FBI OPEN UP!

You ask for miracles. Theo, I give you the F...B...I.

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Dr. FBI, I'm CIA

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Come on in

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open up and ask for warrant

I would sage and report them for being off topic.

no warrant?
detonate the ANFO

thats a big knob

I do a lot of crossdressing and bondage on my own so the idea of gettkng swatted always runs my nerves a bit

Pretend to be asleep. Even when they break in. Just never open my eyes and make soft snoring noises until they leave.

>shoots own dog
>feels bad man
>get pats on the back from new squad mates
>begin sweeping own home
>go into bedroom
>bust open own computer and hand over own harddrive
>feels worse, all my porn and shitty Jow Forums memes now gone
>turn out own mattress, discover own anime themed body pillow
>watch my wifu get ripped open by new team members
>join them in laughing at my own web posters and porn
>tearing up behind tactical goggles

Open up on the FBI.

Nobody said joining the FBI was easy.

For (You)

>FBI OPEN UP
N-NO YOU FIRST

>FBI breaks into my home
>surprise motherfucker, I am standing there with the phone in my hand
>'Thank God you guys are here'
>proceed to tell them that I have no guns, illegal substances, or other contraband
>no dog either, as they walk in my cat rubs against their legs and they pet it
>I am a proactive volunteer in my community and harbor absolutely no resentment towards the united states of America
>I am also employed by the federal government and vote in my local elections
>I go to church on Sundays and am social and well liked by members of my neighborhood
>I invited them here by phone but since they mistook me for some wacko I apologize and my wife offers them a sheet of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies
>all I wanted was to tell them
"I think I saw my neighbor modifying his AR-15 to fire fully automatic"
>they bolt out of my living room
>laugh as they drive their SWAT van into the side of Jerry's house breach his door with C4
>fuck you Jerry
>that'll teach you to not buy my daughter's girl scout cookies

They are clearly raiding someone else in that pic so I watch. Assuming it was me they have no reason to raid me so I bail with some guns and ammo while my girlfriend gets the door

>be me
>hide all my illegal guns in cum bucket
>invite them in and give them the tour of my house
>"whats that user?"
>"thats my cum bucket"
>they move on because they dont want to dip their hands in my cum
think smarter not harder user

>pretend to sleep during the arrest
>prended to sleep throughout interrogation
>pretend to sleep during trial
It might work

Don’t worry,
Once the handcuffs are on, they will pick you up off the floor, and read the warrant to you.

Also, not every search requires a warrant.

OD on LSD and go hulk on them.

Unzip pants

10/10

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Good luck going trough a metal door u nerds

Silly
Pre operational planning is to survey the door/entry points.
And determine the proper breach method
Of which there are many
One example
m.youtube.com/watch?v=Zowoxo4Bzic

>ramming trough the door with a van on a second floor
k

You are an idiot
>>Of which there are many
What is an explosive door breach?

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Probably applies to most of Jow Forums heh.

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Put a 50ae round through my skull to give them a nice mess to deal with. Might as well go out in style.

I can't open up, that's why my ex left me

What is a water impulse charge?

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Dave's not here, man.

>>Implying they don't have alternate exits covered

This is why every true Jow Forumsommando should have a secret escape tunnel.

suburban warfare

you can't win with lethal force so you must win with non-lethal force

pull up the guro hentai and begin jacking off

ejaculate onto the feds the moment then burst into your room

Call the Payday Gang over to defend your safehouse

If Judy Hopps doesn't make your peepee hard, then you don't belong on Jow Forums

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>shadman

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reposting from the other thread

>Lawn Gnomes filled with ziploc bags of tannerite and 1/4 nails
>chinese 3mw laser set to flash fry retinas mode
>4 bottles filled with a styrofoam/gas mixture to ensure it sticks like napalm

yeah Im sure the guys permanently blinded and the last thing they remember seeing was their friends bleeding out from chunks of ceramic lawn gnome exploding all around them while a guy with warpaint and a plate carrier opens fire on them screaming an antisemitic tirade will make others think twice about seizing firearms when they read the after action reports

I wish a nigga would

UU
UU

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TOTAL PARTY KILL.

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Rolling the fuck on the ground

Just one second!
*Hides Russian manufactured and Muslim black market purchased RPG-7 and dead illegally trafficked Thai lady-boy hooker inside of my own ass hole*
What seems to be problem, sirs? I am but a humble autist.

many such cases

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Have sex with ALL of them

rape them

>consensual
you sick fuck

>wrong country!

Get one last dab in before they riddle me with bullets.

What am I in trouble for?
If they say anythin gun related I fight back but if its some ither crime I'll surrender without a fight.

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>be me stand at the end of the hallway in front of my door
>immediatly start twerking as they kick down the door
>twerk harder than ever
>Confuse them with how my ass moves im multiple directions
>Proceed to distract them as they activate my trip wire
>ShrapnelEverywhere.jpg
>My ass absorbs the blast while theyre left decimated and traumitzed by a potential faggot

Confounded! I need to proof read more.

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Ask for the phone # of the negotiator then text him a dick pic

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wait for them to open the door and start shooting, fucking feds.

ah, the ocean's 11 tactic. i likey

delete browser history and throw my cellphone, router, and computer in the microwave

i'd open up, just not in the way they expected

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we all went through it user, be strong

This is a shadman comic, but it isn't pure degeneracy

Light that shit up

Hello boys, if you're looking for my guns im sorry to tell you all that I lost em all in a tragic boating accident

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/thread

11/10

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