Didn't inform the cop first about the gun.
Hah, you dumb dumb
He was just going out to get fucking food and the cops are wasting their time for this shit.
You had a dildo in your car, didn't you
>loitering like a faggot
>tresspassing
>consenting to a search.... EVER
You deserve all that happens to you
This is why you don't play around with cops who are looking to fuck you over. If you show that you know the law and you don't give them an inch more than you legally have to they'll back off once they realize you aren't a criminal. But if you give them that inch to fuck with you they'll push you as far as they want to, just for fun even if they don't think anything will come of it. Never give them that inch if you don't have to.
LEO here
>Consenting to a search
You know you fucked up right?
hey op, wanna let me fuck your girlfriend bareback? if she gets pregnant, can you raise the kid? I don't want to deal with that shit, but it'll be cool having my offspring around.
I wasn’t aware it was possible to be so fucking beta that you let cops bully you into consenting to a search.
Not OP, but how hard would it be REALLY for you guys to fudge your way into searching somebodies car even if they refuse and even if there wasn't really legitimate cause?
most people will. they think you're supposed to bend over and let them breach your exit, or it's resisting.
>I smell alcohol/weed
>Tell my K9 to bark
>is that a ___insert substance____ I see?
You can make all kinds of BS up to do it.
>how hard
Prepare to get your hypothetical fudge packed up your colon as your case is thrown out, the defense attorney laughs in your face, and your chief fires you midcoitus with your wife.
Next time I get pulled over I am making sure I have sachets of rank catnip in my car so it fumigates the place.
Your move lawman.
all of that can be pretty easily contested though.
>pupilslook dialtated to sir Emma search I gots ma PC
>ibsmellbpot it I smell alcohol on bur brefvsir
>I see what looks like powder or sskake on the floor
>plastic baggies
>just necausevtheybthinkbthey can
>sir youbseem nervous andbfiggity
If the person is nervous af/a pussy like OP, they'll consent to it immediately which gives me the right to search.
if it's op, you don't have to come up with any bullshit excuse
if it's not a pussy and they say no, they probably know they can say fuck off to any of that other stuff too
Yeah in court
Does it get you stiff when you find a perfect blind spot to catch people speeding?
Tell us more OP, this story is interesting.
>i smell alcohol/weed
Well officer, you must be drinking/smoking in the job because i blew/pissed clean. Why dont we have a conversation with the judge about why you're so keen on "smelling" controlled substances
>is that _insert substance_
Good thing it isnt and verifiably having zero just cause to searxh my vehicle. Have fun when everything you find is thrown out (which is nothing, by the by). Oh, by the way. Im suing the station for harassment. Have fun on the bench when i drag out the case just to eat into your PTO. i hope your department has a good policy for providing legal defense in civil suits.
did you have a stroke?
also you don't have to consent to a field sobriety test.
op either you type at fucking 1 wpm or you're making this up and you have the creativity of a goddamn potato
I want to hear about them doing a cavity search with their cock already.
>who eats krabby patties at 3 am
>be op
>'oh boy 3 am!'
>'sure officer, I guess you can search my car'
>mfw
>pic related
Pic related on my person; this is not gonna be fun...
>"I've got a few knives, some pepper spray, a spare mag."
>1st cop, done fucking around now, "WHERE!?"
>Start trying to describe everything I've got on me as he's going through my stuff.
>I'm a bumbling mess at this point, scared shitless.
>As he's pulling knives and everything else off me, "WHY do you have all this stuff?!"
>"I like weapons, sir."
>[SPEECH FAILED]
>"YOU LIKE WEAPONS?!"
>"I mean, I like self defense... For self defense"
>Please believe me, sir :'^(
Sorry for slow typing. Might make these posts shorter to give you all updates on the story faster.
Oh shit, that's a fully automatic sharpie.
>we are gonna have to take you in
pro-tip: next time you write up a story this long just type up the whole thing at once and cut it into 2000 char sections after you finish.
surely you don't actually carry all of that with you every day?
>>>/edcgeneral/
>watch livePD
>what I've learned
>cops are mostly dicks
>niggers always uppity
>K9s are false flags with tails
>no one has a licence
>everyone has weed
>everyone has dildos
>and i mean everyone
>dont frequent the blue door inn in Columbia
>officer Rebecca Loeb is a cuttie and i want her to put me in her pink cuffs
>cops will search your shit just because they can and will find or make up PC to do so.
Is this an affect or are you absolutely shitfaced right now?
damn OP. did your mascara run?
Why the fuck are you carrying all that stuff? That's an odd assortment of shit
This could have all been avoided simply by saying "no"
I'm drivibg
>Someone took that shit seriously.
>officer Rebecca Loeb is a cuttie and i want her to put me in her pink cuffs
I'd let her sodomize me with her baton.
>roadside attorney
You dun goofed, pigs love fags like you
Could be worse I guess.
He could have said he was a sovereign citizen.
>implied convent
They will take you back to the station in cuffs in the back of the squid cat for a breathalizer
good, gives me time to sober up.
Kek they bring everybody in forthoosse asdholes I've seen muiltipke agencirs called
>roadside
>imblying
>1st cop to 2nd cop, "look, he's got pepper spray now, too."
>1st cop to me, "What you gonna use that for? Where'd you get that?"
>"Self defense. I got it online. In VA you can't get the triple action mace because tear gas component is illegal. This is ok though."
>Forgot to mention more cops have arrived (are arriving) as all this is going on.
>5 squad cars now, all looking to bust my ass.
>2nd cop is cool. He wants to chat about pepper spray and he liked my knife.
>Maybe I'm not dead after all.
>Cop 1, looking back through my gun as he's running my ccw permit and gun, "what kind of bullets are these? Where did you get them?"
>"Hornady critical defense, I got them when I got the gun at the store"
>More questioning about all my stuff.
>Cop 2 is still cool. He likes what he sees and knows about edc.
>Cop 1 still pissed, but all my info is coming back clean.
>Other 3 cruisers on their way out now.
It's time for a come to Jesus meeting with cop 1. He's still all wired up and is about to give me the business.
Trailer park, whatever
user put the phone down before you plow into a cop and get your car searched.
>squid cat
I like it. I'm going to call all cop cars Squid Cats from now on.
>2nd cop is cool. He wants to chat about pepper spray and he liked my knife.
Shit nigger it is literally called "Good cop, bad cop" they are not your fucking friends !
>critical duty
>not hst or gold dot
Trips confirmed. I wasn't sure if they'd pull some bullshit out of their ass and search anyways though, so I didn't want to seem uncooperative if that big knife would have been a problem to have in the glovebox.
You are actually retarded if you think they would good cop bad cop a single teenager sitting alone in a parking lot
I'll just go in a rant abbot the foirth amendment
Lol amazing it really works
Are you for real?
They literally do this shit to everyone.
>A bazillion cops show up.
Every time.
Rural area right?
I swear my whole fucking sheriffs office shows up every time one of them pulls a person over.
Its like they are so bored anytime anything happens they try to stretch it out as long as possible.
My man
I realize this, but if I play along maybe they'll see I have nothing else to hide.
you'd probably also say someone was retarded for thinking they'd call in 10 squid cats for a guy watching youtube at 3am in a parking lot.
>I have nothing else to hide.
WROOOOOOONG !
fuck ! never ever play along !
Don't stonewall, but answer from position "I am right until you prove I am doing something illegal". Never admit thing or consent to searches. They have to provide a reason for you to either do or admit anything.
Its because theyre bored and dont want tongonon that DV call that they've been to three times already tonight
Not really. It's a college town though so a lot of them probably got excited for "mystery gun & weapons" rather than the normal drunk college kid.
>Gonna finish up the story for those still lurking now.
If a cop starts shooting at you do you shoot back or die?
Depends, are you black?
Now this is some high tier satire.
Hope you got a date with the cop you liked
just walk away, because cops have shit aim.
huffingtonpost.com
>Not really. It's a college town though so a lot of them probably got excited for "mystery gun & weapons" rather than the normal drunk college kid.
They probably thought you are a campus shooter in the making or something.
Is it lawful for them to be shiiting me?
then I can lawfulyshoot back.
>based michigan
Cops are not allowed to shit you
How many ponies these squid cats got under the beak?
Someone should yell them that
moral of the story: you cant mind your own business ever. welcome to the distopia communist police state hell.
im freaking mad
>t. cold steel fanboy and owner.
On a side not i got stopped by cops when I carried a HUGE fixed blade, was stopped once with a neck knife too, both times they went through my person and didnt find them.
>DUI checkpoint
>roll down my window and start complying with their orders
>Asshole cop starts getting antsy
>I reach for my ID without telling him
>Cop unholsters his ass, starts shitting at me
>I yell "YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED"
>cop turns to stone
Every time
>mfw
>p3at
>in kydex slave on paracird around my nech
>they never catch it
>driving
>get stopped by cops
>nothing interesting has ever happened
So, everything came back clean. It was my car, my gun, and I had a valid ccw permit. But, cop 1 needs to lay down the law because he was rattled by my power level. Cop 2 doesn't have anything else important to add from here on.
>"So, I know you took a cc class. What's the first thing you're supposed to do when we come out to talk to you?"
>Lol, nice assumption. In VA, Hunter's Ed class is all you need.
>"Yeah. I should have told you straight away about the gun, but I probably watch too much YouTube... Lots of people say don't talk about a gun until you ask about a gun"
>"Well, I'm gonna tell you what you need to know now. 1) Don't listen to what you hear on the internet, cops are the good guys yadda yadda. 2) you inform police immediately if you have a gun on you. If I had seen it, you might have got pulled out the window OR WORSE. 3) don't do this sketch shit again. Just go home next time... Now I'm going to put all your stuff in the trunk and you just drive straight home, safely. If you get stopped again let them know what you got first."
>Thank him and be on my way.
>Spend the next hour and a half typing this story for all 5 of you left ITT.
Hope you guys learned something from all this :^)
for the record user, if you get stopped by the poolease, you should hand them your ccw with your license and registration.
I learned that burger cops are even bigger faggots than I previously thought. Though its probably more of the universally unfortunate rule that power attracts power tripping faggots.
Yeah. I don't think I'll carry my gun (as I could have the rest of the semester) to finals now. They might have me on a watch and harass list. Let's hope I can survive 2 more days and get my diploma.
So I learned
1) don't sit in a parking lot sketchily eating fast food at 3 AM
2) dont consent to unnecessary searches or let cops do more than they are allowed to by law
3) know my state laws about duty to inform and follow those laws
all things i already knew. thanks though.
Here's the tl;dr for anyone new to this thread
>OP is eating food and listening to youtube at 3 AM in some random parking lot
>Cops ask him why he's in a random parking lot at 3 AM
>Cops ask if they can search OP
>OP consents to search
>OP is searched
>OP committed no crimes and is free to go
The end
The real question is what in the fuck makes OP think anyone gives a fuck about his story.
>Hope you guys learned something from all this
that you're a massive faggot?
This is a true story, faggot. I've got a final project due tomorrow and I spent all night trying to tell you guys a story that might save your ass.
every squid cat has a sign glued to the middle of the stirring whirl reminding them not to shit poople
I learned I may have accidently created a meme by drive while typing
>squid cat
I'm home now
every friday after class when I was going to uni, I would go with some friends to taco bell and get some shitty tacos while listening to different podcasts until like 3am. OP did nothing wrong (except consent to searches)
never got harassed by the cops though.
unfortunately your meme will probably die with this thread.
I'd like squid cats to live on forever though.
Me 2 famm. I wish by some miracle he would at least show up to this thread.
Im so fucking retarded I thought this was some common lingo I havent heard.